Problem: I am cheating myself too

So this has been going on for a while. I've been with an amazing guy that wants everything good for me for almost two years now. We kinda stayed together for 4 months til he had to leave the country and I was happy. Really happy. We had our ups and downs and all and I was still ecstatic about him. I still am. Two months or so passed when he left and I went back to a little bad habit of mine which is cheating: please, don't get me wrong, I did not ever get sexual with any of the guys I had a fling with when he left. Despite all this I still had the same feelings for my long distance boyfriend and it's never been hard For me to easily let go of any of these fling stuff I had. They were meaningless but still I ended up hurting these people nonetheless. I know that. It was until recently (11 months after he left) when I met this one guy that challenges me emotionally and also made me realize that I actually loved him. But me being here asking for advice should say otherwise. Anyways, this second guy is kind of different. Sometimes in a bad way too. e.g. Does actual drugs and deals with a lot of bad people. But I fell for him before I knew this side of him and I don't want to be petty to him because of this, as i believe people can change. I know he loves me a lot. And that's the reason why I am in the mess now. The third and final guy, however, had been in my life for about 8 years now but he's been my friend since I met him. But recently we've been getting close and yes I do love him but I also don't entirely want this to happen and my conscious eats me up all the time. Why I am asking for help is because I am at my lowest in terms of relationships. I don't want to be in this mess at all but it's also affecting me emotionally and mentally to an extent. Help

Wait so you are cheating with your Boyfriend with 3 different men just not sexual relationships? Okay, I'm just gonna give you one advice that I read when i actually thought about cheating. If You can cheat on your parter you claim to love, you just don't love him enough. You do love him but not enough. Not enough to respect how he feels, not enough to try be in their shoes, not enough to be faithful and loyal to him. There's no way to go around to but to just understand that, cheating is never nice and is not okay. It is unfair and it leaves people scarred for life. It really does. I feel like you should sit down and think about this carefully. Do you want to hurt this Man U love? Do u not love him ENOUGH to be faithful? Should u let go? Cheer up anyways