I want a baby but boyfriend has commitment phobia

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend 2.5 years, the last year was very rocky with us splitting up a number of times. We still love each other and found it difficult to be apart, so decided a couple months ago to give the relationship a proper go, try living together and save to buy a house/start family etc. He moved into my flat a month ago but his bags have remained unpacked and we've argued constantly. Whenever I try to make plans for the future and talk about booking holidays, looking at properties, mortgages etc. he is uninterested and gives me reasons why buying a house/having kids is difficult and complicated, but yet doesn't do anything to make it happen. I am 36 and he is 35, I really want to start a family and he wants kids but says he is not ready and that he has a commitment phobia. I already own my flat and think it's possible for us to buy a house together and have a baby, but feel like he is trying to fight me all the time by coming out with negative excuses, in fact he doesn't even like to talk about it unless I push him....since he is scared of commitment. It's making me really unhappy, I never know on a day to day basis whether we're actually together or not, he is here in person but I don't sense any enthusiasm from him for our relationship. Should I stay with him and give him time to decide if he can commit? I feel that after 2.5yrs he should know if he's ready to settle down or not but it just feels like massive pressure to him. Time is precious since I will be 37 this year and don't want to ruin my chances of having a family.

Hi Melanie, When you both started dating early on in the relationship did the mention of possibly having children come up? And if so what did he say then? If he said 'Yes i want children with you and a future' and now he is pulling this ''Not ready'' bullony then you need to think about you and what you want with your life. You can't wait for a baby forever and he's putting your wants and desires to the side and worrying about himself and pretty much wasting your time stringing you along. When is he going to be ready? When it's too late? Is he going to have you wait wait wait and next thing you no it you're 45-50 years old and he's breaking up with you so now you not only missed your shot at children but now you have no relationship. All the while he's off doing his thing but you've wasted all that time on him when you've could of spent with another man who wants the same things in life you want and who loves and appreciates you and wants children and wont make you wait til hes ''ready''. I've seen this happen numerous times and i'm going to give you my honest opinion on your partner whom i don't no personally but i do know many like him. - He knows your clock is ticking. If he truly wanted to have children with you one day he knows he needs to start now but hes not for a reason. He's pushing it because he knows that a woman 35+ has a harder time getting pregnant. ESP once you hit 40 years of age. Hunny he is wasting your time. He's being selfish and stringing you along and you deserve children because its what you want and if he doesn't want children and doesn't have it in him to tell you then he isn't worth your time. A real man would let you know because a real man would know that he's playing with a womans heart. There are so many men out there and you're still young enough to go find one who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to commit and have children with the woman he loves. A man who will respect your needs and wants and not worry about himself and what he does or DOESNT want.

And one more thing. I think his ''commitment phobia'' is bull. I think that's just his way of trying to justify it. Honestly there are article about these types of guys and woman in your same situation and you need to choose what you want more. This boyfriend or a Family with children because you're not going to have both, I can almost put money on it. And if you choose children and a family then you need to get out there and find your prince charming. And by the way, Is he paying rent or paying you anything or is he just living off of you with his clothes and suitcase all packed up? He isn't unpacking because he isn't trying to make himself 'comfortable'. He needs his stuff in his bags because at any giving moment when he either decides to leave or theres a big blowout then all he needs to do is grab his bags. YOUR WASTING YOUR TIME WITH THIS MAN! I CANT STRESS IT ENOUGH! Infact i think out of all the stories i've read this is the one im putting the most focuse on. And you're probably thinking ''What the heck does she know'' but i will drop money on it that he won't have any children with you unless its an accidental pregnancy but i'm sure he's not going to let that happen. He's gonna make sure by either wearing a condom or pulling out. (Didn't no any other way to phrase it)

Hi Jessica, thanks for your reply. When we first got together there was no mention of kids, but about a year ago I said I was getting on for 36 and made it clear I wanted children. This stressed him out a bit and made him think about working on his career and the future...although he actually did nothing about it. When I bring the subject up now I get the same reasons and excuses I heard a year ago...how financially hard it is, not ready yet as don't live in a house etc. but he actually does nothing the change the situation, it's frustrating! The last 2 months I've been telling him I want to end the relationship as I can't be with someone who doesn't appear to want the same as me, but he won't leave, we end up having massive arguments as he just doesn't understand what he's done wrong - this leaves me emotionally drained.