Ok, as the title says, I'm contemplating divorce. I do love my husband, but I'm definitely not IN love with him anymore.
We have a preteen son and have been married for 15 years now. Our anniversary was a few months ago, and he totally forgot, or he just didn't care. He didn't say a word about it. But that's the least of our problems.
The one major problem is that there is NO intimacy. None. It's embarrassing to say it, but we haven't had sex in almost 10 years. TEN. Not even a hug or a kiss. Ever. I've sat down to speak with him a few times about it, but nothing ever changes.
I finally came to the point where I started to look outside of my marriage, and I've been seeing the same man for a few years now. I do love this other man and would love to be with him exclusively. However, I do worry about the effect that divorce would have on my son, especially at this age. Also, I quit working when I had my son, so I have no means to support myself. I've been a stay at home mom, and my skills are way out of date. I live a very comfortable lifestyle here with my husband, though. The other man is a hard worker, but he still struggles to make ends meet. So, if I do leave my marriage, I have no means to support myself, I would be throwing my son's world for a loop, and I would not have any financial help from the
Your situation is not uncommon. I would say seek marriage counseling, but in most cases is doesn't help. So if in fact you have sat down and talked about it and nothing changes then maybe you should divorce . I know you care about your son but if hubby doesn't want to listen or change then why go on with being miserable in your marriage. And especially if you're having an affair outside of the marriage. In some cases when the husband finds out that the wife is having an affair it becomes a wake up call. In other cases they want immediate divorce.
And then there's also a possibility that he may be having an affair also. From what your describing here him not wanting to be close or intimate sounds like he's seeing someone else.
MOCHA313 I'm not condoning your having an affair. Cheating is not the answer. More to be said
Oh boy - you need to sit down with a lawyer and discuss how you would be able to survive financially after being a stay at home mom all these years. There may be spousal support for a while until you get a job/school/training and child support until the boy turns 18 and a splitting of assets, even if you never worked. Become informed.
Oh yeah - Forget your boy-toy. He's not a factor in all this. (Really, he has been used)
While you have been co-responsible for staying in a sexless marriage, you sound like you want out. Spend some time to get yourself together and make plans for the next part of your life.
(I do agree with someone who said HE may be having an affair or "giving at the office" Is it possible that you have turned a blind eye all these years?)
And that was going to be me next question MOCHA313. Do you want to stay in your marriage or divorce? Sit down with your husband again and ask him if he's seeing some else get a straight answer. You may not realize it but you're hurting the kid too being in a rocky marriage. If your husband says yes then maybe it's lawyer time. But it also depends on what you both decide. Saving a marriage takes a lot of work on both sides.
MOCHA313 sure would like to hear from you
MOCHA313 maybe you're an observer and not a responder. In which case I hope all this helps.