Stay or go... confused!

Long one so I apologise in advance. Been in a relationship for 9 1/2 years and have 2 girls, 7 years and 9 months. Relationship has been troubled since before my 2nd child was born. I was preparing to walk away from the relationship when I fell pregnant with 2nd one and found out 4 days before I was due to get sterilised. I was in the process of a career change and changing my hours to full time and generally getting a bit of my life back. I also suffer from long-term chronic back problem for which I have had 1 major op and may need a remedial op in the next year. When it came to the decision as to whether or not we kept our 2nd child, he refused to be part of the decision and lumped it all on my shoulders. His later reasoning was that "he knew I'd keep her because I would have to make the decision alone as he would blame me for the termination and he wanted her but I wouldn't be able to live with a termination". The problem was that I didn't want her. I never wanted kids in the first place. In hindsight, I probably could have lived with the decision. Don't get me wrong though, I do love my girls an awful lot and wouldn't be without them! My partner works full-time and is an Irish singer and musician as well. I work part-time and now have no life basically. Apart from him working Mon-Fri, he has gigs almost every weekend Fri-Sun and some Thurs as well, leaving me at home with the girls. A situation arose for the umpteenth time last Fri, when he got a phone call to say he was being collected in 20 mins for a gig that he'd forgotten to put in his diary! Having consulted his diary at the start of the week to see if he had gigs, (I was asked to go out with friends on the Fri Night and agreed plans) I had the conversation with him 1st before agreeing the night out, I then had to cancel my plans at a moment's notice to accommodate him...again. My friends have now said that they will no longer include me in their plans for nights out as I'm forever having to let them down. I try to arrange midweek plans but that is subject to School Governor Meetings and Irish Charity Meetings not taking place that he attends, any nights out he has and whether my friends are free! My life is all about planning around the girls and whatever they have on and his diary. He tells me that I don't contribute financially, which to be fair, he does pay all the bills and he owns the house outright - it's not mine as he takes great pains to tell me. However, I feel I do contribute, particularly where the girls are concerned - I keep them clothed all year round, buy their birthday and Xmas presents, pay for after school club clubs for my eldest and tots group for the youngest, buy treats, take them out, the list is endless - I even buy clothes for my partner if he needs them and be at home to look after the kids 24/7 so he can work and gig! I also pay my own bills. I earn about 1/2 his salary after deductions (that's excluding gigs) and he insists on keeping the child benefit on top of his salary and earnings from gigs. I don't think that is fair. He has decided that his mum (god bless her, she's great!) should look after my youngest when I go back to work because HE thinks she's too young for day nursery but would it be possible to cut my hours from 3 days to 2. Is that really fair? I wanted her to go to day nursery because she is very clingy and felt that the environment would help with her independence and I would be paying the nursery fees. At the moment, I feel like I'm being taken for a complete mug, that I'm not being listened to and not respected for the important role I contribute to our Family. I also feel that I am being pushed into isolation and therefore, I'm out of the way. Am I right to feel this way? He's not a violent person, he's very placid and laidback (some might say I should just be grateful for that!) but this is an issue that I've argued about countless times before. He says he listens and will act on what I've said but it nevers happens and as a result, never get resolved. Neither one of us likes confrontation but it's always me that has to raise the issue! Any advice would be a help - I don't feel that I would get a properly balanced view from my friends - not that they'd listen anyway!

i wouldnt put up with him he is taking you for a mug and i would find him rather controlling, what you should do is state that if he changes his mind of an evening when he should be looking after the girls by prior arrangement then he will have to organise a sitter as you are going out,