Needing fixed

I love this woman and we've been together for 6 months. We haven't had sex but I have with a few girls with most recent being 2 days ago. The thing is I know that I'm addicted to sex and I have a problem with association love with sex. I've been married and divorced. I've got 3 beautiful kids. One of the women that I've had sex with was my ex-wife. I'm 27 and the gal I'm with is a 21 year old virgin. I want to wait with her but for some reason it is harder than I thought and only one person knows about me cheating on her and that would be my best friend. The chick I screwed last was a chick he was messing with but she dropped him so I hate fucked her. Oh yeh and I can't forget to mention every relationship I've been in I've cheated including my wife when she was two weeks away from having our first kid I cheated on her. I'm a horrible human being and I know this but I'm hoping for change and to eventually end up with the girl I'm with now because she is amazing. I promised myself after the divorce there would be no more cheating and I held on for a 4 month time period which is alot for me. The problem with my current relationship is that it is unhealthy in the way that her parents and family know nothing about me and it is as if I'm her dirty secret. I hate to use excuses but I think that this is why I started cheating again. Can I be helped? What should I do? Ask me anything and I will be open. I really want and need advice. Thanks for reading my rambling.

i think you should seek counselling immediately.

I agree with CONFUSEDJANE. I will give you my take on things, but you need to seek help with a professional therapist/counselor (I am not one and you need one if you are serious about changing your behavior), because breaking the cycle of your sex addiction will take time and support. First of all, since you don't like the fact that you are being treated as a secret from her family, have you talked to her about it? What has she said about that, and how does she view your relationship with her? How she views it and how you view it may not be the same. If she loves you as much as you love her, then you don't have to worry about what her feelings are, but you should not be treated as a secret, especially if the relationship is a serious one. The difference between sex and love depends on what you attach to it. If you want to have sex with someone you love/care about, then sex would be an expression of your feelings of love/care. If you only have sex because you can or you have the urge to do so, you can't call that love because love requires more than sex. In other words, sex lasts for a certain period of time, but love lasts beyond the time you have sex with another person. Love includes many different feelings and actions that may or may not include sex. Now, are you sure that you love the woman you are with now? If you are unsure about your relationship with her,then this may be a trigger for your cheating. But, that does not mean that this excuses your actions. You need to think about why you have sex. Some people use sex to escape their problems, and sex should not be used in this way. If you use sex to escape from something, then in order to stop the addiction you have, you have to face your problems rather than try to escape from them. This, of course, will not be as simple as I make it sound. Other people may use sex because they want to compensate for what they are not getting (support, attention, companionship), and this is not right either. No matter how much sex you have, it won't replace the other feelings/situations you have experienced. If you are feeling neglected in your relationship, sex with someone else will not make up for the fact that you feel neglected. Another way that a person can abuse sex is if he/she has had a bad experience related to it, and he/she uses sex to subconsciously relive the bad experience because he/she can't get past it. For example, if you have had a bad relationship in the past or one where you loved a person very much but it didn't work out, you may use sex to replay what you can't get over. Whatever the trigger(s) are for your sex addiction, you need to remove them. If they can't be removed for some reason, avoid them as much as possible. Don't justify your cheating or make excuses for it, you know it is wrong and you know how the woman you are with would react if she knew. Which goes to my next point, you need to let her know you cheated on her. If she cheated on you, how would you feel? Wouldn't you want to know about it? It is okay to waitto have sex with her, as long as you are committed to waiting. If you are not, then you should not be in this relationship until you can make that commitment. Regardless of the relationship you have now, you need to get support for yourself so that you can have a relationship where you don't cheat. TILES

Hello. Your problem you say is sex addiction. Can I gently say that I think it is not? If you've reviewed what sex addiction entails, on the internet, and you still think you have a degree of sex addiction, then yay! There is a solution! Its called controlling your urges, and holding yourself accountable for your actions. I take it you don't want to be this way. You can achieve management of your addiction through a support group. Its not as embarrassing as you think. Most addiction groups are based on the 12 steps of AA and they definitely do work, if you are first willing, and secondly you want to stop. If your problem is not addiction, and you are a typical healthy male who needs sex, then you need to review what are you doing in a relationship that is not working for you currently. Nobody condones cheating, but it is existent. You have to decide, justifications aside, do you want to be the kind of man who goes against his morals, by continuing in this limbo of a relationship and doing what you are doing? Please look inside yourself for the person you wanna be, cos I have an inkling you don't want to cheat, otherwise you wouldn't have posted "need fixing". Everybody can give their opinion, but nobody can give you advice. Only you can decide what to do after deep introspection. On a last note, yes you probably do love her, and she loves you too, but is that enough to start a long term relationship based on you being untrue to her? Be true to yourself, and true to her, if you think it can really work after sorting yourself out and not cheat anymore, put it in the past and make every attempt to never to do it again - speak to her about your desires and finding it difficult to wait, and address the fact that you need your relationship validated to her family and friends, in order to go FORWARD with the relationship, or end it, cos its not doing you any good by being in limbo. Thank you for allowing us to share in your problem by allowing us to state our opinions, and I wish you well in this relationship.