I need help asap plzzzzz

Hi,i am Maria.i am going thru the toughest days of my life..i got married in dec 2013.after two yers if marriage my husband commited suicide..i loved him soo muchours was a love marriage.v still dont know the reason for his suicide.i was shatterd,broken i just couldn't believe he did that he left me without ny reason..i was broken very badly and just after a week of his death i i dont know y but i kept thinking about my ex bf.v broke up 5 yrs bak n v were nt in touch..iwas constantly thinking about him i didn't want to go bak to him as he was a very abusive bf.he never cared for my feelings hurt me more n more each day.i gave him ten thousand chances to change himself but everytime he just apoligised and after few DayZ again became too abusive.i had had enough of him and when i met my husband for i realised that my ex wasn't right for me n i hv to get out of that relationship..whn i finally broke up he was after me for 6 months apoligising.he even got down on his knees to apologize.he yold his family about us.they tried to contact me and ignored everyone saying that he is nt gonna change..and after that breakup i didn't want to get into ny relationship so after 5-6 i again happened to meey my husband and v began to talk often on phns texts.and i told him every thing about my ex.n then our relationship started and v were sooo happy together.i dono what made hin take such a drastic step..so nw after his death i tried to contact my ex and he first said that he got over me n he doesn't wanna b in kinda contact wid him..i wanted him soo bad.i wanted someone to tc of me who can support me i said hin all this and then we started talking.its been 3 months nw last week he said that just becouse i left him n slept wid another man he can never forgive me..he is never gonna accept me as i slept wid someone. he stared abusing using bad words for me.i was hurt badly.m still hurt..plz tell me what shud i do?nw he blocked me.shud i try to contact him again?i cannot live alone.i am dying each sec .plz i need advice from u

Hi maria,please try and remember why you left this man in the first place and the love you felt from your late husband in comparison honour your husbands life by not putting yourself back with he who hurt you because your husband showed you that you DO deserve better.Do you have any family ir friends you could speak to? Because you are still grieving your loving husband and likely will for a while yet. You need to let his love stay with you and get yourself through this and keep that horrid ex out because he clearly cares not for you as even without an intimate connection it's harsh of him to say he wants nothing to do with you in times like this even just as a supportive ear imo and he doesn't deserve your attention YOU do.xx

Hi Maria , do not allow people to treat u badly . U deserve better . Surround yourself with good people , people that care. Stay away from your ex. Find some friends to talk too . Go to a public places and mingle. Have fun . U will meet new people

Maria, don't worry a jot about how you're feeling, it's a perfectly natural and normal side-reaction and happening purely because, when the mental Pandora's Box opens, *everything* that was originally still in it tends to fly out as well. That's all it is, your mind using the opportunity to do a more thorough spring-clean. Well, that and the fact that 'the shop' you used to get your vital basics from has 'closed', meaning, your survival instinct is programmed to 'look around' quite frantically at what alternatives exist, even if you'd never actually *visit* any of them. It's just about noting what 'providers' exist "if" (big if) because it's a comfort as opposed to zero options. Oh, yes, and the fact that your mind is trying to draw a parallel between that one betrayal and this latest, i.e. "whether and where" the similarities lay between the two relationships. In effect, you were abandoned, right (if we tell it like it is)? Left high and dry without an inkling why? So your mind is trying find the answer using intellect, asking itself, amongst other things, Had I stayed with the ex (i.e. had I believed his get-me-back campaign genuine and sincere at the time), would I be relatively okay today compared to how I am, thanks to this bolt-from-the-Blue abandonment? You probably also wanted to question the ex to know whether you and how you are/behave means you take some of the blame for your late husband's overly drastic action. (The answer to that is a big, fat NO, by the way, but that won't change your mind's determination to 'go there', regardless.) It's all perfectly normal mental exploration. And you're not 'dying', you're coping. This is the sensation it makes. So don't add negative, 'self-harming' thoughts about not coping or you'll make things worse than need be. You say you haven't a clue why your husband committed suicide and indicate you had no prior warnings either. What about his parents, siblings or best friends, would they perhaps have any clues if you spoke to them about it, even information they weren't even aware were pertinent but which might lead to closure on that score?