Phobia and self harm

I have 2 problems. The first one, and the biggest one, is that i think i might have Entomophobia. I havent been diagnosed by a psychologist, but i should see a psychologist this week or next week. I dont trust psychologists in my country though, and i dont think she will be able to help me get rid of my fear. Its ruining my life, theres so much i cant do cause im afraid of bugs, mostly small ones. Even butterflies. It all started after ive been ATTACKED by ants, i didnt step in ant hills, but they were all over my legs. I think the bugs im most afraid if are ants, moths, and small bugs that eat wood, the black ones that i sometimes see on the floor. I dont know what to do. Second problem, is that i cut my arms. I dont do it for attention, i try really hard to hide it from everybody. My parents know, but they dont care. They laugh at it and think im just doing it for attention. I didnt tell them, they found out themselves. I used to just scratch my arms with glass or just nails. Now i make deep cuts with a razor blade. I once made a cut so deep, there was blood everywhere. It happened a few months ago (like 4 or 5) and the scar still hurts and is clearly visible. I just cant stop doing it, it doesnt feel really good, i dont do it when im sad. I just randomly pick up the razor blade and cut my arm. I have thought about suicide, but i think its a very selfish thing to do and i dont think i ever will actually commit suicide. I have one little problem too, but ive had it all my life. I sometimes want to kill people, or beat them up. Its not as bad as before. I used to hit people and bully them, i once stabbed somebody in the eye with a pencil because he made fun of my name. All these problems make me feel like im crazy and i belong in a mental hospital. Please help ._.

It sounds to me you have very interesting stories to tell.. and I'd actually like to hear more about it (I'm into blood and guts, and things that go terribly wrong). I really liked the story of you stabbing someone in the eye with a pencil, that must have been a sight to see -- ha! In seriousness though.. 1. I think you can try getting close to insects, or at least ants again, to undo your irrational fear for it. I actually used to be afraid of spiders, but I love watching documentaries on insects and animals, so what I did to conquer my fear of them, was capture the spiders (regular daddy long legs) in a jar, and have them battle in such a colosseum to eat each other. What I discovered, was that they don't always eat each other right away, and I got to observe their anatomy and nature, and evidently, I got over it! So for your fear of these bugs, just get close to them if you can. Have someone capture some ants and watch them from the jar. You can even shake it violently if you wish, do whatever, they're just tiny insects, we're bigger than them and they'll die by our hands or the earth anyway. 2. You're opening your body to infections through your cutting. You may be doing it for reasons you don't even understand, but it's never good to NOT have self-control over yourself. If you don't do it out of sadness, perhaps you have some mental disorder or some kind of tumor in your brain that is pressing against a certain part of it that makes you do this. There has to be a reason for it, I think you should figure that out and resolve it as quickly as possible. 3. You probably are a little crazy, and that's actually an understatement. If you need help, go get help. You are aware of your problems, check in at a hospital and see what the best options are for you. Nobody here can really fix your problem, but we can guide you to succeed and live better I gave you all the knowledge and examples I have for this, but please go get professional help, you need it. :(

Oh thanks... i actually almost got sent to a mental hospital but then my mum and i moved to usa and i had to start over. i actually moved back now. i want to finish my education and if they send me to a hospital i wont be able to :( I dont think you understand the meaning of a phobia. i cant have 1 ant in my apartment, so i certainly cant have a whole jar of them. what if they come out? D: When you wrote the word tumor, i laughed. ofcourse its possible but if i had a tumor in my brain i would get constant headaches. Thanks for replying to my problem, it didnt help too much but atleast i feel better because it seems that somebody cares. <3

I hope you'll be able to have the life you want to live, without your fears or troubles getting too much in your way. And you can just have one ant in a jar, and observe it until you feel comfortable with it. It doesn't have to be a full jar. I've seen videos in my psychology class of how a woman overcame her phobia of snakes by interacting with it. She was in tears and shambles, it took her a couple hours to even go near the snake, but eventually, with the help of a team, she was finally able to get close and actually touch the snake, and find that it wasn't as scary as she imagined it to be. So with that, I was just thinking someone could put a single ant into a jar so you could slowly break away from your phobia. I mean, you're afraid of insects in general, but it started off by an ant, so perhaps you could try that. If you overcome one ant and find one in your house, one day it might not even bother you -- as it shouldn't -- and you'll be okay :D Haha, well it was just a thought to consider about the tumor, I wouldn't know if you'd constantly get headaches, but it doesn't hurt to mention it :3 I just don't want you to be destructive to yourself ;___; I'm pretty sure you'll find a way to solve this.. and if not, well. You'll make it through somehow, won't ya? :3