I said no but then yes happened

I have been married for 27 years. My spouse has always tried to pressure me into having anal sex. I have always said no. No way. A couple of weeks ago we were partying together at home. I was drinking tequila. Got Super drunk. So much so that I was in that state of mind where you are in and out of knowing what is going on. The next day he told me that we had anal sex. Right at that instant I had a flash of memory. I was horrified. I couldn't believe that he would take advantage of me like that. I was out of my mind. I didn't say no. I couldn't I was so messed up. I can't even remember what exactly happened. I didn't say anything to him. Didn't talk about it. I have just tried not to think about it. Been in denial. Now he says to me the other day. You need to pick a day. Any day one day in a year for us to do that. So now I am thinking about the whole situation. And I am angry and upset and don't know what to do. I am seriously thinking about divorce.

How has your 27-year marriage been aside from this incident? And what do you mean when he says you need to pick a day? You sure he's not just teasing you/flicking your Achilles or trying his luck in terms of trying to convince you you've done the dreaded deed once so may as well 'repeat' it (in the process having 'fed' you memories that don't actually exist or do but didn't lead to anal like he'd have you believe)? I mean, if he's been hankering after anal sex for 27 long years then - he certainly took his time 'taking advantage', didn't he? Or was this, incredibly enough, his first ever opportunity? What about all those nights when you were asleep beside him - did he ever try to 'sneak it in'? Or what about the old classic that goes, 'Whoops, wrong hole (almost)!'? How many attempts like that has he ever made in all that time? But anyway, without mentioning divorce (for now), you need to sit him down, get him to realise this is 'crunch time' and to tell you the whole truth about what actually happened, if anything. Suggest you do that and then report back.

Our marriage has been a complicated one. Sexually I have always done what he wanted to make him happy and I did try to do anal once, but it was just to painful so it became- No way. Absolutely not and he definitely knows that. He has tried more times then I can count to do it. Yes, he has tried alot to "sneak it in" Anal sex is something that I wouldn't joke about. So when he told me we did. We did. And he only told me after I had complained about some pain I was feeling and didn't know why. He asked me to pick a day once a year for us to have anal sex. When I got upset and said "are you kidding me. I was out of my head when that happened and now you're asking me to plan a day" He changed the subject quickly. I guess I am upset that my definate boundaries were crossed and disrespected. I have never gotten so drunk that I am out of my head. Or black out. I usually only get a little tipsy. So that has me upset that he obviously knew I wasn't myself and used it for his pleasure. We are supposed to have a serious talk over the weekend. I will let you know what happens. I'm just sad, disappointed and feeling like a thing instead of a person.

'Complicated', eh? I know what that means. "And he only told me after I had complained about some pain I was feeling and didn't know why." That does on the surface sound ominously indicative, and you yourself might not ever joke about it, but [1] you still don't know (for a fact, I mean) his 'confession' wasn't just an highly opportunistic, on-his-feet attempt to use what was pain/discomfort for an entirely innocuous reason (hormonal surge causing inflammation-based trapped nerve?) and your ignorance about the cause to fabricate a false first time in order to put paid to your taboo, and [2] who said he had to be joking around or only purely? Maybe he's resentful (because he's over-entitled in certain ways) and yet, still, after all this time "you won't do-oo...that!", as Meatloaf sang, meaning, this is more about acrimony 'flashing its ankle' from under merely a veil of teasing? The reason I ask is because - why tell you only when you mention something? Why tell you at all, in fact?...why block his own sneaky, supposedly no-fuss return-access route if the taking had been so easy even without your cooperation/assistance (just coercively or sneakily add alcohol)? What is he - suicidal or just very stupid? Clearly not the former, given how quickly he shut up the minute you showed signs of readying to rear up, so... See what I'm saying? His behaviour doesn't compute with a 'take it at times anyway' agenda, nor one meant to 'loosen you up'; it's completely contradictory and self-obstructive on all fronts.......I mean, you might *not* ordinarily or ever before have got that plastered but, how does he know it's not the start of some new habit on your part? So....on all fronts.... except for [dan-dan-daaaan!] him getting to get one over on you by making you believe you 'did' something against your own will, something you normally find anathemic, the result being: "I guess I am upset that my definate boundaries were crossed and disrespected" (- aim, fire, bullseye!). ? But let's see: did the pain at any point make you catch your breath, similar to when you bash your coccyx (tail bone), and/or feeling like you were being stabbed vertically via the perineum? Or was it more a dull aching? And/or you felt 'loose' but sore? Also, how long did the discomfort persist? And did you notice any other symptoms, like having had whatever trouble pooing or not being as regular as normal? Describe everything you felt. If you can't describe it adequately on here then would it be an idea to make an emergency appointment with your GP so you can describe your symptoms and/or have them examine you to see if there might still be physical signs? ...forewarned being fore-armed and all that? If not, then my advice for your serious talk would be this: Say only the opening question and NOTHING MORE. For example, 'I insist you tell me what happened that night, from start to finish, step-by-step, regarding [wait for it] your having anally raped me'. Then, having delivered that shocker, I suggest you immediately sit back and zip your lip so that the discomfiting silence (that he has to fill) and *very* pressuring notion about what BY LEGAL STANDARDS he alleges he did, will make him blabber, splutter, stutter and accidentally let slip all over the shop. Also, do you have a frying pan? Or, better yet, a cucumber? ;-) PS: How come this time you *did* get so out of your head? What and how much did you drink and why/how come?

Oh, btw, nearly forgot: And also, ask him, did he use lubrican? Which brand? Where did he get it? Can you see it, please? If he can't produce any lube container then, what with the fact you couldn't help/cooperate at the time because of being so out of it, I would conclude he's a lying trucker who's just going OTT in trying to wind you majorly up (which is working). But let's see what he says (blurts). And certainly the 'then that means you raped me' line would be just and levelling desserts, would it not? ;-) The power, as Paddy McGuinness always says, 'iz in ure handz'.

(tsk - lubricanT)

I'm in the "he did it" lane. "Because he has tried this more times than you can count and because you've said he's tried numerous times " to sneak it in". So my vote is for the EXTRA LARGE cucumber with no lubricant!! :)

I believe the word you're looking for is 'marrow'. ;-D