When is platonic love something more?

I don't know what it is but.. When I think of Love I think of My male friends, particularly one who might get creeped out that I'm posting this. I actually cried last night when I realised I hadn't seen him in 6 years. We're in contact every day but I'm scared I'll never see Him again because he's so far away. I think I even choked a bit. I have never felt so much pain in a while , it's incredible actually. I stayed up all night bawling my eyes out thinking up disastrous situations that might get in the way. I was also sad because I'll never find a person who's just like Him. Maybe I'm crazy but I'd rather have him as a friend forever than a temporary girlfriend.. When I think of Him , I feel like I should improve My life so that by the time We meet again I'll have a lot of positive things to say. I want to be the fun girl that He knew but life has had other plans for Me. It's like I want to see him soon... but don't. Because He'll know as soon as He sees Me that something is different. We are unbelievably close without trying I'm confused now

I meant, I'd rather have him as a friend forever than be his temporary girlfriend