Reality check

Hello, in brief, I have hit an all time low due to the behaviour and reactions of my partner and im finding the confusion, upset and loss of self is making me physically and mentally ill now. We have been together for about 8 yrs and to be honest, ive always felt his reactions to certain things which come up are not normal. I have tried approaching things in various ways but if its against what he believes to be right then I feel I pay for it! He can be the most wonderful person which has only added to my never ending attempts to put things right and even blame myself. At its worst, during a disagreement he can throw in allsorts of irrelevant things at me which are hurtful and mainly untrue. He swears, shouts and name calls me. I have had life threatening ill health for the past few yrs and despite him knowing how this sort of conflict makes me feel, he shows me no compassion or respect when I need it most. He can stone wall me for days at a time if in his mind he feels justified and completely discounts my version of events when I try to reason with him. Sometimes I feel he is playing mind games as when I talk about something he acts totally disinterested. He even gets annoyed if I am struggling to come to a decision about something, he acts irritated over minor things with me. He has even strongly hinted at finding intimacy elsewhere as he feels I don't make enough effort, but when I remind him of this he angrily diverts the conversation. I guess im writing now because i have almost become desensitised and have lost faith in my own judgement. I would be grateful if after reading this, anybody could give me their opinion on this as I feel at the moment im so entrenched that Im struggling to see the reality of things. Thankyou.

8 years is a long time. Your clinging to all the good things about the relationship and that is perfectly normal. I've been in trap relationships too sometimes not able to tell my partner the truth about how I feel simply because it may push them away and cause them pain. It's hard. Honestly, some time apart may be the best way to put things in perspective. Relationships take a lot of work and can create discomfort at times, but it should never cause intense emotional or physical pain. You have to love yourself first.

Thanks for taking the time to reply.