Anything I do reminds me of him

Anything new i do in my life. reminds me of my old friend from high school. I always hated them because they done horrible things to me. But at the same time they made me feel happy. In high school i wasn't a 'Normal Person'. I was a UNCONSCIOUS person...i was in speacial ed. i couldnt LEARN anything. After graduation i realized they dont things that werent suppse to do made i still see them as good ol buddies. How can i overcome this? ive been kinda going out lately but stil nothing.

When you say unconscious, do you mean, plugged-in too much to the goings-on inside your own head as rendered your mind too busy and distracted to be sufficiently aware of all that was going on around you, including social cues and early warnings to 'duck'? Maybe you couldn't learn simply because, metaphorically-speaking, they all spoke Mandarin whereas you're Russian? That would certainly make learning nigh-on impossible, wouldn't it? Do you find you can teach yourself better than anyone else can? Are you Aspergic or higher functioning Autistic or anything similar on that spectrum?