Memory from childhood

Hi, I'm a 15 year old teenage girl and for the last decade or so there has been a issue that has particularly effected me over the years. When I was younger I had a friend who was a few months older than me who was also a girl. I used to visit her house (which was only a few doors down) all the time but then one day, when I was 6, she told me to lie down and take off my clothes...i don't really want to give the details but i remember being scared stiff and feeling like I was being suffocated, she said it was just a game but when she heard her dad coming upstairs she would tell me to be quick and pull up my pants. I went home that day feeling dirty, confused and ashamed, I didn't understand what had happened. It happened quite alot over then next few months and I can't really remember when it stopped but the girl in particular had always been the domineering kind who controlled me through most of primary school by isolating me from the rest of the class. Back then I, and still do, lacked confidence and found it immensely hard to say 'no' to people in fear that they would get angry and start to hate me so I was never able to defy her. Until one day a group of girls in my class stood up for me and told the girl that I wasn't her property. After that we got along alright though I was always confused as to how she could act so calm like nothing had happened. Does that mean that it wasn't that big a deal when she did that? Was it nothing to be concerned about? Even now I still worry that people will find out and be disgusted with me, think I'm weird and a freak. I still don't really understand why she did that when we were younger and I was wondering if kids that age DO experiment and stuff? is it normal? The memory really distresses me and Im too scared to talk to anyone about it. Thanks

Hi SUJU, I know how you feel..I have been through almost the same thing. The only difference here between you and me, is that I'm a guy. I wont talk to much about me, but it is really not ours fault or more likely not your fault. You should really forget about everything bad that has happened to you. You wanna know why? Because it wont help you to think about everything bad that has happened. "What has happened has already happened" It really isnt your fault at all. To be honest it is your friend fault. It is not you who should be ashamed..it is her who should be ashamed. About she being calm. It only could mean two things. 1. She is acting calm..but inside she is ashamed. 2. She really dont care. If so, then I think she isnt normal. What you should do now? 1. Forget everything that has happened, because it wont help you if you think about it. 2. Find a good friend that listens to you 3. Dont make the same mistake twice, what I mean think about what has happened..and try to think how to NOT repeat the same mistake in the future. I hope you have a good future :). By reading your post, I can tell that you are a kind person. Good luck!

i had the same thing but it was my cousin who done it and i feel like i was her doll dat she could do anything with and no1 nos bouut this it stopd ahh whn i waz bout 12 but now im thinking if i waz a lesbian by doing dat well im bi now buh neva been in relationshp wid a girl i hav boyfriend and dont reli think about it no more so jus 4get about it and live ur life xx

Hiya, the same happened to me when i was younger and to my boyfriend when he was younger. I think it is apart of children experimenting, as it happened at such a young age, your friend (my mums friends son) couldnt of known what they were doing exactly. However, it could be manipulative as was with my boyfriend, his much older cousin used to do stuff to him which is so wrong and he knew it. My boyfriend plucked courage to tell his parents and it then stopped. I know its hard to not think about it, as it will never really go, but you do need to put it all behind u as like M1nd'N1nja said u r not to blame and unfortunately u cannot go back and change it. U need to be positive and move on with your life :) Dont let manipulative bullies keep u down! x

What you have been through, both good and bad, are a part of your experiences of life in the past, but they do not speak for your present and your future. You will think about the past, but remember that it is not everything your life is about. You are not weird for thinking the way you do. What the other girl was/is thinking is not for you to worry about (Don't focus on what she might possibly think about her actions because you don't know her thoughts or what she has been through. Focus on your feelings and the fact that it is okay to feel confused about what happened.). It is okay and normal for you to feel the way that you do. I wish you the best. TILES

Suju, I have never had any such experiences in my childhood but I think the best way out of this is to sit down and think if there is any reason for you to be ashamed. If you do so, I'm sure you will conclude that it was no fault of your's. Something that will really improve your position a lot is to get a good friend. You are quite young and this the age sometime when you will meet a really good friend who will come a long way in your life. I hope you get one in case you are feeling lonely at this time. Be very sure that this was no mistake of yours and be confident and be sure to build a strong indepedent character. Never be afraid to lose friends that will leave you in one day. You deserve better and good luck. I hope you do.

It is not your fault and to be honest no this is not normal. I don't of anyone growing up in childhood who have been threw that. There is a good chance the girl who molested you was also being molested and assumed touching others in an inapprioate way was just the norm which would explain her calm demeanor. It is not your fault at all and i don't agree with others who tell you to just forget about it, repressed thinking isn't healthy and if this is really bothering you then you need to find someone you truly trust (Sibling, mother, even a therapist) to help you overcome this. It is never your fault. The girl who did this has obviously been threw something because 6 year olds don't just go doing things like that. They don't even understand oral or sex for the most part at that age unless being taught or touched in a negative way. Try finding websites on the issue and talk to others who have been threw what you have been threw if you're not comfortable talking to peope in your daily life. You need to get pass this or it will eat you up little by little. goodluck and i'm sorry and remember its NOT you or your fault and you're not dirty.