Should I apologise or wait for him to contact me?

Me and X have been into arguments lately. the last argument happened one and a half months ago and that considered as an achievement to me. Everytime an argument happen, he would leave me halfway in the middle of a date and start to get very demanding and so our date plans are ruined e.g forsake movie tickets, concert openings. I would get angry but never to the extent of leaving. If i do, i would regret after 10 min. But hes is more long term like 2 days. The day before, the quarrel happened cos he didnt felt appreciated (esp when he took the day off) as i was was getting frustrated about our special day out. The date ended up finding an atm machine for 1 hour. I think i was frustrated as it didnt feel like a date, i as a lady ended up paying lunch, movies (which we didnt make it as he left). and the previous day he took 50 bucks from my atm in my presence. Now hes been ignoring me, it has always been his character to ignore after a quarrel has happened. I did not contact him either as i dont think things should be solved. Should i be the first one to give in? If i do, i am afraid that i always have to say sorry and listen to him all the time even if i am right. Sometimes he talks so convincingly that i will feel so guilty and say sorry because i didnt want to lose him. I hope i can have some advice. The silence is torturing.

If you don't think things should be solved yet, don't say sorry until he does as well (You two can agree to move on... you shouldn't be the only one who surrenders.). If you are usually the one who caves in, let him do it this time or say that if he is sorry then you are sorry. If you do want to talk with him, you could tell him (whenever you are ready...don't feel guilty, you have feelings too, and you feel like he ignores them) that you are not sorry but you would like to move past this. It is okay for you to disagree with him from time to time. You can let him know you love him/care about him, but he can get on your nerves at times, and you feel like he never listens to you. When you are ready to talk with him, also let him know that he has been acting like a jerk a lot lately and ask him why you guys have to fight so much. A fight every now and then is one thing, but if the arguments are too frequent for you, try to find a way not to fight as much. Have him actually listen to what you say, but if you think he can't do that, then you can just continue ignoring him until he can. If he ruins your date plans again (especially if he does it just to be a jerk), you can decide to continue without him and leave when you are ready. You two should not make plans together if they are ruined most of the time, and your arguments should not be so bad that they ruin a lot of what you two want to do together. If they are that bad, then don't make plans with him until you feel like you two can actually go somewhere without having a fight.

Thanks for ur reply. It is very well thought of. Now we have not been talking for 4 days and i know he wont give in. i did say sorry on the 2nd day however he did not reply after a particular sms and then things were left unslolved without talking again. I am not sure if this is a cold war or silent treatment (i have been googling what silent treatment is, its like an emotional abuse where the abuser seeks control and dominance over you). Therefore i am not sure if by contacting him again, i am giving him what he wants and condoning his behavior of silent treatment.

and also he is like posting stuff on facebook to show me he is very happy... and better without me so why cant he jus tell me in the face to break up, it feels much better honestly

At least you made the first move and put your feelings out there, but if he wants to still ignore your feelings, then continue to leave things as they are. I think he is posting things on Facebook because he knows you will see them. Whatever your decision is (whether you contact him or not in the future), make sure you are not doing it out of guilt or because of what he is doing. You should make a personal decision to either break up with him or not. Whatever you decide, make sure that it is for the better. TILES

He wants you to feel the most pain about this. Just breaking up with you is not as painful as you seeing his posts on Facebook. Truthfully, he is hurting, and he is trying to make you pay for it in some way, as if he is the only one who has been hurt in the relationship. He shouldn't do this. It does nothing to resolve what is going on, and in reality, he is (unknowingly) hurting himself more than he is hurting you.

I finally contacted him and he mentioned i was veyr pathetic as i did nothing to want him back, He wanted me to go find him or a call from me. Therefore I am not sure if that was exactly a silent treatment? and if he is such a person to use such tactics, or maybe i am just thinking too much.In the end, he invited me for his dad'd birthday lunch.

I hope he didn't actually say you were pathetic. Very bad choice of words on his part, and if he did say that, then that is verbal abuse because he is saying that to try to convince you that you are the one who caused things not to be resolved sooner. By the way, you are not thinking too much, you are being reasonable. If something seems off to you or peculiar in some way, that usually means that you need to think about it more. Your feelings, no matter what they are, are okay to have. Don't shrug them off unless you can say with a great amount of confidence (at least 90%) that they are unreasonable. It seems like he is acting as if nothing really happened, which will not help you if you two have another argument in the future. If you two argue about the same things a lot, then you can't just sweep your previous issues with him under the rug. I think what he did was a form of silent treatment because he expects you to respond in a certain way. He called you pathetic because you did not respond in the way that he preferred. Why should you be the one who goes and finds him? Your relationship is not a game (It seems as if he is acting like it is.), and you are not pathetic for feeling and acting the way that you do.

I am so sorry you are going through hard times right now. But seems to me your ex has to difficulties 1. does not feel comfortable with confrontations and as a result he runs away from problems you both are having in your relationship. Some people do not feel comfortable. 2. Is the most important ... respect for you. He seems like he has a difficult time respecting you as a active partner in your relationship which is terrible to live with in a partner. Try and make him see how wonderful a person you are, better than anyone in the world for him. Try and remind him of the wonderful times you both had together. You know the special times when you both thoroughly enjoyed eachothers company. And he does not take the responsibility he should in the troubles you both are having. Try to sit down with him and explain how two people in a relationship both have a hand in the different problems that can happen and talk about what is happening, what is wrong in your relationship and tell him what you think. And make sure before the conversation to agree to talk civilly and caring for eachothers feelings. And when he doesn't communicate, he might be trying to get you to miss him, kind of a mind game here.