It feels like I will never be the main character

I'm now in my mid 30s, I have spent most of my life trying to fit in, trying to be somebody, going along to get along, I have no direction it feels like I am stuck in a hole and I just want to not have to be here anymore. I don't even know what to say, I feel like I would be better equipped to fit into society If I wasn't me. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and severe depression but I think that's just nonsense I'm just a below average plain Jane who is emotionally immature with anger management issues and triggers, I am a useless waste of space and no matter how hard I try I have never been at the top of anything. people have come and gone in my life and I see how they progress meanwhile I have been driving the same car since I was 19 and it's not even mine, I have a professional degree but no job I just feel like a complete waste of space, I am embarrassed to even speak about myself or what's going on in my life

Hi AnExtra :) Thanks for your patience. There's only myself posting at the mo, but I'm aware you're waiting and will be with you asap, probably Wednesday but hopefully tomorrow. In the meantime, please feel free to post a response to any of the other latest Threads if you feel like it?

"I'm now in my mid 30s, I have spent most of my life trying to fit in, trying to be somebody, going along to get along," Very common. "I have no direction it feels like I am stuck in a hole and I just want to not have to be here anymore." You're just a late developer in some respects (I already know what's coming, even without reading ahead...just from how you're talking. Like I say - this is very common. And so is the cause... (I've made a bet with myself. Let's see if I'm right)... "I don't even know what to say, I feel like I would be better equipped to fit into society If I wasn't me." Thought-Virus Alert!!!! Back-to-Front (so I know where/with what type YOU got raised, then!): You would be better equipped to not only fit into but ATTRACT society if you *WERE* YOU. I mean - how has Not Being You, in order to 'fit in', been working out for ya so far? I rest my case, M'lud. The most important ingredient for lasting, high quality friendships and romantic relationships is, Being Yourself but just on best behaviour (the degree of which you will moreover have to sustain AND heighten throughout the entirety of the relationship, meaning, never set your own bar too high, start as you mean to go on). Being Yourself. There is no other human misery worse than being without that self-given freedom. But - good - you're awake now! :) Won't take you long to recover all that lost psychological ground because, quite simply and logically, you're not having to catch up on little legs. You have adult-sized legs now. And shedloads more wisdom than a child. You'll recoup and make up for the 'lost time' in no time. "I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and severe depression but I think that's just nonsense" I *immediately* thought the same as I was reading! "(I'm just a below average plain Jane) who is emotionally immature" Ollocks are you. And if *you* don't think there's anything physically/visually attractive about you, I suggest you don't marry yourself, then! (Ya daftie.) But some blokes(?) who share the right degree/mix of compatible and incompatible (i.e. great baby-making) genes with you is going to find the 'whiff' of your chemistry, thus your 'appearance', sends him wild, and he'll find you THE most beautiful and attractive woman that ever walked this earth. It's how it works. Chemical signalling. You've got plenty of time, still. "with anger management issues and triggers, I am a useless waste of space and no matter how hard I try I have never been at the top of anything." Which 'I'? See? And I'm not surprised if you've banked-up anger and resentment because from all the clues and tones/noises I've picked up on already - you sound like you've got NVS, which can certainly present as similar to BPD, but is not. It's reactive (even delayed-reactive) and temporary. "people have come and gone in my life" Which "my". Again - see? "and I see how they progress meanwhile I have been driving the same car since I was 19 and it's not even mine, I have a professional degree but no job I just feel like a complete waste of space, I am embarrassed to even speak about myself or what's going on in my life" Tsk. Don't be. I repeat: 'you' and your situation are very common. (((((((((HUG)))))))))) Listen, if you don't have a job despite a professional degree then, sweetheart, you have not failed. SOCIETY HAS FAILED YOU. Would you like help getting back into your true You suit? It's actually not difficult at all! We're talking, Kick Yourself City. Soon as we do, everything will start to change, including, for the better. :) I repeat, this problem all too common (including the misdiagosis) (and FYI, just as a victim of crime wants only the *true* perpetrator to face justice, so does the afflicted EMBRACE a diagnosis if it's the correct one, which is for the simple reason that you WANT to know what's up/different about you so that you can finally relax and do something about it/work with it/whatever. Not Knowing is a killer.

PS: Dr Seuss quotes (my parentheses at the end there): “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” "Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" "Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple." "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind." "I’m sorry to say so but, sadly it’s true that bang-ups and hang-ups can happen to you." "It’s a troublesome world. All the people who are in it are troubled with troubles almost every minute. You ought to be thankful, a whole heaping lot, for the places and people you’re lucky you’re not." "I’m afraid that sometimes you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ’cause you’ll play against you." "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It’s not." “It's not about what it is, it's about what it can become.” "If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew, just go right along and you’ll start happening too." "People are weird. When we find someone with weirdness that is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." "To the world, you may be one person, but to one person you may be(come) the world."

Hi AN EXTRA, I am not a doctor or specialist. I do not have your problem but sametime I have same feeling. If you wan to share your situation I will be happy to read it and shere my oppinion. Not a specialist

Ahh, what an utterly lovely message. Thank-you, PCUAL. I hope AnExtra takes you up on that. :) If she doesn't, please feel free to offer that lovely bedside manner of yours to all other visitor-posters. Because they do need that...often before they can even face the issue ins and outs. Whereas, I can be a bit 'down to business'. :)

PS: Just want to add. You don't have to be a doctor or specialist to give your feedback and opinion on here, btw. You just have to be able to relate to them or their problem if you lack the precise situational experience. Sometimes, just having someone big-hearted understand and hold your hand for a while can make ALL the difference. Plenty of posters don't want my solutions because they're not ready for them. Usually, because as I say, they need a shoulder and cuppa first. Go for it - please. You have 'a way' about you. :)

...In fact, Pcual, here's just one such poster. Me, I'm afraid I can't seem to attune to his wavelength, and suspect he just needs a friendly connection and philosophical conversation while he grieves and gets over his ex-relationship (which I don't have time for, anyway)... if you fancy it? https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13398/What-is-love

Pcual, haha, you've actually proved your 'self-apology' wrong already, on this thread, where I've just posted a message for you: https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13434/How-do-i-tell-my-boyfriend-im-hypersexual#jumptobottom