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100 problems and 0 solutions

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Relationship advice I was brought up in a way that I know that always depend on yourself and work hard, Which I did. Unlike most other teens or young adults, I actually did not fully enjoy my 'youth'. During uni days where others are clubbing, having fun, travelling... I am always the one that is busy working a few doing part time. I mange to save up a fair bit and living and surviving on my own.

When I finished uni, I met my SO while I was interning. Thing went really fast, we were crazy in love. I got a decent job offer with pretty good pay. However things took a turn when I got pregnant. I was 23 at that time didn't know what to do and the cost for having a baby was over the roof. My SO was supportive and took the pregnancy news pretty well, however at the same time he lost his job. He wanted to take care of me and ask me to move in with him and his mom, which I did and gave up my place and little do I know I gave up my freedom.

My SO was pretty good a total gentlemen and pamper me like a princess, however his mom is a total nightmare to deal with. She is so controlling and unstable at times, she can forbid me to go home to see my parents (yes that is how bad it is). Not only do I need to work and support everyone while go though the morning sickness everyday, pay for all the expensive medical expenses for the pregnancy and come home I have to deal with her screaming and yelling daily. My son decided to come two months early hence he stayed in the hospital for a month and we have to fork out alot of money which my mom helped. My SO was able to get a contract position, however the pay was never on time. Sometime he only get paid like in two months. This was pretty rough financially as I was not working depending on him and taking care of our baby at home. As I was in IT I was still able to get some freelance work form time to time. I thought this would be better when the previous company offer me my old job, I went back to work things was great. He changed his job to a full time position.

However things didn't last for long. The boss from the company that I was in was very abusive and even sending me inappropriate text message. I was stress out and could not deal with it and I have to quit. Economy was bad it took me 2months to get a new job which I did, however I have to start from ground zero. Pay was not as great but decent. I thought that things finally had fall in place but I was so wrong my SO got fired. Now I am the only one working to supporting a family of 4, we have rental, utility bills, childcare on top of that his car loan,student loan and also supporting his parents. I did not mind at first but as time goes by I am drain, I am stress till a point I hate my life. Most of all this commitment I literally was married into, first time in my life I don't have any saving I drain out everything living pay check to pay check. He is not making it easy for me, he had an attitude issue he constantly get pissed off at work which I think is the main reason he got fired. Then he constantly want to spend money on fancy and expansive stuff because is "better".

Cost of living is over the roof here, yet we get pay peanuts to work like a dog and sell our souls to company that doesn't event appreciate you. Still everyday after work I have to cook as he can't even make tea right with instruction. Weekend I have to do laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping spend time with my son.I am currently drain, worried, stress-out ,depressed I don't see a meaning or purpose in my life. I got an opportunity to do a start up business overseas which is my dream to open up my company, I suggested to him since is three times cheaper living oversea how about we move and I could actually fulfill my dream and more time for him to look for a new job and start fresh. He doesn't want it and hate it when I even mention it. Although he keep mentioning that he supported me when I was not working but after all I have done and sacrifice for him I think I deserve a little more. Moving is not a small decision for me, it means that I have to start again from zero but atleast is working hard for something that I own. I really do not what to do anymore... I feel like I should just pack my bags and buy a air ticket and just go but I can't leave without my son. He is the only thing now that can put a smile on my face.

What should I do? I know he is stress out but I feel that I am being taken for granted. Should I walk out of this marriage and end this for now and for all? Or is this what I have to go through and just suck it up?

100 problems and 0 solutions

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Are you ready to draw the line in the sand about this?

If so, set a deadline and insist that you two get your own home, he gets a job and you two work on this marriage.

Everyone there has it made - or is it "maid"?

You can't keep up with this much longer.

He grows up or you move on. Marriage Counseling is in order, too.

100 problems and 0 solutions

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"Everyone there has it made - or is it "maid"?"

Beautifully nutshelled!

You were 23, LOSTANDSAD. So how old was he? Roughly same age? And yet - "ask me to move in with HIM AND HIS MOM".

Take him out of that 20-something suit and put him into a 10-year-old's suit. Fits, right? All his attitudes?..., everything he does/fails to do/can't do?... a mother so used to being in complete control over him and anything that he touches or touches him that she feels entitled to FORBID YOU (wtf?!) - A GROWN WOMAN - to visit your own kin or go wherever within reason you damn well please? What does she think you are - her daughter?! Aged 10 at that?!

Oh, wait.... Yes she does. Same as she's Peter Pan-ed her own son. (Divorced and scared of being alone, is she?)

You have TWO kids, on top of which have been relegated back to kid-dom yourself.

Well, if you have an extreme ball coming at you from the other side of the net then logic dictates that your return-of-serve has to be as equally as powerful and extreme. Take Susie's advice would be my advice.

'I can't take any more....... Either you agree within [deadline] to our moving out and LIVING the life befitting of two, grown-up parents or - if you should refuse, I find myself forced to take that refusal as meaning the only thing it CAN mean, which is, you do not wish to continue your relationship with me/keep this new family intact.'

The ultimatum can (and should) include a reassuring pre-proviso regarding reasonable, future motherly visitation. Because, obviously what you're NOT looking for is a mere problematic-roles-reversal situation, but a stepping up and out.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-3