I'm in debt and too sick to work like a normal person. What do I do?

I'm in debt and I've been too sick to work, what do I do? I'm 21 years old, female, still live with my parents. I believe I got an injury in my jaw/teeth last month and it triggered some type of nervous system response in my body. It was so bad for the past couple months, felt like I was dying. I couldn't work, I was barely functioning. I had numbness, tingling, loss of sensation, muscle atrophy on my entire body, declined cognitive function, swollen lymph nodes, high heart rate, blood pressure, dysphagia, the list goes on and on. Because I'm a young female and my symptoms weren't obvious looking, at least to the doctors.. they kept blowing it off as "anxiety". But it wasn't. I saw a neuro, tested and did an MRI for MS. It wasn't that, I figured. I'm not genetically predisposed to that. This might be neuropathy or CRPS, which is scary as fuck. Maybe I have an infection too, hence swollen lymph nodes. Right now I might be able to work cuz my nervous system isn't doing that weird shit anymore, but it's hard for me to anything normally. I don't even know if I wanna keep living honestly. I already struggled holding myself together when I was normal, I don't even know how I'm gonna hold up in this state. I don't know what to do. I know something is medically wrong with me, I can't really PROVE that right now with documents or anything. Also like $3,000 in debt, credit score keeps dropping cuz I haven't been working lately. I'm more worried about my health than my bank account, but if I choose to keep living is there any financial assistance I can seek out for this? What the fuck am I supposed to do? I feel like my life just got ruined in the past month. I don't know what the future holds for me anymore. I wanted to move out this year and move forward with my life, now I don't think I'm gonna make it to 22. I just can't go on, not like this. Don't tell me to "seek therapy" either, this is beyond mental. When your body is dying on you, you automatically feel suicidal. If my body goes back to its normal state, I won't feel like this anymore. I can't accept a debilitating chronic illness, not at this age. I was supposed to be making money, going outside this summer, go out with the guy I was talking to. Now that relationship is ruined, all because of this. Everything is ruined. It might be over for me. I'm not afraid of death if that's what it comes down to. Been trying to avoid it, but there's only so much I can do. I bought a TENS machine, did yoga, bought like ten different supplements, cold showers. I've been trying everything, it only helps to a degree. I'm really frustrated and I just wanna go back to the way I was before.

Hey Lovely, Slow down for just a little while to talk to me. Let's be totally honest upfront. I'm just a lady with no qualifications whatsoever to advise you. What I can relate to is the sudden hitting of a medical disorder that nobody (not even doctors) could solve for a very long time. They called me 'Mystery Woman' among other nicknames. Funny for the Docs but not at all amusing to me! Also, on top of this condition and several other more common conditions well I just recently was sitting in a Hotel room with my daughter planning our shopping trip and luncheon out for that day. I hadn't been feeling well for many days leading up. Then WHAM! I'm in an Ambulance being taken away to Hospital leaving my girl in a strange place with two dogs, limited money & both of us scared to death. I lost use of my legs & went really cold, losing balance etc you get the picture. So I woke up out of emergency surgery 'never to be the same again. Missing parts on the inside. Cut straight down my abdomen middle from boobs to belly button & beyond'. So much I could tell you suffice to say I didn't want to go on living either. My legs had lost the ability to support me or walk. BUT HERE I AM TALKING TO YOU! What I've learnt is that you can have a day or even a week when you think it isn't all worth it. You somewhat 'foolishly' allow those thoughts to enter your head. I need you to listen to me and absorb when I say 'what seems insurmountable one day will feel like an amazing challenge you came out of the next'. Quite unexpectedly those dark thoughts and feelings can & do turn. Replaced by feelings of I'm an Olympic Sports Woman and so strong I came out of this with a silver medal so now I know I can get the gold if I just hold off for one more day. I know...CORNY! BULLSHIT! All those words are swimming around in your head. You've just been presented with one of your biggest, scariest life challenges. Now you're a real grown up. Now you're a real woman. Real people are going to admire you for your inner strength. What are you going to do with it? It might not feel like this straight away, it will take some time but eventually one day you'll adjust wake up and go I feel pretty good. I've an emotional assistance dog. I wasn't even a really doggy person. My family had always had them but they belonged to other family members. This is something you could consider. She is everything to me. Gives heaps of love and no judgment. Also, you could run an online small business if you are the crafty kind? Heaps of crafts out there. That is what i do. So I can work from home easier when you feel off. Can be with the doggy and can walk parcels over to the Post Office together in the warm sunshine. If you'd told me at 18 years that one day I'd have 7 debilitating health conditions one of which is publicly humiliating and then experience a medical emergency out of the blue losing my walking ability well I'd never have believe it. Nor would I have thought that I'd have the strength of character to pull myself up, get out of that Hospital bed & just get on with it. Tears will fall! That's a given. You'll wanna quit. That's a given. You'll think you can't. BUT YOU CAN! TRUST ME LOVELY this was the fork in the road you couldn't predict. You'd been driving along straight for ages. This means you have been redirected. You won't know why just yet. Eventually one day down the track you'll have an 'epiphany' moment and realise of this is why? I'm happy! Never thought I would ever be again. The feeling is worth working towards. The right man who'll enjoy helping you along your way could be just around that corner. Are you brave enough to face your future? Don't kid yourself into believing you're not strong enough. I KNOW YOU ARE! Challenges are never sent to the weak. It is wasted on them! Believe it or not this experience has made you special, stronger & interesting. Your no longer hum drum, normal or one of the crowd. You're a fighter! You are so young that your life hasn't even begun to show how interesting the journey is going to be. Everything happens for a reason. You did nothing wrong. But you've been especially chosen for this trial, challenge. I believe you can make it!!! It's only life lovely laugh in the face of this adversity, keep going spite of it, please don't give up, never quit because if you do you'll miss out on your destiny. It's out there. Grad it with both hands!

OH I forgot to add. I'm poor! Trust me. No bull. I pay the bills and have very little left for anything much else. I've never owned a car or house or even nice furniture. There are Community Centres & Social Welfare Workers, even Nurses and Home Helpers who work for 'FREE'. They are volunteers & it can be good company. Just knowing they are coming around for a cuppa and biccie is a reason to shower and put on a pretty dress or whatever fashion thrills you. I don't know where you are. It took me ages to find them but eventually I did. This lady phones me sporadically now just to chat & check up on me. You might look into it.

PS Life sucks BIG TIME! I was already down but then I started feeling hot, snotty, exhausted. I just did a home kit and have COVID! Bring it on life. Next challenge accepted. So I'm sitting here with doggy and a million tissues and happy to have your message to respond to BIG HUG SENT YOUR WAY!

Oops! No. I'm such a fanny head. Virtual hug only. I'm diseased LOL

ITS THE COVID SHOT...DO NOT TAKE ANY MORE VACCINES IF YOU WANT TO LIVE A LONG HEALTHY LIFE.

DD, that was another beautiful and inspiring reply - in fact, I gave you a standing ovation - so I'd rather you didn't keep preambling about qualifications and credentials, please, missus. Those two sklls, amongst others, like huge Empathy and Compassion, "are" as those skills are "done". You've bags of trauma-based experiences and your empathy is actually palpable, and it shows (insert Beyonce's "I'm A Survivor"). No more doing yourself down, alright? The only credentials that are required and recognised here, are those that speak for themselves when you, the poster, posts. Relax, Soldier! :D You're doing greater and greater. (And Blue_Sky.) Practise makes perfect, anyway. I've been doing this for - ...when haven't I!? I was right, though. If you write about what you REALLY KNOW, that's what makes a successful author. Actually, I was only half right. You have to write about what you know AND be yourself. :) ****************************************** Nav, Wowzers. Look at YOU coping! And only 22. I'm impressed. A few questions, if you please... 1. How did you get the jaw/teeth injury? 2. And does it have anything at all to do with why you say, even before this injury you were barely coping? 3. Also, won't your Parents automatically take charge, since it's an overly adult-sized task for your still-young age and you're still (what a stroke of luck!) living in the family home? PS: Practically everyone is living with the parents, now. Even 40-year-olds-plus (divorcees). Brits your age now, foreseeably have no hope in Hell of ever owning their own house. And rentals are unaffordable as well as scarce. But it is how we USED to live (3, 4 generations all under one roof) and, trust me, society wasn't two-thirds as ill as it is since we stupidly cut that auto-support system out (that and disciplinary, harmless, bum-spanking)! 4. I too, would like you to know if you were vaccinated and/or caught Covid? BTW...My spiritual side absolutely and utterly agrees (WITH basis) (LOTS) with the fact this is Fate's hand, a forced directional change for a reason (you must have been going the wrong way or just not the right way...wrong path, you know?) and, that one day you will raise a glass to that injury/past injury 'because, without it, I wouldn't be where I am today, etc.'. And I'd be willing to make rather large monetary bet. Because it's what happens on that particular life path. It's a path. The people on it are different, and walk it at different times/eras, but the path is the path, it doesn't change. Sense? As for your 3k debt. That's low compared to others your age - everywhere! Shelve that worry for-now. Unless - if it's a sum of individual debts then, a debt consolidation advisor is who you need to speak to (ask parents); they swing it for you so that you pay per month ONLY what you can realisitically afford, even if that's a Fiver per Month. As long as a debt is being paid back, no matter how piddly the amount, it's still then not a debt that makes their company's balance sheet look bad. Keep them informed - TELL them how it is and that you aim to deal with it as soon as medically possibly, so that they don't assume the worst. ****** Psychologically, you're still getting over the experience, so it's useless to be angry at yourself for not being back to normal already. (For every tangible, observable thing in this world there is a psychological equivalent; everything comes as that pairing; you can test me on that if you like.) You have been shoved into a club..a sector. Ostensibly, at the moment, as a 'Day Visitor' only....to sample it (and its standard mental aftermath). Why? Why does Fate think it needs you that badly? You're definitely brainy (you instantly saw through that bogus thread.) Have you got the Je Ne Sais Quoi those 'club'-members sorely lack and which could (once you were ready) rapidly advance their campaigns and interests, for example, with you at its helm?...and all you have to do is move your very succinctly eloquent lips?...(minus the effing and blinding, of course, LOL...seriously, use asterisks please/f**k-you very much, LOL.) I know one thing. You will be fine. Better than fine. Even if you weren't surface-strong or enduring enough, your inner animal has EVOLVED to be able to cope with this, so even if you don't WANT to survive - you will. You're going there (Healed & Soaring-ville) whether you like it or not. Here's your menu of transport methods: (a) Your inner animal can drag you there, kicking, screaming and struggling all the way, making your journey needlessly, bumpy, scary, traumatic and injurous, and getting to your destination, KNACKERED, thus elongating your 'emotional hospital-train' stay, OR (b) Nibbling on a bar of chocolate, enjoying the view out of the 1st-Class Train window, remebering the fact that, for example, your grandkids are going to want you to tell them (and their friends) your amazing pheonix-from-the-ashes story again and again and again and again (just a preview) again, AGAIN, AGAIN, GRANNYYYY!! And when you're a Granny, you'll be REALLY grateful for that. Before that, though, comes this: A lot of people in your position these days, whether the condition clears up, eases, or returns here and there, quite easily become famous and rich (which is handy when you've been de-abled-into-re-enabled to this degree). No position or place in this Great Machine is better or worse than any other,, you see. That's the truth - trust me on that. They all have clouds and all have silver linings. Same amount of gold, same amount of sh*t - different location. You'll discover and increasingly rejoice in the bonuses as you progress along the path. There are lots and they WILL make up for it, entirely possibly more than make up for it. So don't worry too much. Grieve and adapt, according to your programme ('it's your party and you'll cry if you want to'). We're not here to have fun. Fun is purely re-charging time for getting back to work. Psycho-emotional-spiritual, included. Your FIRST challenge, in fact, which you and DD should focus on, is continuing to get through the grieving process while you start to walk that path. Reckon right now you're still in shock, anger ('isn't she, Eryengesh'/'Yesh') (;D) and denial. Feel free to rant and bounce off the walls for now, though. You've earned it. And DD is a champion venter and, THEREFORE, a Weeble ("Weebles wobble but they don't fall down" - 70s ad, Google). You couldn't be in better company. Plus Like Attracts Like - and DD can do it so, so can you.) Keep this thread going for as long as you like, chat, cry, rant, talk it all out. But first, I'd just like answers to those few questions, please?

Hey soulmate 1. I had orthodontic treatment that I really regret, wish I never got it in the first place. My teeth were perfectly fine before. They retracted my teeth and made my jaw smaller, which freaked me out so I took out the braces and didn't wear the retainer. Now, braces are not a benign treatment. They do break your jawbone to move teeth around. However, I wont 100% blame this on the braces. I also started pulling in my jaw at an attempt to expand it back to its normal size, I'm a dumbass for that. That is what I think triggered this whole nervous system response. 2. Yes the braces were messing up my face structure which gave me panic attacks, I've dealt with body dysmorphia my entire life so that was really hard on my psyche. I've always kind of had depression and a mopey attitude about life, low self esteem which now I regret. There was never anything wrong with me. I was a pretty, active, pure hearted, working girl that was doing everything right. My ego got the best of me. I tried to chase something that was beyond me. Aesthetic "perfection", money, social media clout, etc. Maybe this is my karma, but man that's fucked up lol. 3. Yes me living with my parents helped, if I was living on my own in a studio apartment dealing with this I'd probably be dead or homeless 4. Nope! Never got the COVID shot. I haven't gotten gotten any vaccines since 2019 I believe.

Hey-hey - same message to you as on DD's thread - be with you as soon as humanly possible, i.e. once this latest heat & humity-wave passes and I can function again (which they're saying should happen on Sunday).

Appreciate you

Probably a bit less by now, eh! Forgive me - I forgot to mark you! I KNEW there was something I'd forgotten! It only woke me up, didn't it! (Hahah, OMG, what am I like these days...) "1. I had orthodontic treatment that I really regret, wish I never got it in the first place. My teeth were perfectly fine before. They retracted my teeth and made my jaw smaller, which freaked me out so I took out the braces and didn't wear the retainer. Now, braces are not a benign treatment. They do break your jawbone to move teeth around. However, I wont 100% blame this on the braces. I also started pulling in my jaw at an attempt to expand it back to its normal size, I'm a dumbass for that. That is what I think triggered this whole nervous system response." Why didn't you immediately get in contact with the consultant's office (or why didn't your parents) when this trouble started, instead of making an wholly unqualified, unilateral, medical decision on your own? "2. Yes the braces were messing up my face structure which gave me panic attacks, I've dealt with body dysmorphia my entire life so that was really hard on my psyche." Yes, I thought maybe you had dysmorphia. But if you ask me, ALL teenagers go through that. But they do come out of it so - can I assume, therefore, that at that point where you should have emerged out of it, too many other troubling or taxing things were going on, meaning, your 'emotional in-tray' was too full to get on with growing out of your dysmorphia? "I've always kind of had depression and a mopey attitude about life, low self esteem which now I regret." "There was never anything wrong with me. I was a pretty, active, pure hearted, working girl that was doing everything right. My ego got the best of me. I tried to chase something that was beyond me. Aesthetic "perfection", money, social media clout, etc. Maybe this is my karma, but man that's fucked up lol." Ta-daaaa - social media personality! Now with a really important experience! AND in-depth experience of Body Dysmorphia! Now I get it. Oh, yeah, you've been 'cast', alright - by Fate/God/it upstairs! GOOD karma (just feels sh*t because it was such a huge, instant shunt from one track to this other...they're in a hurry up there, then?). Would you like me to try tackling your dysmorphia for you? I had it for a bit, if that helps? Mine was reactive, said teen phase. But I still had it. Over-Self-Consciousness thanks to too much unwanted attention. Here - it's not your parents, school friends or siblings who set you off, with the 'eyes at you' on social media compounding it, was it? "3. Yes me living with my parents helped, if I was living on my own in a studio apartment dealing with this I'd probably be dead or homeless" Phew Above question still stands, though, e.g. if your mum (or dad) is the type who's too socially or body conscious? "4. Nope! Never got the COVID shot. I haven't gotten gotten any vaccines since 2019 I believe" High-Five! Neither did I. I refuse even to wear suncream. I've got eyes. The sudden rise in skin cancer in Aus in the late 70s/80s told me all I needed to know (NOT YET). I don't mind leading or playing guinneapig, psychologically, but not when it comes to the Big C, no way. It's called, keep to the shade (you can tan in the shade anyway) and tan in the pool/seawater only. (I get a nicer coloured tan than those that use it, anyway). Roger - Over? ************************* Misssy2 - did you avoid the shots, or did you have a few and found they made you too ill?

PS: I pulled myself out of my own BD, btw. Well, once I realised that's what it was. Hence, my offering.

PPS: Just out of interest: were you born in Spring/Summer?

reply to soulmate (keep responding please i'm suffering so bad rn) I don't know honestly. I'm just an idiot. I didn't take my nerves or anything into consideration, didn't even know this was possible I tried talking to my orthodontists abt it but they looked dumbfounded at me, like they didn't know what i was talking about when I brought up "retraction". Guess I decided to take matters into my own hands, I even contacted an "orthotropic" clinic to fix it but they wanted me to wait a couple months for a consultation. Wish I just did that. Or didn't get the braces in the first place. I'm so broken and hurt right now. Mentally, physically, everything. I'm trying so hard to get better. I fucking hate this. I sent a voicemail crying, screaming and begging the guy I liked to just talk to me. I've never done that to a guy in my life. I'm in such a desperate dark place right now I want it to end. I deleted Instagram cuz the pain was so unbearable, redownloaded and he fucking left me on read this whole time, even unfollowed me. I can't do this man. He was all I had. I actually saw him a few weeks ago to go camping and shooting with his friends. I told him for months and months that I was unwell, at that point he was out of state. When he hung out he saw how unwell I was. I wasn't making it up. He cancelled the camping thing and took me back home, hasn't spoken to me since. I know why. It fucking hurts. This is so emotionally agonizing. I'm already in physical pain but this just adds onto the damage man what the fuck

Me and him made so many plans. I'm so fucking hurt.

also I'm a Pisces born on March A lot of things triggered my body dysmorphia, I really wish I never was in my head that much. Now I don't know if I'm ever gonna be or feel normal again. My sister is a narc who's obsessed with looks, always had something to say about how I looked. Toxic as hell. Ironically, she looks just like me. My mom would tell me to push my nose up as a kid so my nose would grow more upturned lol.. yeah it doesn't work like that Peers as well. But honestly not many people at school actually said much bad about my looks, if anything a ton of guys thought I was very attractive. But I was always socially awkward. Whenever I did face social rejection or a guy left me, I'd automatically assume "it must be because they think I'm ugly" You're right, it is a teen thing. At 20 I pretty much got over it, but then I got the stupid braces on my teeth. I don't know why, my teeth were perfectly straight. Just had an overbite that didn't need a correction. This whole health situation just pushed me ten steps back mentally though. Feels like I'm getting hit at every angle. Physically, aesthetically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially. I'm surprised that I didn't commit suicide. I wanted to give myself a chance to fix this.

Okay - don't panic, let me read up...

"I don't know honestly. I'm just an idiot. I didn't take my nerves or anything into consideration, didn't even know this was possible". Ah! So you kind of sleep-walked into it! That's a symptom, alright! (Fate, definitely-definitely!) You got mutineered - literally taken-over by your inner animal, mate. Obviously it knew it had to do that or they'd be objections and arguing. It as NOT HAPPY going where you were taking the two of you. So it psychologically 'bonked you over your head with its wooden cavewoman club' to put Conscious You in a sort-of stunned/unaware,, inperceptibly semi-conscious state, and...the rest is history (HOW THE HELL DID THIS even HAPPEN!?). Fight your nature too hard and that's what happens. I've had that happen. Many a time! Basically, we're too stubborn sometimes, lol. At least we can ascertain that there's a meaningful reason behind all this now (though, actually, there always is and was ...you'll get it when you're older...in fact, given this traumatic track-shunt - soon! Your inner animal doesn't want you focusing people's attention on your surface, because that doesn't bring Contentedness with access to frequently intermittent Happiness, it wants them look at your more remarkable insides and big heart. It wants you to be a PEOPLE person, not a temporarily pretty object. This is GOOD. Looks don't last. Your likeability and intelligence does. Once you become happy you don't give a SH*T about yours or other people's looks! People become little treasure-troves full of infinitely fascinating things, and their faces, just their nametags. There's nothing to beat being a game-changer. But back to the practical, here and now... "I tried talking to my orthodontists abt it but they looked dumbfounded at me, like they didn't know what i was talking about when I brought up "retraction"." Right - you've got a solid legal case! RIGHT THERE! (The pay-out will fund your new career, eh!) "Guess I decided to take matters into my own hands, I even contacted an "orthotropic" clinic to fix it but they wanted me to wait a couple months for a consultation." Even bigger! You were not in a suitably post-operative state TO WAIT. They should have referred you to A&E. You with your parents - get a lawyer (that specialises in health and personal damages). "Wish I just did that. Or didn't get the braces in the first place." Give it another 6mths to a year and you're going to be very glad you didn't! "I'm so broken and hurt right now. Mentally, physically, everything. I'm trying so hard to get better. I fucking hate this." I can imagine. Yup. Everyone here can see you are. YUP. (Stop the world, I want to get off.) (You don't, though, you just want a Pause button.) Just don't panic - you're perfectly safe. You're just a Caterpillar, feeling trapped in this strange and frightening-seeming cocoon, flapping against the membrane with your fledgling wings for all you're worth (panic-panic-panic - sob-sob-sob - get me out of here!!). It's that very struggling, and its degree and duration, that dictates how much higher than the average butterfly you'll fly (think height and depth limits for personal versus commercial planes). "I sent a voicemail crying, screaming and begging the guy I liked to just talk to me. I've never done that to a guy in my life. I'm in such a desperate dark place right now I want it to end. I deleted Instagram cuz the pain was so unbearable, redownloaded and he fucking left me on read this whole time, even unfollowed me. I can't do this man. He was all I had." Eh? How are we suddenly onto a bloke?? OH. This is the guy you were trying to get it on with? Sounds like a shallow, selfish idiot to me!....Dodged a bullet! AND NOW YOU'VE GOT US. It's a good start. But you're MEANT to feel lonelier...gives you the time and space to get properly re-acquainted with your true self and learn to play on your own again, like you did as a little kiddie. Because playing with each other is how friendship is formed. And you probably haven't had any fun for AGES! You need to investigate if there also are social websites out there with victims in your same or very similar position, some almost recovered as well as freshly injured, so that you can see for yourself the actually very lovely light at the end of the tunnel. And to keep feeling on-off sh*tty as hell. PS: Don't even TRY to function like normal on a Bad Day. Just go with it and tackle your chores/routines on your good days. STOP FIGHTING IT, in other words. The pain wouldn't be half as bad if you weren't. Easier said than done, sure, but not if you START giving into it a bit more, and meanwhile (distraction), start INVESTIGATING the society and lifestyle you're newly headed for, to get inspired and know you're beinv given the opportunity to do something magnificent with that brain of yours. (Sod your face, focus on your brain. You weren't born to be (yawn) pretty, when it's so incredibly short-lived anyway....we're ignored Pears in the fruitbowl on that score - trust me....SUDDENLY, before you're even half-ready for it, you're half-rotting in front of your own face! It is NOT dignified, growing old, jeeeeeez, and it bloody starts at 30). Anyway. It's EYES that attract people and lovers. All the info inside you is contained and expressed in this/that way as locks another Like. Question: How wide apart are your pain waves, btw, and how long do they tend to last if you don't immediately distract yourself? Someone who can post like you can is NOT in a desperate state becauses desperate state is as desperate state *does/cannot do*. What you are, is on the Grieving into Recovery Path, that's what. Scariest rollercoaster ever built (but then every tangible version on the outside is puny compared to what we have in our minds, the barely-tapped or downright ignored POWER it has.) Up-down-up-down, I'm gonna die/I'm fine/I'm gonna die...! You NEED to be feeling bad because that's the pain COMING OUT as the newly found understanding pushes it out. Only try to distract yourself, like now, when it really truly gets too much and you panic like uggery. Meantime, go to the doctor to get an SSRI (Anti-Anxiety). I'm a huge fan of Citalopram (for your level of anxiety highs, 20mg/day) because I've not met ANYONE (and I know a lot who are/were on it) that's experienced ANY side-effects, despite what's listed. And it's completely non-drowsy. Plus you can take an extra half or one on really bad days, as long as you're getting a steady dose building up in the first 3 months. Stuff saved my life and the lives of my friends, I reckon. It kicked-in for me on Day 3 of taking it. Miracle stuff and therefore, now No. 1 most popular. "I actually saw him a few weeks ago to go camping and shooting with his friends. I told him for months and months that I was unwell, at that point he was out of state. When he hung out he saw how unwell I was. I wasn't making it up. He cancelled the camping thing and took me back home, hasn't spoken to me since. I know why. It fucking hurts. This is so emotionally agonizing." He's superficial. Hasn't the capacity to be the kind of friend or beau any normal-healthy person like you needs. "I'm already in physical pain but this just adds onto the damage man what the fuck" Oh, we empaths have ALL been rejected by one of him. The minute you need and pressure them to behave LIKE A NORMAL PERSON - "Per-choo!"...cartoon-dust. Mind you, he could just be a weakling presenting as a strong-un. Those are the types you've been hanging round with, aren't they. But you're the other way round - a strong'un presenting as a weak-charactered person who couldn't run an emotional bath!

"Me and him made so many plans. I'm so f**king hurt." Majorly disappointed, yup. Would have been a good, fun distraction too (had he been a nice guy rather than a mal-developed rhymes-with-prat, I mean) (that's right - he's crippled or under-developed on the inside) (again - you're the opposite). Opposites attract then repel. Like Attracts (and KEEPS attracting) Like. Honestly, though, this accident did you a favour because it revealed his true colours before it was too late. (You've seen the state of the victims of the uber-selfish and narcissists who come here, right? That would have hurt much more - trust me! For starters, you can SEE and UNDERSTAND how your injury was caused and why it looks exactly as it does. Not so when it's in your MIND and your only 'hands' for healing yourself are your mouth and ears (well, on here, eyes, obvs).

PS: Let me make that clearer: " I know why. It fucking hurts. " It was not to do with how you looked. It was because you were now NEEDY (needful). He would have had to have stepped up. And that would have exposed his internal injury/weakness that HE has done nothing about. Exposed him as a chocolate bloody teapot. Unlike (opposite) you. And all the people you are now on the road to meeting. (THEY'LL BEEE THERE FOR-OR YOO-OOOU...COS YOU'RE THERE FOOOR THEM TOOO - dow-daddle-ah dow-dow-dow-dow-dowwww - name the 80s/90s series!)

Sh*t, I forgot to asterisk your f***ing! ASTERISKS, PLEEEEAAAASE! Or do as I do and type ucking or beeping or pigging, sodding, bloody beeping... Or just, AAAARGH!!!!

"also I'm a Pisces born on March" Yup - fits (re the mopey default). Your Cognition would have started emerging 6 or so months after that, meaning, when you did, it was Autumn into Winter......"MUUUUUUUUH....RAINING A-GAIN......MUUUUUUUUUH". Mopey faces all around. Especially so if your mum's face looked mopey. Try looking into what was happening in society and her personal life when you were 6 months - or just ask her?

"A lot of things triggered my body dysmorphia, I really wish I never was in my head that much." Wouldn't do you any good even if you could go back and do it over because being up your own a*se IS the Teenage Years (Terrible Teens...means terrible for you too, not just people around you). "Now I don't know if I'm ever gonna be or feel normal again." Well, I do. And you will. Go see for yourself - don't just take MY word for it! Did you ever watch the paralympics? Wheelchair Tennis at Wimbledon? They were all having GREAT fun!..LOVING IT! They must be downright GRATEFUL for their so-called diability by now?! When life hands you lemons, you make Lemonade. Or sit, mopey, and watch them rot...and your opportunity to make Lemonade, with it. You have to wait for the NEXT set of Lemons. (Not that I think you will just sit, moping. Just for a while, as much as is necessary for your healing.) "My sister is a narc who's obsessed with looks, always had something to say about how I looked. Toxic as hell. Ironically, she looks just like me." Oh, here we have it: the Mother Ship. Right. Welcome to the club! "My mom would tell me to push my nose up as a kid so my nose would grow more upturned lol.. yeah it doesn't work like that" Jesus H. SO BASICALLY, YOU'RE A BRAINIAC, BORN INTO A PILE OF THICKIES, YEH? And no way can they compete ("pathological envy") with you on YOUR ground (brains) so they forced you to compete on THEIRS.................And Now You Are Here. "Peers as well. But honestly not many people at school actually said much bad about my looks, if anything a ton of guys thought I was very attractive." Yes, but if that's the only real attention you get, then that's the kind you get hooked on. Or if you get ANY repeat, negative attention from same or other quarters meanwhile (peers) then now you NEED the positive as its Antidote, it's opposite. See? You should have been able to get hooked on healthy attention - to your inner person, not your skin, etc. But anyway, they were chosen as pawns to do that build-up, ending in Final, Irreversible Shunt (don't mean your injuries, I mean your intensively exercised mind and empathy conduit) (internal gym-work to catch up to where you were and still are, SUPPOSED to be). "But I was always socially awkward." Not bloody surprised, living with types like that! They really shred your confidence, plus having to be on-alert all the time (Fight Or Flight) makes one over-vigilant - including towards themselves and their so-called faults. AND surrounded by them, I imagine (Family Like Attracts Family Like aka no-one else will socialise with us any more, healthy people staying away). Classic Narcs, aka Benigns, they sound like. But they can still cause you injuries and debilitations via their extra-nasty sides. NOT the best type of personalities for raising sensitive kiddies. "Whenever I did face social rejection or a guy left me, I'd automatically assume "it must be because they think I'm ugly"" Naaaaah. It's just your chemistry. If his genes like your genes as create that chemistry, he'd say to his friends: AND...another reason I find her so attractive: she doesn't just have TWO beautiful blue eyes, but FOUR! You've been Pavlovian trained the wrong way up, my luv. That's EASY to reverse! Awkward, non-conventional-looking 'Geeks' from Narc homes have the same problem but in reverse. Everyone ignores their looks and focuses constantly and ONLY on what they can DO. Then they grow out of that facially awkward, out-of-proportion face and body - blossom, take years or decades to even realise it! You go, You're really handsome, and they go, No, I'm not...Am I? No-one needs to be beautiful, they just need a beautiful smile, to like themselves, be comfy in their own skin (outer packaging),...all the stuff that gives one a BEAUTIFUL SMILE......."Smile...And the world smiles with you....Smile...la-la-la-la-la" - can't remember the rest of the words). SMILE! EYES COMPATIBLE CHEMISTRY (friend), STRONGLY compatible (lover) Boom. "You're right, it is a teen thing. At 20 I pretty much got over it, but then I got the stupid braces on my teeth." OHHH, it's a second episode. Well, that's to be expected in your case! That's normal. Thing is, though. If at 20 you'd "pretty much" got over it, then, you wouldn't have got the stupid braces. See how that works? You thought you were over it when you still had a lap to go before you hit the chequered flag. Or you WERE over it, but your inner animal still was pissed-off that you took a Left instead of a Right. So it kidnapped you and made you turn Right while you were 'still under the influence'. You're now going Right. Easy mistake (not mistake). "I don't know why, my teeth were perfectly straight. Just had an overbite that didn't need a correction. This whole health situation just pushed me ten steps back mentally though." It's not back. Back then wasn't real (just a normal reaction to over-inspection and criticism as directed your eyeballs onto your looks and body). This is the real deal. This is new. You're just Shocked, Bereft and on the Grieving Path. You've been on-off hitting Depression because you actually HAVE almost finished the Denial stage. And now, because you can FEEL you're about to Accept it, you're struggling, tying yourself to a lamppost. Which again, is natural, because if you Accept, then there's nothing more you can DO about it. Incorrect, but...that's panicky brains for ya. Once you enter and finish Acceptance (you've fully adapted to the new fate and lifestyle) is when you suddenly can starting doing A LOT about it, making it work for you, suing those medical idiots (overworked or not, that's legally not your fault or responsibility). What has your GP said? Have you seen or spoken to him/her? "Feels like I'm getting hit at every angle. Physically, aesthetically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially." Yeah! You are! But Fate doesn't ever....EVER give us more than we can handle, I promise you on my son't life. It's not trying to kill us, it's trying to give us intensive mental training to make up for all the lost time when instead of thinkig, why is the sky Blue, you were thinking, does my bum look big in this. Just FEELS like it's trying to kill us! For a bit, anyway. "This too shall pass" - and you'll forget ALL about it, the minute you get comfy in your new 'world' and sucked right in....the type of job where your bedside alarm only makes ONE "Diddly-did!" and you're springing out of bed, RARING to go, LOVING your job and your weekends, confidence becoming like a skyscraper. It's when you're having fun in a moment or constantly enjoying your life that one looks the most attractive to the opposite sex. Looks can 'do one!'. Although, obviously, thanks to chemistry and fondness, you do tend to love their face regardless, just because it's THEIR face. So-a don't-a wooorrry, Senorina! This is exciting, actually! AND YOU DEFINITELY HAVE A DAMAGES CASE! You're only 22 (experientally, I mean), how the eff were YOU supposed to know what else to do! "I'm surprised that I didn't commit suicide. I wanted to give myself a chance to fix this." No, your inner animal did. It knows what's coming and is already upgrading its wardrobe in preparation. Three Cheers to your inner, Naked Ape! It clearly knows what it's doing. You're an old soul. Anyhoo - thoughts now?

Here - read about the amazing Katie Piper. She hadn't had the means, hadn't found her niche in which to express her amazing-ness before this life-changing trauma, though. https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/3159251/katie-piper-before-after-acid-attack-who/

Okay update, I think my body is healing overtime. I think maybe I had a stroke, but honestly I got no clue. I have a few job interviews lined up. Feel kinda normal, but also not really. Not having as many psychotic thoughts as I was a couple months ago.

Just read through all that Trust me, I've gotten deep into the "orthodontic victim" rabbit hole. There's a lot of people in my position. They wanted to "correct" their smile, ended up getting their face retracted and unhealthy teeth/gums from the braces. It's super violating. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do legally when it comes to orthodontists violating your aesthetic profile. Especially in America, they created many legal loopholes. And orthodonistry is very money driven, I would even say it's a barbaric practice. I can get into all the theories about orthodontics, but that's a whole other topic. I will say that I personally noticed myself behaving differently because of it. Many people report getting depression or sleep apnea from braces. I noticed my breathing was super off because they made my upper pallate too narrow. But the aesthetics is what pushed me to take the braces off. Seeing my face taking a weird shape. So I took the braces off, didn't wear the retainer, and then pulled on my jaw. I probably would've been okay if I didn't pull on my jaw. But I did all that shit in a panic. Well, it worked. My face structure is mostly back into it's original state. Was it worth it? Hell no. I should've just waited for the orthotropic specialist to correct it. But waiting a couple months felt like a million years for me, couldn't do it. Now me experiencing neuropathy, a stroke, who knows what the hell happened to me.. No MD so far even believed my story. It's pretty jarring how disconnected doctors are with dental health. They genuinely think braces are a benign treatment and dental work rarely ever causes harm to patients (not true, at all) So if I were to sue my orthodontists over that, well.. I'd have to prove it. I cannot. But I am seeing an Oral Medicine Clinic soon, they have scans that can actually look at nerves and soft tissue in the jaw. So I'll just see what happens from there.

"SO BASICALLY, YOU'RE A BRAINIAC, BORN INTO A PILE OF THICKIES, YEH? And no way can they compete ("pathological envy") with you on YOUR ground (brains) so they forced you to compete on THEIRS.................And Now You Are Here." Yup.. I was always more intelligent just spiritually/mentally, deep down I never really cared about shallow worldly things. But I dumbed myself down to my environment, I'm actually mad at myself for that lol

"What has your GP said? Have you seen or spoken to him/her? " Gaslighting. So much gaslighting. I'm 21, still walking and talking. Maybe to them I appear "fine". But I know Im not, people around me know that I'm not okay, And the symptoms I speak of mostly apply to very old people, or people that got autoimmune conditions. I have niether of those things. So automatically they just think "nope, that isn't possible it's all in your head" And if I do try telling them WHY I think I had all these physical symptoms (orthodontic injury) they don't even believe me. I get it, the story is odd and unusual. But come on.

One thing that I realized.. lots of people in this country need to get sued. Lots. When I was 15 my family got evicted on random notice because the landlord raised the rent. That is illegal, did we do anything about it tho? Nope. For almost six years, me and my family had to live an apartment with toxic black mold cuz that's all they could afford. Overtime it was giving all of us health issues. Technically, that's illegal and lawsuit worthy. I tried contacting a lawyer about the black mold, she pretty much said "Yeahhhh that sucks but it wouldn't really make sense to sue the landlord over black toxic mold that's being untreated". Well, she didn't say that EXACTLY. But that's pretty much what she said. A lot of awful people are walking around free. Have you ever heard of Mickamey Manor? It's ran by a weird old American man that created a legal loophole to torture people in his backyard, record it and then post it online. And he calls it a "haunted house". That man doesn't just need jail, he needs to get shot lol

As for the guy not talking to me anymore, yeah it's just depressing. But looking at the bigger picture, I already knew he was gonna leave me at some point anyways. You can just tell when a guy isn't that into you. He's said a lot of questionable things tbh. I didn't really mind because he looks good and we actually do share a lot of alot of the same interests. I felt like I manifested him lol While it's kinda hard to accept that he doesn't wanna talk to me because I'm not acting/looking like my normal self, I can't force him to put up with me. If anything, I was the one pushing him away when I started getting all these horrible symptoms. I knew he wasn't gonna understand, plus I genuinely thought I was going to commit suicide a couple months ago. I didn't really wanna put him through that. I'm getting into a more normal mental/physical state, but I don't think I should speak to him after this. I can't go back to somebody that left me at my lowest point. Especially when I cried and begged him to just give me an answer to why he even talked to me.. that's when I checked myself because I've never done that in my life.

https://youtu.be/ngyo8Il1L5Q?si=9qu-ChZGwwQg_tA2 This video shows a guy that was in a similar situation to me regarding orthodontics and how much scamming goes on in the dental industry. It's an interesting topic def watch it

With you asap! (Respondents thin on the ground again.)

God is really beating my ass right now lol So within the past few days, I've been digging info at that guy I was talking to. Apparently he was talking to his ex the entire time, that's why he stopped talking to me. Especially since I was physically unwell and everything, that was too inconvenient for him. He couldn't use me for sex or anything like that so ig he didn't see a point in speaking to me. What's wild to me is how he played a whole other character for his ex. A nice respectful religious guy that never drinks, only cares about her. Meanwhile he'd be sending me texts saying "I'm drunk asf" with beer can pics, would always say out of pocket shit to me, like wanting to kill Bill Gates or whatever. That "dark humor". And I liked his personality, it was relatable to me. He was angsty, edgy, unhinged. I was too. If I wasn't having this health problem, would we still talk? Yeah, probably. I was confused why a girl like her ever dated him. She is too nice, well mannered, educated, sheltered. It's because she hasn't seen that side of him. He just played a character for her. I don't wait on karma, I made him suffer. I went straight into the girls inbox and sent her every screenshot of our convos, aired out all his business to her. After that, she left him. He started crying to her, his mom, all that. I smiled, felt a great sense of relief. Like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I'm glad he got to feel some of my pain, truly. But then today, got into head on car collision. Not sure who's fault it was exactly. From my end, all I can say is I didn't see the car coming. I took a left turn and BAM, all the airbags in my car popped up and I started screaming and crying Then a nice group of 30 something year old adults surround my car, this man was saying "Can I talk to you are you okay?" while I was just screaming and crying saying "IM SO SORRY" Immediately I blamed myself, thinking maybe this neurological problem made me miss the car coming. But now that I'm thinking about it with a clearer head, I honestly don't know. I was taking a left turn, the other car was taking a right. It was actually a truck. I genuinely didn't see that truck. Maybe he hit me, I don't know. But they took me to ER since all my airbags came up, just to make sure I wasn't injured. My knee got bruised and my neck kinda feels strained, but overall there was no injury found. The other guy was completely fine, didn't have any issues. I think maybe this was God's way of telling me to stop being a bitch, stop being suicidal all the time. And that maybe my body isn't as weak as I think it is.

Overwhelmed again - bear with! (Got short-notice guests!)

Don't worry about feeling suicidal. It's bad enough FEELING that bad, without adding guilt and worry to the mix. It's actually NOT suicidal-ness. It's toxins coming out. Ones you were unkindly and unfairly censored from expressing (releasing) at the time. We have limited emotions and emotional cocktails (archiac wiring, needs updating) - and when our brain is otherwise occupied (processing the recent past and beyond. i.e., reading, understanding, filing/re-filing emotional sheets, top of Intray, down), that doesn't tend to help with grasping and articulating what we're REALLY feeling. Another fake emotional state is Loneliness. It is NOT Loneliness. That and suicidal-ness, each do a brilliant impression at the time, though. I'll explain what they really are, the minute I have a ...well, minute! Sit tight, you're feeling the way you're supposed to be feeling, you're right en-route to complete recovery. And PS - I've just seen your destination. The actual route map! Haha - sorry - cliffhanger. Not really, though...soon as you've calmed down/regained your full iQ - re-read what you've posted and, hopefully, it's as obvious as ...the fact that bloke was a SOCIOPATH! (Changes image with each new partner - extreme mirroring!) His 'good' side would have dissolved as quickly as it took to get you hooked (which is far faster when you need a helper/supporter). You just speeded it up by unexpectedly needing a FULLY WORKING HUMAN FRIEND and he's a broken one with back-to-front priorities and whom secretly HATES WOMEN (but will sh*g them to gain purchase). A year or less of him and he would have appeared uglier and uglier. Trust me on that. Yup. Fate ripped his mask off. Or one of them. PFFF. Lucky, lucky escape, jeezuz Louisus!!

You really ARE being totally transformed, aren't you! I'm convinced none of this is "coincidence". Especially as you've just inadvertently identified the market sector that badly, badly needs you. An "I AIN'T 'AVIN' IT!" merchant. Haha - stand back, that sector - she's on her way! PS: If (like a coin) Tails is suicidal (which is a BIIIIIIIG, HEAVILY-PASSIONATE emotional cocktail on the negative side, and which only the most intelligent can handle), then tell me what the Heads equivalent is? You wouldn't be at this gateway were it not for the fact you were forced to sample (- putting it mildly) the opposite to yourself in the opposite world what was your destiny. It IS back, but not back-back. Just to the previous crossroads where you took the wrong turn...just a bit of backtracking to get back onto the correct path (which you're definitely now on). It's all good in the hood. :) Remember, I see this all the time AAALLL the time. Not usually this fast, though (tick!). Nor this expansively ("Ahh-ahh-aaaaahhhh" - angels...). Just remember: I saw you first, before you were famous. LOL

Oh absolutely. Definitely a turning point. I wish none of happened in the first place, I'm really mad at myself for getting to point because I knew better. I always knew I had a pretty smile, I knew how guys operated, I had a good understanding of health/wellness Crazy to think about it. None of this would've happened if I didn't get those braces almost a year ago. Woulda, coulda, shoulda I guess. I realized I only got two options now. Attempt to heal my body, or die. I'm still here. So I guess I gotta put that work in now. I just got hired at a restaurant. I think the hiring manager empathized with me when he asked why I got fired from my last job. I told him something happened to my nervous system and I just couldn't function like normal person, his eyes popped up and he said "Really? I know people that have gotten MRIs and seen doctors for things like that and they got no answer" I said "yup, that's what happened to me" then he said "You know what, I'm giving you a shot. You're hired." I've only worked there two days. I'm doing okay so far. Everybody there is very nice and sociable. I cannot relate, which kind of worries me because I don't want to lose my job over me being not as social. And I won't lie, the work is kind of straining and I get tired really easy. My body is a lot weaker than it was before. My body needs to get used to this, I really hope it does. I want this job to benefit me, not hurt me. It's given me a sense of normalcy back, which I'm grateful for.

Whatever is going on with my body, assuming it isn't Multiple Sclerosis or ALS or some other freaky disease My body SHOULD heal overtime. What happened wasn't normal or okay. But it's also not the worst thing that could happen. Overall I just feel a bit off, my muscles are smaller and my circulation isn't the same. That is very concerning, considering that I don't know what it is. But it could be a lot worse. It's hard to tell if things are getting better or worse. But Ive been doing yoga consistently, I just got a job, I've been making my own food, doing chores again, I was driving for the past month or so.. I would say that is a sign that I'm getting better. I discussed this health situation with a Holistic Doctor, which was a breath of fresh air. He acknowledged that braces can compress on the vagus nerve, which could be plausible for me. He also asked me if I had the COVID vaccine because he thought maybe that could've caused my symptoms. Also discussed mold toxicity that I dealt with in the past. It was a pretty good discussion, he told me alot of info I already knew when it comes to nutrition, lifestyle, trauma, my environment. I would hire him as my doctor but insurance doesn't cover most naturopathic doctors. For him, it's $10,000 a year. That's not a lot of money, but I don't have it lmao

Also-- for the guy being a sociopath. Yeah, he is. He even told me that he thought he had "Anti social personality disorder" which is basically a sociopath He said/did a lot of dumb crap that I don't even wanna say because if I do, you'll be "why the hell were you talking to him" lmaoo I don't know. He looked good, we had a lot in common. N honestly I do think the braces messed with my state of mind. I did not take him seriously until I got them in. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I swear it does alter your brain. I noticed that right when I got them tbh

https://tooth-for-a-tooth.com/tmj/braces/ The truth is stranger than fiction man Oh yeah, I also did develop bruxism after getting my braces off. Not fun

I do hope that once I get better, mentally and physically I can really study more about alternative medicine and expose a lot the evil/greed of this world. Maybe start a YouTube channel where I can at least just discuss these topics I'm getting more confident about recovering, I think I can and will do these things. Hopefully soon. I'm also interested in going to India and do yoga teacher training there for a few months, get certified. Yeah, they got schools like that in the US but I want to learn the real deal stuff

Bump! You're first tomorrow (night, latest), with my huge apologies for the wait again...I'm somewhat overloaded, putting it mildly. I'll make it up to you from now on...maybe notch tchoday...but shooon...and foy da rest of yoy life! (- name the film!).

So - catching-up... unless you've already said so later (I'm not reading ahead too much): 1. What happened at your Oral Medicine Clinic appointment? 2. "Trust me, I've gotten deep into the "orthodontic victim" rabbit hole. There's a lot of people in my position. They wanted to "correct" their smile, ended up getting their face retracted and unhealthy teeth/gums from the braces. It's super violating. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do legally when it comes to orthodontists violating your aesthetic profile. Especially in America, they created many legal loopholes. And orthodonistry is very money driven, I would even say it's a barbaric practice. I can get into all the theories about orthodontics, but that's a whole other topic." This sounds like an impressive, law-change lobbying campaign speech to me! Or from a C.V. I'm deadly serious. (Click-whirr-click, eh?) CLEARLY the existing industry laws and regulations are far too loaded against its consumers. Yup. Think about that for once you've finished honing your skills in that restaurant. I mean - what were the chances? : "I just got hired at a restaurant. I think the hiring manager empathized with me when he asked why I got fired from my last job. I told him something happened to my nervous system and I just couldn't function like normal person, his eyes popped up and he said "Really? I know people that have gotten MRIs and seen doctors for things like that and they got no answer" I said "yup, that's what happened to me" then he said "You know what, I'm giving you a shot. You're hired."" SEROUSLY - WHAT WERE THE CHANCES?! And if you find yourself saying that, it can mean only one thing: NOT a Coincidence. Going as PLANNED. You never know...maybe this caring and sympathetic manager might want to help you begin your lobbying, once the time comes? You have a way of calling a spade a spade but objectively-predominantly and just the right amount of emotionality. It just seems like a glaring neon signpost to me - doesn't it you? What sort of restaurant? Food you like? (You sound a LOT chirpier!)

"I do hope that once I get better, mentally and physically I can really study more about alternative medicine and expose a lot the evil/greed of this world. Maybe start a YouTube channel where I can at least just discuss these topics I'm getting more confident about recovering, I think I can and will do these things. Hopefully soon. I'm also interested in going to India and do yoga teacher training there for a few months, get certified. Yeah, they got schools like that in the US but I want to learn the real deal stuff" OH - HAHAHAHA - YOU'RE AHEAD OF ME! (Blimey, you're speedy brained, aren't you, eh?)

"Maybe start a YouTube channel where I can at least just discuss these topics" Yeah, and maybe film it from within the restaurant on a night exclusively for other orthodontristry victims to get a large sample of stories straight from the horses' mouths - in the process, gaining highly positive publicity to the restaurant, especially as companies and corporatios showing their caring side is becoming more and more de-rigeur, lately. You'd be gobsmacked to know how severely angular some life-traintrack shunts can be...like riding in a speeded-up ghost-train sometimes: you feel sure you're about to collide with the dead-end but suddenly - WHOOSH! - you've gone a full 45 degrees. Talk about kidnapped and violently plonked into a totally new and better (and darn sight healthier) lifestyle.

"But I dumbed myself down to my environment, I'm actually mad at myself for that lol" Mad at yourself for what?...involuntary following your compulsory Kiddie Survival Programme? Trying to fit in was CLEVER survivalism, actually. (So mleugh, haha)

"I've only worked there two days. I'm doing okay so far. Everybody there is very nice and sociable. I cannot relate, which kind of worries me because I don't want to lose my job over me being not as social. And I won't lie, the work is kind of straining and I get tired really easy. My body is a lot weaker than it was before. My body needs to get used to this, I really hope it does. I want this job to benefit me, not hurt me. It's given me a sense of normalcy back, which I'm grateful for." So you started on the 21st, making it 2 weeks on Thursday, then! Time Flies, huh! What do you mean, can't relate? Don't worry about the tiring easily thing. You're right that it'll soon become your new Normal. You're building stamina and strengthening previouly un- or under-used muscles. Which you're going to need when you finally step into your new position as a Mover-Shaker. Bit soon to be capable of relating, anyway, don't you think? Nah, you don't lose your job for not being as sociable. It's a place of work, not a club. If your work's okay for your tenure, your being this or that personality is beside the point and being able to get along with new types of people/personalities is just a lucky bonus. But anyway - why can't you be the quiet one? - it's more endearing to the veteran staff, while you're still new, anyway. It's called, not forcing yourself too soon on people. Plus gives you a chance to study them, their heirarchy, dynamics ...whether any of them are NIffy (N for Narc) ,and all of that, before you finally make or accept an EDUCATED, CUSTOMISED approach ("Couldn't help overhearing you're into X - what's that like, sounds exciting...".) Not used to being the new kid on the block, huh? Sounds more like a challenge within your path's curriculum than a problem, to me. TRAINING, innit. Including learning how to size people up rather speedily - which you have to DO with customers from all walks (and insanities, some of them, LOL). Question: do you have the US equivalent of 'your local Member of Parliament' fairly near you?

"I'm also interested in going to India and do yoga teacher training there for a few months, get certified. Yeah, they got schools like that in the US but I want to learn the real deal stuff"" How about you use what you learn there to come back and start a new physical therapy - FOR IMPROVING FACIAL FEATURES, including after medical negligence/accidents! Face Yoga! Or whatever the equivalent would be? That's up to you, but - it ain't being done yet, is it? Market-gap! Physiologically, it's perfectly possible! that and your whatever-avenue of protest and lobbying, you could end up becoming a medically-recognised, state-funded occupational therapy service. The sky's your limit and the world your oyster, really, isn't it. Shout it with me: I'm finally FREE!....FREEEEEEEEE!......uck those Plastique Fantastiques who made you have to try too hard to get approved of and accepted in one of the unhealthiest ways possible (they're funny in the head, they iz, think that what's important is the outer shell of we 'eggs', and sod how things look and feel on the inside (WRONGGGGG!)...they're bloody upside-down and back-to-front, they are....it's why they're always incapable of never showing their arses - hahahahah!!).

"It's hard to tell if things are getting better or worse. But Ive been doing yoga consistently, I just got a job, I've been making my own food, doing chores again, I was driving for the past month or so.. I would say that is a sign that I'm getting better." And would you also say the Pope was Catholic? :D You're getting better but you can't quite tell yet because you're simultaneously temporarily tireder. Once you finish 'acclimatising' (at your rate - piddly 2 more weeks, I reckon) - then you'll be able to feel you and things are so much better. Fast brain or not - it's a lot of major life changes and sensory input within a very short space of time. VERY short. In fact, almost tailored to your processing rate if we stop to think about it? We DON'T only have 5 senses. We only have 5 everyday ones. And when things are 'everyday', those are perfectly up to the job at-hand. Takes a trauma (having to work your brain to full capacity or beyond) to start to see the spiritual, otherwise inexplicable "coincidences" and "signposts" surrounding you during these weird shunts. I still see a glaring roadmap. But you obviously ARE pretty spiritual so - yeah - India. To improve that side too. It's RARE for a young'un with the skills, passion and oomph to change a significant area of the World, to also have the innate wisdom, sense of justice, easily-understood communication style, and spritual sensitivity of an elder. Not ONCE have I had trouble understanding what you meant or connecting to your frequency. (It's like a little holiday, LOL.)

PS: Your healing will speed up and up, now (hence your circulation having to here and there crank-up a gear), for the simple reason that it's patently obvious to your inner animal that you've chosen to live. Animals are very sensitive, you know. If you cease caring and nurturing it (via yourself) and having enthusiasm for getting out of bed in the morning, and it goes on too long - it takes that as its sign from you, it's outer host/carrier, that doing so is pointless...which must be because it's dying. So, ironically enough, all that constant preening during your incarceration amongst domineering types is one of the main things that got you through the psychological side of it. (Alanis Morisette's brain is exploding with that one right now LOL.) Lately is the (this case, positive) Snowball Effect. It's rollin'-rollin'-rollin'.... (that comes from some Western/US song but I haven't a clue what - do you know?)

"I discussed this health situation with a Holistic Doctor, which was a breath of fresh air. He acknowledged that braces can compress on the vagus nerve, which could be plausible for me." Did it cause you any nausea? "He also asked me if I had the COVID vaccine because he thought maybe that could've caused my symptoms. Also discussed mold toxicity that I dealt with in the past." OHHHHHH. That's what Missy2 said, look! "ITS THE COVID SHOT...DO NOT TAKE ANY MORE VACCINES IF YOU WANT TO LIVE A LONG HEALTHY LIFE." (Is that another case of, What were the chances!?) "It was a pretty good discussion, he told me alot of info I already knew when it comes to nutrition, lifestyle, trauma, my environment. I would hire him as my doctor but insurance doesn't cover most naturopathic doctors. For him, it's $10,000 a year. That's not a lot of money, but I don't have it lmao" HOW MUCH?!?!!! How the eff are you supposed to afford that! Or even your parents, given today's economy! Crikey...the USA is really mercenary, isn't it. Yeesh.

https://youtu.be/dfaaPHg_pCY?si=j980SMkG-KqywXJk This guys story is almost like mine. Mannn Gen Z is so f'd up from the internet lol

Yup. Everything in the US is a business. It disgusts me more and more everyday. Still, I'd be willing to pay that $10k. Just don't know where I'm going to get it from lol.

"Did it cause you any nausea? " Yes. I was throwing up clear liquid everyday for no reason. "Nah, you don't lose your job for not being as sociable. It's a place of work, not a club." I really wish this was true, but I've already been fired from three different places because the manager just "didn't like my vibe". Of course they'd grasp at straws for firing me, but that was the real reason. Aaaandd I was right. The restaurant I worked at fired me. It was a Pho Restaurant. Not to be racist or anything but Asians tend to be umm stricter with their business practices I pretty much got fired in one week because I wasn't washing the big pile dishes, cleaning the big cutting boards, the sinks and mopping the floor in under an hour before closing. But come on, I was barely trained for one and it's not humanly possible for ONE person to do all of that in an hour.. the manager was being reallyyy cheap about staffing people. Me staying overtime to clean up made him look like he was about to blow a fuse But overall I think I got let go cuz of the vibe thing. This place in particular wants very sociable "team players" they even say it themselves Well I'm just trying to get a paycheck, I'm not there to vibe out lmaoo

It's alright though, I have a couple more interviews lined up. One for an optical lab, if I can land that job that would be really cool. The pay is good and so are the benefits. I'm getting really sick of job hopping now, especially since I seriously NEED a consistent paycheck for all the expenses I raked up. All of that was supposed to be paid off by now, but then shit happened. The thing is though, I was struggling to work even prior to me getting ill. I moved from a big city (Seattle) to a smaller one. Idk if you know anything about Seattle, but the culture is very mopey, liberal, entitled, whatever. You can think what you want about that, but I think it's great since virtually anybody can get a job over there. And they all pay pretty well. In this town that I moved to, the culture is different. I noticed the grocery store workers, the fast food people, everybody is super passionate about their job. Which isn't bad, till you realize they don't really have a choice.. It seems like you have to jump through hoops just to land a basic entry level job over here. And they don't even pay that well. The bosses don't want to give you enough hours and they are READY to fire you for any reason. So that tells me that maybe this city doesn't have enough money circulating, I don't know and I don't really care. I just need a paycheck man.

"How about you use what you learn there to come back and start a new physical therapy - FOR IMPROVING FACIAL FEATURES, including after medical negligence/accidents! Face Yoga! Or whatever the equivalent would be? That's up to you, but - it ain't being done yet, is it? Market-gap! Physiologically, it's perfectly possible! that and your whatever-avenue of protest and lobbying, you could end up becoming a medically-recognised, state-funded occupational therapy service." Interesting you say that, I just started seeing a Myofacial therapist for my bruxism jaw issues. She is basically a physical therapist, but for your face. She is the ONLY person that didn't question my story either about how orthodontics ruined my health. Seems like she's sealed with people like this before. Super expensive though, I'm going to ask if my insurance will cover it since it falls under physical therapy Oh yeah, the Oral Medicine Clinic did tell me that I had bruxism/TMJ and the scan didn't show much. Just a lot of inflammation with my jaw, but it can't see nerves either. I'm not sure what I will do for my long term career. My brain is kind of ADHDish, it has multiple tabs open constantly. I already love making art and music and I really want to make progress with that. I was actually selling my paintings, doing murals and got paid to do a song feature. But I also want to do the yoga thing, learn about alternative medicines, go hunting, farming, learn culinary, build stuff. I guess all of that would have one commonality, it's all hands on work. I wouldn't be surprised if I got into the health field though, although dealing with peoples lives like that is a huge responsibility. I've also learned that you should separate hobbies from WORK. Like I love stop motion films, I would like to make one myself in my free time. But being an animator as a full time job? I would hate my life. Growing food for myself, cool. Growing food for the masses? No thanks. For some reason I think I'd really enjoy being a baker, I'll test that out and see if I do lol

Ultimately I want to get married, move out and have kids in the next few years or whatever, whenever it seems right. But hopefully I do have the opportunity to do all of that. It's kind of scary though, that stuff can either make or break your entire life. I already know that I would make a great parent but I need to work on myself a bit more. If I can barely take care of myself idk how I'd be able to take care of a kid lol

Heya, Forgive my delay again....Stlll ill...still up and down. Earlier had a crashing headache, now feel okay again, but my time-clock's busted (was trying to keep up with some much younger guests, and now can't feel tired til 5 am, good god). Sorry, that restaurant sounded more like a cult to me! What is a Pho restaurant, anyway? Never heard of it! Thought the manager was NICE? Crikey, he went downhill fast? Ridiculous deadline! Talk about setting you up to fail SO THAT you'd have to do overtime SO THAT he could be annoyed and have a great excuse to start taking out on you (or even just giving you evils) any unrelated frustrations. Lucky him that you were WILLING to do overtime to ensure you finished! That's called going as fast as you can and being consciencious, so up his bum, his vision and attitude is skewed. Wish I could hire you. I'm retired now, though. I feel so sorry for your generation. You can barely move for this rule, that rule, nowhere to go, nothing to do can't afford anything, and bloody bullying employers, landlords, etc., AND the media, trying to pick on you (jealous!) when it's OUR generations that have failed you! You're not failures, WE are! Get it sodding right, people! May I apologise on behalf. It won't last, however. The dark tide never does. History proves that, time and time again. They'll get theirs. I think restaurants, really, are for social and social heirarchal types, really. Not interested in making a serious career out of waitering (which they do here in Spain!), just lots of "new friends" to go to the bars and have a laugh with. Not ambitious enough for one such as you. I mean - you had your own "TV" Channel-ette, ffs. I know there are lots that do dare but do you know how many more wouldn't/couldn't? Your generation take it for granted, that natural confidence and self-assurance, but, blimey, our age groups (us nice ones) don't! And you're obviously good at selling yourself... Meanwhile, if you're not a "team-player" and restaurants now want team-players (is that code for uncomplaining?), then, you need to be working where you work ALONGISDE others or even better, on your own but not isolated, easy access to adjoining offices or semi-open plan? Or maybe you'd like your own office? How are you on the phone? I'm thinking campaigning skills accrual here. Or why not temp through an employment agency?? That way, you can't get fired because you're not hired to begin with, just borrowed for a week or two, and anyway, sampling lots of different industries and offices is truly amazing training. Thoughts? What would be your dream job if I had a magic wand?

PS: Schoolchildren and children trapped inside now-adult bodies, are always-always, century upon century, jealous of those who are different and have a different and powerful vibe. They're all trying to kid themselves and each other how SPECIAL they are (perks for little work) and then, one of you walks in. PARTICULARLY if you can make a MANAGER feel threatened. Perverse - sure - but a giant compliment it still is. When people get bullied, which can be in the form of neglect (and you absolutely were treated like you didn't matter by that neglectful orthodontist's), it is never - and I promise you this, I HAVE researched it to-death - that the victim isn't gorgeous or worthy enough, it's that they're "TOO" gorgeous etc.! "Make" them feel or look bad and that's "your" fault so now they feel justified in trying to pull you down so that they appear the tallest/most special person again. Be honest with me...don't you think that most of the adult populations around you are LESS MATURE than you, despite you're younger on paper?

Yeah, the Vagus nerve is the one that makes you seasick and nauseous after chemo, etc. It has a lot to answer for and most people don't even know what it is. For future ref, to switch off nausea and the vomiting reflex, stuff your face with ice-lollies. Freezes the not-so-little bugger. Hence why they give them to chemo patients.

"Aaaandd I was right. " I noticed that, don't you worry. Your lot notice everything. REALLY keen Spidey Senses. I love that.

"Well I'm just trying to get a paycheck, I'm not there to vibe out lmaoo" Yes, sorry to disappoint, People, but this isn't a social-club, it's a place of work and chatting should be done AS you work or outside of work hours. If that makes me a "ball-breaker" than fantastico, I can live with that. Anyway, A GOOD MANAGER KNOWS EXACTLY WHERE TO PUT YOU IN HIS MULTI-COGGED MACHINE. So up his bum again, then.

If I can just call a spade a spade - I don't even know why you're wasting your TIME with something so run-of-the-mill. Someone who dares - actually can be so brave as to manipulate her own jaw because she's been literally forced to take remedial matters into her own hands, is NOT run-of-the-bloody-mill. You're the type that will NOT be beaten, NOT be neglected, and does what NEEDS to be done and sod every other consideration or whether it's painful or not! You don't understand the balls that takes, my luv. You could be joining the army and being a Para, jumping out of planes, to the rescue! Mind you, they're not doing that now, are they....got drones now. But anyway, I know you need dosh and fast, but there are COUNTLESS types of jobs out that that your type would be snapped up for AND KEPT so....let's get your thinking-cap on and, back to my magic wand question.

PS: forgot to say - I got a part-time job aged 13 in a fancy French restaurant and then again in a 5-star hotel while at college, so I could quite easily picture that workload and how long it would take to do it properly and - the whole MOP-handle should go up and round the corner, actually. Clearly, picking a job where the manager and/or staff are nice, these days, is even more of a lottery than it was back in my day. Ohhhh, the a-holes our generations had to work for. But that manager sounded fairly SADISTIC really - don't you think? You imagine you doing that with a toddler? See it now? And there was you, just like my gens once had, thinking you'd left the school playground FAAAR behind. Yeah, I prefer working alone,too, funnily enough. I'm so different I even intimidate myself sometimes! "Be who you are and say how you feel because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind". It's so true. The world machine needs a huge variety of cogs to keep it turning. You just have to run around, nosily, enough that you stumble onto where inside it you fit...and then you get too big for that niche so you have to find your next place - unless the niche grows WITH you (new industries?). If, however (cos whilst scrolling back up to the post I'm replying to right now, I just spotted the phrase 'I just need a paycheck' and before that, 'want to get married', and, 'kids', I've been taking this post-by-post) you really do need dosh now-now-now, I'd have thought BABYSITTING. Into Childminding. But babysitting must still pay cash? Well, I think you did...let me just check... Yes you did: "Ultimately I want to get married, move out and have kids in the next few years or whatever, whenever it seems right. But hopefully I do have the opportunity to do all of that. It's kind of scary though, that stuff can either make or break your entire life. I already know that I would make a great parent but I need to work on myself a bit more. If I can barely take care of myself idk how I'd be able to take care of a kid lol" Well, when you're years behind that future spot, you tend not to be ready, no. Haha...You've just made giggle. It's not logical and therefore it's just fear, talking, and fear is just an emotion, not a crystal-ball, so what does IT know? But anyway - babysitting...into childminding...yet another thing you could do, which would basically be, front-line training on how to be a stellar parent when the time comes AND GET PAID FOR IT! I'll have to finish up the rest tom-er...later today or this eve, falling asleep now.

Oh wait up - another spotting: "It's alright though, I have a couple more interviews lined up. One for an optical lab, if I can land that job that would be really cool. The pay is good and so are the benefits." A couple more interviews lined up? Already???? I'm gaffawing so hard, I'm coughing! Listen, I don't have to advise you, so I'm just gonna lay back and watch you take over the world, if that's alright with you? You haven't a clue what you are or can do and are 'shaped' for heading onto, have you. Oh, bless you. You're like that song, You don't know you're beautiful, but where it means on the inside. I'll explain tomorrow. Sorry...cliffhanger....but my headache's starting up again so I need to 'go como' now.

Bumping you up for tomorrow with my apologies (it's been one thing out of my control after another, lately; we need more respondents)!

(-----------------Double bump-------------------)

Before I begin rambling on - are you still there and is there any update that would/could influence or moot my intended responses?

You're right I shouldn't be wasting my time at these crummy jobs. I feel like I need a job right now to distract me, but also because I need to pay off this credit card debt I just see it this way right now, I wasted way too much time being physically ill. Even now, I do not have the strength and stamina of a 21 year old.. I keep forgetting that I just went a $ucideboy$ concert, they're very popular and I bought my ticket all the way back in May. Didn't even want to go tonight but the ticket was too expensive, I couldn't NOT go. It was alright. Felt like a big satanic ritual but I guess that's what most artists are doing these days. I tried going into the moshpit, they weren't even doing anything aggressive. Just running in a circle. I couldn't do it, almost got trampled. Which is depressing as hell because I used to jump into moshpits like it was nothing when I was 17 Some of my friends texted me and told me they were there, but I was too socially anxious to actually go up to them. Just don't feel like myself. No guys approached me either, which kinda tells me that I don't look that good right now. Maybe that's a toxic way to think but if I'm at a concert or party there's usually at least one person hitting on me

I feel like I'm regaining my consciousness, seeing the big mess I made and trying to fix it. I mean, that's all I've been doing. But now it's really sitting with me. I'm not sure if I broke my jaw, when I feel both sides it almost feels like like there's an overgrowth of bone. Maybe it's in my head, maybe it was always there, no idea. But I definitely hit a nerve when I was pulling my jaw. That was so stupid of me As of now, no real physical symptoms except my clenching my teeth at night for no reason. I can't wear a night guard because it makes my physical symptoms flair up again somehow. But that does tell me that whatever just happened to me was 100% related to my teeth and that I'm not crazy. My smile looks like shit compared to before, which is saddening because that was my best feature. I don't want veneers so I'm just gonna live with it until they come up with some type of teeth regeneration treatment It's also weird seeing how my body got smaller, but I feel like it could be a lot worse. I think if I'm consistent enough with yoga, eating well, eventually weightlifting my body will take its normal shape again. I feel like how I felt when I was 12 and going to the gym to build my body up. Took ten years, well that and also puberty. Now it feels like I'm starting from square one but this time it's on hard mode. It sucks. But I think I can do it.

"A couple more interviews lined up? Already????" Yep, went on Indeed and applied for hundreds of jobs. Only for like, what three of them to actually schedule and interview. "Nobody wants to work anymore" more like nobody wants to hire anymore lol

I've started talking to a therapist, but in all honesty I'm not sure how much it's going to help. It's "telehealth" ie just talking on the phone with a therapist. I feel like "telehealth" is a really lazy way for healthcare providers to not see their patients in person, but I only chose this because I don't have reliable transportation. I've talked to therapists before, didn't notice much of a difference because it's like talking to a brick wall. I guess that's the point of therapy. But I'd rather get some spiritual/life advice and empathy? I guess that's why I always trauma dumped onto friends cuz at least I'd rather talk to a REAL person about my problems I came into this thread months ago, I suppose because you guys are real people But at that moment I didn't want to seek therapy whatsoever, I genuinely thought my life was over and there was nothing a therapist or anybody could really do about it. It was in Gods hands. Also thankful for my parents for sticking with me through this, even though they didn't understand and were kinda treating it like it was a burden Still, I am 21 years old and they legally don't really have to let me live with them or take me to doctors. N it's not like they're the healthiest either. My dad is morbidly obese (400 lbs) with IBS, sleep apnea and is pre diabetic. My mom had a spinal injury, arthritis and bruxism. This isn't alarming to them, they just live with it. When you got health issues, yeah you're gonna be an asshole cuz your body is literally messing with you. I resent my parents for being ignorant and neglectful but they did whatever they could, they didn't have bad intentions. I don't see money as a priority but I do feel like I have the responsibility of helping my parents. Can't really help them unless I get rich somehow. As for my sister, full on narcissist. I'm not casually just using that word. I studied the term for years and that's exactly what she has, it gets nastier and more sinister the older she gets. I could get into the stories but I'd be writing a whole book here lol. I don't talk to her at all n it's super awkward, it's like living with roommates. One of the main reasons that I was trying to move out honestly.

Be with you later today/this eve but just spotted this and had to respond immediately (it's a thought-virus, needs plucking out while it's showing itself)... "I just see it this way right now, I wasted way too much time being physically ill" Well, please STOP seeing it this way, even temporarily. Because it's the OPPOSITE of what's just been happening. You did NOT waste ANY time. And that's why it cost you so much. (Duuh?) These University of Life diplomas don't come cheap, you know. But they enhance you WAY more - SKY-higher than the man-made (academic) ones, YOU BETCHYOUR TOUGH LITTLE A*SE. Doesn't cost you half as much as it's worth, anyway. These experiences are ladders. You've climbed a whopper. Yeah, if we look at it from this angle, then, ....you probably need a rest. Maybe NOT resting when you need to is your enemy right now and ironically only delaying your ability to get one of the jobs that're right for you? Don't try to control nature. Your debt can wait. I repeat, it's not about who's in debt (especially your agegroups) these days, it's more a question of WHO ISN'T! Pff...you've got TOO much energy, don't worry about that....you're a constantly revving sports car, little missus. So in fact, in reality - which means using YOUR standards to compare by - all you're sure of, is that you're not quite as hyperhyperactive as YOU were at 21. You'd still make other 21-year-olds feel effing lazy though. (See how that works?)

I'm going to bump you to the top and save you for first up tomorrow because there's a whole mass of richness - and eroneous thought-viruses needing plucking out of your jello that someone(s) put in there - in that lot up there - and that's from just getting flashes of words here and there as I scrolled down fast to here. It's riddled with leakages (which is good!) but I'm going to need my magnifying-glass (ether one)...no way am I rushing through that. Bear with a little longer...

I got a new job at Dairy Queen. Yup, I wasn't the problem at my other jobs. It's a shit job but surprisingly, this fast food place has a much lighter workload than working at the small Pho restaurant. It's not super busy and my job is mostly just me filling up ice cream cones. I'd actually say I'm doing a better job than most of my coworkers and I've only been here for four days. Most of them don't give a shit about their job, can't really blame them it doesn't pay enough or have any benefits. They don't even let us have ice cream, not even the ones that are messed up. Its a stupid policy that some boomer probably created. They thinking giving free food will lessen the value of it or something, so they'd rather just throw it away. I worked at different fast food chain prior to this, Dicks Drive In. They paid $25 an hour, had health/dental/life insurance, paid up to $28,000 for college tuition. On top of that, we got to eat like $15 worth of free food from them everyday. Meaning I could eat like 5 free burgers a day if I wanted to. And you know what? The work environment was really good. Everyone had a good attitude, they were super productive, I mean the job made us do one customer order per minute. I would've stayed if the manager wasn't batshit crazy

I've also been taking the bus to work since I have no car, which is wild because the old me would've never done that I mean, I've taken buses in the past. Used to walk and bus all the time actually. But once I got my first car at 19, hell no. Wouldn't catch me on a bus. At 19-20 I had a nice job as a security guard at some tech building (Amazon Headquarters). I got to see all the rich engineers or whatever coming in and out of the building. Even with me just being a security guard, I got some of their benefits too. Free cafe, the building was always so nice and clean, they had quiet rooms where you could just sleep the whole shift, sometimes I would just do that. And I got paid $20 an hour for it. But seeing how well off these tech workers are.. I hate technocracy but this is going to be the future of working. I got to see with my own eyes how people who do the least amount of work make the most money. Getting kinda sidetracked. One of my co workers was on my bus this morning, didn't even know he was a co worker till I saw him on my shift. He's kinda dorky but seems cool Our manager was like "It's too slow we need to cut one of you" I was in there for only two hours, I wasn't going home. He didn't wanna go home either tho but it ended up being him, I felt really bad about it cuz I know he also had to take an hour long bus just to get to Dairy Queen But at the same time I shouldn't feel guilty or selfish.. like if you give me a schedule, I plan on working all the hours that you gave me. How cheap can you possibly be lol

Prior to me getting sick I actually got a Sales Engineer certificate because I was interested in breaking into the tech field. Thing is, no tech company is going to hire me with just a certificate. I'd need Sales Representative experience or a Bachelors Degree. I just got hired by a Solar Power company and they want me to start in November, I'll probably have to leave Dairy Queen. I don't know how well I'm going to do honestly, sales is not easy. I just know that I'm trying, doing something is better than nothing. I won't be surprised if sales is not for me LOL but I want to save as much money as I possibly can in the next six months to do what I actually want to do. Hopefully it all goes by smooth

Hey-hey! Be with you as soon as I can! Got trouble at t'Mill - as you can probably see on two other threads (connected). Any more lies, delusions and nonsense instead of truth and rationale and I'm going to start seroiusly banging heads together (not yours, obvs, LOL). I caught GOT A JOB - well done! You're really GOOD at getting jobs, aren't you! BRB. (Thanks for being sane, haha)

Right, I'll be replying tonight or tomorrow! Sorry again, ach.

Right! Sorry againagainagain for the wait... "I got a new job at Dairy Queen. Yup, I wasn't the problem at my other jobs." Good! Glad you know it. Eyes Wide Open and knowing yourself well and realistically, is all the self-protection you need. "It's a shit job but surprisingly, this fast food place has a much lighter workload than working at the small Pho restaurant. It's not super busy and my job is mostly just me filling up ice cream cones." They're all a bit shit when you're young, except for the camaraderie and opportunity to make friends plus the opportunity to think about things as you work (mainly on automatic pilot). (Are we talking Mr Whippy style ice-cream?) "I'd actually say I'm doing a better job than most of my coworkers and I've only been here for four days. Most of them don't give a shit about their job, can't really blame them it doesn't pay enough or have any benefits" Careful. Be quiet and discreet about it. If they're Jobsworth types, whether inately or through demoralisation, and you end up making them look too bad/slow, you'll attract resentment. Shouldn't be that way, obviously, but 9 times out of 10 it is (and was when I was your age). "They don't even let us have ice cream, not even the ones that are messed up." Ya vull! Still, you don't want to end up putting on loads of weight so it's probably just as well. "Its a stupid policy that some boomer probably created. They thinking giving free food will lessen the value of it or something, so they'd rather just throw it away." No, it's because if it were allowed, the Try It On brigade would be deliberately messing them up behind their manager's back, just to get to eat them for free. Plus there's probably some Health & Safety directive in there somewhere; I'd put money on it. "I worked at different fast food chain prior to this, Dicks Drive In." NO! Really? HAHAHAHAHA! (And were they all?) "They paid $25 an hour, had health/dental/life insurance, paid up to $28,000 for college tuition. On top of that, we got to eat like $15 worth of free food from them everyday. Meaning I could eat like 5 free burgers a day if I wanted to. And you know what? The work environment was really good. Everyone had a good attitude, they were super productive, I mean the job made us do one customer order per minute. I would've stayed if the manager wasn't batshit crazy" I can relate - yup. *********** "I've also been taking the bus to work since I have no car, which is wild because the old me would've never done that I mean, I've taken buses in the past. Used to walk and bus all the time actually. But once I got my first car at 19, hell no. Wouldn't catch me on a bus." Again, can relate. It has its charms though. "At 19-20 I had a nice job as a security guard at some tech building (Amazon Headquarters). I got to see all the rich engineers or whatever coming in and out of the building. Even with me just being a security guard, I got some of their benefits too. Free cafe, the building was always so nice and clean, they had quiet rooms where you could just sleep the whole shift, sometimes I would just do that. And I got paid $20 an hour for it." I thought there was some hoo-hah in the news not so long ago about how Amazon warehouses are toxic work environments/conditions? Have they sorted that already? Could you not re-apply? "But seeing how well off these tech workers are.. I hate technocracy but this is going to be the future of working." ME TOO. "Fishy" Sunak wants UK to be the next Silicon Valley. Full of AI, apparently, whereby most people will no longer have to work. (What are they supposed to do, then? Take up knitting?) "I got to see with my own eyes how people who do the least amount of work make the most money." Least amount of physical work, you mean? Or cerebral as well? "Getting kinda sidetracked. One of my co workers was on my bus this morning, didn't even know he was a co worker till I saw him on my shift. He's kinda dorky but seems cool" There we go! First new workpal. More to come, I'm sure. (PS: what does dorky actually mean? Is it the same as geeky or nerdy?) "Our manager was like "It's too slow we need to cut one of you" I was in there for only two hours, I wasn't going home. He didn't wanna go home either tho but it ended up being him, I felt really bad about it cuz I know he also had to take an hour long bus just to get to Dairy Queen" How is THAT allowed?! Hasn't this idiot manager never heard of a phone? "But at the same time I shouldn't feel guilty or selfish.." Why would you? It wasn't your decision or choice. "like if you give me a schedule, I plan on working all the hours that you gave me. How cheap can you possibly be lol" Do you think the manager chose you because he's already noticed you put more effort in? *************** "Prior to me getting sick I actually got a Sales Engineer certificate because I was interested in breaking into the tech field." Blimey, you're very dynamic, aren't you! My advice would be - keep looking and interviewing. One, it hones your interviewing skills and, two, obviously, keeps you open to any better opportunities. "Thing is, no tech company is going to hire me with just a certificate. I'd need Sales Representative experience or a Bachelors Degree. I just got hired by a Solar Power company and they want me to start in November, I'll probably have to leave Dairy Queen." Haha - you're ahead of me, as usual! Solar Power? I'll bet that'll be deceptively fascinating? Crikey, well done. "I don't know how well I'm going to do honestly, sales is not easy." I do. Fantastically! It'll be easy for you. Next question, Little Miss Dynamo? "I just know that I'm trying, doing something is better than nothing." You're going to go far, my luv. Take it from a retired employer. I mean - if you're for-real, I'm blown away! And if I were still an employer - I wouldn't care WHAT role I found for you - I'd just snap you up anyway and MAKE a role! Honestly...I am NOT blowing smoke up your a*se here. You're going to end up running your own, very successful company. I can see it, clear as day. "I won't be surprised if sales is not for me LOL but I want to save as much money as I possibly can in the next six months to do what I actually want to do. Hopefully it all goes by smooth" I won't be surprised if it is! Yes. And save up for a car. Although, this job obviously comes with a company car, yes? (Fcknbrilliant) Stick around. Make this your second home. Because THIS I want to see!

PS: You might want to visit Jae ("What Should I Do")? I think she could do with you as well as me, rubbing off on her. I think you'd be a fantastic influence. (She's lovely, a real sweetie and doesn't even know it.)

(I bloody loved your response to SJGM ("Relationship Advice") btw. Short...sweet...right to the heart. More like that, please, Bartender! :))

PPS: That one of you 'had' to be sent home due to lack of business (and with only 2hrs' pay, I'll bet) is no doubt why your established colleagues work slowly.

I haven't finished, btw (although, feel free to post back, regardless). There's stuff I didn't get a chance to respond to, still up there.

"No, it's because if it were allowed, the Try It On brigade would be deliberately messing them up behind their manager's back, just to get to eat them for free. Plus there's probably some Health & Safety directive in there somewhere; I'd put money on it." Not really. Even if that was the case, they're humans. How much could they possibly eat? Most employees aren't going to use it as an opportunity to just pig out on food. I also believe that the employees are entitled to free meals on their shift. That's how it was for almost every job I've had so far. Even the last security guard job I had at a club (I was a bouncer lmaoo) they would give me free meals on the shift. Made by real chefs in the kitchen, super fresh healthy gourmet food. The health thing I can understand, that's actually what I thought as well. Maybe Dairy Queen doesn't want to poison their employees lol Cuz it is poisonous food. The ice cream is literally just milk powder, nonfat milk, artificial vanilla and vegetable oil. It's not even ice cream. As for gaining weight, that's not a problem I need to gain some weight right now. Been trying to eat as much as I can but it's hard since I can't really chew anything. Eating pints of ice cream, smoothies and mac and cheese gets old real quick. I just want some chicken strips

"ME TOO. "Fishy" Sunak wants UK to be the next Silicon Valley. Full of AI, apparently, whereby most people will no longer have to work. (What are they supposed to do, then? Take up knitting?)" Yeahhh I live in Washington state where Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos fucked all of the working class over here. I saw it with my own two eyes. I got two very hard working parents with decent jobs, they haven't been able to buy a house for the past ten years. Technocracy is taking over though. Either you go with it or end up being another sucker that's busting their ass living paycheck to paycheck It's not all black and white though. I heard some of these tech engineers workers for amazon and microsoft lose their minds and they get dropped after a few years Also I didn't work in the Amazon warehouses, I was in the actual headquarters. The buildings that Jeff Bezos walks into and his rich ass tech workers From what I seen with my two eyes, those people got it EASY. Nice clean cushy job where they're just typing on their laptops. No wonder people are forcing their kids to get into this field

Not read your last 2 yet, will do those tomorrow - still catching-up (you get me thinking) (which is great!)... ""Maybe Dairy Queen doesn't want to poison their employees lol" HAHA! Yeah. Just their customers! "I also believe that the employees are entitled to free meals on their shift." You should look into that. OOH...idea! Undercover fast-food employee! You provide anonymous references/references (max 5 stars), if you like, to would-be Employees, give them the inside intel, etc., on what it's like to work there. Each employer would be rated on things LIKE whether they feed you during long shifts. Now wouldn't THAT just instantly re-adjust the unfair power dynamic going on at the mo and get these exploitative employers walking suitably on eggshells about their employee treatment! Would-Bes would pay a fee to get the report/write-up, of course (which if done via email attachment, would have to be un-copy-able (is that poss?)). And for an even larger fee - the employers themselves could apply to see it...which would encourage them clean up their acts lest interviewees started to give them a miss and go straight to Burger King or whatever. You could employ someone to be the employee. She/He obviously gets his/her salary from each place he/she worked each time (say, 1 month each - either by pre-agreement under some excuse (going travelling/whatever) or by resigning (not my cup of tea...) (...plus you never once *gave* me a cup of tea :p). And then a modest percentage on the report's orders if it hits target (albeit it'd all be straight profit). NICE LITTLE SIDE-EARNER TO YOUR SOLAR JOB, METHINKS! And a start-up. Wholly Franchiseable, though (if you patent it) (although this thread offers automatic protection for posing as evidence of ownership if you take it up (ta-daa!) - albeit copyright remains exclusively ours if you don't). Over to you, Lady Sugar? Feel free to tell me if you think it's pants, though. Just brainstorming.... PS: Jae's thread: Really good post, thank-you!

"The ice cream is literally just milk powder, nonfat milk, artificial vanilla and vegetable oil" Er...what's wrong with any of those? Or are you talking, preservatives including E-numbers? Sounds like your Mr Whippy 99 Cone to me! I ate LOADS of those as a kid!...and *I'm* alright? LOL I only like Mr Whippy's and Haagen-Dazs Dulce De Leche (they discontinued Strawberry...bstds)...and sometimes Vienetta Mint. I loved Dayvilles, though...."39 Flavours"...American style...had one in my nearest city when I was a teen....they were delicious, DEFINITELY real ice-cream. What happened to them - do you know? AND Wendy's Burgers - I bloody loved those...it was the 'mayo' type sauce, I think. (I think I must be hungry.)

"You provide anonymous references/references (max 5 stars)" Haha I'm I'm seeing seeing double double!! References/recommendations - obvs.

"ME TOO. "Fishy" Sunak wants UK to be the next Silicon Valley. Full of AI, apparently, whereby most people will no longer have to work. (What are they supposed to do, then? Take up knitting?)" Yeahhh I live in Washington state where Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos fucked all of the working class over here. I saw it with my own two eyes. I got two very hard working parents with decent jobs, they haven't been able to buy a house for the past ten years." Do you mean, unable to move house? Or are they stuck in over-priced rental and wanting to buy? "Technocracy is taking over though. Either you go with it or end up being another sucker that's busting their ass living paycheck to paycheck" Technocracy - is that what it's called? Or is that one of yours?? I can't, I'm a Techie Duh-Brain. (BTW - quick question while it occurs to me: have you heard that label, Technie Duh-Brain, out on the street/on the web before now? It's one of mine and I've been spouting it about over the last decade or so, albeit moderately, to see how long it takes to get absorbed into the common vernacular/consciousness) (just a little, slow-burning social game I like to play, after one of mine and my schoolfriends' sayings when a teen, hit the TV - Jim Davidson - "Toooo Wwwrisky!" (risky). On the one hand we were livid; on the other, flattered and thrilled - mostly the latter. It's fun - try it yourself some time!).) "It's not all black and white though. I heard some of these tech engineers workers for amazon and microsoft lose their minds and they get dropped after a few years" WOAH! Lose their minds? What - literally? Are said ex-workers or their families filing court/tribunal actions all over the place yet? Goes around, comes around.... What is the POINT, therefore, in not making your place of work a happy, healthy one. Je-ZUZ. (Idiots, idiots everywhere and not a drop to drink!) It NEVER ends well for greedy, exploitative basstds. Never. No long-range view and an arrogance when it comes to thinking they're somehow above laws and consequences - wannit, gonna get it, don't care who gets hurt in the process, I'll deal with that afterwards (with lies, twisting and word-salady excuses courtesy of my massive, equally pompous legal team). ...And we know what their type is called, don't we, children. It's AMAZING how MANY employers these days lack a braincell to rub together these days, nor can handle the power they so greedily and impatiently grab for. Anyone would think they're desperately saving-up for a ticket to Mars! Maybe they are. Oo-er. There again, they ARE children and DO have Magical Thinking so - ...Hot Air Balloon and a Mr Whippy, anyone? Haha. "Also I didn't work in the Amazon warehouses, I was in the actual headquarters. The buildings that Jeff Bezos walks into and his rich ass tech workers" Righto - roger that. (PS: did Rogering feature??) "From what I seen with my two eyes, those people got it EASY. Nice clean cushy job where they're just typing on their laptops. No wonder people are forcing their kids to get into this field" (Hahahaha! Thank-you for reassuring me/us that you have the normal amount of eyes!) In that case, they'll all go blind and get all saggy-arsed! (Which reminds me: typical American misquote: arse, not ass...you leave donkeys out of this, LOL) Well, anyway - you and your lot are GenZs (see below link and ensure you've been to the loo first). So what are you going to do about it? (*wiggles eyebrows challengingly*) https://www.youtube.com/shorts/G98sdYGAmM4

"As for gaining weight, that's not a problem I need to gain some weight right now. Been trying to eat as much as I can but it's hard since I can't really chew anything. Eating pints of ice cream, smoothies and mac and cheese gets old real quick. I just want some chicken strips" Snap! Including the chicken strips! Hence trying to eat a family (very small family) tub of Haagen-D...which reminds me, I need to go shopping. Oh, and Cadbury's Fruit n Nut (the latter two stop the chocolate from constipating you...fyi LOL). Oh, and Duck Pate, cream cheese, mature cheddar, nuts, loads of butter on my toast, fatty meat (like slow-cooked mutton and oxtail - phwooar, love it!).....Earwigo again for Project Stuff Me Face, basically. But this time round, I'll aim to get actually podgy before July comes...and that way I won't end up looking nigh-on Anoretic! Muscle isn't a problem...just too little fat. It's got to the point where I'm warning people never to allow themselves to get actually skinny and to cease wishing they weren't a bit overweight...because until you go there, that critical mass (or lack of), people don't understand how supremely difficult it is to put the weight back on again! I'd only just succeeded in putting weight back on, through last Winter, but then Summer aka Hades hit again and....FAR too hot and sweaty to eat, bar salad after salad but mainly liquids. It's not rain in Spain, it's bloody sweat! Haha. (Ugh) Anyhoo, I'm caught up with your latest but tomorrow, there are still those jam-packed ones up there I've been saving for the minute I had a suitably large window. Hasta manana y buenas noches, Senorina!

Wait!... ""From what I seen with my two eyes, those people got it EASY. Nice clean cushy job where they're just typing on their laptops. No wonder people are forcing their kids to get into this field" (Hahahaha! Thank-you for reassuring me/us that you have the normal amount of eyes!)" Or, indeed, that they both point in the same direction! (Picturing that - I've just made myself laugh so hard I'm coughing!!)

"Er...what's wrong with any of those? Or are you talking, preservatives including E-numbers? " Well some of the vegetable oil is hydrogenated n they use corn syrup, I don't trust artificial flavors either I don't trust any food that isn't organic so in my mind alot of food is poison lol

"It's got to the point where I'm warning people never to allow themselves to get actually skinny and to cease wishing they weren't a bit overweight...because until you go there, that critical mass (or lack of), people don't understand how supremely difficult it is to put the weight back on again!" Yup.. I wanted to lose weight before but now I just want my old body back. I feel like I look like a freak because of the muscle atrophy To an outsider it seems like they don't really notice it. They just think I'm tiny or a minor but people always thought that But now I feel like the muscle loss exasterbated n I hate it. I feel weaker too. I took my old body for granted It's not as bad as it could be, but still. It's very distressing to see your body deteriorate like that

"WOAH! Lose their minds? What - literally? Are said ex-workers or their families filing court/tribunal actions all over the place yet?" My mom works in an emergency room and she's actually had patients that came in for mental health emergencies cuz their technical job burned them out and they got laid off But hey at $200k a year I wouldn't mind some mental burnout lmao

"Do you mean, unable to move house? Or are they stuck in over-priced rental and wanting to buy?" Overpriced rentals and wanting to buy. But this is the case for pretty much every american It's messed up but I think it also has to do with "agenda 2030", whatever you want to call it. Nobody will own a house, car, land. You will live in a pod, drink cockroach milk and be happy Idk if you believe in that but I def see that happening

"Well some of the vegetable oil is hydrogenated n they use corn syrup, I don't trust artificial flavors either I don't trust any food that isn't organic so in my mind alot of food is poison lol" Heh-heh....you're Gen Z alright. Fairenoughski, though. NOT quite as healthy as you believe, however - an not a lotta people know this: "A little of what you fancy is good for you". If you make a bodily system's job TOO EASY, it can become like a spoiled baby and start over-reacting to things it shouldn't (allergies). You've got to give it the odd, sweatier workout. Speaking of which: How to exercise your entire body without exercising PLUS a major Healing Speed-Upper: Put on your fave dance music from during the era you felt most confident, etc., and ONLY the stuff that you can't help but dance to, and HAVE FUN. It helps re-set your mind back to Truer You (and then KEEPS you You) (- velly bad Engrish, solly.

""WOAH! Lose their minds? What - literally? Are said ex-workers or their families filing court/tribunal actions all over the place yet?" My mom works in an emergency room and she's actually had patients that came in for mental health emergencies cuz their technical job burned them out and they got laid off But hey at $200k a year I wouldn't mind some mental burnout lmao" Um.... What precisely is it you think you got near to with all that processing and grieving you did (in record time)? How nice did THAT feel? Two-hun dollars is not nearly enough. Given that, burnout would happen between 2-5 years - or in this case, you say, roughly 3 years - that (unless they sue) equates to a recovery period of 2-5 years. Let's say 5. Added to 3 x 200k/annum, equals 600k, DIVIDED BY 8, equals 75K PER YEAR. And then when we take into account their OWN atrophy (mental as well), added to the speed at which technology is advancing, quite possibly meaning, now that ex-emplyee is not as 'desirable' to their industry marketplace, meaning....having to re-train for their same role or indeed, learn a new trade entirely...PLUS taking into account how much of that salary, realistically, ended up being (after all bills, taking into account their having upgraded their lifestyles to-suit) DISPOSABLE thus SAVEABLE income, and they could, after having been post-Malignant-Narcissistically Discarded-actually be looking at a however-many-year-on year's income of: PFFFFFFFFF! *Not nearly* enough. HURRAH FOR THOSE BRAVE WHISTLE-BLOWERS! I hope they all band together and sue for Workplace Malpractise, including, Abuse and Unfair Dismissal AT LEAST.

"Do you mean, unable to move house? Or are they stuck in over-priced rental and wanting to buy?" Overpriced rentals and wanting to buy. But this is the case for pretty much every american" And not just American! "It's messed up but I think it also has to do with "agenda 2030", whatever you want to call it. Nobody will own a house, car, land. You will live in a pod, drink cockroach milk and be happy Idk if you believe in that but I def see that happening" I've not heard about Agenda 2030 - or not by that name. Can you fill me in, please, Missus?

PS: Do you have any garden in which to try growing your own veg and salad veg? Or even just a room in a sunny spot indoors for growing Strawberries and Cherry Tomatoes? I used to believe that gardening was BOOOORRRRIIIING and therapy or something to do, just for "old wrinklies" - until I found myself in a position where I was forced to try it. I ended up feeling like a bloody Wizard! It had an amaaazing effect on my psyche! Still is! :) (I'm doing up my casa.) Do you have any potplants in your bedroom?

Right, now I'm going to go back up and do that handful of leaky threads... Unless you can't help yourself - do me a favour and try not to respond until I type "All Done!"? I'll be as quick as I can.

(Oct 17, 9.30pm) "You're right I shouldn't be wasting my time at these crummy jobs. I feel like I need a job right now to distract me, but also because I need to pay off this credit card debt I just see it this way right now, I wasted way too much time being physically ill. Even now, I do not have the strength and stamina of a 21 year old.. I keep forgetting that I just went a $ucideboy$ concert, they're very popular and I bought my ticket all the way back in May. Didn't even want to go tonight but the ticket was too expensive, I couldn't NOT go. It was alright. Felt like a big satanic ritual but I guess that's what most artists are doing these days." That really made me chuckle because, basically what you just did/said, is this: That illness was a complete waste of time and, by the way, I've changed so drastically (from suffering through and adapting to that "wasted" period of mega-growing-pains), that I've outgrown the Me that, last May, thought buying a really expensive ticket to that 'very popular' band was a good idea (hence had to force myself to go, just because I hate wasting money). HAHAHAHAHA! Cognitive Dissonance, anyone? Yeah.... Huuuuge waste,....terrible....gained you NOTHING.....LOL. Can you see it, now that I've pointed it out to you? (Just shut-up and start dancing, yeh? :D ) And PS: the weight and pressure of that (quite tiny, actually) debt is giving your mind a future-useful work-out as well. Did you take my advice, though, and phone them to sort out a piddly-per-month payment plan? "I tried going into the moshpit, they weren't even doing anything aggressive. Just running in a circle. I couldn't do it, almost got trampled. Which is depressing as hell because I used to jump into moshpits like it was nothing when I was 17 Some of my friends texted me and told me they were there, but I was too socially anxious to actually go up to them. Just don't feel like myself. No guys approached me either, which kinda tells me that I don't look that good right now. Maybe that's a toxic way to think but if I'm at a concert or party there's usually at least one person hitting on me" The whatpit? Speak Olde English, Miss GenZ, if you please? (I'm not as young as I look.) Running in the circle? PARDON?? Who was? More to the point - why? ("Interpretor??....hello?") Hang on - let me oogle Mosh Pit... (tsk, bloody kidz...) OH MY GOD!.... "the area in front of the stage at a rock concert where members of the audience dance energetically and violently" (- Cambridge Dictionary) GOOD GRIEF - IT GETS WORSE!...(or better?).... "Moshing (also known as slam dancing or simply slamming) is an extreme style of dancing in which participants push or slam into each other. Taking place in an area called the mosh pit (or simply the pit), it is typically performed to aggressive styles of live music such as punk rock and heavy metal." (- Wikipedia) Listen, loss of muscle-tone aside (because that's easily fixable*) - why didn't you just become a Stuntwoman and be done with it? LOL You really are pretty-much fearless, aren't you, you actually really are. Wowzers. I suddenly feel like I want to get you into a lab and run zillions of tests on you, HAHA! (* The fastest way to put on weight is to eat foods that contain fat simultaneously with sugar, including Fructose (or alternatively, dleiberately put them together). You won't find that duo occurring naturally in the wild; it's a man-made combo. Our systems can't metabolise this mixture properly as we don't have the digestive equipment for it, save for converting and storing it as body fat. Example: Burger or Pizza (even homemade contains the duo) followed by ice-cream (and an apple to stop you clogging up...or baked potato on the side)....Apple Pie with Shortcrust Pastry...Cheesecake....those sorts of things. I'm trying to take my own advice, there, but, I just don't know to eat if I'm not hungry, and all I gain by stuffing my face on a Monday is a total lack of appetite the next day. Plus I'm more into savoury and veg/salads (must have been a rabbit in a previous life). So I'm literally going to have to 'fois gras' myself. (What's this known as amongst your agegroup? Middle-Class Crisis or something?...can suddenly hear people groaning and going, Ohh, how terrible for you... LOL) (whoops). Anyway...what was the upshot? Oh, yes: so it was not a waste. It's all well and good being a toughtie on the outside, but it's therefore vital to have the 'innards' to match. Capiche? Not a waste. A University Of Life Masters Degree no less! Wash thy mouth out and go buy yourself a medal. Segunda parte a seguir...probablemente manana. :)

Oh, as for this bit: "Some of my friends texted me and told me they were there, but I was too socially anxious to actually go up to them. Just don't feel like myself. No guys approached me either, which kinda tells me that I don't look that good right now. Maybe that's a toxic way to think but if I'm at a concert or party there's usually at least one person hitting on me" Nuh-uh. Magnetism/allure/sexiness, whatever you want to call it, comes down to four primary elements (ignore the media advertising aka Gaslighting): A face that whichever blokes are programmed to find attractive PLUS The traditionally-womanly shape of your FRONT silhouette (waist and hips), especially when you walk (sashay) PLUS Compatible chemistry (similar but too similar genes) PLUS THE MOST VITAL OF ALL: An air of confidence. That's the inner animal's Want list and usually what it wants it gets (Romance belongs to your second-most primitive mindparts, not Conscious You). Your not back to full Confidence yet, that's all. But you're on your way, most definitely. Another little-known fact: A lot of (the nicer) blokes don't usually have the cocky confidence to chat-up very good-looking or very attractive women; for them, you strike as unapproachable. The good news is: you want your next boyfriend to be a genuinely nice, sweet person. So that's handy then, isn't it! :) (Your new Mantra: "Every cloud has a Silver lining". It'd be really good self-training (insert Mission Impossible soundtrack) if from now on, every time you stated a negative, you could deliberately provide its positive counterpart, even if you don't feel like it and have to force yourself? Your Positivity cylinders are a bit stuck, see...and they're included in the set that increase Confidence. Ta-daa.)

(Tsk - ach! - "...similar but NOT too similar genes") (How the hell did my 'but' disappear??)

I forgot the 5th element: and you have to be of sound mental health/fitness (in case you fall in-love and inevitably bear (from his POV, 'his') wee bairns). ...Unless he's a Narc specifically looking to catch any prey that's isolated-self-isolated from the pack, either in addition to or due to the fact that she (or he) is limping or 'shrinking into herself/himself'. At the moment, it's still that bit too soon thus (highly) potentially dangerous for you to risk getting hit on or even consciously choosing to date, therefore. (BODILY stuntwoman, not mentally-emotionally...all any of us have is our brains, you've got to protect them and not let anyone else try to infect them (and that rhymes so consider it another mantra, haha). Buenas Noches!

The girl who bought those $uicideBoy$ tickets and went to moshpits was ME though, the person that I am right now.. is not me And yeah I know dating is a risk for me right now, def not one that I can afford taking. It's depressing to think about but that's just my reality rn, either I kill myself or try to turn things around for the better A couple guys at my job already asked me why I don't have a boyfriend, man.. I'm not about to trauma dump all the things I just went through lmao I'm not worried about getting a boyfriend. Im just trying to live a normal life again

I bruised my leg at work the other week because I accidentally hit it with a broom when I was trying to sweep... idk how that even happened but that bruise is still on my leg My body was NEVER this weak before. Just wild

Not being able to date also just hits cuz I'm still a virgin. Before I overthought every relationship I had, wanted wait for the "right person" This health situation really made me rethink everything. That I should've found a boyfriend in high school, moved out with him at 18, go to community college. My life would've turned out okay. Instead I spent the past three years just chasing something, I don't know what I was chasing exactly. Money, fame, beauty, perfection, whatever. Which led to me getting braces that I didn't need and pulling on my jaw, which led to the health issues. Who would've thought If I had just kept things simple I wouldn't have ended up in this position. 21 pushing 22, still a virgin, still living with my parents and working at Dairy Queen Embarrassing to actually say that out loud but that's what it is Could be worse Regardless I really do want to move out. My only problem is MONEY haha omg You don't know desperate I was to move.. In the beginning of 2023 I was literally touring and applying for 100 square foot studio apartments with "community kitchens" ie sharing a kitchen with everybody there

As for the debt thing I asked a few other people and they were pre much like "yeah if it's credit card debt, life sucks sometimes dude there's not much you can do except pay it off"

"University of Life" haha true... I should've just chosen a normal university. Never knew real life could get this hectic, only three years after graduating high school too. In hind sight it would've been smart for me to drop out, get a ged then do community college since I was already failing high school Parents made me finish high school tho, waste of time bc then covid hit. Didn't get a prom or actual graduation ceremony. I just went straight into working, didn't even know I graduated until I got my diploma in the mail several months later lol

(October 17th, 09.31) "As of now, no real physical symptoms except my clenching my teeth at night for no reason." STOP PRESS! Thank god I didn't miss this! This may be what's (temporarily) wrong with your jaw! It's called Bruxism. And a lot of people who are post-traumatised and/or have unexpressed, banked-up anger do it, clench their jaw and grind their teeth at night (angry dreams, usually thanks to having had to long-term 'deal' with abuse - Narcissistic, especially...the victim was always prevented, including Ambiently censored (google Narcissist - Ambient Abuse), from self-defending, confronting and having their say, ergo, only get to do so in dreams). I myself (and many people I've known) have suffered from it before, ended up cracking a couple of molars (- that's what you call rage and massive indignation, eh!). Plus, you're under stress from worrying about being in debt. (With everything you've been through - why WOULDN'T you grind your teeth at night!) "I can't wear a night guard because it makes my physical symptoms flair up again somehow." Less room - extra pressure. Same can happen if a Crown is too high when the dentist hasn't sufficiently left its height and bite right (haha, rhyme unintentional). "But that does tell me that whatever just happened to me was 100% related to my teeth and that I'm not crazy. My smile looks like shit compared to before, which is saddening because that was my best feature. I don't want veneers so I'm just gonna live with it until they come up with some type of teeth regeneration treatment It's also weird seeing how my body got smaller, but I feel like it could be a lot worse. I think if I'm consistent enough with yoga, eating well, eventually weightlifting my body will take its normal shape again." COURSE it will. "I feel like how I felt when I was 12 and going to the gym to build my body up. Took ten years, well that and also puberty." Snap! I was sports-crazy as a teen. It's the perfect age because it creates 'muscle memory', which basically means, you can tone up/down lose/gain weight easily. No doubt in part to the very self-discipline as attracted us to sportsmanship in the first place, eh....that and wanting subconsciously put ourselves through training-up 'as though' for a battle ;). You're a real, live, natural-born Tomboy, aren't you. In your head, I mean. :) "Now it feels like I'm starting from square one but this time it's on hard mode. It sucks. But I think I can do it." HAHAHAHA - COURSE *you* can. Same as I can force myself to eat fatty stuff like biscuits (I'm not really sweet-toothed..only certain things). I started last night (felt like picking rather than cooking). Oaty ones with bits of Orange Peel (Spanish...like Marmalade Hobnobs..delic, actually). Oh, and a regular tub of Philadelphia Cheese (love it!...not usually a whole tub, using a spoon like with ice-cream, though, LOL (PS try it, squirted with lemon juice (letting it sink in) and spread it on a McVitie's Digestive Biscuit: DIY cheats cheesecake! - 5p, please, you and everybody, thank-you). ...But then I lost my resolve and ate a whole tin of pitted Black Olives ("Umm...!"), oh, and half a tin of Baked Beans (love them cold, particularly made into a salad with shredded iceberg lettuce, tinned tuna, sliced olives, black pepper and Mayo), followed by half a giant bar of Cadbury's Fruit 'n Nut.........I ate like a student, I've just realised, haha! I've also decided to have a good two or three MacDonald's quarter pounders with cheese per week through this Winter. So - yes - I get what you're trying to say: bad enough that you of all normally perfectly self-assertive and self-defendable people, not only got psychologically repressed, humiliated, made powerless - which is not your comfort-zone (mine, neither) - but then ended up 'physically abused' (malpractised on....he/she should have questioned you and checked for signs of Bruxism before attempting costmetic surgery on that area! - LOOK INTO IT TO SEE IF YOU LEGALLY HAVE A CASE. You're definitely not crazy. Bad enough to be a mild-mannered, non-aggressive/non-dynamic, non-confrontational type, finding him/herself incarcerated down whatever type of turtuous, mind-ucking Rabbit Hole, at the mercy of one or more malignant, cold-hearted, even sadistic, Personality Disordereds. But if you're a warrior type, like you (haha, just a bit, Ms Moshpit!?) - it leaves you White-hot furious, but unable to do anything about it....at the time....In your dreams, now, you're probably beating whomever(s) to a pulp! LOL (but true...picture it: when someone, particularly out of gross injustice, is repeatedly punching someone, they clench their jaw really hard (including, subconsciously/animalistically, to displace some of the energy/remove some energy from the blows so as not to actually kill them). In your case, the dream itself is rightful aggression displacement. Yep. Malignant Narcs, in whatever arena of life, not just romantic - but ANY M-Narc that you somehow find yourself reliant on or, worse, at the mercy of - will do that to us Healthy Empaths, yup. Being nosy (although it'll help you massively to talk about them) . who are they? Can you name them? Obviously there's the dental practise(s) and that narcy idiot boy in 20-something suit, and your Blister and Smother, but - who else? Or WHAT else that you haven't gone into? ("Better out than in"??) Anyway, as a good start to genuinely and authentically dissolving this banked-up, rightful but excess anger (only the harmful *excess*, mind - you'll be grateful for the rest because it's easy when you know how, to use it productively, to your benefit, like a personal Turbo) - read this: ________________________________________________________________________________________________ https://sentinelmouthguards.com/ptsd-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-bruxism/ "The Relationship Between PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) & Bruxism (Night Teeth Grinding) When you think of PTSD, you might picture a brave man that once wore Army green now trying to cope with the horrors of war. But many times, it stems from other scenarios that carry the same heavy weight. The event has passed, but it’s caused a lasting stress disorder. Research shows that those with PTSD have significant mental distress and anxiety. And often, stress-related side-effects could also be damaging the teeth. PTSD could even be why you’ve been grinding your teeth every night and your face feels sore in the morning. Likewise, oral health research of patients suffering from long-term PTSD revealed that these people suffer from erosion of tooth surfaces. In addition, they are also more susceptible to gingivitis, tooth plaque, and gum disease. PTSD sufferers often exhibit increased erosion both horizontally and vertically near the gum line and biting surfaces. While it’s not completely clear, this pattern of wear may relate to teeth clenching and bruxism. BRUXISM IS DEFINED AS THE GRINDING OF THE TEETH OR JAW CLENCHING THAT HAPPENS DURING SLEEP The occurrence of some orofacial pain initiated by daytime clenching or nighttime bruxing often relates to emotional stress and anxiety attacks. In addition, 10% of the adult population dealing with this type of pain develops TMJ Disorder (temporomandibular joint disorder) or chronic orofacial pain syndrome. This can lead to tooth fracture or tooth wear. Interestingly, many of those who suffer from bruxism have also been diagnosed with PTSD. And the type of medications used to treat PTSD often makes bruxism worse. Interestingly, many of those who suffer from bruxism were also diagnosed with PTSD, and the type of medications they used to treat this problem often makes bruxism worse. ________________________________________________________________________________________________ Did you realise you had (C)PTSD?...slow-build-up type, but, still...? Only a touch, though, considering your life so far (or should I say, the (er) people in it)...easily dealt with, no need whatsoever to worry. :) I'm not. Because you're a very, very impressive, young lady - all-round. And even as a once-victim-now-surviving-before-thriving, your idea of 'pathetic' is the next person's idea of 'WOAH!'. And you're getting to borrow MY brain and bravery, too. Ta-daa. Teamwork, innit! ONWARDS AND UPWARDS! Check if you have a strong case for mucho ker-ching-ker-ching compensation because I believe I'm right, that failing to check if the recipient is suitable for the surgery, is a bloody fundamental that any REPUTABLE dental/orthodonistry practise would follow automatically. Never mind what you've researched to the contrary - see a Personal Damages lawyer. *I* would. (If you wanna put one or a coven of Narcs out of action - get them in the wallet, it's usually all they care about. HENCE WHY courts (including Civil) focus on the fiscal....they ain't stupid and they ain't ever been stupid.)

Yes, but if you prove yourself a decent customer (it's Narcs that run up debt with no intention of paying back) by approaching THEM with a payment plan based on what you can realistically afford (e.g. a couple of pounds per month) - your creditor should let you. Put it in writing in case they refuse. You then cease paying (under protest). They then try to take you to County Court - FAIL their case for being unreasonable....and the judge forces them to accept your payment plan or (to teach them a lesson) EVEN LESS. One Pound per month, for example. :) Just mark yourself as a sound, health, decent type of customer and they should be fine to wait because - taking you to court takes - what now? - money. Far more than you owe.

(Sorry - that was in response to your post 'As for the debt thing')

""University of Life" haha true... I should've just chosen a normal university. Never knew real life could get this hectic, only three years after graduating high school too. In hind sight it would've been smart for me to drop out, get a ged then do community college since I was already failing high school" No. You're where you SHOULD be. So, no, you shouldn't have - and good job you didn't! But, you wouldn't have, anyway. Because you knew you weren't supposed to. Again - you just haven't arrived at your destination yet. And don't have a crystal-ball. But - Welcome to Adulthood. ....'Great',... ...doesn't it. Now you know why adults kept (cryptically, stupid idiots) telling you to enjoy your childhood while you could, to stop trying to grow-up too fast, blah-blah-blah. "Parents made me finish high school tho, waste of time bc then covid hit." Good, then. They got used as Fate's pawns. "Didn't get a prom or actual graduation ceremony." Good. "I just went straight into working," Excellent. "didn't even know I graduated until I got my diploma in the mail several months later lol" Fine! AND NOW YOU ARE "HERE" - going 'There'. Somewhere where only She-Warrior cogs go! On that score - just keep following your feet! (Patience, Glasshopper ;) ) PS: Did you never think of joining the Territorial Army? Do you even have one?

PS: I'm barring "waste of time" from your vocab because, it too, is a (very ancient, one of the hardest to shift) Narc Flea. Replace it with these: "No experience is a bad experience. (Except for No Experience.)" "I wouldn't be where I am today were it not for (X)". (Aka, a Blessing in-disguse)

PS: another little known fact: humans don't actually finish growing and developing, both physically and psychologically, until about age 25. You're only 21. You can heal both inside and out (jaw/teeth), no problemo. ESPECIALLY you. *I'm* not worried about you AT ALL!

The military would've been a legit option for me, but I didn't want to covid vaccine. Idk if that's still a requirement but at this point, I'd rather not join lol If COVID never happened, things would've been very different. I had a little music career going on before COVID, had a bunch of small shows planned out with my friends and then boom everything got shut down and everyone was paranoid about going out Covid made me lose a lot of people too cuz I blatantly would call out the bullshit I tried to revive my music back in 2022 and also started an art business, was pretty cool. 2023 fucked me up horribly

It is interesting tho, at 21 I feel like I been through hell and back with my life I briefly tried going back to college last year, it was alright. But a lot of my peers just seemed so unexperienced with life. A lot are kinda socially inept too like they literally will not talk, even in group projects. That's saying a lot coming from me, I'm pretty socially inept myself But you can tell they've never actually worked a job cuz that just wouldn't fly Not really a bad thing tho. Working is lowkey traumatizing When I was 18 working at a grocery store during covid, I just fell into severe depression n my hair got so matted that my coworker decided to brush it out for me on the clock.. which was very nice of her but that just shows how bad my depression was n I wasn't really aware of it

"Check if you have a strong case for mucho ker-ching-ker-ching compensation because I believe I'm right, that failing to check if the recipient is suitable for the surgery, is a bloody fundamental that any REPUTABLE dental/orthodonistry practise would follow automatically." I do think some type of lawsuit would be appropriate, just not sure how I'd go about it. Nothing I said was made up, all this horrible shit with my jaw/teeth really did happen to me. I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask somebody that works in law n whatever

I know I'm oversharing like crazy on here lmao But I guess it would be interesting to mention this I've had severe depression for as long as I can remember. I don't really believe in the "chemical imbalance" stuff, I think depression nalways has a cause Regardless of what it was, I've always had depression. Even as a young child I had this feeling of bleakness about life My family started getting financial issues at 11, I was too young to fully understand. I just knew it wasn't good. Looking back, they were never POOR. Just horrible at managing money and not wanting to stay within their spending bracket. We come from a different too, so they were too embarassed to tell their families "Yeah, we're middle class and just trying to get by". So I always had the impression the situation was worse than what it really was. My mom also complained abt her marriage constantly to me saying things like "never get married and don't have kids" Brain rot from the internet, that's a major factor Also moving around constantly is very distressing for a child, especially when it's under the context of potential homelessness At 13 we moved again, this time into an apartment. I go to a new middle school, at the time I was dressed like an emo kid And I was crying every single day, I ended up crying in class and then I got sent to the counselors. She could tell I had problems, she referred me to a psychologist. Because I was so young, my parents had to be in the room for that psych appointment. Unfortunately, my dad was in there. Right off the bat they told me that I had severe depression. My dad just started screaming at them like "NOOOO NOOO NOO! YOU WILL NOT MAKE MY DAUGHTER SEEM MENTALLY ILL! SHE WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO JOIN THE MILITARY!" Then he made us leave the office cuz my moms a pushover, I was crying and screaming cuz I knew I seriously needed help If I had gotten help at that point, so much horrible shit probably wouldn't have happened in my life

As for being strong, it's not really me trying to be masculine or anything Idk, I guess in high school I just realized that being strong and knowing how to fight is an important skill to have cuz 1. Everybody was getting into physical fights at my school 2. I lived in a "hood" area with no car. Got to most places by the bus or walking, there's no way in hell would I get kidnapped or assaulted by some weirdo And a dash of paranoia, maybe. Better safe than sorry I guess

But also being 5'1 I'm better off just running away than actually trying to fight off a grown ass man lol

"Being nosy (although it'll help you massively to talk about them) . who are they? Can you name them? Obviously there's the dental practise(s) and that narcy idiot boy in 20-something suit, and your Blister and Smother, but - who else? Or WHAT else that you haven't gone into? ("Better out than in"??)" Mmmm besides family not really. Well... Lots of fake friends in a high school. Lots. That I didn't even want to be around, they would just show up to my place uninvited. I kid you not, I'd wake up n they'd just be chilling in my room Not that I truly disliked them or anything, I just felt like I had more productive things to do than sit in my room to gossip about other people and eat hot cheetos But yeah, fake friends. Very fake I was brought up in a "rich kid" elementary school. All the kids had very rich parents, I actually stood out as a "poor" kid because my parents didn't make their money through a lucrative job. They were running a franchise, renting a very big beautiful house that they couldn't really afford My parents had zero time for me. And it showed, I was not as put together and perfect as the rich kids in my school And some of the teachers were nuts, putting crazy expectations in literal CHILDREN It did give me a false sense of.. mm what's the word. Importance? Grandiosity? I can only imagine how it's like for the grown kids in that city. Actually, I know because I still kept in touch with one girl from that area She developed severe anorexia n felt like she was in extreme competition with everybody else A lot of kids in those schools ended up mentally ill just because of how alienating that type of environment was

"Covid made me lose a lot of people too cuz I blatantly would call out the bullshit" What is it you were saying (I'd like to know, in case there's anything you know that I don't?), that apparently posed to them (rolls eyes) as such a Giant Dealbreaker? I mean - you'd expect that if for some strange reason you'd run over their pet in your 4x4 and then reversed back over for good measure - sure! But a difference in opinion? Sounds like you got "Devalued and Discarded". True friends/allies, you could have held opposing views, WITHOUT them reacting O.T.T. like that (jeez). You and they would JUST HOLD DIFFERING OPIONS (shock-horror!). Was it your first difference in opinion? Did you make a greater than before effort at standing up for yourself and it's that, that they didn't like? Good riddance. You don't need people who gag you by holding your relationship with them to-ransom and, because you won't 'pay' it (back down), shooting it dead on the spot. If that happened physically, we'd call them, Extremist Terrorists, wouldn't we (yup). Food for thought.... Sounds like you lost nothing but deadwood. "I tried to revive my music back in 2022 and also started an art business, was pretty cool. 2023 fucked me up horribly" So are you still interested in getting this going again or are you saying that you've lost interest in things that used to get you fired-up? (If so, it's only temporary...so don't sell the equipment or anything....unless your enthusiasm and focus is on something else now?)

And what are you calling 'blatently' (or was that what they called it, exaggerating grossly to rapidly shut you up?

"It is interesting tho, at 21 I feel like I been through hell and back with my life" You have. PS: Meme I saw: "People who are afraid of Hell are religious. People who've been there are spiritual." Spirituality comes before ANY religion. "I briefly tried going back to college last year, it was alright. But a lot of my peers just seemed so unexperienced with life. A lot are kinda socially inept too like they literally will not talk, even in group projects." You've grown-up "too" fast, ergo, they and their conversation seem childish and petty-minded. Reckon you should start setting your sights on friendships with people older than yourself. You do think and sound a lot older than your on-paper age, that's for sure. "That's saying a lot coming from me, I'm pretty socially inept myself" What are you calling (or, repeating what someone else has called you?), Socially Inept? List and describe your alleged social inadequacies/challenges? "Not really a bad thing tho. Working is lowkey traumatizing" Working shouldn't be; it's supposed to steadily elevate your self-esteem. And anyway, it's usually down to the howevermany iffy people who work there or own it, rather than the work itself. It's always been known as The Rat Race, working in the commercial sector. But I do feel for your generation for the particularly harsh and exploitative way you're getting treated. It'll get better, though. Always does. Life for adults is always a Rollercoaster (and so is the planet and everything on it)....up, down, up, down... 'This too shall pass'. Honest! :)

"It is interesting tho, at 21 I feel like I been through hell and back with my life" You have. PS: Meme I saw: "People who are afraid of Hell are religious. People who've been there are spiritual." Spirituality comes before ANY religion. "I briefly tried going back to college last year, it was alright. But a lot of my peers just seemed so unexperienced with life. A lot are kinda socially inept too like they literally will not talk, even in group projects." You've grown-up "too" fast, ergo, they and their conversation seem childish and petty-minded. Reckon you should start setting your sights on friendships with people older than yourself. You do think and sound a lot older than your on-paper age, that's for sure. "That's saying a lot coming from me, I'm pretty socially inept myself" What are you calling (or, repeating what someone else has called you?), Socially Inept? List and describe your alleged social inadequacies/challenges? "Not really a bad thing tho. Working is lowkey traumatizing" Working shouldn't be; it's supposed to steadily elevate your self-esteem. And anyway, it's usually down to the howevermany iffy people who work there or own it, rather than the work itself. It's always been known as The Rat Race, working in the commercial sector. But I do feel for your generation for the particularly harsh and exploitative way you're getting treated. It'll get better, though. Always does. Life for adults is always a Rollercoaster (and so is the planet and everything on it)....up, down, up, down... 'This too shall pass'. Honest! :)

"What are you calling (or, repeating what someone else has called you?), Socially Inept? List and describe your alleged social inadequacies/challenges?" My entire life I've always been kind of an outcast In elementary school I think it was purely because of my race/class and those rich kids were just snobby little shits lol But moving around 10+ times in my childhood years also made socializing very hard It was cool in the aspect that I could "reinvent" myself every year.. I was a weird girl in one school, emo girl in another, then I was somewhat popular in high school ( I tried very very hard to fit in) I saw firsthand how LOOKS change the way people treat you When i was "ugly" people just thought I was weird and awkward, when I was "pretty" all of the sudden that awkwardness was called "mysterious" or "cute" Looking good isn't bad problem to have. But a lot of my friendships were shallow, i knew guys only wanted to talk to me bc of how I looked. Which is normal, but I could tell that they wouldn't actually like ME as a person. I feel like a lot of people wouldn't like me, if they did I'd have a group of friends right now and a boyfriend. Well, maybe I would've if this health situation didn't happen.. I was supposed to move out with the guy I was ranting about on here lmao Always had social anxiety, I remember getting anxious randomly or even nauseous in some social settings. It's interesting, with the nervous system damage I don't feel that way at all. I don't have any social anxiety. It's not that I feel like I can't talk to people, I just don't WANT to talk. Like people asking me at work about my life.. I don't want to talk about it lol. "What are your hobbies" mm constantly trying to keep my nerves in check so my body doesn't completely malfunction on me, you know just typical girly things

It's interesting how my brain was selective about the social anxiety too Like when I was actively making music and performing on stages for hundreds of people, well yeah I did get anxious beforehand. But once I got on the stage, I just performed and that was that. I felt great after, actually. Always wanted to be an entertainer hence the whole social media thing

Social media clout wasn't good for my anxiety tho either since people CONSTANTLY can just look at you and judge whenever they want to. I remember it used to keep me up at night, getting all types of weird hate dms too. My teenage brain found it very scary Now I don't think I'm that interested in getting followers and whatever else.. I think I was just young. But then again, I'm not really interested in anything these days. Yea, I did lose interest in music/art because of the health problems. Not just that, I feel like it took away my creative ability. My brain doesn't really register music the same Used to think of lyrics and melodie's randomly throughout the day, I don't really do that now.

Sorry I'm so slow (everybody) - I'll read your latest asap, but meanwhile... "I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask somebody that works in law n whatever" Yeah....so inept, yeah ("What the heck - I'll do it - why not!"). AND you keep getting picked for jobs...at only 21. Yeah, sooo inept. Come on - spill! - which idiot(s) from your past accused you of or made you conclude that (i.e. blame yourself..."It's not us, it's you, you're so socially inept")? But, anyway - that's the spirit! :) So - here you go (although, I repeat, your parents ideally should be willing to help you?): 'A personal injury lawyer is a lawyer who provides legal services to those who claim to have been injured, physically or psychologically, as a result of the negligence of another person, company, government agency or any entity. Personal injury lawyers primarily practice in the area of law known as tort law.' 'As a personal injury lawyer, you'll be responsible for collecting evidence, documenting injuries, calculating expenses, and talking with witnesses.' 'A personal injury lawyer represents clients injured physically, emotionally, or financially. In addition, they may represent individuals, families,...' Google: "No-Win No-Fee Personal Injury Lawer in my area". Get a consultation with a minimum three separate firms. If they don't offer their first consultation with clients, for-free - move onto the next. ************************************************************************************************* See how much of this you identify with. (The rest is FYI) : NARCISSISTIC VICTIM SYNDROME https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/narcissistic-victim-syndrome#npd ((double parentheses are mine)) "Signs Of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome When I was 18 working at a grocery store during covid, I just fell into severe depression n my hair got so matted that my coworker decided to brush it out for me on the clock.. which was very nice of her but that just shows how bad my depression was n I wasn't really aware of it" Just fell? I'd say, finally fell prey to/finished sliding down into, considering how... "Regardless of what it was, I've always had depression. Even as a young child I had this feeling of bleakness about life" That's because - ...even as a young child you were constantly 'surrounded' by Narcs (equals, frustration, confusion, censored feelings including rightful anger, drip-drip disappointments and heartache/betrayal, etc., etc., etc., and a brain overloaded with a massive, adult task that even grown adults can't cope with unaccopanied/helped. Common outcome. It's how they/their disorder affects the normal-healthy empath. Swat Narx Do! They're not called, emotionally/psychologically dangerous, for nothing. _______________________________________________________________________ https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/narcissistic-victim-syndrome "Signs of narcissistic victim syndrome By Jenna Fletcher on November 7, 2023 Narcissistic victim syndrome describes the mental, emotional, and other consequences a person may experience due to a relationship with an abusive person with narcissistic personality disorder." ((SM: and it can be corporate, institutional,....any regular contact and reliance on a group of overly-narcissistic people or one, full-blown Personality Disordered Narc, basically.)) While not a diagnosable condition itself ((- it will be, eventually ...yawn...and anyway - therapists aren't taking any notice of that...they're at the frontline...they already KNOW it's real and diagnosable)), narcissistic victim syndrome describes the potentially long lasting effects of living with and experiencing abuse from a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Long-term abuse can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and other mental health-related signs and symptoms. This article reviews what narcissistic victim syndrome is, what NPD is, and common signs of abuse related to NPD.... ...What is narcissistic victim syndrome? Manipulation can make a person question their own reality, confuse them, or lower their self-esteem. Some common abusive behaviors a person with NPD may display include: Scapegoating: Partners or parents may place all the blame on their partner or one child. This is known as scapegoating. Passive aggression: Passive aggressive behaviors may occur if a partner sabotages their partner’s efforts, indirectly shifts blame, or uses sarcasm heavily. ((Note: This is not Passive Aggression. Passive-Aggressive is where an action leaks out under the antagonist's own radar (hence 'passive'), plus it's usually directed at the self, not others. In fact, this writer's describing hidden, disguised, i.e. COVERT Aggression/downright hostility. However, that's not to say that a Covert Malignant Narc can't "puke in your face" accidentally one minute - especially if they're secretly scared of you - and the next, deliberately.)) Gaslighting: This makes a person question their own reality and judgment by questioning their memory and manipulating facts. Hoovering: Named after the vacuum brand, this involves a person sucking a victim back into their lives after a breakup. Triangulation: Involves bringing a third person into an argument to reinforce their position or opinion. Silent treatment: Purposefully ignoring an individual to make them feel isolated or alone. ((There's a lot more than that, besides.)) Signs of NPD-related abuse The following sections describe some potential signs and side effects of NPD-related abuse. Not everyone will experience abuse in the same way. Some behaviors may present more subtly than others. Dissociation as a survival mechanism People sometimes use dissociation as a defense mechanism from abuse. Dissociation involves feeling detached from the usual sense of self or surroundings. It may also take the form of amnesia or associating some events as occurring to someone else. In this case, the brain of a person experiencing abuse or trauma tries to cope with emotional pain and stress by blocking out the pain and escaping current reality. It can look like obsessive behaviors, addictions, or repression. Perfect appearances A person with NPD may appear perfect at first. They may shower a person with gifts, compliments, and other positive interactions that make the other person feel loved and appreciated. This can be known as “love bombing.” Once the other person falls in love, the individual with NPD may slowly replace adoration and other positive aspects with manipulative behaviors. Smear campaign A person with NPD typically needs to maintain their perfect appearance to the outside world. Others not in an intimate relationship with the person will often only see this side of the person. A smear campaign may begin when a partner starts to question their behaviors. The person with NPD may try to get others ((including your Blister and your schoolfriends)) to criticize their partner ((/friend)) as well. If a partner gets angry at the attacks, it can reinforce what the person with NPD is saying about them. They may also lash out at the person verbally. This may include threats or insults. Doubt from others Just as a person with NPD may have hidden their behaviors from their partner at first, they may continue to hide their less favorable actions from friends, coworkers, and others. This can cause other people to question or doubt what the person experiencing abuse says about their partner. Isolation Isolation can occur as low self-esteem and a desire to hide perceived shame from abuse increases. This can make it difficult for a person to reach out to others for help or assistance or lead to additional mental health concerns, such as depression. Freezing up Freezing up is a defensive response to a stressful or traumatic event. Freezing up can occurTrusted Source when a person feels threatened or scared in response to emotional or physical abuse. It prevents a person from either removing themselves from danger or fighting back against it. Difficulty making decisions Over time, a person may find their self-esteem and confidence begin to decrease. This can make it difficult for them to make decisions because they doubt their own ability to make good choices. Feeling as though they have done something wrong Narcissistic victim syndrome may include feelings of always doing something wrong. This may occur due to the person with NPD constantly blaming their partner for things that go wrong or having irrational responses to interactions with their partner. ((It's the irrationale and anti-justice that winds normal-healthies up the most, I find.) Unexplained physical symptoms Over time, a person may develop unusual, unexplained physical symptoms. These may be nonspecific and have no known cause, such as stomach upset, insomnia, or fatigue. A person may also have unexplained aches and pains. Restlessness Living with a person with NPD can become unpredictable. They may shower the other person with compliments or gifts or criticize and manipulate them. The unpredictable nature of their attention can lead to feelings of restlessness and unease. Anxiety and depression Different forms of abuse may lead to depression or other mental health issues, such as anxiety, according to a 2021 studyTrusted Source. It is possible that a person with narcissistic victim syndrome may present with signs of depression or anxiety, such as depressed mood, loss of interest in activities, and reduced energy." ________________________________(on-site link to)_______________________________________ Examples of narcissistic behavior Narcissism refers to a sense of superiority or entitlement. People with narcissistic tendencies tend to think they are inherently better than others in some way. This could be as an individual or as part of a group. Narcissistic behavior reinforces these beliefs. For example, a person may use their relationships to bolster self-esteem and gain admiration from their peers, reinforcing that they are desirable. This is different from self-love, as true self-love does not require external validation from other people. Narcissistic behavior exists on a spectrum. Milder behaviors may not affect relationships much, while more severe behaviors can involve abuse and control. When narcissistic behavior becomes a pattern, it can cause significant harm... ...Some examples of narcissistic behavior include inflating one’s own accomplishments to gain praise, ignoring other people’s feelings, and deliberately taking credit for someone else’s work. Narcissistic behavior in relationships can result in a person focusing on their own wants and needs at the expense of others. They may expect a lot from others but give little in return or believe they are superior to their partner. Anyone can behave in a narcissistic way occasionally. This behavior is also developmentally typical for young children, who tend to focus on themselves. However, a pattern of narcissistic behavior in adolescence or adulthood can be very damaging to relationships. Extreme and pervasive narcissistic behavior could also beTrusted Source a sign of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which is a mental health condition. What is narcissistic behavior? Some people with extreme narcissism have NPD. This is a mental health condition where narcissistic beliefs and behavior persist long term and are pervasive across all areas of life. This includes relationships. People with NPD often pursue relationships that are self-serving, using others to get what they want, which can result in abuse or aggression. Individuals with NPD have difficulty maintaining relationships as a result. People with NPD typically: have a grandiose sense of self-importance feel they are special and expect special treatment deliberately manipulate or exploit others for personal gain develop tactics to conceal or justify their behavior lack empathy Examples of narcissistic behavior in relationships Narcissistic behavior in romantic relationships can include any behavior that centers one person’s needs at the expense of someone else or that treats others as objects for personal gratification. When these behaviors are rare, they may cause irritation or a one-off conflict, but they do not necessarily damage the relationship permanently. For example, a person may occasionally: inflate their own accomplishments to gain praise, such as by exaggerating the effort they put into a romantic gesture use their relationship to make others jealous via public displays of affection or by sharing photos on social media try to get more than what is fair, such as by taking advantage of their partner’s willingness to do chores However, when these behaviors are part of a pattern, they are more damaging. Narcissistic behavior becomes a more serious concern if a person: uses their partner to gain status, wealth, or admiration from others treats their partner like a servant or object, only existing to serve their needs crosses boundaries with little remorse, such as by having extramarital affairs or spending savings without asking lies to cover up their behavior, allowing them to continue doing what they want without consequence tells their partner they are lucky to be with them so that they are easier to manipulate gaslights their partner so that any criticisms of the behavior seem less believable threatens to leave the relationship, harm themselves, or harm others to get their way Examples in families People with narcissistic tendencies or NPD can also behave in similar ways toward family members. For example, they may: demand their relatives are obedient and cater to their needs at all times ignore their children’s feelings and push them to achieve the parent’s own goals, such as by forcing them into a particular career make gaining their love a competition by pitting family members against one another or by choosing a “favorite” child to make the others jealous feel threatened when children gain independence, which may cause them to undermine their confidence to keep them close use guilt, shame, threats, or violence to get family members to do what they want Examples at work Some examples of narcissistic behavior at work include: routinely lying on resumes or in job interviews seeking admiration by bragging or exaggerating achievements deliberately taking credit for someone else’s work spreading rumors about someone a person perceives as a rival to get ahead befriending coworkers to get something, such as unpaid help with a project or skill As an employer or manager, a person with narcissistic tendencies may: exaggerate the business’s profits or success see themselves as a visionary or destined for greatness unethically cut corners, exploit people, or break the law to achieve their goals What is the effect of narcissistic behavior? Narcissism can seriously affect the well-being of others. It has links to: Mental health conditions: A 2020 study of people with close relationships to someone with narcissism found high rates of anxiety and depression. The rates were higher than for caregivers of people with other mood or personality disorders. Abuse: Although people with narcissistic traits appear to have high self-esteem, it is often fragile. This means they can react angrily or violently to perceived criticism or a loss of superiority over others. This can lead to controlling behavior and abuse. Dependence: Narcissistic behavior can undermine a person’s confidence or their practical ability to live independently. This can result in people staying in abusive relationships. A 2021 study found that, even when people disliked a relative with narcissistic traits, they often also felt dependent on them. On a broader scale, narcissistic behavior also affects society. For example, research links this trait to: lower support for democracy increased violence against social groups a person perceives as inferior increased support for social hierarchies, such as nationalism and white supremacy _______________________________________________________________________ ( https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist) How to deal with a narcissist People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) have limited empathy and a heightened sense of superiority. Setting boundaries, learning about NPD, and developing a support network can help a person deal with someone with this condition. In the United States, up to 15%Trusted Source of the population may have NPD. This condition is more common in males than in females, although it can affect all genders. This article discusses what NPD is, how to deal with a person with NPD, and when to seek help. It also answers some common questions about NPD. Each case of NPD can present differently, depending on the individual. But some common symptoms of NPD may include: exaggerating accomplishments or skills obsessing over fantasies of power or success ignoring the feelings of other people pursuing individual success at the expense of others seeking continuous admiration or praise using other people to achieve their own ends becoming enraged in the face of criticism NPD is a complex condition and many narcissistic behaviors may stem from feelings of insecurity.... _______________________________________________________________________ Some examples of narcissistic behavior include inflating one’s own accomplishments to gain praise, ignoring other people’s feelings, and deliberately taking credit for someone else’s work. Narcissistic behavior in relationships can result in a person focusing on their own wants and needs at the expense of others. They may expect a lot from others but give little in return or believe they are superior to their partner. Anyone can behave in a narcissistic way occasionally. This behavior is also developmentally typical for young children, who tend to focus on themselves. However, a pattern of narcissistic behavior in adolescence or adulthood can be very damaging to relationships. Extreme and pervasive narcissistic behavior could also beTrusted Source a sign of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which is a mental health condition. le. This is different from self-love, as true self-love does not require external validation from other people. Narcissistic behavior exists on a spectrum. Milder behaviors may not affect relationships much, while more severe behaviors can involve abuse and control. When narcissistic behavior becomes a pattern, it can cause significant harm. _______________________________________________________________________ Narcissism vs. NPD Some people with extreme narcissism have NPD. This is a mental health condition where narcissistic beliefs and behavior persist long term and are pervasive across all areas of life. This includes relationships. People with NPD often pursue relationships that are self-serving, using others to get what they want, which can resultTrusted Source in abuse or aggression. Individuals with NPD have difficulty maintaining relationships as a result. People with NPD typically: have a grandiose sense of self-importance feel they are special and expect special treatment deliberately manipulate or exploit others for personal gain develop tactics to conceal or justify their behavior lack empathy Examples of narcissistic behavior in relationships Narcissistic behavior in romantic relationships can include any behavior that centers one person’s needs at the expense of someone else or that treats others as objects for personal gratification. When these behaviors are rare, they may cause irritation or a one-off conflict, but they do not necessarily damage the relationship permanently. For example, a person may occasionally: inflate their own accomplishments to gain praise, such as by exaggerating the effort they put into a romantic gesture use their relationship to make others jealous via public displays of affection or by sharing photos on social media try to get more than what is fair, such as by taking advantage of their partner’s willingness to do chores However, when these behaviors are part of a pattern, they are more damaging. Narcissistic behavior becomes a more serious concern if a person: uses their partner to gain status, wealth, or admiration from others treats their partner like a servant or object, only existing to serve their needs crosses boundaries with little remorse, such as by having extramarital affairs or spending savings without asking lies to cover up their behavior, allowing them to continue doing what they want without consequence tells their partner they are lucky to be with them so that they are easier to manipulate gaslights their partner so that any criticisms of the behavior seem less believable threatens to leave the relationship, harm themselves, or harm others to get their way Examples in families People with narcissistic tendencies or NPD can also behave in similar ways toward family members. For example, they may: demand their relatives are obedient and cater to their needs at all times ignore their children’s feelings and push them to achieve the parent’s own goals, such as by forcing them into a particular career make gaining their love a competition by pitting family members against one another or by choosing a “favorite” child to make the others jealous feel threatened when children gain independence, which may cause them to undermine their confidence to keep them close use guilt, shame, threats, or violence to get family members to do what they want Examples at work Some examples of narcissistic behavior at work include: routinely lying on resumes or in job interviews seeking admiration by bragging or exaggerating achievements deliberately taking credit for someone else’s work spreading rumors about someone a person perceives as a rival to get ahead befriending coworkers to get something, such as unpaid help with a project or skill As an employer or manager, a person with narcissistic tendencies may: exaggerate the business’s profits or success see themselves as a visionary or destined for greatness unethically cut corners, exploit people, or break the law to achieve their goals What is the effect of narcissistic behavior? Narcissism can seriously affect the well-being of others. It has links to: Mental health conditions: A 2020 study of people with close relationships to someone with narcissism found high rates of anxiety and depression. The rates were higher than for caregivers of people with other mood or personality disorders. Abuse: Although people with narcissistic traits appear to have high self-esteem, it is often fragile. This means they can react angrily or violently to perceived criticism or a loss of superiority over others. This can lead to controlling behavior and abuse. Dependence: Narcissistic behavior can undermine a person’s confidence or their practical ability to live independently. This can result in people staying in abusive relationships. A 2021 study found that, even when people disliked a relative with narcissistic traits, they often also felt dependent on them. On a broader scale, narcissistic behavior also affects society. For example, research links this trait to: lower support for democracy increased violence against social groups a person perceives as inferior increased support for social hierarchies, such as nationalism and white supremacy Summary Some examples of narcissistic behavior include exaggerating a person’s own achievements or importance, ignoring the wants and needs of others, and exploiting relationships for personal gain. Sometimes, these behaviors are occasional or mild. But narcissistic behavior can also become a pattern that damages relationships. It can also become abusive.... ...People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) have limited empathy and a heightened sense of superiority. Setting boundaries, learning about NPD, and developing a support network can help a person deal with someone with this condition. In the United States, up to 15% of the population may have NPD. This condition is more common in males than in females, although it can affect all genders. ((Population at 2023: 339,996,563. Fifteen Percent of them (at lllllleast!), means, 50,999,484.40 of US citizens have NPD. (!!) Not so petty-sounding now, is it.)) This article discusses what NPD is, how to deal with a person with NPD, and when to seek help. It also answers some common questions about NPD. The diagnostic criteria for NPD include an overwhelming sense of grandiosity as well as a lack of empathy for others. People with NPD may also believe that they are better than others and entitled to special treatment in life. Someone may perceive a person with NPD as arrogant or haughty. People living with NPD may also manipulate those around them to achieve their goals. Each case of NPD can present differently, depending on the individual. But some common symptoms of NPD may include: exaggerating accomplishments or skills obsessing over fantasies of power or success ignoring the feelings of other people pursuing individual success at the expense of others seeking continuous admiration or praise using other people to achieve their own ends becoming enraged in the face of criticism NPD is a complex condition and many narcissistic behaviors may stem from feelings of insecurity. Tips for dealing with a narcissist Because people with NPD often seek validation and praiseTrusted Source from others, they may go out of their way to seem friendly or charismatic. However, in some cases, a person with NPD may begin to behave more negatively toward another person after initially being friendly. Some people may experience narcissistic abuse when interacting with someone who has NPD. However, it is important to note that not everyone with NPD will behave abusively. Similarly, not all people who abuse others have NPD or other personality disorders. Know the signs of narcissistic behavior Individuals with NPD may exhibit certain patterns of behavior. Some people with NPD may mock or shame other people to feed their own sense of superiority. They may also misrepresent themselves or exaggerate their accomplishments, by lying about college degrees, job titles, or financial resources, for example. A person with NPD may also experience intense rage. Many people may find receiving criticism unpleasant, but understand it is a natural part of life. However, an individual with NPD may react to perceived criticism with explosive anger. People with NPD may have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships. They may behave in an arrogant or entitled manner, which can make other people feel judged or inferior. A person with NPD may also experience: an inability to feel empathy a need to control every aspect of a relationship failure to pay attention to the needs of others difficulty paying attention when others are speaking a need to exploit others for their own benefit jealousy of people with more money or social clout Individuals with NPD are also more likely to experience substance use disorders ((substance ABUSE, actually...they abuse everything they touch)), which may negatively impact personal relationships. Recognizing narcissistic traits may help a person establish boundaries to protect their personal well-being and safety. Establish boundaries Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for individuals in any relationship to protect themselves and others. In certain cases, establishing boundaries around communication may be sufficient. Letting an individual with NPD know which conversation topics are appropriate may help to make a relationship feel more comfortable. A person may also find it necessary to set physical boundaries. If an individual uses physical tactics to exert control, a physical boundary is imperative. Everyone deserves to feel physically safe in any relationship. Taking time and space away from a partner or loved one with NPD is not the same as giving up on them. Maintaining healthy boundaries is an expression of self-love and self-respect. Never accept behavior that crosses boundaries No one has the right to threaten another person’s emotional, mental, or physical safety. Developing a support system is crucial for people in relationships with individuals with NPD. Communicating openly and honestly with a support network may help a person identify when a relationship has become unhealthy or unsafe. And if staying in the relationship is no longer an option, that network may help a person leave safely."

(Just realised that in my hurry I double-pasted in some places up there - doh! Never mind, the article bears repeating, anyway, especially for the fact it covers many more bases than the one, as accords with your own, fairly widespread experiences.)

I know you're probably still processing my posts so I don't mean to spam

ME personally... I don't think I'm really socially inept. I used to be, maybe. But isn't every kid a bit awkward The rest of the world seems to think I am though. I'll just be known as the girl that doesn't really talk much, actually one of my co workers compared my behavior to Wednesday Adams lol. I never seen that movie

Unfortunately my narcissistic sister impacted me, much more than she should have. I'm truly not exaggerating when I say she's a narcissist. She started exhibiting narc traits at 12-13 and it only got worse as time went by. My poor parents gotta deal with her cuz she's their kid, she ain't my kid though. It's my fault for letting stuff get to me but when you live around somebody that's constantly berating how you look/act literally EVERY tiny aspect about you, it can really mess with your head. I wish I understood that she was projecting onto me cuz quite frankly, she isn't better looking herself. And she's a mouth breather (look up Mike Mew loool) It's interesting, the people that look the most like you will always project their insecurities onto you People like her will never understand how fucked up they until something bad happens to them, and when it does happen imma just laugh

Unfortunately, my sister put her ugly little head into most of my friendships.. a big reason why I don't really have those friends now. But those people were never my friends to begin with. They were bums. Not just from a financial perspective, their personalities as well. Like when I mentioned to you earlier, in high school I'd just wake up and theyd be chilling in my room. Uninvited. You know how they got into our apartment? Cuz my sister would bring them in. And I had to hang with them since they were already there. They weren't really my crowd. Always smoking, vaping, gossiping about peoples personal issues, whatever. Im not a square but doing that 24/7 is extremely lame to me The organic friends that I made where always the artist types and they had more interesting stuff going on. Even as a young elementary school kid, I gathered a bunch of friends to help me create a PowerPuff Girl comic book everyday during recess. By the end of the year it had like 300+ pages. And then my mom threw it away cuz she accidentally thought it was garbage Wish I could see that comic book now lol I still kept in touch with the girls I was making those comic books with, some of them went to film school or a designer career. Very cool genuine people

I could get into her narc stories but it'd be a book lol I think it came from my dad, unintentionally. He isn't a narcissist, he's just been abused his whole life which turned him into... well whatever he is He's not a BAD person. But the way he acted towards me and my sister is probably why we turned out a certain way. Always screaming about nothing really When my parents business failed at 11, my dad started doing uber while my mom got into the medical field So.. his schedule was pretty much free. Could provide us a ride whenever we wanted one. But guess what? At 12 years old I made the conscious choice to start walking to places or even take the bus. I liked it so much more than being in the car with my dad. I walked so much that I had teachers yelling at me like "YOU NEED TO STOP WALKING OUTSIDE, ITS TOO COLD AND SOMEBODY CAN KIDNAP YOU!" My sister on the other hand, spent hours a day getting rides with my dad. Constant screaming at each other, extremely toxic to even be around. To this day, nothing changed. And maybe that is what gave my sister NPD, idk and i don't really care

And that severe depression I fell into when I was 18, working at a grocery store.. I thought it was from my job, but not really. It was the fact that I had to get a ride from my DAD everyday, to and from work (and btw, I was working more than he was. Embarrassing) Every single day when he drove me to work he would just scream about how I'm going to be a failure, loser, do nothing with my life just because I wasn't in college Mind you, this is when COVID happened and everything shut down.. I knew online school wouldn't work for me, I thought it'd be a waste of time and money. If I'm school I want to be physically present, or what's the point. Why do "online classes" when Google is free? That's just my opinion The job itself was fine. Very easy, my managers were extremely nice and the company was under a union. Not bad at all for a first job. I ended up with $20,000 in the bank at 18 It disgusts me when I think about it cuz he had no reason to berate his kid for.. working You know what else is crazy? My sister has a 17 year old friend who just got hired at Starbucks. My dad texted her saying "congrats on your first job, this is a great stepping stone blah blah blah blah you're gonna achieve great things" He couldn't say that to his own daughters? So weird

Hey, Nav! Sorry! I haven't forgotten you, I promise. I just can't find the bloody time any more...Spain and the Spanish are so flippin' disorganised, it's almost unreal! You can organise a day off but then - Bam! - something or someone crashes in from Left field. But I've got a lot to catch up on here so I'm going to leave this for once I've cleared my decks more, so that I've a free mind. Either tonight or tomorrow or Sunday (less chance of any interruptions on a Sunday!). Bear with a little longer...

PS: Haha! It's not possible to spam on your own thread. No, from what words have hit me as I scrolled down to post this, it looks like superbly rich spillage to me (and you're going to feel a lot better for it so - well done! :)).

I loved your latest reply, missus! I CANNOT BELIEEEEVE you're only 21! Good grief. You must have had about 50 previous lives or something to be so wise and insightful at such a young age! Or do I mean, to be so old and wise at such a young age?? Anyhoo, just bumping you up for tomorrow. I've kept the day free because there's now a right old pile-up. I need a secretary LOL.

Heya! Finally! Sorry, I feel like I'm spinning plates, lately. I'll respond post by post and continue tomorrow: "ME personally... I don't think I'm really socially inept." Nah. I'd have picked up on it. "I used to be, maybe. But isn't every kid a bit awkward" Exactly. Some manage to cover it up, some don't, nor see the need to. Some people are quite happy they're shy or quiet. "The rest of the world seems to think I am though." Hmmmm.... Maybe not the rest of the world, just the world you've been moving in. "I'll just be known as the girl that doesn't really talk much, actually one of my co workers compared my behavior to Wednesday Adams lol. I never seen that movie" Do you know, I've never watched The Adams Family. I'm going to try to watch a load of clips on her character.... Oh, I didn't realise there'd been a series. Did you mean that one or the 1991 film version played by Christina Ricci? Haha, just watched a clip of the latter, where she (Ricci) has turned up at a fancy-dress party, dressed no different to usual. First time she's asked why she's not in costume, she replies, 'I've come as a homicidal maniac - they look like everyone else'. Second time (by the spoiled party girl, I presume) - 'Why are you dressed like somebody died?' - she replies (staring and hostile), 'Wait.' HAHAHAHAHA! And again...Wednesday's in her (weird) bathing costume and a bitchy girl says, 'Is that your bathing-suit?' and Wednesday flies with back - 'Is that your overbite?'. Oh, I love banter, especially using intelligent sarcasm. Is that what you mean you're like? Dryly, wittily scatching? Surely not! Nah, you're perfectly personable. I reckon that must just have been an over-exaggeration. Or do you just look a bit like her because you're dark-haired, slim and fairly Goth? Which co-worker at which job. Wednesday isn't socially inept anyway - she's got the gift of the gab and can handle herself even up against adults. What she is (leaving the goulishly psychopathic side aside, is unsociable, non-personable and coldly hostile. Colleague must have just been messing around. However, a mouth that smart and witty (like a world-class stand-up comedien) - I'd take that as a giant compliment! I'd have carried on the joke, though, come back with something tongue-in-cheek like - 'Carry on that like and you'll find out HOW much'. So bar her - who's 'everybody'? Or are these all ghosts of Xmas past and you haven't asked for or listened to any feedback since way back then? (bangs fist on table like a cheap daytime drama lawyer) - Explain yourself, damn you! LOL

"Unfortunately my narcissistic sister impacted me, much more than she should have. I'm truly not exaggerating when I say she's a narcissist." I know you're not. You bear the 'scars'. "She started exhibiting narc traits at 12-13 and it only got worse as time went by. My poor parents gotta deal with her cuz she's their kid, she ain't my kid though." Correct attitude. You can be supportive, sure, but that's their responsibility. "It's my fault for letting stuff get to me but when you live around somebody that's constantly berating how you look/act literally EVERY tiny aspect about you, it can really mess with your head." Yes - everyone here knows how that goes. It's hen-pecking but to a serious degree. "I wish I understood that she was projecting onto me cuz quite frankly, she isn't better looking herself. And she's a mouth breather (look up Mike Mew loool)" What were all the things she'd accuse you of and of being? "It's interesting, the people that look the most like you will always project their insecurities onto you" Only the ones who are constantly competing against you and want to pull you down, or have been left to grow (pathologically) envious of you, their own sister, and want you out of their way, or see you as their personal dumping-ground and scapegoat. (Google - The Narcissistic Family / Family Dynamic.) "People like her will never understand how fucked up they until something bad happens to them, and when it does happen imma just laugh" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! - THAT'S THE SPIRIT! No-one can keep YOU down for long, can they. Yeah, alright, I can see a slight parallel - you pull no punches, verbally. (I really wasn't expecting 'imma just laugh' at the end there - it cracked me up!) Yeah, you're WITTY is what you are, and come out with "full stops" like that one, that leave the anmtagonist with no-where to go. HAHA - brilliant! (You're what adults in the 1950s and 60s would have called, Spunky, meaning, canny and feisty...nobody's fool.) Spookily enough - tonight, while you-tubing, I've had a film going in the semi-background on Channel 4, called, Morgan (2016 sci-fi). Guess who's in the starring role, playing another fairly macabre role (experimental synthesised human - mistreated - turns rogue)? Yup - Anya Taylor-Joy, same actress who plays Wednesday from the recent-ish series(!!!). Now, is that your spookiness or mine? (I'm just having a quick flick to see if there's another film playing at the moment (Sky Freeview channels), starring Nina Ricci...that'd really have me falling out of my chair!)

Ach, scratch that - it's not the same actress. Bloody looks like her, though!

Next post... "Unfortunately, my sister put her ugly little head into most of my friendships.. a big reason why I don't really have those friends now." Yup. That's par for the Narc sibling-victim course. It's part of isolation (google) (not sure if there's anything on the web about sibling methods yet as they've only just finally lifted that giant one out from under the rug...and FYI many agree it's the worst form of personal abuse going. (Bet that made you fall of your chair?) So-called best friends can do that sort of thing, too, e.g. (when you're early 20s, obviously), 'stealing' your new boyfriends only to chuck them after a pathetic amount of time...just trying to, by whatever method's going (malig. narcs are opportunists), get rid of any people who might support you and buoy your confidence...because confidence is what makes one capable of standing-up to intrinsic bullies (no matter if they have a lovely side the rest of the time), for ditching someone, for finally losing your rag and giving them What For (or silently breaking all contact), just generally taking them to task or managing to keep them and their 'death by a thousand cuts' (google) abuse at bay... "But those people were never my friends to begin with. They were bums. Not just from a financial perspective, their personalities as well." I know exactly what you mean. And the trouble is this: your sister would have had a perfectly pleasant or (more usually) "lovely" side, as leaves you unconsciously seeking HER, without the rotten, toxic/downright evil side...as your friends or as a replacement of her. But it works like this: Not realising that their good side (let's call it Heads on a coin - vs Tails) is likewise toxic and self-serving - just disguised as wonderful, caring, very into you....used to butter you up, to isolate you ("no, stay in with meeee tonight"), to seem to be doing, if not saying, Sorry (should be both), and - the killer - to give you HOPE that you are near to finally breaking through and achieving permanent harmony with this person...(or it's just because they've been fed: getting their way)... But at the time, the victim doesn't know thatHeads is Toxic too and so takes it as 'their healthy side' (as if it could be totally unaffected). So you choose, or continue to keep, other people who fit their unhealthy Heads template...and then, hey-ho, once natural bonding-based conflict hits, you see they've the exact same Tail. There ISN'T any 'healthy' side, any 'good day'. There's just plate-spinning. (Sense?) No person that likes you, loves you, cares about you, or has the mental health to, could treat you like that - constantly chipping away at You, year after year ("Narcissist - Pervasive Pattern of behaviour". You'd think, if she disliked you that much then why not stay out of your way and say nothing?! How hard is it to mainly stay away from your sibling if you're somehow incompatible??? Answer: not hard at all. And that's how you know the constant pecking and stabbing is all about trying to erode you...reduce you....shoehorn you into far too small a space and turn you into their exclusive emotional slave, toilet, punching-bag, foil, alibi...etc., etc.. It doesn't feature when the other person's normal, healthy, empathetic and with pure intentions for wanting to be around you/take an interest in you, and can do more than just piddly Connect. They can Bond too (adequately or at all)...and a lot deeper than a mere 6 months' worth! ...We can all connect (bar the most severe malig psychopath). Connecting's the easy part. "Like when I mentioned to you earlier, in high school I'd just wake up and theyd be chilling in my room. Uninvited. You know how they got into our apartment? Cuz my sister would bring them in. And I had to hang with them since they were already there." That is SUCH a violation of your right to autonomy and privacy - who the eff did she think...awww, it's pointless. She doesn't 'think'. For Narcs, Feelings, even Knee-Jerk, Are Facts (how convenient), and acting like your keeper (even though a resentful child of three would make a better owner!) is also par for the course. "They weren't really my crowd. Always smoking, vaping, gossiping about peoples personal issues, whatever." That's called Bored. And aimless. But that aside - failing to ask you if they could come round? Says it all (you have no rights in this group). Interestink that sister didn't object to them, though - quite the opposite, in fact! - isn't it. She probably knew they'd drag you down somehow. "Im not a square but doing that 24/7 is extremely lame to me" Well, I've just said it, yeah., and I'm not (haha!) square, either. Don't mind being square occasionally, though. I like a base routine with variety on top. "The organic friends that I made where always the artist types and they had more interesting stuff going on." YYYUP. That's what I thought. Take a look at the latest posts from me to Jae re. Aspergers. I reckon you've got some of the handiest traits (and Thea...and Fangtail, actually, gonna ask him to look at well). "Even as a young elementary school kid, I gathered a bunch of friends to help me create a PowerPuff Girl comic book everyday during recess. By the end of the year it had like 300+ pages." Oh, fantastic! How innovative. And how CUTE! "And then my mom threw it away cuz she accidentally thought it was garbage" Oh, for ffffff sake....ach.... "Wish I could see that comic book now lol I still kept in touch with the girls I was making those comic books with, some of them went to film school or a designer career. Very cool genuine people" Sounds like a reunion is in order?

"I could get into her narc stories but it'd be a book lol" Virtually every victim/survivor of a Narc, who comes here says that. Yes, it would be, wouldn't it (hint-hint!). Have you tried writing poems about her? (Bitter, scrathing but witty ones?) "I think it came from my dad, unintentionally. He isn't a narcissist, he's just been abused his whole life which turned him into... well whatever he is" What names/labels would you stick on him to describe 'whatever he is'? "He's not a BAD person." Yeah, but if he were a consistently overall GOOD person you wouldn't type that (see how it works?). All that says (before I've read what comes next) is that he's not VERY bad. Were he mildly - no caps (see/works?). Haha...you can run but ya can't hide - honestly, though, don't worry about your Ps & Qs, just tell it like it is. Here, is the one place you needn't ever self-censor. "But the way he acted towards me and my sister is probably why we turned out a certain way. Always screaming about nothing really" ALWAYS. So he was a Narc but not a severe one. Got it. (Might want to google "ACON" (adult child of narcissist).) 'When my parents business failed at 11, my dad started doing uber while my mom got into the medical field" So she earns more than him? "So.. his schedule was pretty much free. Could provide us a ride whenever we wanted one." Okay. "But guess what?" Haha - WHAT? (pmsl) "At 12 years old I made the conscious choice to start walking to places or even take the bus. I liked it so much more than being in the car with my dad." OH, WELL....nuff said. "I walked so much that I had teachers yelling at me like "YOU NEED TO STOP WALKING OUTSIDE, ITS TOO COLD AND SOMEBODY CAN KIDNAP YOU!"" Do you suppose a part of you was tempting Fate...taking those risks because, at the time, you wouldn't have cared all THAT much if someone had?...Acting It Out - literally with your feet? "My sister on the other hand, spent hours a day getting rides with my dad. Constant screaming at each other, extremely toxic to even be around. To this day, nothing changed. " Yep - narcs! Non-narc families don't behave like that - not to THAT degree and routine frequency. Probably, most of the time - to them, it's a sport. Agree? (Google why narcissists need constant drama / narcissist-sociopaths need constant chaos.) "And maybe that is what gave my sister NPD, idk and i don't really care" 'I don't know and I don't care but - I wonder if that's what gave my sister NPD'. You mean, like THAT kind of 'I don't really care'? (run not hide haha). Listen, Squishy (which I mean ironically lol) - if you DIDN'T care, there'd have to be something wrong with you. Don't EVER pretend it doesn't hurt and 'you don't care'. Show it, just for a REASONABLE space of time... and make the rotters (and all concerned) have to KNOW EXACTLY the size of their crime! It enrages them far more, anyway, if they know you DO still care yet are STILL opting to eject them from your life....Think about it: that is HOW intolerable they are - actioned fact! - even DESPITE their put-on "good side" ('aaargh, not even my no. 1 weapon is working!'). Always blow the giant whistle and yell OW/HELP so ear-shatteringly that people can hear it for miles!

"And that severe depression I fell into when I was 18, working at a grocery store.. I thought it was from my job, but not really." Well done. :) You're grieving for the sibling and family you were supposed to have but for whatever unknown reason, you got deprived of. And where as your mother in all of this - working all the hours? They don't earn much, your Uber drivers, do they? "It was the fact that I had to get a ride from my DAD everyday, to and from work (and btw, I was working more than he was. Embarrassing)" If he'd been a great dad, you wouldn't have minded. But he was an embarrassing (childish) dad. But let's bring this back down: ""And then my mom threw it away cuz she accidentally thought it was garbage" Oh, for ffffff sake....ach...." Scratch that. Not her fault. She was overworked, over-stretched, didn't have time to do things watchfully and mindfully. Correct? Meanwhile, he played taxicabs...sitting around but with a pedal and steering-wheel and enjoying the daily rows with his OWN CHILD. So your mum had THREE kids, then. "Every single day when he drove me to work he would just scream about how I'm going to be a failure, loser, do nothing with my life just because I wasn't in college" Oh, ffffffffsake again. A grown man? SCREAMING? (yawn - NPD tick! and tick!...although screaming OUTSIDE of doors (Antisocial/against society' rules (AND offensive personal habits, note) is more your narc-Spath...the (cough) domestic parasite, whereby the missus supports him while he barely contributes or fails even to cover his own monthly living costs, but is effing hard as a victim-spouse to extricate from - correct?) "Mind you, this is when COVID happened and everything shut down.." So? That just made Lockdown a pressure-cooker situation. But what went INTO the pressure-cooker was the point: put in healthy ingredients and out comes a meal; put moreover toxic crap in and.....EW. Psycho-emotional and/or physical battering went up 400%. FOUR...............HUNDRED! And that was just UK. America was way worse. "I knew online school wouldn't work for me, I thought it'd be a waste of time and money." From what I heard, it moreover was. AND the isolation/lack of social 'maintaining' caused (Alienation =) Social Anxiety in the majority of students that's still ongoing. "If I'm school I want to be physically present, or what's the point. Why do "online classes" when Google is free? That's just my opinion" Yup. One solution does NOT fit all. But it would have been the only option for those that didn't have your independent-mindedness, creative-mindedness, critical thinking, resourcefulness, very high starting confidence (equals still more confident than the avg), etc. You got endowed with the GREAT family genes - what can I say? Your dad, followed by your sister, sister came out cripple-able. Basically. Tell me more about your Mum? "The job itself was fine. Very easy, my managers were extremely nice and the company was under a union. Not bad at all for a first job. I ended up with $20,000 in the bank at 18" (open mouth!)..... 'Not BAD'????. How tall ARE you that things are so off-in-the-distance-type Small for you? Haha - you're reminding me of this brilliant Father Ted comedy sketch (but anyway, you've rested my case re your confidence, mountain-height sightline and appetite) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMiKyfd6hA0 (first 2 mins of footage). "It disgusts me when I think about it cuz he had no reason to berate his kid for.. working" Yeah, he "did". You were already SHOWING HIM UP! Your mum could have looked at you then looked at him and ...made the effing connection (she, my own daughter, older and more capable than him, her supposed father - he's genuinely, mentally, a child!...and not a very nice one!....and I never agreed to adopt anybody, I wanted a bloody husband!). See it? Like at work: stop working so fast, you're making the rest of us look bad (- and we're not about to put in a decent effort just because of you). (Yeah, there are degrees, sure, but - usually it's just because they ARE bad workers.) But even without that, you'd have shown him up to himself, and that's bad enough (for Narcs). So he was trying to knock that confidence out of you. (See it?) "You know what else is crazy? My sister has a 17 year old friend who just got hired at Starbucks." (Sorry, how old's your sister again?...did you tell me?) "My dad texted her saying "congrats on your first job, this is a great stepping stone blah blah blah blah you're gonna achieve great things" He couldn't say that to his own daughters? So weird" Typical Chestnut. No. My dad texted AND ENSURED I GOT TO KNOW THAT he had texted and that he APPROVED MORE (to point of being lovely towards her) of your traditionally go-nowhere job like Starbucks. You can see it now, right? Keeping you down, keeping your confidence low. Because you were already about to show him up for what he was. NOT a grown-up. Once you have the correct lens for observing and analysing them through, you can see why they do anything and everything that they do, and when they'll do it - in what circumstances....all of it. It's not rocket science. It's realising THEY'RE BARELY HUMAN. More like feral animals that've learned to talk and "do stuff" and "say stuff"...and spend their entire life knocking everyone else down before they get exposed as a short-arse. Haha... An uber-short-arse in your Da- NOPE- Dud's case. You ought to read Lily's thread if ever you get a wet weekend....from about a third the way down. You not only see her Dud revealed, but all the other Narcs that come into the family's realm and what they're trying to achieve (for their sole gain, obviously) and destroy. And your Dud sounds very similar to Lily's Dud. *Very*. Competitive, Exploitative, Suffocating, Mean & Petty and pettily (yet not so pettily) vindictive.....Chucky-on-an-okay-day in a grown-up suit......'Nyyyyeeeeeeaaa, gonna GET YOU for that.../Call yourself a waitress?!/YOU can have an Xmas present but you and you can't!'. Sodding mean, nasty, pathetic child. And somehow he got to be a doctor and manager of a clinic...although, later, you'll see for yourself his method of 'getting a job' (sleep with and pretend to want a future with the practise manager). Only the surface details differ. It's 8-plus years long. But not even that is a full books' worth in pages. It's all still in her memory, though...so she could? Get the bones of it down here and see how you feel/what you want to do with it once you're properly over it. ?

Idea!...When you're 100% ready...something to look forward to... Send a card to each to suggest a Reunion (with a date and meet-up venue, e.g. restaurant) but where the card invitation cover is done in the same style as your four's comic strip! Or you can just suggest it and say you'll contact each of them to work out a date you can all comfortably do? What do you think? Would you like to see them again? Maybe even strike the friendship group back up? And, yes, it does have to be you: it was your idea, you were the leader...the creative director. :) I'm not surprised a 'grown man' Narc felt so incredibly (pathologically) envious and threatened of you. It just brings the illness properly home to you when it's the 'man's' own baby, meaning, he should be proud. But no... Do this from now on: "I had a sister who was like This and a brother who was even worse". How much younger than you and your sister was your (nasty) little brother at that time, would you now guess? From what I've heard - to me, he strikes as about.... 12-14? But you say.

You're a really good writer, you know... You don't always provide enough information/explanation/description but that's only because it's hard to really believe you're having to type what you're having to type, right? (scuse pun lol) (typewrite?). It's more that your writing/the way you speak is clear and easy to understand (and picture) and has a lovely flow to it. Tell you what, though. Although the JOURNEY to what you ended up doing (manipulating your - still can't believe you dared or managed it! - own SKULL, basically!) won't be the only journey of its type - said breaking point is pretty fecking 'out there'. You're definitely A Doer. Definitely. And the world REALLY needs more like you! You could definitely go into politics. You're not inept at all - you're the opposite. (So tell your Blister and Farter, I said, BEEP OFF, YOU EFFIN RETARD LIARS!). (Cor, I needed that, hahaha)

(It's because I'm well aware you're 'merely' scratching the surface, and what lies beneath, and to what depth. Plus I've already extrapolated panoramically from every little thing you've told/described since we started. You need to know that having a parent AND sibling on your back and case all the time, is not 'a little bit abusive'. It's huge. Because there's no escape - anywhere. HOME is supposed to be your one, safe, secure and cosy place in this world. And your sibling is supposed to be your first best friend, your kiddie Other Half...your ally...all of that. Your abuse was huge and went on and on and on DAILY (even from just being part of your life...in your head as Your Reality)...for years and years.... You don't need to minimise anything. This isn't about siblings not getting on or bickering a lot. KIDS ARE *NOT CUTE*...TO OTHER KIDS. In actual FACT - you coped superbly. And you did the right thing in 'ruining your jaw' because it (I presume?) was what got you OUT of her dungeon?...because you weren't suitable as a 'dolly' any more? It was what drastically changed everything, yes? How many times did you wish you could want to die? OR wish you could kill her (say, if you'd had a celestial message to say you could and it would have been ok afterwards?). Was she physically aggressive towards you as well? Or manipulate others to be? Suffice it to say: you keep keeping me posted cos IMMA JUS LAFF as well! :D And yes, the goes around will come around. Whereas, YOU, get the prize. (Life IS fair. Just not the precise date/time/second we want that justice to manifest. You'll see.) (PS: I have NO idea why I've put this in brackets, LOL.) (Do you know?)

I'll bet your Dud was the reason the marital company went bust. A Spath-type Narc co-running a business....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - don't even bother starting one with them! Have you never asked your Mum about what happened? Aren't you close to your Mum? Well, ask her that and methinks you're going to be. (...'once more'?)

Not sure if my dad is a narc, not really sure what typa term I'd put on him. He's more like an angry emo boy in a 45 year old man's body. He was abused by his father, had a mom that was always bystanding, top it all off they used him as a cash cow when he was an adult. They made him start a business-franchise that he wasn't really ready for at 22, then they made him get married to a woman that he didn't really know (my mom). Now obviously, it's not like my dad got forced against his will to do these things. But he was pressured and I don't think he was really ready to deal with the responsibilities that came with those things. Seeing what my dad had to endure, I can see why he turned out like this. He doesn't believe in mental illness or therapy so he refuses to get any help, but out of everybody in this family i think he needs it the most. Everything you said about him was accurate. Now I won't paint him out to be an entirely lazy slob, he used to be a hard worker. Also an artist and hands on worker like me. Worked all types of jobs when he was a kid, teenager, then the business. The business was a lot of work and a lot of stress. That stress burned him out and made him gain a lot of weight. To the point where he reached 300 pounds. Then a "stock investor" from Britain decided to buy out my dads shop. He was a big rich guy that screwed my dad over. My dad lost his business, didn't have a higher education besides high school, so went with Uber. The obesity really messed up his health and function, to the point where I would say he is disabled. He has obstructive sleep apnea meaning he'll sleep anywhere n everywhere, even when he drives. And for a good chunk of those ten years of him doing Uber.. he wasn't really driving much. My mom was the breadwinner. Even though my mom was already paying all the bills in our old apartment, she was nice enough to give my dad the opportunity to not work AT ALL during 2020. She told him to use this time as a way to lose weight, don't worry about money just get your health together. Did he he do that? NOPE. Just picked me up, dropped me off to work, ate mcdonald's, spent 5+ hours in the bathroom or couch. MAYBE he would walk if I forced him to walk with me. Oh yeah, he wasn't 300 pounds anymore. Now he's 400+ pounds. When I say he did nothing in the house, he did nothing. Didn't pay bills, didn't clean, didn't cook, NOTHING. Yes, my mom was providing for three children. I asked her almost every year "Why don't you just kick him out, he clearly isn't trying to change."

His obesity wasn't just a burden on my mom, it was a burden on everybody else in the house. It's kind of like living with an addict. Ehhh you see what I mean? So much lore you're gonna be reading for minute lol

PS: You don't need parental help consulting with a personal damages solicitor. You're perfectly capable - in fact, you'd do it far better. I mean, I wouldn't be at all surprised if their firm offered you a job after your pay-out. You've got the brains for legal, if you wanted. You don't need a sparkling CV. You ARE a sparkling CV (on legs). You're very lucky, in combo with, very mentally hard-working and ...my god, so so so brave. ...Intrepid - that's the word! And dynamic. You must have had some sh*t-hot ancestry (...maybe pay a geneologist to look into it at some point?) Really, if you want my honest opinion at this point: if you'd HAD 'a healthy thus fully capable parental/family unit/sibling best friend', I don't think that would have suited your advanced maturity and developmental rate at all. I think you'd have felt 'babied', confined, suffocated and slowed right down....kept in the Baby and Middle Pool if that makes sense, when all things taken into account show that you are destined for the Olympic-size Pool...a super-adult - or societal level adult in charge of all the 'kids'. Having something (someones) to work against made you have to come right out - AND pump a hell of a lot of mental iron. ...guess I'm trying to say, You were too big for a regular family anyway. All of them together. In fact, IMO, you've never BEEN a kid. Hence managed to save that amount of money by 18, haha, my god..... Bet that employer felt it...he knew you weren't a mere 18-yr-old, no matter what your birth certificate said. A lot of future employers are going to want your brand of magic and are going to be fighting over you...you're the type will get headhunted...tempted and lured away with a bigger salary, higher position.... PARTICULARLY as getting or changing a job "like that!" doesn't faze or intimidate you like it does most people (were you aware of this?). Some people can tell...just sense it... and will admire you and want to help you get to your leadership destination. Their complete opposites - the issue-ridden and downright narcissistic - those in whose interests it is NOT that you shine that bright - well, as I've explained, you threaten the bejeez out of them and they waste no time pecking you (LaLa Land = Opposites Land = pack runts peck the healthy chick...see how that works?). You're an instant Narc shower-upper (and bloody good at ignoring their crud and doing things your own way regardless...sticking two fingers up, basically, because you knew you actually did know better)....Just by being you and going about your day, being you. What you're known as, is, a very Old Soul. Your genes are magnificent and it shows. I'm definitely not the first person to see it. And I certainly won't be the last. You're a little powerhouse is what you are - and power does NOT go to your head and make you stupid (the jaw thing only seemed stupid but it was like Years & Years sing..."I had to break myself to carry on", it was the sort of bravery you'd expect from a top SAS operative or something. Read it again: I had to break myself to carry on. Careful, though. Narcs will definitely want to possess you for themselves - including prospective employers. First for your sparkliness and then - when their bonding programme goes Cease Novelty Sensation, Switch To Taking For Granted into Hate & Tarnish/Destroy - as their *jewel-encrusted* personal toxins toilet. Choose carefully...take your time... don't let anyone harrass or hurry you. You set your wage, your terms and conditions, your office. That way, you'll end up with an employer that you're as lucky to have as he/she is, you. Anyhoo. Me, I'd LOVE to know who your ancestors were. I'm really intrigued. Speaking of which - how's the new job going?

My sister is 19. Again, her narc traits started showing up at 12-13 Just some background on our situation, we used to live in my grandmas house during 2017-2018 because my parents couldn't afford rent. Me and my sister sleep UPSTAIRS in the same bed, same room. She'd be Facetiming her boyfriend roster till 3 AM, I had to hear all of it. My uncle and his roommate lived in the basement and NEVER came upstairs. Never spoke to us. He hated the fact that my family was even there. Keep all this information in mind. In the beginning of 2018 I did acid in my grandmas house, I don't know why. I was just a stupid 15 year old kid. I got into an argument with my grandma, my uncle barged into the convo and was like "get out of our house". I was like "hell yeah, I'm getting the fuck out of here. fuck all of you fat ugly pigs" My mom felt the same way, she didn't wanna be living in my dads parents house either. She hated them too. Me, my dad, mom, sister all left right then and there, got a cheap apartment with black mold. But it was nice because it was OUR PLACE. So we stay there. Settling down, absolutely zero contact with my dads side of the family. My turning point in cutting my sister off happened in 2019. Me and her got into a big argument over nothing. She calls her "boyfriend", crying trying to get some attention. Her "boyfriend", Brandon, (this was an 18 year old dude I believe, my sister would always lie about her age to guys)called me one night because he was very worried about her, saying that he's worried that our uncle (from grandmas house) is serially molesting her. At first I was confused. But then he kept talking. He said "She told me that your uncle would come into her bedroom every night and molest her" I always believe victims first. So I thought "Oh my god, how did I not catch onto this?" and then I thought some more ".... oh, wait, it's because this never happened." We slept in the same bed every night. Our loser uncle was locked downstairs in his basement with his "roommate" (maybe boyfriend, who knows). He NEVER EVER even spoke to us. Let alone walk upstairs and come into our bedroom. And if he did, I would've noticed. I was always there. But, I let Brandon keep going on with this story. "She's telling me that he's still molesting her. She said he comes to your apartment parking lot, texts her to come outside, then she comes outside to get molested" That's when I knew it was all bullshit. Nobody in our family has his number. He didn't know where we lived. And even if he did, if your molester is texting you to "come outside" to get molested, why the FUCK would you go outside? Dumbass story. Then Brandon said "Yeah she was crying to me, telling me about this after you guys argued. She said she couldnt believe that you treat her so bad when she saved you from getting molested. She let him touch her to protect you from him" MY GOD LOL. What kinda dumbass twisted story is that? She made up all that shit just to get sympathy from her boyfriend and make me look like a bad guy?? Top it all of he said "I'm calling you because I'm really concerned, she won't let me report this to the cops for some reason" I said "Yeah, she won't let you report it because none of that shit happened" She also had other lies about how our real dad is a Brazilian gang member in jail This event right here, sealed all the assumptions I was making of her. I was coming to the conclusion that she is a narc or there's something else seriously wrong with her. And keeping a relationship with her just wouldn't be good for me.

Oh, you've posted! First thing I'm noticing: you've been describing a Narc, now you're describing one of the etiologies of a Narc, but going, I don't think he's an actual Narc, then adding that I'm accurate with everything I say. You're resonding too soon. Let it sink in. He may not be lazy-lazy but he was a lot LESS lazy...It was quite a chasmic shift, right? That's what your social parasite types of Narcs are like. They don't want to work or continue working...they steadily engineer it so that the spouse is doing the lion's share. Made him, made him, made him. What have your parents managed to make YOU do? Your dad's genes make him a lot weaker than you. "Now obviously, it's not like my dad got forced against his will to do these things. But he was pressured and I don't think he was really ready to deal with the responsibilities that came with those things. " Yes, he did. It's called attempts at Coercive Control, Covert Control, Double-Covert Control, Ambient Control. He gave in. And now HE does it...just in a way in which he can convince himself is NOT like his dad, IT'S DIFFERENT (but it's not). You wouldn't have. You HAVEN'T. Otherwise you'd be working for Starbucks and we wouldn't be having this conversation. Right? (Gotcha ;D) ALL Narcs are angry boys (or girls) inside a grown-up body (some to the degree of dangerous to your health and/or body). That's the point. Stunted. And not in a good way. Angry, over-spoiled Toddler throws Hotwheel at 'offending' person's head; angry, over-spoiled, FULL-GROWN Toddler throws mobile phone at 'offending' person's head. Frozen...but non-defrostable, if you like. At whatever sensitive age when the abuse culminated into a traumatic overflow/explosion - or when the one-off massive trauma hit in one go. Some kids break...their emotional side dies....the body continues growing...they can still learn skills (albeit are devoid of common sense and initiative, the spath narcs). But...they're still nasty kids. I mean - your dad even when you were 18 was WAY less mature than you and YOU WERE ONLY 18. YOU were the one thinking like the adult, not him. If I get time a bit later I'll pick out all the well-known hallmark behaviours/attitudes/beliefs you've unwittingly provided as define and identify what a Narc is. I think the fact he even IS still working rather than just opting out, shows he is a MILD sociopath, though - granted....more a narc than a spath...so it's mainly just image...ego...reputation...expecting you all to help him maintain those out-of-doors (to play his He's A Proper Grown Man & A Right Impressive One game)...scoring ego points...stealing your confidence... trying to control you so that you don't make him look inadequate by-comparison...even trying to keep tabs on both of your movements by offering lifts.....constantly butting heads with his own daughter/your blister (and TRYING to butt his with yours despite you yourself refused to bite or be manipulated into doing what he secretly wanted), all of that. Back asap then!

She's 19 now, NOTHING changed. She's still a narcissist but now she uses other "friends" to leech onto since she can't leech onto me (which makes her very upset btw) And the way she treats my parents is unbelievable.. She acts like we're rich or something, my parents are broke as hell and struggling to get by. She expects them to make her job resume, help her apply for college, buy her a new car, get her plane tickets to travel to India. Mind you, my sister and mom were already in India for the past month (their tickets got paid off by a LOAN meaning they didn't have the money to buy it) This bitch has a car, she can get a JOB and buy a plane ticket for herself. I'm not saying parents SHOULDN'T provide these things to their kids, but read the room. I wouldn't dare ask my parents for any of that because I know damn well that they can't afford it. But my parents got an ego and want to act like they can provide these things. My sister calls them on the phone screaming "YOU GUYS BETTER BUY ME A TICKET TO INDIA BY TOMMORROW" My parents didn't say yes, but they didn't have the guts to say no either.

It just shows how uninvolved my parents were in our lives. I did all the right steps. Failed high school, broke, no real career intention. I hated school. The only career interest I had was art/music. I still feel that way. So what do you do in this situation? Well, unless you're a rich trust fund baby.. you just get a job. In my mind, I just see my jobs as little NPC side quests No, I never really thought about how I'm not scared of switching jobs. I feel like a job is a job yk Maybe it comes from my senior year of high school. I was in alternative school to get my credits back. Our teachers were awesome, I actually liked them a lot more than the ones at a traditional high school. They taught us a lot more too. One of my teachers there was teaching us how to apply for jobs, how to make a resume, how to get an interview, prepare and show up for the interview. I took every single piece of advice she gave and got my first job at Marshalls the next week. That advice just stuck with me lol They also had us meditating every morning before starting the class and we only had to be there for three hours a day. I think every high school should be like that, they have no reason to trap kids for 6+ hours. It's just a government issued babysitting center.

I got enrolled for a couple classes at a community college next month, it's $700 per class. I cannot justify actually paying for that. It's cool for this quarter, but if I can't get financial aid or anything in spring I'd rather just work honestly. There's ways to make big money without a degree. It just sucks more. As for the sales job, they put me onto a remote position which is great

Everybody is a narcissist to some degree, I'm probably a narcissist too but the covert type The point where it's problematic is if you're hurting people and you just don't give a shit

Aaargh - relapsed and now too many posts to reply to! Bear with again - I hadn't even finished part 2!

No worries Also on the ancestor thing, I actually directly come from a linage of warriors/farmers/carpenters/artists.. so the way I am isn't surprising at all when I think abt it

"Also on the ancestor thing, I actually directly come from a linage of warriors/farmers/carpenters/artists.. so the way I am isn't surprising at all when I think abt it" Ah-hah-haaaah - there we go! Proof-positive. I'm ancestrally related to: An Irish Gangster ("Oy, try that again and there'll be trouble!,...grrrr...I'm WATCHING you...." - and - "Yes, but I need to be SURE-sure-sure!") A Spanish princess ("Ole!" and "Leave me, now...I need another siesta") A member of the UK Royal Family (Victorian era - male - illegitimately) ("Weeee are nnnot amuuuused (phwah-phwah)") Various Merchant Traders ("I'll give you 30 Euros for it" - street/beach seller agrees - I hand them the 40 they wanted, wink, and say, and an extra 10 for the fun of negotiating - cheers!") A French royal courtier of Louis Sixteenth ("Yeu Engleesh peegs"), whom fled the revolution with her lady's maid to Ireland Then there's the even further back Iranian connection ("I....loveyousomuch I CHOP OFF MY ARRRRM!") And a Cambridge Don (UK) ("Ah - I happen know that one too") And there's a dollop of Scottish as well ("Num-num - Black Pudding!") And a strong whiff of Viking ("Don't tell ME it can't be done - I'll bloody prove it!") Oh, and a rich, Cockney woman-of-leisure who went round the pubs, singing amusing songs she wrote to cheer the people up - during some depression or other ("It's for 'charidy'") (....'And-look what hap-penned-toooo ME!' hahaha)

Farmer, eh? Have you tried cultivating your own garden produce - veggie and fruit patches or pots? That'd save you some money?

"My sister is 19. Again, her narc traits started showing up at 12-13" Noted. "Just some background on our situation, we used to live in my grandmas house during 2017-2018 because my parents couldn't afford rent." Why couldn't they? "Me and my sister sleep UPSTAIRS in the same bed, same room. She'd be Facetiming her boyfriend roster till 3 AM, I had to hear all of it. " (My sister and I) (sorry) Boyfriend ROSTER? Hang on - she's three years *younger* than you. Isn't this a bit role-reversal - not the selfish keeping you awake bit - I mean, being into boys to that degree and without any supervision at so young and vulnerable an age? Whereas, you would have been 15/16. Weren't you interested in boys by then? Where were your parents? Why weren't they checking she was asleep? Oh, wait - don't tell me: you were supposed to be the conveniently free-of-charge, substitute babysitter. Close? "My uncle and his roommate lived in the basement and NEVER came upstairs. Never spoke to us. He hated the fact that my family was even there. Keep all this information in mind." That's just not normal. And yes I will! (I always keep everything in mind.) (Haven't a clue how not to, anyway.) "In the beginning of 2018"... (Please just do ages, not years.) ..."I did acid in my grandmas house, I don't know why." Well, you do. I've just picked it out! You were obviously no match for your little sister's force of willfulness - even a parent would have struggled! So you were held responsible yet had to basically feel helpless, watching her slide down into some kind of debauchery. Imagine the mental pressure! That would send anyone to drink or drugs, ESPECIALLY when you consider that you'd hit that 'experimenting with adulthood (just the perks)' stage. And then add the horrid atmosphere you were having to live under. The mental over-burden is what tipped you over. "I was just a stupid 15 year old kid." You can't have been. It wouldn't add up to now. Inexperienced and legimitately ignorant of Narcs, maybe. "I got into an argument with my grandma, my uncle barged into the convo and was like "get out of our house". I was like "hell yeah, I'm getting the fuck out of here. fuck all of you fat ugly pigs" HAHA! I say!... And, obviously they were fat, but - were they ugly on the outside too? He saw his chance. And clearly your grandmother depended on him or something so let him control her - OR he was her convenient rotweiller who easily read her subtle bodily commands? Which? Because, how come it was her power of decision - undoubtedly over his - that you could stay to begin with yet NOT in her power to veto his interference and jumped-up command? And - NORMALLY - a still-kid gets given a second chance, following a CALM, ADULT, REASONABLE, serious talk - which ACTUALLY is the exclusive right and duty of your own mother and father. So who the hell did they think they were? What - just because it was under your grandmother's roof? That doesn't give her the right to assume authority over you. Spilling coffee on her Cream rug - yes. But not over something like that. So what was up with that? Yep. Gran-gran's rotweiller. Her No. 1 Flying Monkey. (That would make mummy approve of him, finally. Clearly he'd been convinced he were a loser, thus lived up to that name - and was internally still a kid - because he was still living as one.) You, the genuine 15yr old, argued and so he, the illegitimate 15yr old in Man Suit, accordingly, argued back. See it? People always say - 'Pick on someone your OWN size, you bully!'. But - they do! PS: "his roommate". Roommate, eh? You SURE-sure-sure about that? "My mom felt the same way, she didn't wanna be living in my dads parents house either." Your dad's parents. And brother. How did I guess. And your mother had the same sane take, reaction and conclusion as you, look. "She hated them too. Me, my dad, mom, sister all left right then and there, got a cheap apartment with black mold. But it was nice because it was OUR PLACE." Yup. But methinks you had been used as a pawn, there. A catalyst. An excuse. See it? Anyway...chucking you all out over next to nothing unusual. Abuse of power and violation of trust and what was supposed to have been a charitable act, that is. Could that have made YOU your PARENTS' rotweiller, do you suppose? And do you suppose you'd someow sensed you had to be the one to provide the opportunity for the final showdown because your parents wouldn't have had the balls otherwise - either of them? "So we stay there. Settling down, absolutely zero contact with my dads side of the family." Very healthy decision - whose was it - mum's....dad's...or joint...or whole-family? "My turning point in cutting my sister off happened in 2019. Me and her got into a big argument over nothing. She calls her "boyfriend", crying trying to get some attention." (She and I) (soz!) Not over nothing. Just not over what was claimed to be the bone of contention. See it? Yes, we can SEE how desperate for attention she was from the hours and hours of late night attention-seeking. Dating, my arse. Desperate for a father-figure. Where was he, then? Desperate enough to be prepared to trade her body (the promise of it) for one. **WHO TAUGHT HER TO DO THAT/GAVE HER THAT IDEA, THEN?** "Her "boyfriend", Brandon, (this was an 18 year old dude I believe, my sister would always lie about her age to guys)" And what I've just pointed out explains why she even needed to, i.e. didn't go for boys her own age. "called me one night" Called you - her under-age mother. " because he was very worried about her, saying that he's worried that our uncle (from grandmas house) is serially molesting her." **THAT'S WHO!** Yes. He. Was. (Refer to 'where were your parents' during all this time? Clearly pretty effing absent!) "At first I was confused. But then he kept talking. He said "She told me that your uncle would come into her bedroom every night and molest her"" "I always believe victims first. So I thought "Oh my god, how did I not catch onto this?" and then I thought some more ".... oh, wait, it's because this never happened." Maybe only the coming into HER bedroom every night was the lie. Did that ever occur to you? Maybe he was bribing her and whatever it was (money?), she was ashamed of having acted like the wee (too weak to break it) addict he'd made her?? "We slept in the same bed every night." Yes. But by 3am, you were already exhausted and she wasn't. Because she was running on adrenaline - think about it. What kid of that age, otherwise, COULD stay up as late as all that, including when they've got school in the morning! Or were your parents so lax that she could lay-in and bunk off school? "Our loser uncle was locked downstairs in his basement with his "roommate" (maybe boyfriend, who knows). He NEVER EVER even spoke to us. Let alone walk upstairs and come into our bedroom. And if he did, I would've noticed. I was always there." Yes, locked from the INSIDE, not locked-in... could come up during the wee hours, eh. Who'd know? And - good - there it is. MAYBE boyfriend. Bit odd, two men living in such close quarters as a basement for so many years together, don't you think? At least one, not far off your father's age and he's married with almost-grown kids? Of course they were lovers. "But, I let Brandon keep going on with this story. "She's telling me that he's still molesting her. She said he comes to your apartment parking lot, texts her to come outside, then she comes outside to get molested" Because she gets given whatever it is she's so desperate for. As I say - undoubtedly money. If she's pretending she's these young men's age then she's got to have enough cash to act like it and buy them a return drink or be seen to afford a cab home or whatever. "That's when I knew it was all bullshit. Nobody in our family has his number. He didn't know where we lived. And even if he did, if your molester is texting you to "come outside" to get molested, why the FUCK would you go outside? Dumbass story." You might be right. But I think you should take a few days to consider it from my hypothetical angle, just to be sure (to be sure, to be sure). So I won't proceed for now, won't peek at the rest, will just cordon it off - and will wait for you to 'go again through the mental family albums' and come back with your answer. :) ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Then Brandon said "Yeah she was crying to me, telling me about this after you guys argued. She said she couldnt believe that you treat her so bad when she saved you from getting molested. She let him touch her to protect you from him" MY GOD LOL. What kinda dumbass twisted story is that? She made up all that shit just to get sympathy from her boyfriend and make me look like a bad guy?? Top it all of he said "I'm calling you because I'm really concerned, she won't let me report this to the cops for some reason" I said "Yeah, she won't let you report it because none of that shit happened" She also had other lies about how our real dad is a Brazilian gang member in jail This event right here, sealed all the assumptions I was making of her. I was coming to the conclusion that she is a narc or there's something else seriously wrong with her. And keeping a relationship with her just wouldn't be good for me.

It wasn't your fault, if I'm right. And even if I'm wrong. It wasn't your fault. In fact, not just not your fault - not even your business! (...like you said earlier). NOT EVEN ONE IOTA YOUR BUSINESS, LET ALONE WEIGHT OF RESPONSIBILITY. Child labour. The over-protracted sleep deprivation might be what sparked into operation your few, now highly beneficial, good-psychopathic warrior, traits. So imagine what that greater deprivation did to her - at such a pivotal age as hers - on top of the abuse (if I'm right) and all that shame but powerlessness to do anything about her addiction. (If not money - do you think he was giving her and had her addicted to drugs? That would explain the inability to grow tired... Amphetamine?) Just need to eliminate as much as possible, each aspect from this enquiry. And yes, it does sound unbelievable when it's you hearing it and at that age where if you admit it, the sense of shame and failure would be heavy enough to break YOU, TOO. Think about it. NOT AT ALL YOUR FAULT - IMPOSSIBLE TO BE. FACT.

"Everybody is a narcissist to some degree, I'm probably a narcissist too but the covert type" Then I wouldn't like you. It's how it happens - every single time. Why the Covert type, if you even were? "The point where it's problematic is if you're hurting people and you just don't give a shit" Which you don't. Nor would. So you can't be Covert because Coverts appear at the personality disordered height up that tree-trunk, and so WOULD. (See how that works?) Nah. Just the few "Friendly Psychopath"-ic Traits - friendly and harmless (save when pushed beyond) because your good side far outweighs and keeps them in-check at all times, even in your sleep. It would only come out in a survival/protection situation. You could be a Fire Officer...running into burning buildings to save people you don't even know (or if you did - didn't even like!), let alone share genes with (which is normally what's required before any NTs would dare run in (i.e. 'be' run in). They're not evil, are they...they're Natures Own, professional, vocational, Rescuers. (Although the evil pretenders are evil, obvs... you get Narc pretenders in every single walk of life, sadly...wherever there are normal people... We are the Dears that attract the Ticks, scuse pun.)

There's another possibility, though. So consider this too: Wanting an older-male figure, NOT a boyfriend (too young)... this 'reason' was all she could think of for saying No when and because the lads, like Brandon, started pushing for sex. Think about it. Any decent lad would back off immediately, not even argue. And an even more decent one would feel so concerned and obligated that he'd inform her closest 'parent-figure' (you). Poor girl (poor back then, probably not now) only had (through no fault of theirs) inadequate 'figures', never the real thing. No modesty now... Are you the only adult in that family? The only sensible, brave, mature-thinking one?

(One after-effect example, in which you may see parallels) https://www.sbs.com.au/voices/article/rivals-for-affection-how-siblings-survive-narcissistic-parents/gzvsu4h22 Rivals for affection - how siblings survive narcissistic parents Sibling rivalry is a normal rite of passage. But when you have a narcissistic parent, then having siblings feels more like the Hunger Games. Siblings fight for scraps of love in a decimated emotional landscape. And in the end, there are no survivors. Ani* (name changed to protect privacy) grew up with a narcissistic mother who never wanted a daughter. Ani’s mother had many unfulfilled dreams and took out her anger on her. She would fly into rages, and in one case, threw Ani against the wall and broke her arm. All of this happened in secret, and Ani’s father did not step in to protect his daughter. In contrast, when Ani’s brother, Luc*, was born, he was doted on by his mother. The narcissistic parent often pits siblings against each other, setting up a destructive pattern that can stick for decades. Each child has a role to play, and it only ever benefits the narcissistic parent. There is the ‘golden child’ who dutifully obeys – at least outwardly – every command from the narcissistic parent, and then basks in the praise. There is the ‘scapegoat’ child, who rebels, and bears the wrath. When children are dependent on their parents for food, shelter and security, they will do what they need to do to survive, even if it means silencing their own normal wants and needs. In a healthy family, it is safe to disagree with your parents. It is safe to advocate for what you want, even if your parents disagree with your life choices. There may be some grumbling, but their love and secure attachment is strong enough to withstand anything. Healthy parents know that their children are growing into independent and separate beings, and they encourage this exploration. Responsible and emotionally mature parents also help to nourish sibling connections. They help their children become friends and allies to one another. They help set patterns of respect, understanding and empathy between their children. They teach their children that home is safe, and that they are safe to be themselves with each other. These parents model healthy self-care and conflict resolution. Children in healthy homes learn how to express their needs, wants and deal with conflict within the safety net of their siblings and parents. However, children in a home with a narcissistic parent learn that they are rivals for their parental affection. They learn to hide their true selves not only from their parents, but from each other. They learn from very young that love, acceptance and safety are conditional. They learn that their wants and needs are not valid. They do not feel inherently worthy of love and belonging. Instead, deep in their bones, they know that home and family are not safe. Zahra* was one of many children in a home with a narcissistic father. He terrorised their family behind closed doors using his barrage of verbal, emotional and spiritual abuse. As Zahra got older, she started fighting back to defend her mother and siblings. Zahra and all of her siblings had secret lives of their own. Some of them got into unhealthy relationships out of sheer loneliness. Some of her younger siblings who did not feel connected to their father’s religion, but were too afraid to express that at home, hid their opinions. What happens when children in these chaotic homes grow up and move out? By the time they realise their parent is a narcissist, or has destructive narcissistic patterns, the damage has already been done. Their brains have already been wired from years of trauma. Even as adults, it is common for the golden child to continue defending the narcissistic parent and continue to blame the scapegoat child. In this scenario, it is likely that these adult children will repeat old patterns from childhood. Now that they are adults, Luc says he ‘cannot remember’ the abuse that Ani endured throughout their childhoods. He constantly defends his parents, especially his mother. Ani is no longer in contact with her brother, but knows that their mother is always worried about him – not her. Never her. Zahra’s father is no longer a terrifying presence in their lives. Her mother, siblings and her are now able to live full and happy lives. Her siblings who no longer identify with their father’s religion can express that authentically now. Adult siblings from a home with a narcissistic parent offer something precious to each other – they are the only witnesses in an invisible war. They offer each other reassurance that they grew out of a devastated landscape and made something beautiful. They are living proof of the healing power of time, distance, and love. Sometimes, it can feel too difficult to be confronted by living proof of past trauma. Adult siblings may choose to keep a safe distance away from each other because they remind each other too much of the bad old days. Zahra knows that her siblings dislike talking about what they went through as children, so she doesn’t bring it up. Instead, she brings her pain to her therapist. She is also not close to her more liberal siblings, not for lack of trying, but she senses that her own conservatism reminds them of their father. That makes her sad, but she respects their need for closure. The response of each sibling and how they cope with their own experience with narcissistic parents is different. Sometimes the best thing one can do is to protect oneself and move on. __________________________________________________________________- ((my comments)) "Have You Been a Victim of Eldest Daughter Syndrome? By Diana Valenzuela Because the trauma is real. If you’re a Twitter addict, you may have noticed a very bitter conversation simmering for the past few months. Yes, there are a lot of bitter conversations on Twitter, but this one has been circulating among adult women who all have one thing in common: They’re the eldest daughters in their families, and have paid what they feel is an unfair price. “Eldest daughters really are just therapists and marriage counselors for their parents,” one tweet reads, while another user states, “being an eldest daughter is like an unpaid internship for the rest of your life.” Harsh words, sure, but the anger is justified: The Internet is ablaze with eldest daughters expressing resentment for shouldering too much responsibility for their family’s wellness at early ages. If you’re the oldest, these hurt feelings may resonate with you. And if you’re a younger sibling who was partially (or even fully) parented by an older sibling, you may be discovering that the arrangement was unfair or unhealthy. If you’re a parent, you may be rethinking your current — or past — reliance on your firstborn. What is “Eldest Daughter Syndrome”? It’s only a recently uncovered dynamic, ((oh, for goodness' sake - no it isn't it's just recently, too tardily, ADMITTED TO)) but Dara Winley, Ph.D., LFMT, a family and couples therapist, writes that “eldest daughters experience the most pressure as their parents are trying to figure out parenting through trial and error for the first time. (And then add Narcissism of Narcissistic Fleas to the mix and see what you get! Narcissism is moreover about DEGREES of words and behaviour that even Normals can sometimes mistakenly do. Then add Malignant NPD and THEN you're talking, AREAS you wouldn't ever stray into, let alone to their degree.)) Many eldest daughters are subjected to a form of parentification, which Healthline defines as a type of dysfunction wherein kids take on traditional parenting roles in the household: “​​Instead of giving to their child, the parent takes from them. In this role reversal, the parent may delegate duties to the child. At other times, the child voluntarily takes them on.” Healthline clarifies that in some cases, children take on logistical duties (like paying bills or weekly grocery shopping) and emotional responsibilities, like caring for their parents’ mental health. The eldest daughter phenomenon specifically describes a family dynamic in which parents place these adult tasks on the shoulders of their eldest, female child. According to Healthline, this can happen for a huge variety of reasons: Parents may have ill health, substance-use disorders, financial hardship, or a long history of abuse that affects their ability to care for the family. Parentification may also happen if one parent dies, or if parents are immigrants and need help navigating an unfamiliar culture. Basically, parents feel deeply overwhelmed and lean on their children for help. ((OR they're lazy-minded Narcissists, for whom that's their only reason.)) Why do daughters often bear the brunt and not sons? Ellen Bradley-Windell, LCSW, the co-founder and clinical director of the Valencia Relationship Institute, explains, “Girls, as opposed to boys who have the eldest role, are often expected to be more responsible, and care for their other siblings, emulating the role of their mother.” Meaning that if a mother takes on a traditional role in the family — caring for and running the household — the eldest daughter might mimic some of those behaviors. Gail Gross Ph.D., Ed.D., the author of How to Build Your Baby’s Brain: A Parent’s Guide to Using New Gene Science to Raise a Smart, Secure, and Successful Child adds that parents placing too many burdens on their eldest can result in an unfortunate feedback loop — especially when parents want their eldest daughter to assume consistent responsibility for younger siblings. After a daughter fulfills these tasks, an appreciative parent may reward their eldest daughter with affirmation. Receiving positive reinforcement, the child may continue to seek out those responsibilities. If the parent gives into that impulse, ”the child loses her childhood.”” ((Or where the parents are narcissistic or narc-flea-riddled, not yet self-de-loused - the child continues because he/she is given convincing reason to believe that if this time she does it properly - or even better than ever - finally, she will be thanked, appreciated and loved more. Or if not - JUST NEEDED will do.)) How to heal from the eldest-daughter effect Becoming too responsible at a young age can have long-term ramifications. Dr. Gross says that women who took on their parents’ struggles are likely to ignore their own emotions: “By parenting her parents, and taking over some of their responsibilities, the oldest daughter, in a sense, is suppressing her own feelings, wants, and needs,” she explains. “She loses the capacity to not only recognize how she feels, but also to speak her feelings. As the oldest daughter enters adulthood, she may experience sadness and depression without identifying a reason for either. This state can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as personality disorders ((or, if the kid is very mentally strong, the very handy, few traits)) and free-floating anxiety.” Untangling complicated family dynamics can be overwhelming (to say the least), but Bradley-Windell points out that narrative therapy can help eldest daughters make sense of their experiences. “See the situation from an adult perspective,” she says. “Know that you didn’t do anything wrong. All you knew was that you were being compliant and doing what was expected of you.” Bradley-Windell also suggests focusing on forgiveness — a child who was parentified can take steps to forgive their parents, but also take steps to forgive themself. She suggests “literally talking to your younger self and saying something like, ‘I’m sorry you had to be put in that role when you didn’t know better.’ Forgive the little girl who felt so alone because she couldn’t do things her friends were doing and wasn’t able to just be a kid.” ((Did you?... and could you not?)) "Bradley-Windell says that acknowledging some of the positive results of this situation can help, too." ((Not 'can' - WILL. Can't NOT. There are many more advantages than disadvantages; the problem is merely people not KNOWING that or what they are, therefore feeling hard-done-by rather than gifted.)) To focus on the good, she recommends an affirmation like, “My independence and ability to navigate adulthood stems from how independent I needed to be as a child, which has helped me throughout my life.” ((ABSOBLOOMINLUTELY - HEAR-HEAR!))

Sorry - forgot the last link: https://katiecouric.com/lifestyle/parenting/eldest-daughter-syndrome-parentification/

Re your (pff) Uncle: (asterisks mine) https://kimsaeed.com/2015/12/28/did-you-find-out-your-partner-cheated-or-that-they-never-stopped/ "Faulty Moral Decision Making Ever feel like you’ve been beating your head against the wall trying to “teach” the narcissist the basics of being good and decent, or worse, how to be an adult? There’s a reason for that, too. While they may be successful at their jobs and have all the people in town fooled, narcissists are stuck in a state of arrested development. This explains the constant lying and conning, not to mention their **thrill-seeking through numerous sexual conquests, putting you at risk of contracting STDs! Narcissists never developed the ability to form a healthy attachment or bond with anyone. This partly explains their constant cheating, but another reason they cheat so much is that it’s a form of entertainment for them and is also **why many of them are sexually deviant. They need constant excitement to fill their black hole of emptiness. It also gives them **a sense of power when they successfully conquer **those whom they have been in pursuit of – **which may consist of both genders."

I understand that to an outsider, you will believe that my sister did get molested by the uncle. I would think the same thing. If I could draw out the layout of my grandmas house, I'd show you how him coming into our room to molest my sister would be impossible without SOMEBODY noticing, especially me being RIGHT THERE lol. I'm 1000% sure none of that happened and I even confronted her about it in an argument like "thank you so much from saving me from getting molested by our uncle by the way, you're so brave for that" She got quiet and looked shocked that I even knew abt that, then she started freaking out at Brandon cuz that's the only person she told that story to I cut her off right then n there, later on she was like "why are you still upset abt some stupid lie I made up" It's not even the lie that made me upset, didn't make me upset at all. It just showed me that whatever is going on with her is worse than the normal angry teenager problems. And everytime I did let her back into my life, she gave me a reason to cut her off again. It's a consistent pattern because she has a personality disorder. As for her letting our uncle touch her for money, absolutely not. Our parents are broke but they will still give us money whenever we ask for it, matter a fact my dad will venmo her every week since she won't get job. Now did she get taken advantage of by the guys that she "dated" in the past? Absolutely. Harassed by weirdos? Yup. I'd say most teenage girls get taken advantage of and/or harassed unfortunately. I still can't really sympathize for her or baby her situation because remember, she is only two years younger than me. She is not a baby to me. When I was in middle school I had zero desire to mess with older dudes and lie to them abt my age and identity. First of all, ew. Older guys were repulsive to me. Second, my conscious won't even let me lie about small things. Actually seeing the way my parents were really deterred me from even wanting to date anyone for a while. Everyone's different, I get it. I just can't sympathize with anything she did because she literally did not need to. She doesn't seek attention from guys anymore (I think). Now she channels her narcissism into religion which has been interesting to say the least And she's now in a relationship with a half blind religious guy, he's actually very nice. I hear her verbally abuse him every other day I feel bad for him, his life is abt to be a nightmare lol

"Where were your parents" Working especially my mom. My dad would be home a lot but that was pretty much dead weight, we couldn't rely on him for anything. Except food or rides, but even then he'd be bitching like "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOURE MAKING ME GO ALL THE WAY HERE" so I was never really interested Ohh did I mention how when I had my active nervous system problems this summer, I had no job and didn't feel comfortable driving. So I would ask my dad everyday to buy my food and drive me to a yoga studio (in attempt to self treat since doctors didn't do anything) He didn't have a busy set schedule. Was still doing Uber. He knew I was in a terrible state and really needed help. And still, he was bitching about it saying "I NEED TO MAKE MONEY YOU ARE WASTING MY TIME!" To the point where I was telling him "Look, I wouldn't be sitting in your car and asking you for help if I didn't need it. I just don't have a choice right now." Experiencing this health problem was an eye opener. I realized that I cannot afford to get health issues because if something like this ever does happen again, I won't get any help. Not from a doctor, family, friends, work, nobody. I have no idea how disabled people go through life like that. Okay, got side tracked. Was worth mentioning tho

"Weren't you interested in guys at 15-16" Of course I was. Wayy more interested back then compared to now lol. I was just more closed off and self conscious, I didn't want guys taking advantage of me. I wanted a real, genuine relationship. Not that easy to find in high school. Or even as a young adult or really any age. If anything I kinda miss the dating atmosphere of high school, everybody's still young and inexperienced with life. There's some level of trust you can have with peers at that age As an adult though? No, the dating pool scary out here. I don't know if a man my age is gay, has kids, what his dating history is, what he does in his freetime. No clue. Sometimes I don't even want to know.

Backtracking- And in all honesty I shouldn't have went back into working that fast after the health incident I had. Mentally it's good for me since it's just getting me back into the flow of things but If we were more financially stable I wouldn't even work right now. But again, this situation just showed me that I cannot reliably depend on my parents for anything except food and shelter. That's not enough. It's crazy to think about. Right after I got into that major car crash, I still showed up to work at that Pho restaurant the next day with bruises on my leg, acting like nothing just happened lol

"Why couldn't your parents pay rent" Bad credit score, hard to even get accepted for a place with that. But also, my mom was the breadwinner. At the time, it wasn't enough bread. My dad was making some pocket change with the Uber. I think my parents were planning on staying at my grandmas house longer than we did to save up money, maybe to downpay a house. Who knows. But living at my grandmas house was unbearable, back then I was telling them "I'd rather be sleeping under a bridge" My dads side of the family is just weird. My uncle is weird. Homosexual weird? Probably. Pedophilic weird? I don't think so.. He is shady though. Wont disclose his number, job, nothing. Who knows. He only lives in my grandmas basement so he can collect the will money. It's actually elderly abuse.. Changed the locks so my dad can't see his mom and threatened her saying "If you let him take part of the house, I will leave you here to rot in your own shit" She doesn't have to be in that situation, we offered plenty of times to take her to her homeland or even a retirement home. My dad explains this to her everyday. But she won't admit that she's being abused so.. legally it's tricky. She's not innocent either, I mean she created this situation. Kind of like what you said. Two peas in a pod. Unfortunate.

Oh-- also some cool news I applied for a few scholarships a while ago. Never expected any to actually respond. But I got an offer in the mail for a $22,000 scholarship at a university that's out of state, everything's covered. Kind of hard to turn down. Could be the move lol

1st post - all of it: GOOD, then - you're certain. Then, she was an over-attention-seeking, fledgling Narc. At that point, her parents could have stepped in, but they themselves clearly had problems and couldn't parent adequately... and the Wayward Son or Daughter is what results. Left too long - boom. THAT easy as one of the ways a kid turns narcissistic then personality-disordered. (I certainly wouldn't have put it past your uncle, however, the way he behaved (AND lived) like a complete, vindictive, over-dependent, CHILD.) And I'm impressed that at such a young age, you can (good-psycho trait) turn your empathy off when necessary, just with a decision nto, without turning it off globally (as your replies on other threads prove). As one of the memes basically says - Empaths are apt even to feel sorry for the people who are hurting them. PS: yep. Poor boyfriend. Should you think about anonymously informing his church leader so they can keep an eye on him? PPS: you should be chatting to Jae. Bar the kid-parent bit (I think?) - you and she have that friendly psycho traits aspect in-common. _____________________________________ 2nd post: "Working especially my mom. My dad would be home a lot but that was pretty much dead weight, we couldn't rely on him for anything. Except food or rides, but even then he'd be bitching like "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOURE MAKING ME GO ALL THE WAY HERE" so I was never really interested" 'I can't believe you're making me do as agreed-to with your mother in return for her being the 'hunter-provider'!' Ye gods. What a despot of a child. I mean, in context, doesn't that just sound SO SPOILED, LAZY BABY? What age would you put him at, as would make that 'outraged whinging' suddenly seem to fit? I'd say 12/13 - wouldn't you? Like this and this combined (comedy sketches that are SPOT-ON?...maybe not so much the obvious, outward 'displays' but definitely the attitude): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLuEY6jN6gY (haha - I love the dangly arms, it's so true, my god) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lqm8JGnSshE (I was bloody married to this!) Narcs are far worse than normal-healthy Teenagers, though. Natural toddler and teenage narcissistic phases are developmentally necessary and shouldn't be confused with permanent, lifelong selfishness, or NPD. 'It's just a phase they're going through'. Random snippets re a narc deadbeat dad, by both academics and victims: ((my comments)) "A narcissistic father will often cross your boundaries simply to prove that he can. He may show up uninvited to your home or events. He may defy your family rules ((e.g. role-swap agreement with your obviously healthier (let's not forget the effect on her of him) Mum) to spite you. He may intentionally give presents only to the person he prefers, just to play mind games" ((- see Lily31's thread - Parents Split Up, about half the way down, following the separation and then divorce; he did this disgusting thing to her and her siblings multiple times)). "Abandon Them in Times of Need. On the flip side of coddling, narcissistic parents may abandon their kids, even the golden child, in times of vulnerability and genuine need because they see it as weakness, don't care enough to be bothered to get involved, and/or enjoy their suffering." "I look at my Mum ((read, Dad)) who could pass as the Queen ((King)) of all Narcissists. Then I look at her ((his)) approach to parenting and it is just lazy and childish. It just seems like ((he)) gave up a long time ago when she realised ((he)) could live through me, my brother and my ((Mother)). The fact ((he)) puts others down and can't do something as basic as losing weight and sticking to it despite yapping on about it for the last 34 years of my life speaks volumes on ((his)) integrity too. There is none and nor is there any real attempt at acquiring it too." ((PS: they can't self-regulate disappointment and move on from it, such as when made redundant or let go, hence stay stuck in time, like Dickens' Miss Haversham.)) "I think laziness can be an influencing factor/symptom of narcissism. ((including mental laziness)) I also believe that a variety of other types of bad parenting create similar results/damage to narcissistic parents. Neglect (both parents working, and there but kind of not there when not working), "setting high standards/Tiger Moms", trying to be a child's best friend instead of being a parent, living vicariously through a child. All are damaging forms of parenting that can overlap with narcissism, or be their own type of abuse due to just plain bad parenting." "It makes sense that narc parents would seem lazy as parents since they have no real sense of self on which to base healthy parenting behaviors, like demonstrating loving care for the child, validating the child's true inner self with their own matching true inner sense of self, or respecting who their child is and nurturing that little blossoming person inside. What they mostly have is a need to maintain a false image of themselves, which they do by constantly seeking power and control, and by feeding off of anyone with whom they have any relationship. For the child of someone with NPD, the parent shows up as split: either with a lack of parenting (inattention and neglect -- laziness), or with parasitic parenting (use and abuse). Nparents are beyond extremely disabled parents, which does not excuse the abuse they perpetrate on their children, who are dependent on them. Yes, they will seem very lazy as parents. If you have one Nparent and one Eparent, chances are the picture looks much the same, since the Eparent is also being diminished in his or her ability to show up as a healthy parent due to N abuse. ((not always, depends on the empathetic parent's strength))" _________ Back to your post... "He didn't have a busy set schedule. Was still doing Uber. He knew I was in a terrible state and really needed help. And still, he was bitching about it saying "I NEED TO MAKE MONEY YOU ARE WASTING MY TIME!" To the point where I was telling him "Look, I wouldn't be sitting in your car and asking you for help if I didn't need it. I just don't have a choice right now."" That dialogue exchanges definitely sounds as if the first was a teenager but whom was a spoilt-brat years beforehand, talking, and his healthy mother replying. Did you reaise that? Can you hear it if you imagine those characters doing the talking? So - YES, it sounds like you were indeed the only (available) adult in that family and (typical) your mother got forced by the circumstances your lazy, parasitic father caused/allowed to happen to be an absent parent. __________________________ "Experiencing this health problem was an eye opener. I realized that I cannot afford to get health issues because if something like this ever does happen again, I won't get any help. Not from a doctor, family, friends, work, nobody. I have no idea how disabled people go through life like that. Okay, got side tracked. Was worth mentioning tho" GOOD FOR YOU for recognising that. But, yes it IS worth mentioning! Yes, you ARE worth it! Answer: there are charities, including those set up specifically BECAUSE of this type of Pack (not Family) mentality and set-up. See if you can surf for any? That will be one less worry on your mind. You're not alone - you're one of countless! COUNTLESS! You're known as an ACON (adult chid of Narcissist). ____________________________ (Next post:) ""Weren't you interested in guys at 15-16" Of course I was. Wayy more interested back then compared to now lol. " HAHA! Damn - missed your chance! (joke) "I was just more closed off and self conscious, I didn't want guys taking advantage of me. I wanted a real, genuine relationship. Not that easy to find in high school. Or even as a young adult or really any age." "If anything I kinda miss the dating atmosphere of high school, everybody's still young and inexperienced with life." "There's some level of trust you can have with peers at that age" "As an adult though? No, the dating pool scary out here. I don't know if a man my age is gay, has kids, what his dating history is, what he does in his freetime. No clue. Sometimes I don't even want to know." Spoken like a true adult in a kid suit, by which I mean, your incredibly mature-adult attitudes, even back then at that young an age, I mean. Maybe you should be seeking out friendships with people a lot older than yourself? You're certainly on their level. I'll say it again - I still can't believe you're only 21. You think and act genuinely like a 35-year-old already! It's great! Means you're a REAL-LIVE, GENUINE, GROWN-UP - emotionally mature, realistic and sensible - but fun and playful as well (and feisty...mustn't forget feisty). So few of those these days (especially in politics and other positions of powerful, social leadership positions). I could talk to you every day if I had the time! Ditto to all our long-running posters, lately, in fact. You guys are of a far better pedigree than the majority of people out there today, that's for sure. And yes, these days it is scary. RIDDLED with Narcs/Spaths and Psychos, they are. Wouldn't catch me on a dating website. "Tried it once, didn't like it". He was the best of a bad bunch on there, but Oh Em Gee - he was a dichotomous mix between neurotic, whingy, hard-done-by-life (never his fault), WIMP, and sneaky, manipulative, at times, malevolent (childishly) BSTD. (That's right - Narc! (Covert-Vulnerable).) Fantastic study material, though (lol, I'm a champion Lemonade-maker, I am). __________________________ (Next post:) "Backtracking- And in all honesty I shouldn't have went back into working that fast after the health incident I had. Mentally it's good for me since it's just getting me back into the flow of things but If we were more financially stable I wouldn't even work right now. But again, this situation just showed me that I cannot reliably depend on my parents for anything except food and shelter. That's not enough." I know. It's too horrid, isn't it, realising you never had parents - or only had one, whom had to be absent a lot to bring home the bacon. And this links with what I've just said, about how most folks lack emotional maturity and common-sense. Role-reversal like that jars with our human, still primitive wiring/nature, anyway, irrespective of modern, conscious ideas, and especially when you've got kids to feed and clothe, etc., meaning house-husbanding and office-wifing tends not to work even at the best of times with normal-healthies. But know that you can always ALWAYS come here to get emotional and moral support, so please don't feel lonely and isolated. Okay? (((((((((hug)))))))))) Nick Ferrari, long-running top (breakfast) presenter-interviewer on LBC Radio, said it best - last year. He said something like - He had his whole life always believed that 'above him', there were real grown-ups, especially those responsible for running the country and society, but that now (then), he realised that it's not the case any more and that it was making him feel very alone and insecure. Are you interested in politics? I ber-LOODY HOPE SO! "It's crazy to think about. Right after I got into that major car crash, I still showed up to work at that Pho restaurant the next day with bruises on my leg, acting like nothing just happened lol" YYYYUP. You're naturally "too" self- and socially-responsible, "too" professional, tough as uck, but with just the right amount of soft, witty and playful side. Where do I mark my X? :D ____________________________ (Penultimate post:) ""Why couldn't your parents pay rent" Bad credit score, hard to even get accepted for a place with that. But also, my mom was the breadwinner. At the time, it wasn't enough bread. My dad was making some pocket change with the Uber." So your father was never an adequate provider, then? "I think my parents were planning on staying at my grandmas house longer than we did to save up money, maybe to downpay a house. Who knows. But living at my grandmas house was unbearable, back then I was telling them "I'd rather be sleeping under a bridge"" HAHAHAHA! You see? It's comments like that last one...the way you put things - you crack me up! :D (Did you have any bridge in particular in-mind? LOL) "My dads side of the family is just weird." Noooo - reeeallly??? Haha! "My uncle is weird." Suuurely not! LOL "Homosexual weird? Probably. Pedophilic weird? I don't think so.. He is shady though. Wont disclose his number, job, nothing. Who knows." Yep, shady alright. Yeah, it must have been both her need for dramatic attention combined with her excuse not to have sex. I DO feel sorry for her, though. She was a neglected kid and wasn't made of the same stuff as you. "He only lives in my grandmas basement so he can collect the will money." Typical Narc son, yup. "It's actually elderly abuse.." Ditto. "Changed the locks so my dad can't see his mom and threatened her saying "If you let him take part of the house, I will leave you here to rot in your own shit" Clearly a Malignant. And as it involves financial exploitation and coersion, I reckon, a Narc-Spath, and your dad 'just' a Narc. But they're both Mummy's Boys, if you think about it. Can't live as independent men. Both parasitic. One latches and sucks, one staples himself and mugs. "She doesn't have to be in that situation, we offered plenty of times to take her to her homeland or even a retirement home. My dad explains this to her everyday. But she won't admit that she's being abused so.. legally it's tricky." Soooo frustrating when they refuse to see it and turn a blind eye, isn't it. But that's probably because, Uncle is constantly in her face, whereas your father's neglectful and gives her off-the-peg, dismissive 'solutions' like, pop you into a Home or send you far away. "She's not innocent either, I mean she created this situation. Kind of like what you said. Two peas in a pod. Unfortunate." It might have been a reactive situation/end-product, though. What was her husband, your Grandfather like? ___________________________________ (Final post:) "Oh-- also some cool news" Oh - good! "I applied for a few scholarships a while ago. Never expected any to actually respond." I would have! Since knowing you, I mean! "But I got an offer in the mail for a $22,000 scholarship at a university that's out of state, everything's covered. Kind of hard to turn down. Could be the move lol" TAKE IT, TAKE IT, TAKE IT!!! (but stay in touch - this forum needs people like you). Studying what? This is it - this is your escape hatch out of LaLa Land, COMBINED with entry point up the career ladder WITH a major head start! I'll hold your hand the whole way if you like? (Air-punch!!!) Fate/someone up there loves and rates you, and IS looking after you - that much is obvious. :))))))

Here - Nav - go see what Jae's just achieved! :) (The pair of you have made my day!)

Retirement home or her old family would be a much better option for my grandma, instead of living with my uncle We cannot take her in because 1. My mom doesn't like her 2. No space 3. She has health issues that need attention I will say tho, my dad provided a lot more for her than my uncle did. My dad, who isn't even allowed in the house.. would buy her food, meds, whatever she needs. My uncle wouldn't but if he did, he'd give her a receipt and say "Pay me back" She divorced her husband ten years ago. He was an abusive piece of shit, she was way too passive and slimy. I wouldn't dislike her if she wasn't so disgustingly passive and just said what was on her mind. She's old so I wouldn't beat her up, but if a girl my age acted like her... she would get rocked

"Maybe you should be seeking out friendships with people a lot older than yourself?" Friendships, sure. Don't really mind. Dating though.. I'd want to be with a guy that's also in his 20s I think it's a red flag if a man is over 30 and still single But then again, at 18 I thought I'd be married or at least engaged by now. That.. did not happen lol

I'm going to discuss it with the school when they open back up, hopefully I can take that opportunity. If not, might just start working in Alaska

Also my mom does not work in an office she works in an emergency room.. she does it by choice too I want her to stop cuz it's overworking her, but she won't take a normal hospital job cuz it's too boring to her m

Also another thing Looking back at the health situation, it was definitely a mini stroke or something along those lines During that time period I decided to take pictures of my face everyday, now I'm looking back at the pictures and my eyes were drooping, one side of my face was drooping.

Heya -- haven't forgotten you - bear with a little longer?

Just bumping you up in readiness... (sorrysorrysorrysorry - again - "gaaah!").... (If you're feeling up to it - don't supposed you could be a sweetie and help me out by doing a reply or two? Say No, if you're not, it's just worth asking because newbies are doing that passive queueing thing again.)

Heya! THANK-YOU SOOOO MUCH for your help - brilliant posts (despite - bit on the in-your-face side, one of them, but I guess you ruh-huh-huh-heall don't like mistresses, especially ones that complain about the consequences as if those have only just suddenly occurred to them, eh). Keep it up, you're great at it - you get STRAIGHT down to brass tacks and no messing. :) **************** "I'm going to discuss it with the school when they open back up, hopefully I can take that opportunity. If not, might just start working in Alaska" Working in Alaska? Doing what? (..."Sheee's a lumber-jack and she's o-kay, She-sleeps all night an' she-works all day, She-cuts down trees, she-skips and jumps, She-likes to press wild flowers. She-puts on wo-men's clo-thiiing, And hangs a-round in baaars.") (??) "Dating though.. I'd want to be with a guy that's also in his 20s" What, so you can stay in your comfort-zone by being his secret mum? ;) Nah. You'd be far too emotionally mature for him. Twenty-eight-plus, maybe. "I think it's a red flag if a man is over 30 and still single But then again, at 18 I thought I'd be married or at least engaged by now. That.. did not happen lol" Psst!... I was ABOUT to say - sometimes...it depends on the individual situation, any extenuating circumstances, whether he's a late-starter type of ACON, etc., but then I noticed your jumping to your prior, somewhat rigid thinking (- just an old Narc Flea), but then almost instantly remembering to make the above beeline for the Grey, *first*. It's a sign of recovering/enhancing. :))))) Nope! Sorry! There's no trying to cheat when you're the sensible Selector and he the one, trying to WIN your hand. You're going to have to conduct that tri-part interview (first three dates), avec your microphone ("So tell me: What sort of relationship are you looking for - and are your intentions honourable, what are you looking for in a woman, what do you have to offer the woman in return, which was your most successful relationship, how long did it last and why did it end, and do you want/like kids, and what to you would constitute your ideal marriage (etc.) (not necessarily that straight-up, more disguised within mere interest-based chat. You can't tell from peering outside the box and concluding based on stereotypes (unless they're a Narc), you have to get IN the box (just take your time getting in, and ensure you have a ladder for getting out again). "Also my mom does not work in an office she works in an emergency room.. she does it by choice too" Vocational, then. "I want her to stop cuz it's overworking her, but she won't take a normal hospital job cuz it's too boring to her" Needs greater challenge. And stays calm and pragmatic in emergencies. Not scared of a bit of blood and gore. Does whatever needs to be done. So self-sacrificial it would not be that much of an exaggeration to say she's the type who could well risk working herself 'to-death' if she weren't careful. (That's nice, isn't it: deprived of your right to motherhood, thanks directly to her once-husband-now-parasite). So he tries to do a lot for his mother but not you guys, yes? You obviously take after your Mum (hence the self-surgery). Blister takes after your Farter: just lie, manipulate, cheat or even scream commands at people until they do as you want in preference to enduring your constant sh*t ("rolling over, for a quiet life" that doesn't even exist), it's way faster and easier than being a decent, caring and honest) (fools). There's a meme that goes: 'If you put as much effort into BEING a good person as you do PRETENDING to be a good person, you could actually BE a good person'. (Technically. If you're judging them by decent person standards. However, not in reality/in-application because, to that above, implicational degree - they would long already have had that Nice Person/Predator Person choice in front of them, including opportunities with every waking day to stop themselves/seek or ask for therapy while they still could, and their choice was to be mean, selfish, entitled, exploitative, cruel, hard-hearted, deceptive/fake, emotionaly thick, lazy/corner-cutting and/or eternally 'delegating', etc., etc. So in fact, this is a moot point meme. But I still like it because it represents how self-harming they, in the final analysis, are. Their whole life is about 'cutting off their nose to spite their face'. If you don't know how to treat people or knowingly treat people poorly - you will lose. End Of.) However: "I want her to stop cuz it's overworking her, but she won't take a normal hospital job cuz it's too boring to her" Yet again, this smacks of a concerned parent, retelling her attempt to persuade her less worldly-wise daughter, that bringing home the bacon is not synonymous with being your own slave-driver. I could understand it if she were on a high salary, whereby she didn't even need your Dud's piddly contribution. But self-evidently not. Do you suppose that one of her deeper reasons for working long hours, despite hard-hard workk, because it limits the amount of time she has to be around/deal with Daddy Dearest? Did she ever ask you for feedback on how "your father" was doing as quasi mother and housewife, and how the set-up was affecting you and Blister? I mean - who did the housework, shopping and cooking, etc., back then? "Looking back at the health situation, it was definitely a mini stroke or something along those lines" During that time period I decided to take pictures of my face everyday, now I'm looking back at the pictures and my eyes were drooping, one side of my face was drooping." Well, it could just have been nerve damage, doesn't have to have been as serious as a stroke. Have you tried researching this? You surely can't be the only one who found herself in that same position? **************** Are we all caught up for now? Tell me more about this scholarship (and the lumberjack-ing, haha).

Hey-hey! Message for us both on HHK's thread, in case you haven't seen it? (PS: I'm still laffin')

Nav - you'll love this: see Fangtall's thread. As I've just said to H (and Jae in a tick) - he's released the hounds on his Dud: https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13524/Issues-reconnecting-with-my-father#jumptobottom (Counter-Sneaky, huh ;D)

Hey, where you iz? Everything ok?