Lost identity

I've been in a relationship for nearly 4 years,everything was great to start with. Over the years I've found out my partner has been viewing porn not a big deal to some people I know, but I've also found him on various sites , even a swinging site where he is asking people to meet up with him for sex when I'm working. There have been photos on his fb account of younger girls, some of who are people I know one even asked him why he was liking her photos as he has a girlfriend, his reply was no I don't when it comes to you, your mint! I've asked him several times to stop as this is destroying me ,every time he says he will I find something else, don't know what to do anymore I die a little more everyday.

Thanks for replying,both late 30's. I've started writing a letter already as we have a holiday booked soon. I can't continue on like this and I think to myself that I should have more respect for myself and end it with a man who clearly doesn't care about me.

I failed to mention that he had also put pictures of his private parts on the swinging site!

RUN don't walk away from this man. Thank God you found out who he "REALLY WAS". You fell for his "representative" the man that did not exist.

He is always telling me that he doesn't like slags, well what are these women who can put the most disgraceful pictures of their selves about certainly no self respecting woman.

The sooner you end this the sooner you can find a man worthy of you. This guy is a SLAG :) When people show you who they REALLY are believe them the first TIME. You deserve better and better is out there waiting to find you...

I'm saddened to think that we have been together so long that he couldn't love me the way I love him. I don't even know that he isn't looking at these pictures to turn him on before he sleeps with me and that sickens me .

Forgiving him over and over again, when you knew he was asking other woman to meet up with him. Filtering with other woman who you knew, coming up with a really stupid excuse about why was he liking these girls photos "no I don't when t comes to you, your a mint" (really!) He should have been CHECKED right then- consequences should have been demanded-that he STOP ALL such communications, apologize for disrespecting you and that you will not be disprected again!! When he posted pics of his penis (he was really one of those type of men!! ugh).. you should have kicked his ass to curb/change the locks. You loved the "image he was presenting, and maybe you just wanted to believe it was love..a man that loves you would never post his D*ck on web sites!! I've known some woman that would not have been so forgiving, he would still be scraping ELMER"S GLUE OFF!! Better 4 years than marriage and kids! So Wise up!! don't waste anymore feelings on this guy, be glad that another door will be opening for you :)

SK, I was just reading the OP and thinking, Actually, *he's* the slag!...and then came across you saying the same. Nice one! Same goes for Susie's comment about possibly paying for it via what are pooled funds. Yep, CHIP, this is happening for a reason. And always a good one. It's so that he'll end up punished and you promoted. Punished, because he's refusing to be as good as you so needs to be freed to pair up with someone in his own league...and then cry a river when that equally or even more lowly individual treats *him* like dirt...and to the point where 'getting up again' takes him years of hard mental work, *if* even possible by then (that's how it works). But you yourself also have to be free and single to be promote-able. That's your crossroads. Left to freedom, right to yet more, steadily worse, demeaning crap. One, two, three, JUMP! The landing is never as hard as you imagine it'll be - psych fact. ESPECIALLY when what you're jumping from is a slag heap....into the arms of a man of far superior calibre. Another plus: if ever there's a next time with a future fella, you'll react *instantly* according to the giant, instant dealbreaker it is, not 'ask him to stop'. However, it's doubtful there'll even be a next time. Because this will have taught you [1] to expect more for yourself thus attract it via your vibes, and [2] to give the man a far more gruelling test-drive before you go handing your money over (moving in). It's all good. Just never feels like it at the time.