Complicated situationship

Hey! Its my first time using this. I'm here because I'm desperate and need advice to sort out my life. F24 So, there's that guy who I've been meeting up for almost a year now. I know he's not serious about me and I'm just an option for him and in the starting it was all just for fun I was bored with my life and he was the cold hearted guy the shy one introverted with a dark personality and a strong desire for sexual things. I was the extroverted one who everyone wants to be friends with who just jumps all over the place. We started by hating each other due to our obvious difference in personality but that hate just led to more attraction. He's definitely not my type just the normal casual guy not that handsome just the guy who would never notice but I noticed him and he noticed me. Our very first conversation was steamy flirty which I personally didn't expect but it was fun I enjoyed it so engaged myself in the game. After that I sent him a friend request which he immediately accepted and after 2 days texted me about university stuffs which directly went on how we would be seeing each other more often now. Things quickly escalated, within a week after constantly crossing path with each other in public and touching each other under the table, we met privately and things got heated up pretty quick. We had our first kiss. After that we were constantly texting and flirting infront of people who just thought that I made another friend while in reality he was way more. The fun part was that it was dangerous and forbidden since one of my friends had a crush on him. (PS: He was totally not interested) Gradually I started getting attached and it was no more only for fun. For me he became a need and an addiction as well as an emotional support. I opened up to him about things that no one knows about me he discovered me and can read me so easily. I became completely naked infront of him and I started to regret that because it was not the same for him. After sometime, I gave him my first time. I didn't regret it but I hoped he felt more than just physical attraction for me. I know at some point he was falling for me but he distanced himself and when we met it started being only about sex. It started to break me slowly till one day I told him while we were drunk that I want more from him and he broke my heart. He said he can't give me more he doesn't want any complications everything is perfect how it is and started avoiding my texts after that. I was completely depressed but I so needed him that I accepted just to stay as he wanted me to. We continued everything normally and slowly I started re enjoying everything spending time with him talking to him and having sex with him. So here is something else, I don't like dicks I mean for me its just a part of the body it doesn't actually turn me on and my previous blowjobs I didn't enjoy anything in the sense I was just doing it for the sake of doing it. (No guy ever complained tho) And swallowing was a big no for me, the idea of it just didn't seem appealing to me. But! With him I started liking his dick craving for it wanting it and I enjoyed bjs and even swallowed his cum. All that to tell you that I also started seeing him as a tool for pleasure and I was accepting it. We often had fights because I'm too stubborn and I just think about myself but after some days we become fine. Its been almost a year and not a single day passed without us texting. Lately we grew a bit distant because I no longer go to university so don't have much to talk about and we don't meet that often but we still tried to kept things alive between us. However, it obviously seemed that its more from my side than his and at times I would just have a mental breakdown and start telling him about my feelings for him which he just ignores. A week back, I was having my pms and started blowing his inbox. He was not replying so just took my car and went to attend a lecture which was not for me. He was so angry at me when he knew I came. We had a fight because I just don't use my brain and just think about myself. He was so fucking annoyed with me that he ignored me and after going home he called me and told me I will never change I just made him lost what's most precious to him (Another girl to whom he send a text which he was supposed to send me and that girl came to know that he's with someone else that is me) just get out of his life now he's fed up of me I bring too many complications. I begged him but he blocked me. After spending a night texting him without reply the next morning i asked him to meet he denied but after sometime he told me where he'll be so I just went there. I just didn't want to lose him I can't lose him I need him in my life. I went there and he just didn't talk to me. We got drunk and had sex but it was really different he just took out all his anger on me and I was there crying begging him to forgive me but he still said he doesn't want me in his life. For a week he hasn't been texting me properly and told me he needs time to forgive me and to be back to how he was with me. I was so affected depressed couldn't sleep eat do anything. I met up with another guy thinking it will help me but I just couldn't do anything with him. I'm lost I don't know what to do how to get out of this situation. I told the guy that I'm going to change my number just to try to get away and he told me he'll come to me again he'll find me again its not over yet and till then don't go to any other guy. I just don't understand what I should do. I won't go to any other guy but should I be waiting for him? I keep on checking all my social media to see if he texted me. It's been 2 days and he hasn't contacted me yet. But I have a feeling that he will in the coming week because I have to attend something held at university and he knows I'll be there so maybe he will ask me to meet but should I agree to it? Its like in the start he used to make efforts but now its only me and I kind of fell for him too but he didn't. I want to make him know that I'm not that available I want him to beg me I want him to want me back in his life. How can I do that? Please whoever is reading this help me out!

Please forgive the delay, Sub Pie - we're low on respondents at the mo, but I or someone else will be with you as soon as poss!

Hi Sub^Pie, Apologies again for the wait... "Hey! Its my first time using this. I'm here because I'm desperate and need advice to sort out my life. F24" And I and other veterans and regulars here are here because we're desperate at the state of the world and need to give advice to (help) sort-out people's lives. IT'S A MATCH! :D Welcome. :) I deliberately don't read ahead, I like to rely on my gut on first reading, so, tolerate my workings-out as I go and I'll (hopefully) have a 'conclusion' at the end. ******************************************** "So, there's that guy who I've been meeting up for almost a year now. I know he's not serious about me and I'm just an option for him and in the starting it was all just for fun I was bored with my life and he was the cold hearted guy the shy one introverted with a dark personality and a strong desire for sexual things. I was the extroverted one who everyone wants to be friends with who just jumps all over the place. We started by hating each other due to our obvious difference in personality but that hate just led to more attraction. He's definitely not my type just the normal casual guy not that handsome just the guy who would never notice but I noticed him and he noticed me. Our very first conversation was steamy flirty which I personally didn't expect but it was fun I enjoyed it so engaged myself in the game." He's not serious about you, you're just an option. Cold-hearted Shy Introverted Has a Dark personality Over-sexed (GREAT!...not.) You were the opposite (including Empathetic/Empathic), off of whom he could hitch a popularity ride and whom would make him look good (or just more tolerable) to people. You, having time to kill, I'm betting, went into it for the chemistry-based thrill and then because the sex was incredible (which would mean, how many people has HE slept with?!...but they keep your mind so over-occupied you don't have time for these normal revelations). You've just spelled Narcissist, type Malignant, sub-type Covert (next comes Cerebral or Somatic; I'd guess the latter). Whatever...what counts is the malignant personality disorder behaviour as well as demeanour (PS it's SEEMINGLY shy, with the rest...typical Covert). Too many victim-survivors went in with your same reason - boredom - and thinking they could stay in control enough (ain't no such thing as equality with a malig Narc, and you have to keep fighting for it back with a Benign Narc). And then, I'm also betting, 'suddenly' he had morphed into a REAL challenge, plus you realised he had his hooks in you - uh-oh... But I'll keep reading the rest... "After that I sent him a friend request which he immediately accepted and after 2 days texted me about university stuffs which directly went on how we would be seeing each other more often now. Things quickly escalated," They always do with a Malig Narc. Google "Narcissist rushing intimacy" / "...the relationship". (I'm ticking-off more classic symptoms and hallmarks as I go than I'm mentioning to you, btw.) "within a week after constantly crossing path with each other in public and touching each other under the table," Yup - that's far too strong....you find yourself behaving uncharacteristically, with lowered inhibitions, etc. Too much testosterone. (Tick!) "we met privately and things got heated up pretty quick. We had our first kiss. After that we were constantly texting and flirting infront of people who just thought that I made another friend while in reality he was way more." Really? Despite all that sexual tension in the air, they thought you couldn't possibly be bf and gf? Hmmm...that wouldn't be because they were privy to something you weren't - like, he was with or pursuing someone else? I'm just supposing because it's part of their 'dance' aka playbook. "The fun part was that it was dangerous and forbidden since one of my friends had a crush on him. (PS: He was totally not interested)" (Psst - PS: How do YOU know) (Did he tell you?) (If he did, that's yet another tick, possibly two) "Gradually I started getting attached and it was no more only for fun." So, yes to the realising he'd got his hooks in. (And they are BIG, aren't they?...it really surprises you!....and then you realise that means you're trapped and so you've GOT to make it work because no way can you live with what you've started to see emerging - the unacceptable things he says and does...) "For me he became a need and an addiction as well as an emotional support. I opened up to him about things that no one knows about me he discovered me and can read me so easily." (Tick, tick, tick, tick!) ********************* https://www.ashleyberges.com/be-careful-what-you-tell-the-narcissist/ "When narcissists are asking these types of invasive questions, they are trying to get as much information about us as quickly as possible. When we realize that we have been giving them the answers to these questions, we often feel ashamed and sad. These feelings can lead us down an unhealthy path. It is essential to become aware when we are asked personal questions. The biggest red flag we need to be aware of is that when narcissists are asking us these questions, they are holding onto our answers to be used against us. It becomes “forever ammunition,” and not a healthy place to find ourselves in. Everything we have told them is used against us in the future in some capacity. When we fall into this trap, we have given away too much of our personal information to them too quickly. Often, this happens on a first call or first date. It is too early to share this information with someone we barely know. There are a few tips you should know if this happens to you..." ********************* "I became completely naked infront of him and I started to regret that because it was not the same for him." Google "Narcissistic Withholding" / "...Witholding Mental Intimacy". Extract/sum-up from Medium.com: "It makes them feel powerful. By withholding from you they feel they are keeping more for themselves. More power, more authority, more control. Narcissists in particular are withholders." "After sometime, I gave him my first time. I didn't regret it but I hoped he felt more than just physical attraction for me. I know at some point he was falling for me but he distanced himself and when we met it started being only about sex." No, at some point he carrot-ed you - gave you hope that there was something to aim for and a motivation to (their point) work harder and harder at the relationship for. No work and all the perks for him, other way around for you (Master-Servant). "It started to break me slowly till one day I told him while we were drunk that I want more from him and he broke my heart. He said he can't give me more he doesn't want any complications" Classic line! " everything is perfect how it is"ç Uh-huh. Because he was getting his spoiled-baby way and, sod you and your feelings about it or sod that you even have feelings, that's your problem. ('"Charmed, I'm sure!') and started avoiding my texts after that." Yup. It is always after you directly or indirectly start to expect/encourage/demand NORMAL ATTITUDES/MOTIVES/BEHAVIOUR - just NORMAL - that User Narcs "Discard" you (google). Or Fake-Discard you to make you suffer enough to WANT to 'come to heel' (because anything is better than this Cold Turkey De-Tox - which is what it is, because, yes, they create an addiction to them in you - well done you up there!). "I was completely depressed but I so needed him that I accepted just to stay as he wanted me to." Oh, there you go! So he'd cowed you and put a saddle on you, then, yes? "We continued everything normally and slowly I started re enjoying everything spending time with him talking to him and having sex with him." Google something like - Narcissist Managing Down Your Expectations. Which he had done by basically threatening to end it. Fake-Discard. (You're too cushy to dump (yet), don't you realise? Or you were at that point in time, anyway.) (Pornographic part not replicated, and in future please use lots of asterisks if you can't clean it up - impressionable kids might be looking, yeh?) "We often had fights because I'm too stubborn and I just think about myself but after some days we become fine. Its been almost a year and not a single day passed without us texting. Lately we grew a bit distant because I no longer go to university so don't have much to talk about and we don't meet that often but we still tried to kept things alive between us. However, it obviously seemed that its more from my side than his and at times I would just have a mental breakdown and start telling him about my feelings for him which he just ignores." Still to-script, yup... "A week back, I was having my pms and started blowing his inbox. He was not replying so just took my car and went to attend a lecture which was not for me." Not your official boyfriend but (perks not work) felt that incredibly "OVER-ENTITLED" TO TAKE YOUR CAR. Ye gods, no wonder he wants/wanted (still haven't read ahead) to keep you in the game. (It's no reflection on you - you could be the most beautiful, talented, intelligent, kind, generous, skilled, etc., woman that ever lived and it still wouldn't make a Narcissist capable of wanting Icky pile of delusional crap made-up by saps, ugh (i.e. Love) with anyone. "He was so angry at me when he knew I came. We had a fight because I just don't use my brain and just think about myself. He was so fucking annoyed with me that he ignored me and after going home he called me and told me I will never change I just made him lost what's most precious to him (Another girl to whom he send a text which he was supposed to send me and that girl came to know that he's with someone else that is me) just get out of his life now he's fed up of me I bring too many complications. I begged him but he blocked me." Ugh. He's a malignant alright.. (still to-script).... Talk about ripping his mask off and talking like the mainly-monster he is! Google "Narcissistic Blame-Shifting", "Narcissistic Rage".....just everything Narcissistic in the context of a (hah!) Romantic Relationship ("Fauxlationship"). "After spending a night texting him without reply the next morning i asked him to meet he denied but after sometime he told me where he'll be so I just went there. I just didn't want to lose him I can't lose him I need him in my life." Why not. Tell me. "I went there and he just didn't talk to me. We got drunk and had sex but it was really different he just took out all his anger on me and I was there crying begging him to forgive me but he still said he doesn't want me in his life." Yup, he was punishing you. Part of the attempt to knock all that complaining confidence out of you, preferably for-good....still to-script... Google "Narcissistic Silent Treatment" as well. Narcissistic "Intermittent Reinforcement" and "Trauma Bonding" (google) are well underway.... still to-script... "For a week he hasn't been texting me properly and told me he needs time to forgive me" Forgive YOU? Hah! But then, he did get you to agree to just FWB. There again, he manipulated it so it was never concensensual (AND THEY KNOW IT!)... "and to be back to how he was with me. I was so affected depressed couldn't sleep eat do anything." ...still to-script (and, sorry but don't worry, you can decrease the pain if you know how). "...I met up with another guy thinking it will help me but I just couldn't do anything with him." Nope. Hair's wrong, height's wrong, smell, everything....all of it. If you need a glass of water then not even a plate of Black Forest Gateau would be welcome; you're too thirsty to be interested in food. "I'm lost I don't know what to do how to get out of this situation." YOU don't. Your primitive, automatic Grieving & Recovering Process (Path) is what will get you out of it. "I told the guy that I'm going to change my number just to try to get away and he told me he'll come to me again he'll find me again its not over yet and till then don't go to any other guy." He's trying to sound threatening. To a Malig Narcissist, if you've dated them, you're theirs - their Slave - for-life. Accordingly, YOU don't get to end the relationship; that's his and only his rightful prerogative, he's the Master (back in your place, peasant!). Cut him off - block, block, block, avoid, avoid, avoid. I'll help you. "I just don't understand what I should do. I won't go to any other guy but should I be waiting for him?" GOD no - look at the distressed state of you already....AND HE HASN'T EVEN GOT GOING YET (ohhh, trust me on that). "I keep on checking all my social media to see if he texted me." Normal but stop. Post here instead - every time you get that urge! It won't make the urge to peek worse/bigger (NPD - Opposites Land) it'll make it smaller. This place is your new addiction...transfer it here. And the good news is, it's HEALTHY! And you need the support. "It's been 2 days and he hasn't contacted me yet. But I have a feeling that he will in the coming week because I have to attend something held at university and he knows I'll be there so maybe he will ask me to meet but should I agree to it? Its like in the start he used to make efforts but now its only me and I kind of fell for him too but he didn't. I want to make him know that I'm not that available I want him to beg me I want him to want me back in his life. How can I do that?" I would be a complete (Censored) if I were to help you back into your torture chamber. Sorry. No. All that would happen is the usual...You'd end up hating my guts for not having done what you direly NEEDED, rather than craved. Uh-uh. If you want to own your own mind and body and welfare again, and meet a normal-healthy guy (that has what this specimen faked having/being) but with no horrid pain. Fauxlationships are REALLY bad for your emotional, psychological, physical, spiritual, financial, everythingial health. REALLY bad. You can end up turning Borderline, becoming Narcissised yourself, getting spat out anyway, no matter WHAT you try, as is inevitable with NPDs, or staying in the sickness and steadily deflating to a mere shadow of your former self (zombified). You need to surf the web...something like, Male Covert Narcissist Boyfriend. You need to see him (virtually everywhere these days) being described, quoted, all of that and realise that you're addicted to a THOUGHT-DISEASE on human legs, with an ego the size that you'd think wouldn't/couldn't be true, couldn't work in reality for achieving nothing but turning everything he touched to dust (the Reverse Midas Touch). Have a good surf and let me know if any of your thoughts and feelings have changed?

PS: You realise a normal-healthy guy with a normal-healthy sense of responsibility, having wanted only ongoing FWB, on learning that you wanted more, would have done the decent thing and said, No Dice and, Adieu. Only manipulative a-holes, clinically or not, try to manipulate you to stay ...AND accept a further demotion, usually. Every time you try to stand up yourself/the 'relationship' or constructively criticise - basically speak up for yourself - you get punished and treated worse from then on. That's why you have to end it while you have the chance. They get off on mistreating their opposite gender. Plus the sex-on-tap is convenient (and whatever else they can 'borrow' then misappropriate as theirs). It gives them an incredible power rush and makes the idiots feel all clever. (Yeah...being retarded in a really clever way).

PS: You might find this thread very eye-opening: https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13482/Grief

Check out how LookingForSunshine's so-called husband, shows her his true colours behind his prior benign act ("Mask") and calls her a Baby-Killer. You'll see why that is so unconscionably cruel. She met him when she was 21. Which, funnily enough, rhymed with "RUN!".

Sorry, just had a re-read and think I misunderstood the part about the car; I thought you were saying he'd taken it. (They do that. Take-take-take. Although to have THAT much nerve, they tend to be Sociopathic with it (a giant Narc plus petty-crook or domestic parasite, in effect, morally-corrupt), which I don't think 'yours' is. Yours is a typical Covert User to your, 'once Swiss Army Knife self.) It would have got to that if you'd let it through, I'm sure. Or some other giant liberty-taking.