25 year marriage on the rocks because of healthcare??

I have been married for over 25 years. Not always easy. Current situation is that my husband is pressuring me to change jobs so that we can have our healthcare paid for by a corporation. I work for a small firm that offers limited benefits. The cost to us this year will be about $12,000 in premiums with high deductibles and high shared costs. My husband left a very high paying job, industry about 1.5 years ago. He worked in his field for over 20 years and I supported his "early retirement". He is doing some consulting now, but no healthcare. He has wanted me to change jobs for the benefits for nearly two years. He feels that it is now my turn to step up and be the main provider. My current situation is that I am having to care for a mother with dementia. This takes a lot of my time. My husband is resentful that I am spending so much time (my family and I take turns, so it's not just me). I manage all of my mother's financial affairs and it is stressful since she doesnt have a lot of resources, and will run out of money in a few years. I dont have a lot of free time to search for a new job. I am tired. My husband doesn't have any family to worry about. He thinks my number one focus should be our family. I have two children living at home ages 25 and 18. My husband has been great provider over the years. I have been in and out of the workforce over the years to be home with kids. I make a decent income, but my husbands thinks I am under utilizing my talents and am not compensated well enough for my contributions. At this point, he has threatened divorce whenever we get in a disagreement. He is ready to walk if I dont make a change soon. He unfortunately is a major grudge holder and seems to easily cut people out of his life that he disagrees with or who dont meet his standards. I am contemplating leaving the marriage. It seems nothing I do is ever enough. He isnt interested in sex and blames me; I dont do enough for him, things that are important to him; cooking, providing excellent healthcare for our family, etc. I question myself. Is he right or am i living with a middle aged, frustrated abuser?

You and I are in a somewhat similar situation minus the grudge full spouse and the kids at home. I'm at a job where we are now going through health care changes and also getting close to retirement. My mother is also in advanced stages of dementia so I can relate. If your husband threatens with divorce then go with the flow don't contemplate. You have a lot on your plate hopefully your kids will help you out here.