Please help me

I'm 22, my name is Lisa and I just need someone to help me so much...I really feel so alone on this.It all started when I was at University, towards my last year. I was in my bedroom, working on my computer (I was studying graphic design so I spent alot of my time infront of my computer), well I got bored and curious and so entered a chat-room (for the first time ever)...and as usual you have lots of guys wanting to talk to me...I chose one random guy who is named simon. We immediately took it to msn where I wouldnt have any interruptions, and as I'm absolutely astounded to find out...he's my dream man! I mean...I know its possible to fancy someone but this was different...I'm talking instant feeling. He blew me away...who he is, what he did (which happened to be art too) We both couldnt believe our coincidence and he felt the same way about me too. Well we chatted all night and it wasn't even an effort...it just was meant to be. Perfect for eachother...when it was time to go I didn't want to...so we talked for longer. Days went by and he's still on my mind so I go to see if he's there...he instantly talks to me and says he's been thinking about me too. He really had been. We spoke and dreamed and I melted at every word I swear I've never felt this way before. He mithered me for my number which I wouldn't give at first...purely due to my own shyness, Then one night as we said goodbye and both went to bed I sent him a txt saying goodnight...and you wouldn't believe the butterflies inside. He was so happy to hear from me...but I said I wasn't ready to speak and he respected that. One other night as I said goodbye...I really didn't want to go but did...only to receive a txt telling me to go back online as he has a present for me...it was a song, a special song he'd heard and dedicated purely to us "our song". My heart was so warmed...he played it down the phon without any words spoken and I felt love fill me. I cried. I'm sorry if I'm prolonging this whole thing but I just need to tell you everything so you get a true picture of how things are for me... One night he agreed to send me more pictures of him..one's he said would make me see the real him, no poses. I love him, I loved his pictures and I love the man he is. It took him guts to do that as he was really worried I'd go off him but I swear I fell for him more. Then one night he wanted to call me and we'd speak...but me being hesitant said no...too shy, but he called me and said he's speak then...so he did. I was hot all-over, butterflies you name it...he sounded so amazing, so genuine, so perfect, I couldn't have spoken if I wanted to...he asked me some questions to prompt me to talkand I couldn't...he told me to stop fighting it. I was fighting it and for a very good reason...I was feeling things for someone I really shouldn't have feelings for...isn't it impossible to be feeling this way? I bought him a gift..silly but it was the only thing I could think of that he could have and see. I bought him an acre on the moon...so when we went to sleep at night we could both see it. He told me that it was the nicest thing and that nobody had ever done anything like that for him before...but it was nothing I'd buy him the whole moon if I could afford it! I'd call him just to hear his voice sometimes...I'd be panicking without him and his voice reassured me, then I spoke...I said "sorry" for being so shy and hesitant to speak...he was happy I'd spoke and I said "I love you"...he said "I love you too" and from that moment it was real...It was so so everything! I found myself worrying about him when he's go out at weekends with his friends so a phonecall to make sure he was okay wasn't uncommon...he found my worrying sexy. Then I'd find myself txting him and sometimes he didn't reply...which is okay as it was credit...and he's call me at night times to say goodnight and spend time with me. One phonecall made me anxious...he invited me down south (where he lives) for a Jamie Cullum concert where he was going with friends...I was upset because I knew that I couldn't afford it and would be too hesitant to go...thats when he mentioned a pool party he'd gone to the previous weekend in which a girl had come onto him. I asked what his reaction was and he said nothing...she wasn't his type and that when she saw she wasn't getting anywhere with him had moved onto his friend. I was jealous, completely and utterly jealous so I told him..thats when he said innocently well if you're jealous at thta you'd be jealous at this...thats when he mentioned a girl called "robyn"...a girl that he knew from college who'd asked him to the jamie cullum concert too. He said he's declined her offer due to him already going with friends. I asked him would he go if hs friends werent? then a pause. He said she is a nice girl. I felt worry and all the feeling you can guess but what could I do? just hope for the best and well...hope. So it was phonecalls everyday...a general chitchat..exchange of pictures and loving chats...until I had to go to Egypt for a month to teach English. He knew about this from more or less the outset although we hadn't chatted in a while due to him being busy he said. He's got himself a design job working with his dad. Sometimes I'd call and no answer, sometimes it wasn;t switched on...and one time he told me he dropped it in the bath...saying..."it's the gods honest truth" I believe him...I really think he did, he's not the kind of person to lie to me. Anyway the day came for me to go to Egypt...so I went online where he was on most of the time...so I thought I'd take the opportunity to say goodbye for a while...but I'd still go online and txt and call whenever I have chance to. He told me to enjoy myself and maybe we'd meet up after I get back...I said yes yes yes yes yes yes! then he had to go. In Egypt I was alone, I was so lonely and missing him so much I'd try to txt and tell him to come online but he's be there and not speak. I have so many heartbreaking recollections of spilling my heart out to him and him not replying or acknowledging me. I got back from Egypt...and it was a week before I heard from him...and that consisted of an email telling me to show him the pics...(which I was just scanning in to show him) It was his Birthday when I was there and I asked him what he'd done for it...he said get drunk! I wasn;t impressed as I know what happens when guys drink...they get hurt, in fights, or worse...meeting girls. I don't mind him ahaving a great time...I just want him to be okay. I told him my thoughts and he went offline...the next day he we were both online and hesitant to contact eachother I guess...I hate that...so sad. but I couldn't contact him incase he didn't want me to...or worse...if he was talking to another girl? Previously I signed in and went to speak with him...he told me in a previous phonecall about his dog...and how he's show me a picture of him. To my surprise there was a picture of his dog...which he was obviously showing another girl. I didn't mention it. Just felt sadness. anyway...us both not attempting to talk with eachother led to him going offline...only for me to receive an email from him...however it wasn't just for me. It was an invitation to be part of Hi-5 ( where you can view friends of friends) so I dared to look...petrified at who I'd see...low and behold...around 20 girls...even one with my name. I instantly txt him to say that I'd seen his contacts and please don't contact me again...I didn't mean this of course and purely wanted him to see how much these other girls had hurt me. I went to get a drink to stop me shaking and when I returned found that he'd come online and wrote me a message saying..." i don't know who she is, you're being a dick and if thats the way you want it then fine!" I was so mortified... I instantly looked at his profile at which my name used to be there...he called me his girl in it...only to see that my name had been erased for robyns...two days previously. I felt the most hurrendous feeling o shock I've ever felt in my life...I went instantly to bed I nearly collapsed...a part of me had died. Now I cant txt him, cant call him cant come online because I'm hurting so much and that was 4 months ago! I've since been on Hi-5 to see that his friends network has grown...with many more girls...each beautiful, each perfect, each getting their own testimonial sent by him...saying his thoughts about them...which have killed me. He calls them sexy, and tells them to chat with him...He sent me a txt message a month later saying some completely explicit and unnapropriate thing considering he's now in a long term relationship with robyn. I couldnt reply...since then a missed call late at night. You know I still love him, he's acting totally out of character and I've even bought him christmas presents. I now exist. I walk aound clutching my phone and in a constant pensive state. My friends are worried for me and I cant help bursting into tears at work...I just need it not to have taken this course...I swim to take my mind off it...and try going to bed early...hoping I'll have a break from him...but he's in everyone of my dreams. Please oh please help me.................................... Lisa.

Hi Lisa, Sounds like you are having a tough time, and it sounds like you really need someone to talk to, especially if you have put this amount of effort into writing your essay :) How strange it was to find out that the person you were talking to in the chat room had very similar interests to you! This was clearly the thing that overwhelmed you the most about this guy, and this is why you believe that he would be ideally suited to you... In reality however, you have only just touched the surface of his personality (which could be different in real life, as many people find out). Sometimes people do strange things to get a reaction, so letting you see all those girls around him could be his idea of making you either jealous, or to push you away by making you feel hurt by the situation. The harder you try to get over this guy (by going to bed early for example), then the less chance you will have of really getting over him. I would recommend that you lead your life as normal as possible, do things that you enjoy (continue swimming maybe), and make sure that you socialise with your friends, providing they are being supportive towards you. At the end of the day, you could have been going out with this guy, and then two weeks down the line found that your dream guy was not your dream guy - the circumstances in which you have been left are mostly to blame for your discomfort, but think how many people have been in these types of situations. At 22, you have so much potential, and things will work out for the better.

Thankyou so much for your feedback. it's really helpfull to know there's someone out there who cares...i don't know if i'm supposed to reply to feedback but i will anyway...i know it was an essay :-) and believe it or not there's so much more i forgot...i totally understand what you mentioned about things would have been so much worse if i'd have actually met simon so i count myself lucky there. i had a phonecall from his friend late at night who told me a few home truths about the real simon...which made me shake, i swear i nearly collapsed i could hardly speak. his friend told me that simon doesnt work, just sits and does nothing...presumably talking to girls...i was shocked to know this as many of his excuses for not being able to talk to me was that he was too busy or had to go to another part of the building...when infact he was at home. i think he saw me as an internet girl...although i always made every effort to try to make sure he knows i'm real. we said we love eachother, he was the only thing in this world that could make my butterflies and angst go away, his friend got my number from his mobile in some pub in cambridge without simon actually knowing...and decided i was pretty enough to try and get to talk dirty to...i felt like i was the one cheating by having receive these phonecalls. i went to egypt to the pyramids and saw so much there...every second subconciously he was with me...and yet in reality he was in contact with robyn...the girl he's now in a longterm relationship with... i feel ill... i have friends that know...but they dont understand fully...and i hear people talk about relationships in such a way that i've lost faith in everything... ...i opened up to simon...reluctantly, knowing its dngerous to get to know or get close to people on the net...an what i saw of him was a warm, gentle, considerate, genuine man who felt and knew the same as me...thats why i've lost faith... he used to ask me to help him with his uni work...essays...design work...i'd spend all day and night ...sacrificing my own work to help him...which he really apreciated...but i have a sick feeling because if he's lied to me about having a job...whats to say that all this work i did wasnt for his new girlfriend robyn...who's at uni in nottingham. (i found this out as his friend told me) simons friend said he never used to mention me...which is okay i guess...you dont broadcast a pathetic relationship with some random girl you met on the net...yet they all knew about robyn... my friends have told me to move on...and like you say socialising and doing things i enjoy help...i like to draw and paint...but i cant help feeling i've been left behind. and i dont want (cant) have no desire to meet anyone else...like most people would prescribe...because in all honesty he's still there in my heart. its my own fault...i let him in with his encouragement..i knew i was feeling things but allowed myself...because i believed it to be right...you know this is the first time ive cried right now typing this...if he just said something...i just want to know if he did like me... Thankyou!

Lisa Your story is very sad. It's sad that someone like this guy has taken advantage of you. The internet can be a fun, informative or dangerous place. This guy obviously makes a habit of using this to meet girls, and he struck a cord with you this time. He took advantage that you were open and honest and used that to entangle you into his web. It's unfair and it's wrong, but with an interface where you can hide behind a computer screen it's easy for people to do things to other people. I think you need to think how lucky you are that you hadn't met up with him and allowed him to take advantage of you physically. If he could make you feel so much over the internet and then drop you - you would have felt much worse. You should try to move on, and learn a lesson from Simon. Meeting someone over the Internet is not like meeting someone face to face. Go out with your friends, socialise, raise your confidence and be brave. You're young, you shouldn't let this guy ruin times when you should be having the time of your life. Good luck.

Thankyou Sam, I want to say thankyou for your posting, I find it very helpful in my situation. I'm so pleased to be able to talk about this freely, even if it is through typed messages...they're so helpful to me! you know I still feel the butterflies...and feelings in my stomach at random thoughts about simon, and I have thoughts where I love him and then thoughts that I'm stupid to feel that way...I'm afraid I still wish he'd contact me somehow and say he's woken up to the fact that he's hurt me and that he's sorry...and atleast attempt to make it all better...and in my mind maybe I have something to be sorry for too...I think sometimes that if I had have met up with him earlier and atleast gone for a coffee...we could have slowly got to know eachother face to face...(which I planned to do as soon as I returned from Egypt) I found myself...miles away from home, in the most amazing locations, seeing and experiencing things people sometimes only dream about, yet my heart was in Cambridge and with him.I felt selfish that somebody else could have my place here. I was happy in a way in Egypt because I thought he'd wait for me...so I bought him a present I planned on giving him...I went snorkling in the red sea with some new friends I made there...and I made a video recording of the whole days event so he could see me...the real me. He doesnt know about this and I suppose never will, I cant watch it. I have constant reminders which I feel will only get better with time...I stayed faithful to the truest! Not even trying to...I wouldnt look at other men because I had no desire to, If a guy asked me out...which they did...I smiled and said no thankyou, I didnt kiss, dream about,insinuate, flirt or anyhing lots of people seem to do in the most serious of relationships. I DONT DESERVE THIS! My mood seems to change, one moment I'm fairly happy with a temporary situation I'm in but my emotions can change and be affected by the most slightest thing...I still spend most of my time pensive (but I promise you I'm trying) over Christmas and just before, I spent time doing things I'd enjoy. I went swimming many times...as much and as often as i possibly can, which in all honesty is only at weekends. Although time alone only prompts thought I find it helps me a little...I recall one instance I went swimming just before Christmas and the whole pool was empty, so I really embraced the situation and loved being alone and left to my thoughts, I caused the first ripples! ;-) I have lots of distractions going on in my life which I could do without, including one guy who pesters me at work, touching my hair, touching my legs, kissingmy face, trying to hold my hand... which is a whole new problem I wont go into...and one guy who is insistant that we go for a drink! My parents arent helping me much...they dont know about simon because I dont expect them to understand, and so I have my mum and dad trying to pair me off with my godfathers son...(who's 20, very handsome but I have no interest) He asked me out for new years eve, where I felt forced to go. Ihad a nice time but I have no feelings for him in that way. I know what you're thinking...socialising and going out with new people is good for me...but no, I dont want anyone. I really just need time to myself, to do what I need to do (whatever that maybe)...and without being forced by people such as my parents. I'm hoping to go to Paris for a week or so to check out the art galleries...the last time I went was with college and so I'm sure I'd benefit from it...plus it may boost my confidence? of which I have none at the moment. I just need to get away from the whole feelings and relationship thing...I hear so much about unfaithfulness and stories that make me cringe and feel appalled at...that other people just seem to take in their stride! I hear my friends and work colleagues laugh about conquests and truely shamefull and serious things...such as just randomly sleeping with somebody...which I think is morally wrong! I dont care who disagrees with me...its wrong! I'm beginning to believe simon is just like the rest...and unlike my thoughts and what he led me to believe...I'm still in a minority that I find myself searching for another like me...(WHO TAKES RELATIONSHIPS SERIOUSLY) Am I wishing for the impossible? so many questions...so many thoughts...I'm going to spend a fortune swimming arent I?! ;-) at the moment i feel okay, thankyou so much for helping me deal with this, you're thoughts are truely appreciated and helpful. lisa.x ps, Thankyou for listening to me.