I can't study what I want

Well, hello Being in a country like mine is like being in a hell. I'm from egypt ,the land of despair. I want to study physics. I want to spend my life researching in this field. I want it to be my entire life. But in egypt studying physics is shit. The education system is one of the worst with almost no equipment and even no jobs after graduation. I don't belong to this place. It's just my shitty luck that brought me here. I've done every thing. I studied english on my own and got a 7 in IELTs. I started learning german to increase my chances. I tried to study physics online by myself but aside from the shitty connection speed in egypt, it's no use as universities recognize neither them nor my egyptian high school diploma. And even if I had the ability to skip all these problems, still there is the great funding problem. I'm totally desperate now. Suicidal thoughts are attacking me every single day and I'm visiting a psychiatrist these days but no use. I'm posting my problem here out of despair

When is there no available studying materials, "self learning" is a lot....back in the history people without anything like you are studying meditation, it's better than any other studying materials now because that is a pioneer course in the world. If you learned how to meditate properly you will get any course you want.