When you lose everything over night

To anyone that can offer some advice, So to cut a long story short (as i'm really not very good with writing) I was in the most amazing relationship for five years, me and the missus would go out to restaurants, cinema, Spa days and we would always ensure to go on Holiday 3 times a year, she has supported me through thick and thin and got me through a lot of issues in my life. Over the past 5 years I have tried to commit suicide (after a few drinks) and also been very controlling of her, last month we were travelling Thailand for 1 month and on our last night i tried to throw myself of the 67th floor of a skyscraper! once again I dont know why but I was very drunk. following our flight back we hadn't had time to discuss any of this as the next day I had to move to Africa for work (short term) maybe 3 months. anyway things seemed okay she flew over to see me for the weekend and we had an a amazing time. one week later when I was due to return back to the UK she told me not to call her and give her space, a week on I fly back to the UK to find out we are no longer together, I have spoken to her on the phone and her words are that I should have sorted myself out everytime she asked me to do so. I have since gone to the DR and started my anti depressants and had one counseling session. I have quit my job, as I would rather stay in the UK to rekindle what I can, She is the love of my life and I want to show her that I can change and that I mean it for good! is this a situation where i'm clasping at straws....what should I do i miss her dearly and couldn't imagine life without her.

First, sorry you've been struggling. Very glad you've been getting help. I'm not sure what to say but I'll try. I've been married for 23 years, and we're going through this too. I've battles a constellation of physical and mental health issues for the last 13 years. Our marriage has been wonderful, and a source of so much love and support. That said, we're taking some time apart. Not because we're broken, but because each of us needed to sort ourselves out, for our own good. Whatever is best for each of us is automatically better for both of us. I've had to accept that we may just be best friends after this. People grow apart, situations change, etc. We love each other very much. Love is not the problem. The problem is you can't grow as a couple if you're not continually growing yourself. It sounds like you've been doing that, so keep at it. The rewards will be great. Just keep doing what's best for you. Find your new normal. Get back to doing what you love, before you met her. That's what we've been doing, and it's bringing us so much closer, even though we're not under the same roof. Generally, when someone asks for space, then breaks it off, it's best for all concerned if that's respected. Continue to be her friend, but don't put her in any situations where she feels obligated to respond. Just be yourself. And keep trying to be better than you were yesterday. FOR YOU. As you spend time as friends, she'll SEE the changes, and it's up to her how she responds. The real reward is that you're working on yourself and building a life on your own. That's incredibly attractive, to everyone. Do your best for you. Expect nothing, appreciate everything. Whatever happens, it will be what's best for you both. I wish I could say "She'll come around, don't worry.", but nobody can. I can tell you, in my current experience, we've never been more attracted to each other. Humans are funny creatures. Unpredictable and ever-changing. Do your best, put your heart out there, and know that regardless of the result with her, you'll come out ahead. <3