Had enough

Been married 22 years together 26. I went the cinema with my husband and we were watching a film that kids can also watch. there was a lot of children in there and there was a young blond woman who was sitting in front of us with her two children and she was sitting in front of my chair .i noticed my husband keep looking at her with the side of his eye now and then and after awhile it was getting to me what he was doing so I said to him if he wanted to sit where I was so he could see her better. he denies he was looking at her. i could not enjoy the film because I knew he was looking at her. her little boy kepted wanting to be picked up so i was getting annoyed because i could not concentrate on the film and the mother kepted moving around a lot. we left the cinema and I asked if he knew her, i dont think he answered the question. he said all he was doing was watching the film. i said she was a stupid bitch because I was angry and he said I was the stupid bitch for thinking he was looking at her. we got home and we argued and I had had a drink and was shouting at him and was getting right up to his face. he ended up pushing me to the ground which hurt my leg. I have a bruise on my forehead and a cut on my leg but I know he did not touch my face so I don't know how it got there. he said he should not of pushed me and said sorry. he as never gone for me before only when I have really pushed him to far. like years ago we were arguing and I was hitting out at him and he strangled me and another time he pushed my head down into the gear stick in the car. he does not physically set out to hurt me its only when I have pushed him or really gone up to his face. i am not covering for what he as done only that I have pushed him to far. In the past when we were at a new years eve night out and a couple were sitting opposite us and my husband was looking across at the women. he thought I did not see what he was doing but I did. he denies he was doing it. also we were out having a meal at a restaurant awhile back and 3 women were having a laugh over a women's sex toy. my husband was sitting at the table where he could see directly what they were doing. they were playing games with it and my husband was watching them and laughing. I felt hurt that he was giving them attention when he was out with me. he said I had told him one of them had a terrible laugh which I cant recall it I did say that but it did not stop him from looking at them. I know there is nothing wrong looking at the opposite sex but there is a difference if you keep looking especially when you are out with your partner. he as looked at porn earlier this year and as done for years behind my back. I feel I am comparing my life to these porn stars and that I will never look like them or do what they do in bed and im not good enough for my husband that's why he looks at it. he said he was just fascinated by the sex acts. what sickened me was when I saw the video of two women together and I feel he would like two women as that might be every mans dream. we have sex about 3 times a week but I dont think I do enough for him. I do dress up and wear make up and look the best I can but no matter what I do I wont be one of them women. I feel he as no respect for me at all and as more respect for the porn stars. I do not need porn I just use my imagination so why cant he. why does he need to see naked women when he as been with women before me. im sure he would be hurt if I looked at men porn but I have never wanted to. I wonder if he was with another woman if he would want to watch it or not. I have little confidence and if I am out with my husband and we see a woman who is nice looking and wearing high heels I compare myself and think I should be like her and feel I don't look good enough and that I should wear heels instead of low heeled shoes even thou im more comfortable in them. I think im trying to be these women what my husband as looked at but I no I can never be.

I wasn't going to try a response to this, but it's still unanswered, so here goes. You need to separate. Both of you have a lot of issues you need to work out before being in a relationship with anyone, let alone each other. Immaturity, insecurity, and toxicity are driving both of you to worse and worse behavior, with escalating violence. Just stop. It's ridiculous, counterproductive, and just plain unnecessary. End it before you find the next low. Get some help. I'm happy you're reaching out here, but the issues you need to work on require professional help over time. This is not how adults treat each other. Whatever happened that stunted your emotional growth needs to be addressed with someone equipped to provide adequate help. Your husband is even worse off, but that's his deal. There is never an excuse for physical violence. Neither is there a suitable excuse for your inciting and intensely aggressive behavior. I understand we all do things out of character when we're upset. But this is all inexcusable, and completely avoidable. There is no need for that kind of hostility. It solves nothing, and only makes everything worse. It's up to you. You can improve your understanding of yourself and better your behavior, or you can stay toxic and miserable. Your choice. Either way, you need to stay away from each other.