Felling very down

I have been feeling so down lately. The sad part is that I'm going true all of this alone. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Been in a mentally abuse relationship for like 12 yr. Not sure why I'm in this toxic thing. I was always mentally abuse by everyone in my life. From my family on down. It seems to me that that is all i know. Ia to be hurt by the people that are suppose love me n be there for me.

Yes it is good that you want to avoid these feelings and counseling will help. Positive mindset is also good. Start thinking of you self and the things that make you happy. You will need to let go of the people who mentally abuse you because that is only going to keep you down. I don't know you but I hate that you are going through this and I really mean that. After every dark night, there's a brighter day.

Is it because your abusive boyfriend is slightly better than your original family in terms of how he treats and speaks to you? Can you describe all the ways in which he treats you abusively?