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15 years of confusion and heart ache. My wife doesn't love me... again?!

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Hi everyone. After reading many posts on all sorts of forums that were as if I had written them myself I decided to finally try and vent some of my hurt and frustration to some poor, unwitting strangers! I am the 37 year old dad of three, and for nearly 15 years have loved someone who on a regular basis (about every 3 to 6 months. Sometimes longer) will suddenly turn around and decide she doesn't like, love, or want to be be with me anymore... Now, I will say this from the go, I now fully believe that she has a mood disorder, like bipolar type 2, or maybe even quite borderline personality disorder. She can not fully accept that this pattern is not normal, although admitting at the same time that she's always known that there's

15 years of confusion and heart ache. My wife doesn't love me... again?!

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(where did all my thread go?! Must have done something wrong. Here it is again!) Hi everyone. After reading many posts on all sorts of forums that were as if I had written them myself I decided to finally try and vent some of my hurt and frustration to some poor, unwitting strangers! I am the 37 year old dad of three, and for nearly 15 years have loved someone who on a regular basis (about every 3 to 6 months. Sometimes longer) will suddenly turn around and decide she doesn't like, love, or want to be be with me anymore... Now, I will say this from the go, I now fully believe that she has a mood disorder, like bipolar type 2, or maybe even quite borderline personality disorder. She can not fully accept that this pattern is not normal, although admitting at the same time that she's always known that there's "something not right" with how she behaves. It's all very confusing! Anyway I shall begin with where we are at now, as this is virtually a mirror image of all the past times, apart from this time or "episode" is much worse than it's been for a long time. It began again in November, after a period of relevant harmony, I watched her once again withdraw from me, start to treat me with a lack of respect, spend more time with friends and avoiding me. This is always the start of what I know is going to be a bumpy ride. This state can last for weeks if not months, and she'll gradually become more irritable with me for no reason. Then, finally, I see the complete change and you can almost feel the distain she feels when I'm near. It's incredibly hard to deal with when you know you have done nothing wrong. I'm a hard worker, I do EVERYTHING with the kids, I cook, clean, am loving, have a pretty good sense of humour, and I guess I'm not too bad looking. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not perfect, but I'm generally a good guy, who only wants to make his family happy. I'm rambling! ...Once she hits this point comes the innevitable talk of "we're not right together", "I can't be the woman you want me to be", and the dreaded ",I don't love you anymore". WHAM! That one always kicks like mule and just rips my insides up. Sometimes, once this has been said she's suddenly snapped back to her old self and been very sorry. Not this time round. She has carried on into this other "faze" that she has rarely gone into before (but it has happened) where she becomes quite calm and resolute that we are over and there's nothing for it. She'll say it's all her fault, that I'm a great dad, a good person, and she knows I can't do anymore than I do already. We have to split. She will, for the most part, be quite friendly, and suggest we just be friends and take care of the kids together. I will advise her that I'm not interested in being just friends. And that won't work for me. I managed to get her to agree to see a doctor today regarding this cycle, her mood changes, and other odd feelings she has described having since a small child. That alone was a massive break through as she will adamantly say there is nothing wrong with her. Anyway, the doctor was f***ing useless. And I also don't think she was as honest as she says she was. So she comes back home saying the doctor doesn't really think there's much wrong because she holds a job down and sleeps ok! WHAT?! Then it's back to "I just have to accept it's us that's wrong and we can't be together". When I again point out that this cycle is far from normal and all her behaviours, feelings and thoughts indicate a mood disorder, she says "fine. I'll see a therapist". "Great!" I think-"we're still making progress". Ten minutes later she's back on the negative talk, talking about her living somewhere else and looking after the kids while I'm on shift (I support a chap with autism and can be away from home for a couple nights and days at a time). Then tonight I see her looking at rental properties. To put it bluntly, I'm knackered with this carry on. Scared that she's going to leave and possibly do other things she'll regret later. I'm begining to doubt my gut feeling and logical thinking that this is the cause of a disorder, despite the fact it happens regularly. There are finer details I've glossed over for the readers sake, but welcome any questions. Has anyone here ever dealt with this sort of thing before? Don't ask me how I've lasted 15 years, because I honestly don't know. Cheers and gone

15 years of confusion and heart ache. My wife doesn't love me... again?!

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I was married for 9 years to someone who was diagnosed with bipolar. The moods can range from cold & calculating verbal cruelty to flat out rages. I would try to get her to go to couples counseling and maybe they could suggest she see another doctor? When I'd point out my wife was having problems and maybe she needed a med adjustment or talk her doctor she would become defensive, aggressive then break down and cry at times. It's heartbreaking to watch someone you love go through that. Good luck, hope things work out for y'all!

15 years of confusion and heart ache. My wife doesn't love me... again?!

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She says you don't belong together. That is a couple problem so it calls for couples therapy. You should suggest that. You can make that a requirement before any trial seperation. It does sound like she has an emotional problem. It could be chemical and drugs might help. You don't mention your intimate life. Have either of you cheated physically or emotionally? Is your relationship monogamous, open, poly, swinging, or other? Is there something she needs and fulfills during times she creates distance? Note: If she is searching for something during times of distance and she finds a possibility, she will want more distance for longer.

15 years of confusion and heart ache. My wife doesn't love me... again?!

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Hi , I really feel for you as I seem to be in a similar situation myself x. (My post explains all)

15 years of confusion and heart ache. My wife doesn't love me... again?!

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Amieloulou, I will certainly look at your thread... Ontheroad, I believe in part you are right, but it never started off as a couple problem. She has behaved this way with regularity since after our first few months together. And she'll admit that before me she would eventually be the same with previous boyfriends and even her parents... But you ask about intimacy. Well, during the "level" periods, we are a very loving couple who enjoy being intimate. We are best friends as well as lovers. She will seek me for intimacy and look to spend time with me. We are great parents together and a real team (even when everything is going to shit). We are that couple who other couples envy, but they have no idea what is going on behind the scenes. I've researched and talked to numerous people, both professional and sufferers of mood disorders and the way she behaves is typical of many. I've recently pointed towards the possibility (and the likelyness) that she has a condition called schizotypal personality disorder, and having looked into this further, allot of it certainly sticks. Especially the constant flatlining of emotions. Anyways. I've been doing what I can to stay positive, and to also try and concentrate on taking care of myself. But, last night I came to the end of my tether and read her the riot act. She sent me another random message in the day (as she is prone to do at these times) saying how "the kids only listen to you. You do what ever you think is best for them. I'm trapped in your life and I want to run away from you all-"...so on and so fourth. Later that evening I told her that is the last time she sends me her random negative Crap again, and that if she doesn't take responsibility for this thing that happens to her then she will have to remove herself so the rest of us can try to live a normal life without all this strife. She said she planned to find somewhere to live. I told her to stop threatening and just do it as I'm done with being dragged through this every few months. She started repeating the groundhog day speech of accusations and how I've never been there emotionally for her (absolute bull, I've always been there for her. In every possible way you can). Shes messed up I know. It hurt me to show myself as non caring anymore, which I'm obviously not, I just can't let her or her disorder keep on taking me on these rollercoster rides.

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