Found something I did not want to see

My husband recently was a victim of medical malpractice that has left him in an induced coma in ICU at our local hospital. As a result, I have had to take over the household finances, most of which are located on his computer and paid electronically. Recently, a bill became due and I went to find the account information so that I could login and in the process the payment online. In the process I'm looking for a folder labeled bills or perhaps the name of the vendor, I found he had a special file folder set aside for several of his past lovers which included naked photographs and love letters. Certainly I could have turned away and not vendor, but I don't know anyone who wouldn't have been curious to know what

I'm not so much bothered that he kept correspondence,it's the racy and nude photographs that are bothering me, in particular because quite a few of those letters and nude photographs are of the girlfriend he dated before me. They were very serious and he wanted to marry her, which obviously never happened. What further complicates things is that up until shortly after we married, he and this ex still talked on the phone rather frequently and were commenting regularly on each other's facebook pages in what I would consider to be a bit flirtatious. Sometimes even ending with the love you signoff. When I asked him about who she was, he did tell me they used to date, but that was over years ago. I see now that they were sexting quite often as recent as a few months prior to our getting together. He always told me they were just friends, but I asked him to unfriend her when she refused to accept my friend request. If it's innocent, why cut me out? My gut told me something wasn't right and he did comply with unfriending her and said he'd stop calling. It was my feeling that she was interfering with our intimacy by always being there for her our vice versa, when, as his wife, he needs to be able to come to me. It began to feel like I didn't have my new husband to myself,I was sharing him with his ex. I didn't like it and he said it was done. Then I find the nudes and that be still checks her "other" Facebook page quite frequently. I can't play second fiddle to the ex and I don't feel he's being completely honest with me. In some ways,I wonder if she's the love of his life and I was just the runner up. It hurts.

I understand how you feel. My wife walked out on her first husband for her second. Second became abusive and she divorced him. We dated for a few years before we married but she told me 3 months later that divorcing her first was the biggest mistake of her life. I thought I was tops for her until she said that. At this point, he hasn't said anything and can't defend himself. Put it out of your mind for now and wait until you can talk. He may erase all your worries. If it makes you feel better, post the photos on some x rated site (that's a joke).

You just gave me a wicked idea. Is it illegal to do that? I just don't know what to do because I have to hold this in. Of course I would not want to jeopardize his health by bringing this up which I won't but at the same time I'm looking at him with such hurt. It's been such turmoil going through the emotions of almost losing him and then trying to take care of our Affairs and finding out something I really wish I had never known yet I cannot erase now.

It may be illegal, depending on where you are and where you post. It's probably not illegal to give them to other people in some not public way. I'm not suggesting that but I have ideas of what I might do if I were you. If we could communicate by email ....

I'm not going to do that as much as I would like to it's not in my blood. I'm just not that kind of person. If he really wants her he can have her.

As for not posting photos, good for you. You made the right choice. But the rest sounds fatalistic. You should put this out of your mind until he is well and you can talk. Remember, he WAS with her. He IS with you. He wants you. The stuff on his computer is history and memories. I still have nudes of my first wife buried in a box in a closet. I certainly don't want her back. But I do have some good memories.

There is a little more that I had not been able to get to. He still talks to her even after I asked him not to. In fact he says that he will always love and adore her and emails that I saw between them as recent as a few months before we got together he professed his undying love for her and then told me they were just friends and continue to talk to her until I asked him to stop and then he began talking to her again. What am I supposed to think?

What does "I love you" mean? I love my brother, my daughter, my parents, my wife, and friends. You need to define your marriage and what's important. He can love someone else and still be everything you want in a marriage and you can be everything he wants in a marriage even if you love others. You can be closest friends and share all your desires. hopes, and dreams. But it isn't healthy to isolate yourselves. You should both have friends and people you love. Allow your relationship to be the base from which you both are secure and able to find what you desire, even if it takes other people to provide some things. Keep the base strong by sharing, talking, and loving each other. Find joy in your partners joy. Reach out rather than collapse inward.