I'm selfish... according to my mom

It all started 2 days before my stepdads birthday. My mom asked me what I was going to get for his birthday. I told her I was going to make something and she said you buy presents for your friends but you make stuff for him? Then she started getting mad and we had a fight about it. I won't tell you the details but I felt that she was saying that whatever I was making wasn't as good as things I buy for my friends. I cried the whole night. 4 days later, his birthday already pasted and my mom asked me didn't you make something for him? I was embarrassed and nervous and I was gonna walk over to my desk and get it but then she said "SO YOU MADE SOMETHING AND YOU DIDNT GIVE IT TO HIM?" She started yelling at me saying I was selfish and that I get presents from him on my birthday and I don't give anything back. I hate my mom... As soon as I turn 18, I'm going to a college in a different state/country and staying away from her.

So clearly you aren't even 18 yet, which means you're still a child. Why on earth would she expect you to buy a gift for him? Even if he gets you stuff, you're still young and I'm sure you don't have a high paying job just yet. I didn't start buying my step dad gifts until I was 19-20 years old and out of school and had a job. That's ridiculous to me sorry you had to go through that.

Im 17 and I rarely buy anything for my parents, I will often try them something on their Birthdays, and my mum often says she would much rather get something that has been made by me as it shows I've put care into it, rather than just buying a joke present on the internet or something. Its certainly not selfish the fact that you made something for him, if anything it's better whatever it was that you created. So don't worry about that but I'm sorry you had to go through this..

Sounds like she didn't give you much of a choice whether you brought or made him something. She also made you doubt yourself at how good your are at making things which isn't nice. But What are you meant to get a step dad anyways? chocolate? aftershave? Who knows. 'wish lists' are often a good way to do presents, that's what my family do at least you know then. With friends that's different, you know them really well and have a pretty good idea as to what they like, so it's fairly easy. You're creative there's nothing wrong or selfish with with that, wish I was! It's more thoughtful. she could of at least seen what you made for him rather then shout at you. Hope things get sorted soon ! L x

How has your mum gained the impression you refuse to sufficiently accept your stepdad and/or her relationship with him, hence has 'picked on' this event as if it represents definitive, supportive evidence? Say nothing more to your mum and just quietly go and give your stepdad the pressie you made (and explain to him how and why the prior opportunity got scuppered). *Anyone* with any sense or maturity appreciates how the expenditure of major time and effort outdoes simply handing your cash or credit-card over a counter or phoneline by miles. So she's clearly not thinking straight right now or is desperate to know for sure one way or the other. WHY is she? Do you think that might be because stepdad voiced, perhaps merely in passing, that he had doubts about your fondness of him as has had her starting to put your behaviour under a microscope to see if there was anything in his feeling insecure about your affections or opinion of him? Or do you suppose she takes it personally, as in, it's *her* you aren't sufficiently fond and supportive of and she's projecting her own sense of insecurity over you onto his and your relationship/this event? Or are clashes like this fairly typical between you and your mum? If so - how long has this been the status quo?

First of all I would really prefer something made for my birthday with loving hands as opposed to something bought at a store. It doesn't take a whole lot of imagination to go to the store and buy something even I can do that. I'm curious have you made presents for anybody in the past? How did they react to your kind and thoughtful act? How is your relationship with your step-dad, do you think he would appreciate receiving your gift a little late? I'm sure your mother wants the best for her husband, but often times that is something money can't buy. Birthdays, anniversaries, and various holidays are important occasions that should be celebrated. But giving of gifts is second or should be to the expression of love. Perhaps you can tell your mother and your step-father how you feel and why you did what you did. I think almost everyone has heard of John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. When I think about this verse I think about me being called to love my neighbor as myself. Why not tell tell your mother and step-father that you love them and that you want the best for all three of you. May God bless all three of you.