Irritated

Hi, this is very embarrassing but I really need advice. My husband and I have been together for 26 years and married for 17. About 4-5 years ago my husband picked up a nasty habit and it’s driving me crazy that I’m starting to dislike him. I’ve tried ignoring it but it’s getting worse and worse and last year my kids even mentioned it saying it’s irritating and nasty to them too. He has started blowing his nose but without tissue. He just blow anywhere throughout the house and in the car. The dashboard had a lot of snot specks all over and when I first saw it I asked what was it cause at the time I really didn’t know and he said he didn’t know but seemed to be mad about the question. There’s been snot on clothes in the closet including some of my brand new clothes, snot specks on the bathroom shower, and on different objects in the house and when he does it it’s very noisy and sometimes he does it for hours straight just blowing constantly back to back. During a argument a few years ago he called me a alcoholic ( I no longer drink and I was far from being a alcoholic) so I told him at least I don’t run around blowing snot everywhere and called him a snot nose idiot. That’s the only time I’ve mentioned anything about it but it didn’t bother him cause he’s still doing it. Sometimes when I’m sleeping he’ll start blowing and blowing and it wakes me up. There’s been times when he’s done it and I’ve gotten tissues and started blowing my nose praying he’d get the hint, I’ve prayed about it heavy and he still does it. He’ll hold 1 side of his nose and blow away and sometimes he’ll just blow and blow without holding his nose and sad part about it is he doesn’t seem to think anything is wrong about him doing it. He does it in front of almost everyone who comes over including our daughter’s friends. I’m so irritated that I’m ready to pack my bags and leave. It’s really irritating and sickening that it angers me deeply that sometimes I really want to punch him. I don’t understand why he just one day started doing something that disgusting but I’m tired of it. I’m too embarrassed to talk about it to any family or friends which is why I’m here. I’m asking for real honest advice please help. What should I do and how do I get him to stop? I appreciate all good advice. Thanks in advance

Hi Sassy, I can imagine that you’re feeling pretty disgusted. At risk of sounding dense, have you asked him to stop? I’m assuming you did, but your post didn’t make it clear. I wonder if he understands how unhygienic this behavior is, especially now with the pandemic? You mentioned the frequency and long duration of blowing through his nostril...this makes me wonder if it could be some kind of compulsive thing? I’m no doctor, but it seems as if it’s chronic, repetitive behavior, and is lacking is regard for others (your clothes, car, etc.) Has he told you why he’s stopped using a tissue? I’m sorry I can’t offer more advice, other than to express that you gong it unsanitary and that it also carries health/safety risks (spreading germs/viruses). If that appeal gets you nowhere, perhaps calling your GP to ask for advice would help?

So sorry for the typo, ‘gong’ should read ‘find’. My autocorrect got me again!

Hi Sassy. I think most people would be concerned with this habit of your husband and would have a very hard time living around it. If I understand your post, this habit has been happening for 4-5 years but you have only confronted him once about it? Perhaps he doesn't understand how important this is to you and your family and friends. If you are considering leaving him because of this, you may want to be more direct with him and how it affects you. You owe him and your marriage that much. Together, I am betting the two of you can work out a replacement behavior that can save the marriage. The options are probably few and simple. Good luck, keep with the prayers, and let us know how it works out.