I messed up so bad I need some help!!

I need some advice!!! OK here it goes I have been dating a woman for 8 months now she has 3 kids. I have 1 child. I treat her kids like they were my own i am like the father that they dont have. I play games with them i teach them how to eide their bikes the 3 year old anyway. We watch cartoons together . I cook for all of them i clean the house i wash all their clothes and when it comes to my girlfriend i treat her like a queen flowers just because it wednesday sweet text messages throughout the day so she knows im thinking about her and i love her. I stay next door to her. We really don't get to spend that much alone time together cause we are always so busy. One day asked my mother if she could babysit for us so we could spend some alone time together. She agrees. So after I got off work my girlfriend calls me like she always does and tells me she loves me like she always does I tell her hey babe I got a babysitter for us get the kids bags packed my mom is coming about 730 close to 8pm. She says yessss we can spend time alone finally I say yup babe. So I go home and my brothers say hey let's go out for a few beers. I say nope I hanging with my baby tonite. So then it dawned on me wait it's 3pm on a Friday the kids not leaving til 730 8ish. So umm i say hey a few beers wont hurt. So I go to a nearby bar 2mins up the street walking distance. So at about 7pm mother calls and says she is on the way she will be here about 30 to 45 mins. I . I say OK cool. So I leave the bar go home. I Take a shower get dressed. When I finish all that mother calls she outside I go out put the kids in the car and they are off to granny. Yesss. I grab my girlfriend's had we sit on the porch for a few and that's when she says it ""baby don't mad"" but would it be alrite if I just spent this time alone I really need some alone time. I have a key to the house so Im not worried it's someone else. I say baby u know we don't get to spend that much time together so when the time presents itself I would like to have time with you. I say OK have ur time and I walk off in a sense of disbelief. So I head back to the bar and continue my evening of binge drinking. So about 1030 ish I call my girlfriend no answer call again no answer. So I walk over to her house. Now before I continue she has been in a abusive relationship where her ex husband use to get drunk and beat her. Broken nose arms legs. And her 16 yr old son witnessed this his mom going thru this. So OK I get to her house looking for my keys I don't know where they are not only not only did I loss her keys but mine are on the same key ring so. Aww man. So keep in mind that I've been drinking for 2 and half hours shot after shot after shot after beer after another so I'm pretty hammered. So don't have the key OK so my drunk min knows no wrong so I go to her window and the window was up but stupid screen is in the way. So I pulled the screen out and proceed inside. I know I know bad idea. So I walked through the house only to find her in the kids room playing a video game on her phone. I say huh she jumps and screams until she realizes it's just me. She says baby what are you doing I asked u for some alone time. Look at your baby yiu are drunk beyond recognition look at yiu can't even stand up straight baby. She says baby just go home we will talk and spend time tomorrow. I refuse I say just talk to me baby. She says baby just go. I refuse so I go in her room and sit down she comes in the room and starts getting mad and says baby just go u know I don't like to see you like this. You know my past I say u know I would never put a hand on you she says I know that but you are scaring me. So in the middle of this convo we are having the 16 year old wakes up he is still home he refused to go to my mom's so she only took the 3 little ones. So he's thinking they are arguing and being that he went thru this before with his mom's ex he is thinking the worst. so the cops show up and I just leave. So I ended up sleeping it off in my car. The next morning I tried to call her no answer text her nothing. It's been a week now and I have tried to send flowers 30 dozen to be exact I have wrote a 6 page letter telling her how sorry I was for acting that way knowing her past. I told the 16 yr old face to face that I was sorry for acting that way and to please forgive me. I have done everything that I'm suppose to do to be a good man to her I pay her bills whatever needs to be done I do it. Whatever needs to be paid I make sure it gets paid. Like I previously stated I treat her kids like my own spend time with them cook,clean,teach. I really love this woman with all my heart and I have tried to talk to her but she just ignoring me. She does text me and tell me how the kids are doing and that's it really. I haven't hugged her in week and it's killing me . I asked her if she still loved me she said yes but u just scared me and she walked away and went to work. Please help me I need her in my life I want her back she is my life I miss her and the kids and I don't know what to do. Please help!!!!!!!!

We like someone for who they are more than what they do for us when we are secure independent people. So who are you and what do you do? These questions need to be everyone's focus in life, but when we run into troubles we forget and we turn into someone else. We turn into the guy that doesn't give space when space is being asked for because you want to prove that you are who you are. Proving that you are who you are can only be done by being who you are. Think idependantly. Write those two questions down on a couple pieces of paper and fill them up with your thoughts to realign your path. There are all kinds of other considerations but they are not as powerful as these actions because if you focus on this then no matter what happens it will mean less to you because you know you and you know what you are doing with your life with or without her.