Propriety of lost love

I fell for my best friend last year, and we hooked up after a period of deliberation - jeopardize long term friendship by sleeping together or staying platonic - we gave in to our inner urges. We were concious not to label it a 'relationship' as I had just come out of a long term relationship and convinced myself that it wasn't what I wanted. She was very fair and said we should have a summer apart, que sera, and we won't speak about what we each got up to and maybe be together in autumn. We continued to communicate through this period and of course got back together as soon as it was logistically possible. All this time I had harboured a grudge because she had drunkenly stumbled into my room leading a guy whom I had introduced her to and she had clearly had the hots for. I had to lie hoplessly in bed in an ill, febrile state through polite conversation whilst she stroked his inner thigh before taking him back to her room. She had kissed me earlier that night, and I had made perfectly clear that I was very happy about that. She is not a malicious person but I was very much hurt by the incident and KNEW that she had done it on purpose (regardless of being drunk) for some conceited reason. I vowed to cut all ties from her for good. We talked this event over until the cows came home once we had got together, and she apologised a thousand times. But whilst we were apart we missed each other terribly and I grew very malevolent and spiteful as a way of coping with the hardship. I felt so hurt yet charmed by her that I promised myself I would make her fall for me, only to hurt her as she had done to me. I did this by kissing a girl when she was in the same club as me. She had told me she was falling in love with me before this event and so duly forgave me. I promised (and believed) that I would never hurt her again. But I had grown disappointed in myself for falling back into a relationship. I kissed someone else, which her friends bore whitness to, only to inform her before I had come clean. Of course this marked the end of our relationship and we didn't see/speak to eachother for 2 months. I knew I had behaved terribly but didn't feel as guilty as I should've done. I convinced myself everything was fine. I didn't feel or show genuine remorse when we eventually saw eachother. Time has passed now and my ideals have changed. Im completely besotted with her and feel like the only one who knows how wonderful she is. We see eachother and speak quite regularly under the pretext of 'friends', but we clearly still like one another very much. We try to abstain from being affectionate but over the course of several hours we can't help ourselves. She's very angry about it all and has obviously lost all trust in me. I set out as my mission to regain her trust at all costs and adore her, expecting nothing in return; hoping for peace between us. However as we spend more time together I can no longer repress my emotions. She says she no longer wants a relationship, and that she couldn't possibly lose face in front of her friends by getting back together. I value her company above everyone else. She is great fun. But whilst we're enjoying ourselves, I feel great frustration, inner turmoil, guilt. Increasingly I feel like I can't bear having her in my life as a mere friend. I want to worship all of her. Now then, herein lies my predicament. I feel very strongly for her and I know she does too, but theres some fundamental barrier in her, born out of my previous actions. It's becoming more apparent that we probably won't be together. I would do anything for her. Yet at the same time, as long as she's close - I'm suffering. For months I've been unable to sleep properly at night, troubled by thoughts and images of her. I don't know what to do.. a) Remain as we are ('friends' but much more than that, coital and mutually endearing) b) Cut all ties with her, be a man about it. Keep the hope of a chance in the future with her. c) Fight to get her back with all my heart. I would hugely appreciate your words.