I am so unhappy

I want to move, but if I move my boyfriend will go nuts and lose his house. I really don't want to be here, but I think of him. I don't want him to kill himself if I leave. Often he is really mean when he gets drunk and goes on maybe 4 or 5 days and nights without sleep. He gets really crazy then. He is a schizo too!! I feel trapped. If I leave he may kill himself or lose his house that he owns but has a mortgage. If I leave he will probably become homeless or possibly dead. What can I do? If I tell him I plan on moving I wonder if he will do away with me. If I do move what will happen as I'm moving my stuff out. Will I be able to see his tears and his misery and still move out. I love him a lot, but that doesn't seem to be enough. What am I going to do? I am so miserable. He often throws stuff and calls me names and verbally abuses me very badly. I still feel I'm worthy even though most people wouldn't by now. I have thought of suicide, but somehow I think things have got to get better. Will they get better? How can I move without him just dying from the pain of losing me. I have mentioned moving before and he talked me out of it. He stopped his drinking for a week and things got better, but then he just started up the drinking again. He often does that when I get upset. Will quit long enough to get me back in love with him. I guess I never fall out of love I just get sick of it all. I just get so utterly depressed sometimes I stay in bed for days and nights and just lay there in misery while he drinks. I have been babysitting him because I'm afraid he will hurt himself when he is drinking too much. Just about a month ago he fell and hit his head really hard on the edge of a table and had a concussion. The amablance was called, but he refused to go. So now since he didn't even get stiches he has a big gash on his nose from where he hit it. I feel like if I don't make sure he doesn't drink too much he will end up killing himself by falling down the stairs or something in the house. What am I going to do? I feel so trapped. I don't want to live with a drug abuser and alcohol abuser. I want out of this trap I'm in. I don't have anyone to move me or the money saved up to move. I don't even have a vehicle if I leave because I sold mine to help pay the bills around here. He has a vehicle, but if I leave I won't be able to use it. I'm so upset!! Should I just kill myself and then if I won't have to live like this and I won't have to see what losing me will do to him? I don't know what to do? I'm so very very upset. Please help!!!

Calm down, take a deep breath, and think about what YOU want in your relationships. Remember, it is your life, your decision(s). You seem to be projecting alot about what will happened in the future. The future is always strange, mysterious, and most often unexpected. If (when) you do decide to leave, plan first for your own safety. Leave in a hurry if you are in real danger. Maybe you could arrange for help for your boyfriend from his family, so you know he is ok after you go. You must think of yourself first in life and death situations. Remember, everyone is full of shit, including me.... Take my advice, for what you payed for it, (nothing)....