Online dating-commitment

Hello there who can help me with my situation? I am 41 years old and three years ago I met a nice guy online (now 51 years old). I was just playing around but it turned out he's such a wonderful person. We dated a while and later got intimate. I fell for him and him for me so he claimed. He was in a bitter divorce involving custody and money issues. After getting sexually involved he claimed he's not ready for a relationship because he has issues. A situation I was aware of when I met him. He said he feels he will contact other girls and he does not want to hurt him. I understood and give distance, first time in 2013 but every year he comes back especially around autumn and I take him in because I fell for him. What should I do? Our contact has been minimal the recent three years but wonderful moments as we match so well. He stayed on the dating site the last three years and he sees other women. I even logged in pretending to be several different women and constantly he gave his telephone number directly and wanted to meet those women immediately. I love him and although initially just having fun I got the courage and confessed my feelings. He says he's not ready to commit. I never asked him to commit. I just want to see him sometimes. I am sure around autumn he will come back. What should or would you do? I have dated several men but my heart is with him. I would like to spend more time with him but he does not give me the chance and if so only a night of a few hours and because of the chemistry we end up kissing not even sex and after he runs away. Please help!

Sweety, I'm going to be honest with you. I would not waste my time on this man if it were me. A man who goes back and fourth between multiple women isn't really a man worth keeping at all, in my opinion. It's clear he isn't interested in being with just one person. What you want and what he wants are two different scenarios. You're situation sounds like a "summer love" kind of thing. If he only sticks around for a few and leaves to be with others, he isn't boyfriend or husband material. If you're looking for someone to just be crazy about you, he is not the one. I would stop taking him in, stop thinking it will be different, and tell him no for once. Tell him you're not happy with your current relationship with him. You said you never asked him to commit and that you just wanted to see him sometimes. That right there gave him the "permission" to keep doing what he's doing and that told him that you were okay with it (which I am assuming you're not okay with it because you've posted it here) which will result in him continuing to come back to you when he wants or is lonely. Eventually he will break your heart if he hasn't already. I hate seeing other women struggle with problems similar to this. You're strong and beautiful no matter what anyone says and you deserve to have a man that can make you feel even more like a beautiful woman. I hope this helped, even the slightest. I in no way was being rude and hope I didn't offend you. Good luck and keep me posted! -Krissy

Thanks Krissy

But I thought men want intimacy more than women. I still wonder why he leaves yet the way I fell for him I am kind of willing to accept even if its to break my heart seeing others. He proposed to remain friends but we failed that step too because we end up holding hands and kissing in public. Although he tenderly intiates the kissing it completely pushes him away so he hardly wants to see me. Why? How can a man love and yet keep running away? He claims he respects, loves and cherishes me but he's not there yet. I don't care if he's there or not I just want to see him and he's also aware. We dont have to commit. I have men who value me but even the thought of being with them disgusts me. He's the man of my life and I love him. He feels the same. Anyone ever tried love spells? If so do they work?

(Excellent post, Krissy, please don't stop there?)

(sigh) Anita, Men want intimacy WHEN THEY'RE RIPE 'N READY FOR IT. When you met him, your agendas suited (because he wasn't even properly out of his marriage yet and had probably had a gutful of the demands and intricacies of a committed relationship ergo just wanted to let loose as a free and single merchant - "wheyhey!"....post-liberation crazy, it's called). YOU then changed the goal position. He didn't. Here's the result. Men are Black & White merchants with something like this. If you come pre-pigeon-holed ("yeah, let's be Casuals!") then nine times out of 10, that's where you forever get made to stay. The first three dates or less are an interview. 'What do you want, ultimately?' / 'What do YOU want, ultimately?' / 'It's a match, PLUS we fancy each other - let's go for it!'. If you hire a secretary when what you want now or might well find yourself wanting in the near-future is an accounts exec then, DON'T HIRE A SECRETARY WITH NO ACCOUNTS EXEC CAPABILITY AND AMBITION...simples! You failed to think ahead, took what had merely been a phase too seriously as if it were a permanent state. *Not* simple, however, when, regardless, you proceed to point of embroilment and then have to put up with Unhappiness Type A (being treated like a free-of-charge, some time, high-classed prostitute) because the only alternative is Unhappiness Type B (going through the detaching & grieving process). News for you: B is shorter-lived. MUCH. Plus, it leads to happiness. Type A does not, it OBSTRUCTS AND DELAYS happiness. No gain without pain. Do you REALLY want to be loved-up and happy with someone?...someone like him but who's ripe and ready hence a far (in this context) superior model? You prepared to go through a bit of transient, ever-decreasing pain to get it? Or are you still too tired? If you are, you ain't ready, either - ber-bom! Which?