Advice on how to make this better before I leave for good....

For the past two years my now husband and I have had quite a rough patch, fighting arguing name calling.. about two years ago he cheated on me and I'm not quite sure I ever got over it but I have kept trying and stayed because I love him very much. He hasn't ever cheated again since, but I think I involuntarily still take it out on him and unpurposefully act uninterested and make no effort according to him. I also feel this way about him too but he seems to think I should be the first one to do anything to change any of this. Today was an important day and we had a decent day until this evening when we got into it right before he goes out with friends. He left, I was an emotional crying mess when he left and I'm home with our young son. I'm feeling so discouraged and I need advice on how to make this effort and how to communicate and ways to show him I do care before I completely give up and file for divorce. Thanks in advance for any and all advice.

Since he's the one who cheated he's the one who should be making every effort to make things right not you. The fact that he's going out with his friends is like a slap in your face. It sounds like he doesn't seem very concerned about focusing on your marriage. You could try counciling for the sake of your child but your husband needs a serious change of attitude first.

I'm sorry, but I also agree with the above reply. you are making such an effort for someone who has not only cheated, but doesn't seem capable to assure you he's changed, or has the insight to back you up when you are so upset. he has gone out for the night and you are at home with your son on a night that should have been a special one. I think that says a lot itself. you have had 2 years of this! and although you love him, I am not sure he loves you from what you have said! sorry. what about taking a few months separation from him to see how you feel, and then if you're sure you still want a divorce then go for one. A separation now however might give you time to clear yourself of the negative vibes surrounding this situation, and to give you a break from being his little wife/lapdog for a while. why don't you go out and have some fun yourself and leave him for a change with your child! if he isn't so up for that then get rid of him a.s.a.p. I don't think you are really happy in this situation,(and I don't think he is either); it sounds very draining and as though you are not getting enough back from this. i would seriously think about saying goodbye, even if its on a temporary but lengthy basis to start with. it doesn't sound like he is really bothered. it may be that he wants his old life back and that's why he has gone out with friends rather than staying with an upset partner! best of luck.

Let him know he is important and you would like to be with him but, if the two of you can't work things out, you are going to spent time with people that you enjoy and that make you feel good. Everyone should get what they need. If your marriage doesn't provide, find it somewhere but be truthful about what you do and feel.