Is this a real friend

I have a co worker that I thought was a friend. We have worked together for 8 years. She is a. people person talks to everyone and about everyone.she has caused some problems in my relationship. We stopped talking for a while but I see that this is the type of person she is. So I have decided that this is someone I have to remove from my life. I find that I don't trust her. Because of the things she do.and if she talks about others she says are her friend and tell there business I know she does the same to me. Is this a friend frienemy

Hi. Are you basically saying that she likes to gossip and stir shit? If so, I'd say that generally people like that are toxic to be around. Quite often they actually have self esteem issues, but some are just not very nice people. Have you confronted her about this?

No because I have given her so many chances to show me a different side and I have gotten burned each time. So not we speak only if it is work related. I know she has self-esteem issues because she is a big girl and food is what she turns to.So to keep everyone from seeing how much she eats she talks about everybody and tell all there personal things they have talk to her about and they don't even know it.I feel better that I have let this person go.

it sounds as though you are better off without her! so many people think these day's they have an automatic right to know everyone's personal business, interfere, stir up trouble or gossip to anyone that listens (and if it is a workplace or environment that is not that professional, or you have influential people who join in with it, then that sort of thing can get out of hand even quicker. I've been in places on more than one occasion where those in charge are just as immature, bullying or ignorant as some of the unbelievably unprofessional or offensive people they've employed! things like that spoil for everyone and it is so unnecessary. office politics and backstabbing have always been a problem in some places and they probably always will if the people who have the power to stop things (or at least send out a strong message and act on it) don't. often what starts as a joke, a jealous comment or a presumption that has no real facts to it can sometimes turn into a nightmare for others the longer it goes on. 8 years with this person sounds like a real drain on your work life not to mention when it goes home to your partner! it's hard to say what the causes of this persons unhappiness are, but I imagine that there are so many reasons why people turn on colleagues or pretend to be friends with others when really they are envious or threatened by something that they probably shouldn't feel that way about. it's a shame that you have experienced this as it leads to such a bad atmosphere all around. but whatever this girls reasons, it is no excuse. the effects that this person has had on you are real and have caused you stress and problems. have they tried to talk to you about this or offer you any insights to what they have done or why they did/said what they did? if they haven't, then as you rightly feel there is probably no further point in having anything to do with them. it's sad when friends or people you thought you could trust do this kind of thing, but I bet this kind of thing is not as uncommon as we'd think. different kinds of insecurity always seem to show in people up in different ways. maybe it is the times we are in, who knows. I do know that generally I don't really agree with cutting people out of your life, however, if you are sure that this person has done the things you feel they have (along with the fact that you know them well and have worked with them for a long time - and have given them chances to sort this out, then it sounds a lot healthier for you to move on from all of this drama and spitefulness. it sounds like there are probably a lot more other deeper issues with this person and you are the one that has become their excuse to attack, but whatever the real causes, it sounds like you have been fair with this person and given them a chance to change; trust is not something that everyone respects or are mature enough to deal with: so good for you. it sounds from what you are saying as though she may have caused deliberate problems in your relationship? and that's a shame; but some people are just trouble makers. you have been lucky to see this now. so if you don't feel they are a good person and your decision about her is based on fact, and not on other peoples gossip and solely negative thoughts about her then I agree with you. just move on. the workplace can be stressful enough at times without people like this in your life. good luck with it. :-)