At the end of my tether

I really need to chat as I have no one I can talk to at all. This could be a long post - sorry :-( My husband was made redundant last month and because of the type of job he had (self-employed and on a yearly contract through an overseas company) he got no redundancy pay whatsoever (after 19 years with the company). I am now looking for full time work (I worked part time) - but my husband is doing nothing about finding a new job. His old job was highly specialised, he'd done it for 36 years and loved it and the excitement/travel it entailed (he was away for 9 months of the year in chunks!). I know he has always said he 'can't' do anything else (can't or won't?) but now we are facing having to lose our house as we won't have enough to pay the mortgage. I am so angry with him that I can't bare to even look at him. I've been trying to be very gentle and understanding as I know the whole thing has been very stressful on him. I have mentioned that now he's in his 50's maybe he could find something else he could do that didn't involve all the travel (I've been waiting patiently for him to change jobs for the last 20 years!) He wouldn't be as well paid, but once I'm earning we could manage. Whatever I suggest (even staying within the same field as before as a consultant sort of role) is always met with 'that wouln't work' or 'I couldn't do that' or some other excuse. I'm mad because 8 years ago I completely changed my life to change our situation - we emigrated to Australia to set up a business (hotel) together so that he could quit his job... When push came to shove he wouldn't quit and I pointed out that I couldnt run a hotel on my own with 2 small children to look after in a country where I knew no one!! So then he persuaded me to open a retail shop in a new shopping mall... The mall was a complete flop (58 shops shut in 2 years - mine being the 42nd - so I did quite well!) Consequently, we lost our house and all our savings and were forced to come back to the uk. So here I am again, close to bankrupcy wondering what to do. I hate it when he's so weak. I am feeling bloody sorry for myself I guess, but have no friends/family I can talk to at all - I'm not sure I can go through it all again.

If he won't contribute, leave him (or at least find a way to separate yourself and what you contribute from him) until he decides to do so (and he actually must follow through with it). Why should you be the only one who has to make things work? Let him live by himself and see what he does. He will have to work, he won't have a choice. You are being reasonable, and the fact you are still with him is telling him that he can just watch you suffer with this alone. It would be one thing if he couldn't work at all, but he can. He should be thankful that there are opportunities for him to work. There are many who don't have a chance to work and wish they could. Also, you changed your life around and have done your best for your family. Why is it so hard for him to do? He owes you. I would tell him that since you are doing all the work by yourself, you might as well take the kids and go. TILES