Feeling like I've never belonged

Hello ..I don't exactly know how to start this but I'll try my best ..I've gone through the motions in life went to school .had different jobs till I got settled in one for the long haul had first chil young didn't work out with the dad but I tried .took care of my child worked I took care of my child and everything else on my own with no help from the father .did my thing to because I was still young then down road met someone else had child with him been together ever since going n 19 years .long time didn't ever expect to last that long with anyone .lol.always expected to end up alone sooner or later .. always felt like that's just what's suppose to happen ..but anyways I've felt pretty much like a robot through my whole life just going through the motions .doing what I'm suppose to do with very little emotion .im not a very sensitive woman or emotional .its never been in me .my kids r one thing I have many emotions when it comes to them but that's about it .i hate crying or letting anyone see me if I do .i keep my problems to myself and my thoughts .dont think my friends can really understand .basically I wake up and go through the motions of the day and just consemplate my life and why I'm still here what's my real real purpose for being put here besides being a mom .i don't know it's sounds stupid so I apologize I just feel like god made a mistake by having me made to be here .ive never been truly happy in my life .i love my kids like there's no tomorrow but that's about it ..I'm done for now .rambeling right now it's late so need time to get my thoughts in order ..

Hi. You are obviously feeling very confused right now. I will start off with saying that how you have described your thoughts and emotions are very similar to how my partner thinks/feels allot of the time (see my post). I want to explain that I am not (as yet) a fully qualified counsellor, but have done and am doing extensive research into mood disorders and currently in my first year of training. So please take this as friendly advice rather than professional

Sorry. This keeps happening! For some reason part of my comment gets through and not the rest! Hi. You are obviously feeling very confused right now. I will start off with saying that how you have described your thoughts and emotions are very similar to how my partner thinks/feels allot of the time (see my post). I want to explain that I am not (as yet) a fully qualified counsellor, but have done and am doing extensive research into mood disorders and currently in my first year of training. So please take this as friendly advice rather than professional

Thanks for sharing your very personal thoughts. It takes courage to question what could have been or what should have been done in our life. It is not uncommon for many of us in midlife to feel that we may have missed our purpose or worse, had no purpose. Perhaps we measure our purpose and our success in life as being the same as our happiness. Have you thought that your life may be empty because you are not happy? What are your personal values in life? What is important to you? Why did you expect to end up alone? You mentioned that you are not sensitive or emotional but your post suggests you are very sensitive and motivated by questioning God’s purpose for you. In the heart of many, being a mother is the greatest purpose for any woman. It is good you recognize this call for yourself and it should bring you a sense of incredible accomplishment. Our culture, unfortunately, identifies success by what can be measured such as athletic achievement, business size, or how recognizable you are in public, not by the quality of a life we have nurtured. I will also mention that many who experience chronic despair or sadness may be suffering from clinical depression, a condition that is not within our control and requires medication. I will refer you to help@focusonthefamily (US organization email) at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) for additional information that may help you. Please contact a physician if you find this relevant. I will be interested in your responses to my questions. Please keep us posted.