5 yr relationship struggle
Hi everyone, thank you for taking your time and reading my problem. I have been in an on and off relationship with my boyfriend for 5yrs, more so on. We have moved back in together and things honestly have never been better. Until... I started to have an attitude problem within this past month. My boyfriend and I have had a long history of our ups and downs, but this time around we have truly decided to leave the past in the past and move forward. Things have been great. We recently have been looking to purchase a new house together, and talking about engagement and wedding plans.
This past month I have had harsh family issues and work related issues that I have been lashing out on my boyfriend. I have never in my life acted this way towards him and he knows this, that is why he has been so tolerant. I've been really struggling with him and our relationship as well these past couple weeks because of the hours he's been working at his new job, we have also communicated about this and gotten better.
However the night before yesterday I came home from a horrible day I was having bad family issues, and I gave him a horrible attitude and accused him of stupid things that I never even truly believed myself (cheating etc)... We got in a fight and went to bed... The thing is, I know he hadn't been cheating on me at all and I can completely trust him, he's been so great with that and trying to build my trust. I feel like I ruined this all, honestly. My emotions lately have been bringing out the worst of me, which Mac has never seen within these five years and I've never acted like this in all of my life. And no it's not my monthly period haha.
The next day (yesterday) we were finally suppose to have a date night that we planned previously because he had the day off.. He seemed to be distant and was quiet for most of the day. We still had plans to go out till last minute I wanted to know what his deal was, so I kept pushing him to say what was wrong and what issues he had with me. He just said he was tired etc until finally I kept prying and he just said he wanted to break up... I could tell he was about to cry.
I told him I am so sorry I understand where he's coming from and if I were him I would break up with me too. I also apologized for not being as appreciative of him lately when I am actually so appreciative. It's just the other factors in my life has been harsh on me recently and that's why I've been this way. I don't really believe he cheats on me, I know I can trust him. I said I just need time alone (which I tried to take the week before but he wouldn't let me leave Bc he thought I was about to cheat on him! He's been thinking lately Bc of how I've been acting that I've been seeing someone else but I haven't been). I said, whenever you had gone through rough times in life I always stuck by you but when you clearly see me going though a rough time you can't stick by me and understand this is just a tough time!?
He says he doesn't think I'm going to change, that he wants me to move all my furniture out. And it's over and that's it, he wants to focus on work and money because he finally has such a great job and rent out our condo and move into his parents house. (He's 30) He said we will always be friends and he loves me. Etc etc
I told him give me a week away and I will come back again like the normal me, I just want space for a little bit. I am extremely sorry he feels this way and I haven't been normal towards him. I said he's changed in such a wonderful way and if he didn't I wouldn't have stayed together with him. I know I've pushed you to this point over these few weeks, but the last thing I want is to break up. I know you are my soulmate and I am yours. I love you so much. We do want a future together we want to be together. (I mean we were just looking at houses together last week, and seriously talking about a future engagement and little wedding details together, he even told me that he wants me to have children with him and to look for houses with great school systems) I never had to bring this stuff up he would do it on his own! It has been clear as day that we wanted to be together forever. Mac had completely changed since we got back together and things have been so good, until I started to become such a b**** this past month lol)
He accepted my apology. He agreed to wanting to be together in the future but fate will lead the way now.
Etc etc there's a lot we discussed....
So I thought last night we agreed to give it a week and I will come back and we try this again.. I mean last night he wanted me to give him so much attention and we acted like the happy couple we normally are, he was very loving towards me.
This morning he told me that I need to start taking my furniture and everything little by little out, while I was in the middle of packing my bags to leave. I told him I thought we agreed for me to leave for just a week. He said no that won't work I want you to start moving out stuff. Then I said, no were not going to do that, I'll be back in one week and I'm going to focus on me and my attitude and I know things will be normal again I just need my space. I said I won't cheat on you, I love you, then I left. He didn't fight with me again when I said no that's no what's happening, so idk if he changed his mind or not. UGH
But I am scared of what's coming next. Do you think when I get back he will just tell me to completely move out and try to stick with what he said because when he says something like that he normally wants to stick to it...? However I can tell he definitely wants a future with me, I think still, maybe? I still want to marry him and work this out, he's been great, I just wish I had taken the space I needed before I lead him to this point. I hope he realizes he will loose me if he ends up telling me to move fully out and at this moment he seems like that's what he's leaning towards but I don't really know what he's truly thinking. Oh gosh. Please help me! Should I leave him alone and wait, or try to contact and reassure him things will be okay?
You're allowing him to manipulate you. Do what's best for you. Either he wants to be with you or he doesn't. If he does, you'll not have to wonder. He'll actually make an effort. If he doesn't, nothing you do or say can change his heart. Take your stuff, and your heart, and focus on yourself. Do whatever makes you happy and gives you moments of peace, despite the heartache.
If he loses you, and realizes that's not what he wanted, he'll move heaven and earth to get you back. If he loses you, and simply moves on, you'll both be better off for knowing it's time to move on. Take care of you. Let him figure it out on his own. Whatever happens, you can't force it anyway. So just take a breath, leave him be, and make yourself happy. If he comes back around, bonus. If not, you deserve better anyway.