What my ex and my brother did

At the end of November 2015 i broke up with my girlfriend because it caused me more pain than i could bear, with the little happiness i got out of that relationship. It was long distance with me living in the very south of Germany and her in Ireland. It wasn't the distance that made it painful (of course i would prefer no distance and it hurt, but i dealt with it) but she wanted to have sex with other people. I told her i couldn't deal with it, so she said she wouldn't do it if it meant losing me. That was after a year of LDR. The thought kept creeping up in my head anyway and four months later she said that she'd either do it with me knowing or cheat on me in the future. That was where I pulled the emergency break. I broke up with her (side note: she was heavily disrespecting me for a while already) and this was the final push. She cussed me out, insulted me disrespected me more and i told her I don't want to talk to her if she's just going to disrespect me, and then I stopped answering to her texts. Well... she still had some of my clothes in Ireland and I wanted them back so i texted her about three weeks after that. She seemed nice and apologized for being so mean to me all the time, so I offered to try to stay friends. I was not expecting what she said later. "I'm going to have sex with your brother" ... This hit me like a bullet train. I was not expecting that. I read it over and over again for a couple of minutes before I couldn't lie to myself that I misread it. I never was so sad, angry, disappointed furious in my life. It was probably about 2am. I cursed her and insulted her so hard that i was shocked. I didn't think I could do something like that to a person I shared my life with for over a year. We skyped every day for hours. The worst part about it is that i feel that every single insult was and is the truth. I couldn't handle staying in this house any longer, i needed to leave. So i woke up my dad and told him that I was going to leave and probably won't be back til morning/noon. When he asked me why I was so angry and i told him he yelled "WHAT?" so loud that it woke my mom. My mom told me to not go to my brothers flat and confront him (he lives right below us... well it's more complicated than that. If someone wants to know i'll explain it more) I haven't even thought of that because I got so sick when thinking about his face that I almost threw up. So I went outside (It was a few days before Christmas) and just walked and laughed hysterically. It was no use. I couldn't calm down. After about 3 hours I went back inside. Sleep was out of the question, none of my friends picked up their phones (well it was around 5 am) so I played gta where i met someone who cheered me up a little. I wasn't going to go to university either, so i played about 3 hours before i just collapsed exhausted - from the lack of sleep (barely slept the day before either) and the anger - onto my couch and slept. I woke up with a heavy headache, feeling sick and hungry but i couldn't eat. I ate almost nothing for three days and lost 3 kg which put me down on 57kg (I'm 177 cm tall and i know it's light) For the following 3 months I did not talk to my brother (he avoided me whenever he could). During that time my ex also apologized and said she'd promise to not do anything with my brother. I thanked her but told her I still don't want her back in my life. Then one day when I was away the whole day and came back, he was in my room. I told him to get the f*ck out. Later I checked my Computers event history. (Because my computer was turned off and I know that I didn't turn it off) He actually connected an external drive. I told my dad and my dad asked him (of course he denied it all). My dad also told him to apologize to me. He did... more or less. I knew that it wasn't a honest apology. He also apologized for making a promise with my ex, one week after i broke up with her to have sex. (wasn't a genuine apology either). I thought to myself " alright let's act like we get along more or less until he moves out later this year" (because it was hard on my mum - us not getting along that is) The following days he was super nice to me. Then he asked me if I couldn't change my mind about this whole thing and let him have sex with her. That was it. I remember exactly how all emotion disappeared from my face and the only thing I said was "no. get out." He crossed the line again. And I made sure that this was going to be the final time. (that was in march/beginning of April) Not talking to him anymore again. Just waiting for him to move out. In the meantime my ex told me she needed me in her life and if it was just 10 minutes a week. I told her i don't want her to be in my life at all. Some time (maybe 1,5 months?) later she texted me again. Why I didn't reply to her messages she asked (she sent like 4 I ignored them all) Me: I've been busy Her: couldn't you have thought of a better excuse? Me: was too busy for that She wasn't used to me not being nice so she said she was going to be too busy to keep the promise she made. I replied "K" She: Glad that you like it Me: *Facebook thumb* End of chat Yeah so today my mom told me that my ex and my brother were going to Romania together (her home country). Well... I thought I was over everything but it still made me just a little angry. I still think I don't care anymore but just in case I want to talk about it, and not bottle it up inside of me. I don't want her back or anything, I just want her and my brother to get out of my life. Since i really cut them off (February) I gained 13kg (healthy mass, not just fat) I found a lot of new, awesome friends, had a crush (she also has a crush on me but we can't date, but that is for another time) I had good and bad experiences, but I still feel happy all the time. I don't know if it is, because I just don't care about bad things anymore or because my tolerance level for bad things just went up because of everything... Well that's it. If you have questions just ask them. Thanks for reading :)

Thank you. No i haven't found one yet, and i don't know if i will anytime soon... not because i'm "scarred" or sth like that, but because i don't feel like it would benefit me to actively search. If the right woman comes along i will of course take the chance.

Maybe. I can't really explain it myself... I feel like i'd love to have a girlfriend, but also i don't know how to look for one and maintain my chilled life at the same time.