I feel like I’m drowning in emotions

I’m new here so plz forgive me if this is a lot but let’s get into it... My name is “Jonelle” In 2015 I met the most amazing man who was full of life. It was easy for us to fall in love with each other. We fit one another. We’re alike on a lot of things. In fact our birthdays fall on the same day! Anyways I digress.. When we first met each other he was so full of life. In fact that’s how he won me over. It was like he was the sun. Everyone he ran across he brightened their day. We had a whirlwind romance. 2016 was a high but low year for us. January he lost his grandma who was like a mother to him. She died in my arms. It was devastating because this happened a month before our wedding. Even with that happening we still decided to go through with our nuptials. I’m not going to lie 2016 was a high low year for us. Shortly after getting married we got into a bad car accident which resulted in my husband injuring himself. It was a rough time for both of us. He ended up being out of work and I who just got settled into being a housewife ended up working. I didn’t mind b/c I had to do what was needed for us. With that being said my husband started to slowly become depressed. We weren’t doing good financially like we used to. With that being said eventually the love of my life and I worked through it, healed and was able to work again. Everything seemed to be back on track. Or so I thought... Fast forward to recently. As I stated before what attracted me to him was the “light” he carried. However It’s like I’m currently watching that light dim. My husband has been slipping deeper and deeper into depression since this past December. Everyday it feels like I’m loosing the man I married and I don’t know what to do. Everyday he wakes up I don’t know who he’s going to be. Lately his depression has been getting worse to the point that he’s always angry. I’m normally an optimistic person. I always try to be that light for him but it’s getting to the point now where I can’t even make him happy. It’s like sometimes he’s so happy and then the next he’s sad. I always try to listen to him and be there for him when he wants to vent and he does vent to me. However I feel like I have to walk on eggshells because if I say something wrong he shuts down all the way. Financially we’re still recovering but we’re doing okay. We’re not where we want to be but we’re getting there. However I get scared to tell him about bills we have due because sometimes he gets more and more depressed. I’ve been trying to find counseling for him however our insurance doesn’t cover it. I’m at the point where it seems like I’m loosing the man I married and I hate seeing him hurt like this. As I’m helping him get through his emotions I’m finding myself overwhelmed because it’s like I’m watching his light die and I can’t do anything to help him. Sometimes he says that he feels like he wished he died in that car accident. That hurts my heart because I love him more than he’ll every know and I hate to see him hurting like this. Idk what to do. I’m lost. I’m confused. I’m defeated. I’m watching the love of my life wither away and I don’t know what to do and I don’t have anyone to talk to.

I really related to your husband here. Let me dismiss your concerns that he's "withering away" or that his light will be lost. He has depression. It's an illness, and you have described many of the symptoms. It's usually brought on by traumatic life circumstances, and it can be difficult to shift, even after the circumstances change. Has he tried any medication? This is the single most helpful thing for me when I have an episode. He seems to be deep in the midst of depression now but as he starts to improve try helping him get back in touch with what he loves in life and things he's passionate about. Most importantly, if you love him, don't give up on him. His light won't ever be extinguished. This is a temporary state that can be overcome. My girlfriend is very loving and understanding when I struggle with my depression and I love and appreciate her so much for that. I would, and have done exactly the same thing for her. Love has many aspects, but possibly most importantly, love is an action. Here is your opportunity to take action and give the best of your love to the man you want to have it the most.