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Hi... I don't know how this works, but I am already at my wits end😔 I have no one to confide in and this is my last resort after thinking for a while. OK! Here goes. I have a friend who makes me feel as if we are dating. She prefers to only be in my room with me, watching movies and cuddle with the doors closed. Its up to the point where my parents think we're dating and they don't like it if I were to go out with her. (I told them we aren't.) But still no staycations, no movies etc. When I reciprocate her feelings, she accepts them openly. She still meet guys once in a while but break it off soon after and seek me afterwards. We slept in the same bed, held hands-even when I tried to reject it. I still have no idea what we are at this point.. She kept asking me out on dates and treating me to lunch, getting me clothes and even asking me out to accompany her shopping for lingeries. We have a group of mutual friends, but she has never asked them to lingerie shopping-asking if it looks good and what I think about it-or to pick the best outfit for her. She would wear the outfits for class and so on. I got flustered so I asked her what we are. She said 'yeah, I like you' but didn't elaborate on it. I took it as her being more comfortable with me among our group of friends. Then she said 'I want to date you, adopt children and live together in our house in the future'. I froze and asked why she said that. 'You know me better than anyone and I like you.' I didn't want to get my hopes up and left it at that because she ends up brushing it off all the time. Recently, she started dating a guy she met online and told me that they are planning to get married by the end of next year. I am happy to hear that and congratulated her on finding the right one. I even suggested menu options and she thanked me for it. However, all of a sudden, it is as if she's trying to cut me off and stay away from me. She started distancing herself and only goes out with our mutual friend. She stopped contacting me. Its been close to a year since we really met and sit down for a chat to catch up with each other. I took it that she needs time with her boyfriend, but she posts pictures and videos together with our other friend. I don't really feel hurt, I just want to know if its something I did or is she trying to end our friendship. Am I in the wrong for something I didn't know? What do I do?😭😭

What should I do?

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Hi, Jae - and welcome! Apologies for the delay in response, however, please be aware that you're 100% welcome, as with any forum, to help yourself in chatting to other Original Posters (OPs/thread-owners) on their threads - or, better yet, giving your opinion whereever you can relate to their own problem (or even imagine being in their boat). Meanwhile, I'm duplicating this message to all whom likewise are still waiting, that they are perfectly free to do so on yours. :) Soulmate Moderator-Advisor

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FYI, I'll be posting late tonight and most of tomorrow. Please can you give me a little reply so I know you haven't 'abandoned queue'?

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Oh, hi. I haven't abandoned anything really... Sorry for replying so late. I will be sure to check out other forums and comment on it, but I'm not really good at that... I worry that I might come across as insensitive to others' posts. I will try to check out the other forums. Thank you for the reminder.

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No - THANK-you for replying as late as I have! I'm inundated (with RL stuff) (hate that term - this IS real life, duh? Just non-electronic life......NEL - there we go - sorted, lol). Actually, I didn't mean chat on other forums, I meant check-out and check the problems of other thread-owners HERE. And what do you mean - "I worry that I might come across as insensitive to others' posts."? Insensitive how, or by saying what? Anyway, I'll get to you tonight or hopefully even sooner. :)

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Ah, I see. :) There are some that I could actually relate to. Well, it might just be me. I'm not really good with words, see. Advice or my two cents worth of thoughts, I don't really know how to word them. I'm actually more used to showing them with actions and I listen. In the NEL🤭 (like you mentioned), I could respond whenever there is a pause in the coversation. Online, its more of a whole chapter, and I don't know how to respond 'in the right way' I guess. Its complicated and you can tell I am not even doing a good job explaining it. Anyway, take your time. I am thankful enough that someone is even taking the time to read that long rant😅.

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Hi again! "and you can tell I am not even doing a good job explaining it." Nope, I couldn't, actually. I understood you perfectly. And my answer would be - wait to see if you ever feel like it, because that tends to be all the proof you need that you feel confident and ready enough to have a stab. (I'd look after you, anyway...You'd just have to ask me to delete your post if you felt you'd made a boo-boo - or I could instead explain to the thread-owner concerned that you're completely new at this so to give you a hall pass? But - genuinely - no worries, you don't have to AT ALL, it's not mandatory, just a suggestion. :)) ("Over"-Conscientiousness, noted, however. ;)) (...which is a good thing...WITH the right person(s) I should add.) Right then!... "I have a friend who makes me feel as if we are dating. She prefers to only be in my room with me, watching movies and cuddle with the doors closed. Its up to the point where my parents think we're dating and they don't like it if I were to go out with her. (I told them we aren't.) But still no staycations, no movies etc." Sorry - how old are you both and what are your genders? (Ignore any question if you've answered it below - I'm not reading ahead.) Why don't your parents like it? How come you told them you weren't, when, you do sound as if you're behaving like sweethearts (her the initiator) and pen with the fact you now feel as if you ARE dating? "When I reciprocate her feelings, she accepts them openly. She still meet guys once in a while but break it off soon after and seek me afterwards." OH. So it sounds like, basically, you're her gap-stopper for whenever she doesn't have a boyfriend...a source of human comfort and affection. But without having above-table said so or even asked you if it appealed to you or not?...a confused, tacit agreement having 'emerged'? Even I'm a bit confused here. Are you gay and she straight? Or are you still sampling/experimenting in order to know? Really, I'm missing the context - which are your romantic orientations (if known yet) and ages. Can you just give me those so I can continue on, please? Cheers! .

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Sorry - WHAT long rant? You want to see long rants? Haha - search by Alias Soulmate, hahahahah! THEN you'll see what long is! RELAAAAAAX. We don't bite. We only bite back, and only ever with deliberate trouble-makers. Feel at home...put your fluffy bunny/whatever slippers on and BE YOURSELF! :)

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Hey! "Nope, I couldn't, actually. I understood you perfectly. And my answer would be - wait to see if you ever feel like it, because that tends to be all the proof you need that you feel confident and ready enough to have a stab." Never thought anyone could understand what I was trying to say but THANK YOU! Maybe waiting something out once in a while is not bad after all? "I'd look after you, anyway...You'd just have to ask me to delete your post if you felt you'd made a boo-boo - or I could instead explain to the thread-owner concerned that you're completely new at this so to give you a hall pass?" Now this I need a bit of getting used to... I am actually just starting to learn to get help when I need one. Not important though.. But again, I really appreciate it. "Over"-Conscientiousness, noted, however. ;) Right. One of the things I am actually trying to fix-but I don't think its going in the right direction. Alright. Back to the REAL problem.. "Sorry - how old are you both and what are your genders? (Ignore any question if you've answered it below - I'm not reading ahead.) Why don't your parents like it? How come you told them you weren't, when, you do sound as if you're behaving like sweethearts (her the initiator) and pen with the fact you now feel as if you ARE dating?" We're both 25 this year and females. My parents are VERY conservative. Traditional..? I don't know. They told me how they felt uncomfortable because we seem intimate (similar to how lovers would act..) They just don't like it. I mean I get their concern really. They're parents. Worrying about their child. Get it 100%. I wouldn't worry though. Now, why I told them we weren't, is because we aren't. I honestly see her only as my best friend. I felt as if we are in that kind of relationship because that's how my parents and relatives potray it. Its how when she posts their intimate stuff online and those are also what WE do that confuses me. I don't how how else to phrase it. The thing that really gets me thinking, was how her now-boyfriend would always check in to see where we are when its just us hanging out. HE would call to make sure we aren't alone! "OH. So it sounds like, basically, you're her gap-stopper for whenever she doesn't have a boyfriend...a source of human comfort and affection. But without having above-table said so or even asked you if it appealed to you or not?...a confused, tacit agreement having 'emerged'? Even I'm a bit confused here. Are you gay and she straight? Or are you still sampling/experimenting in order to know?" Yes! Even when she has a fight with her boyfriend she would come seek me... without having to talk anything out between them. He would always call and try to talk it out, but she would brush it off and say that she "needs space" while she's with me. I would personally tell her to fix whatever it is that is going on between them-he's even trying to reach out and talk-but everytime! She would just say that she wouldn't have had this problem if she dated me. I honestly am tired of hearing that. She didn't ask me how I feel when she does that and when I tried to draw a line between us, she would just start acting all sweet towards me with the presence of my family knowing that they are not comfortable. Yes, she is Bisexual. She already came out to me since secondary school(do you call it high school?). I, on the other hand, am NOT into any romantic realtionships. Its weird. I know. I tried explaining to my parents. They don't get it. Not surprised there. I don't get it! I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHERE I STAND IN SOCIETY! These gives me so much stress as it is. (I don't want my parents to think that my friend is forcing herself on me. Is she?) Anyways, I am as confused as anyone with this.. NGl.. I think this just caused more headaches for you and I AM HONESTLY SORRY. :( KUDOS to YOU to even try to make sense of everything... I could never. Good luck! and talk to you soon.

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"Sorry - WHAT long rant? You want to see long rants? Haha - search by Alias Soulmate, hahahahah! THEN you'll see what long is! RELAAAAAAX. We don't bite. We only bite back, and only ever with deliberate trouble-makers. Feel at home...put your fluffy bunny/whatever slippers on and BE YOURSELF! :)" Well, this certainly puts me at ease! I see that you are on every thread when I search Soulmate. (I don't mean it in a bad way! I promise!) I just wonder how you do that. Is it taxing? I really applaud you for even taking time to read and emit this calming and positive vibe you bring along with you. I pray that only good things happen to you and there are people who listens to your concerns as well! Alright. I hope that wasn't overboard... OH nO.. OK.

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Be with you this evening latest, Jae - please keep bearing with me?

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Got an unexpected window!... "We're both 25 this year and females. My parents are VERY conservative. Traditional..? I don't know. They told me how they felt uncomfortable because we seem intimate (similar to how lovers would act..) They just don't like it. I mean I get their concern really. They're parents. Worrying about their child. Get it 100%. I wouldn't worry though. Now, why I told them we weren't, is because we aren't. I honestly see her only as my best friend. I felt as if we are in that kind of relationship because that's how my parents and relatives potray it." No, your parents/relatives are reflecting on it. Which is in reaction to how this 'cake and eat it' friend has been portraying it. You obviously just went along with it. But it's not normal, you were quite correct to come here. I don't like this interfering in your most personal business by your family, though. What is it makes them think they have that right? ...the mere fact that you're having to live at home (like so many your age nowadays)? Your sexual orientation and love-life are no-one's business but your own. You do know that, yes? "Its how when she posts their intimate stuff online and those are also what WE do that confuses me. I don't how how else to phrase it. The thing that really gets me thinking, was how her now-boyfriend would always check in to see where we are when its just us hanging out. HE would call to make sure we aren't alone!" She's a User. And clearly narcissistic. Very manipulative and machinating ("Machievelli"). Sorry. And right now she's using what she's warmed you up to be, against him. Google "Narcissistic Triangulation". "Bi", is she? Well, she's obviously got you very confused, to the point where you're losing confidence and not even able to tell whether or not you're making sense (you definitely are, don't worry). Additionally, feeling too unanchored by not knowing what she's been playing at or why, to dare have it out with her. I wouldn't bother, anyway. *I* know what she's trying to do. You, you'd probably just get MORE of the same, overly vague, non-answers she's already come out with ("Narcissistic Word Salad"). Instead, if I were you I would create some space under some plausible excuse ("Plausible Deniability"). Doing their tricks back at them is called, "Out-Narcing The Narc". She's set you up to be dragged into her new relationship in order to make him feel constantly under threat (that she could jump ship to you at any second), which is how Narcs ensure their 'partner' (emotional slave) is always too scared to raise a confrontations conversation for gaining said missing clarity. You're nobody's 'gun'.

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"Now this I need a bit of getting used to... I am actually just starting to learn to get help when I need one. Not important though.. But again, I really appreciate it." Living at home with your parents and no-one to discuss this stuff reasonably and rationally with, without getting nothing but emotional blackmail (threat of disapproval) back? Stick around, Jae. Yes, it IS important. Vitally. I'll get you used to it. (((((Parental Hug)))))) You're a sweetie.

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PS: The board's gone quieter, I've noticed (non replies/replies still pending). Good. Post away! I'll *make* time if I have to. Okay?

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"Be with you this evening latest, Jae - please keep bearing with me?" Don't worry! Still here :)

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"No, your parents/relatives are reflecting on it. Which is in reaction to how this 'cake and eat it' friend has been portraying it. You obviously just went along with it. But it's not normal, you were quite correct to come here." You see, I have trouble making friends. She was the only one to stick around.. I'm either too quiet or too disciplined, too rigid for people. So, yes. I might have had a bit of fear to lose her before. Now, I actually feel some sort of relief to not get her calls or texts. My parents already has a leash on my neck. I don't need anymore chains around my ankles... I knew it wasn't normal for her to do that and I only now got the courage to talk about it to someone (other than my family). "I don't like this interfering in your most personal business by your family, though. What is it makes them think they have that right? ...the mere fact that you're having to live at home (like so many your age nowadays)? Your sexual orientation and love-life are no-one's business but your own. You do know that, yes?" Ah! That hits right on the dot. Bullseye! My father's favourite quote. "My house, my rules! Privacy be damned!" I Do understand my relationships or sexual orientation is MY privacy and business. That is why I'm tired of having them I NEED to get married when I have no interest in that AT ALL! "She's a User. And clearly narcissistic. Very manipulative and machinating ("Machievelli"). Sorry. And right now she's using what she's warmed you up to be, against him. Google "Narcissistic Triangulation". "Bi", is she?" I just read on it. Narcissistic Triangulation. That actually describes it on point. Wow... My mind just blanked the moment I read that. Thank you for pointing it out, really. Honestly, I don't know if she is Bi... She only ever meets up with guys and comes to ME only when needed. "Well, she's obviously got you very confused, to the point where you're losing confidence and not even able to tell whether or not you're making sense (you definitely are, don't worry). Additionally, feeling too unanchored by not knowing what she's been playing at or why, to dare have it out with her." For a while, I thought I wasn't making any sense. Like I mentioned, she is the only friend who would stick around, so I guess the fear of losing the only friend I have held me back. "I wouldn't bother, anyway. *I* know what she's trying to do. You, you'd probably just get MORE of the same, overly vague, non-answers she's already come out with ("Narcissistic Word Salad"). Instead, if I were you I would create some space under some plausible excuse ("Plausible Deniability"). Doing their tricks back at them is called, "Out-Narcing The Narc". She's set you up to be dragged into her new relationship in order to make him feel constantly under threat (that she could jump ship to you at any second), which is how Narcs ensure their 'partner' (emotional slave) is always too scared to raise a confrontations conversation for gaining said missing clarity. You're nobody's 'gun'." Any tips or suggestion to do this? I am hopeless when it comes to getting back at someone... Ugh! I shouldn't have been so naive to begin with. This is blame on my part. I KNEW something was up. I just turned a blind eye to it...

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"Living at home with your parents and no-one to discuss this stuff reasonably and rationally with, without getting nothing but emotional blackmail (threat of disapproval) back? Stick around, Jae. Yes, it IS important. Vitally." Well, my feelings and thoughts are either too "self-centered"(which I think might be true?) or just "nothing of concern" and "not important". I honestly can't diffrentiate thoughts and feelings anymore now.. How anyone(me) can ever confuse this two is beyond myself... And, yes! I will stick around for however long I can^^. That parental hug I felt VOLUMES of it!! (Yes! In a good way :) ) "You're a sweetie." Aww... Awkward sweetie, more likely xD. Thank you! You know, you actually give of a really caring and compassionate vibe :). Some kind of warmth! You're Awesome!!

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"PS: The board's gone quieter, I've noticed (non replies/replies still pending). Good. Post away! I'll *make* time if I have to. Okay?" Oh, alright! I hope I'm not taking too much of your time. I don't mind you taking as much time as you need to reply. No rush! It is a lot to take in, you know? Talk to you soon, Soulmate!

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I'm assuming you're a female that liked a female? Alright well, she was obviously bisexual. She cut you off because she has a man now. Having relations with an ex of any kind (relationship, talking stage, doesn't really matter) while you're in an active relationship with somebody else is usually awkward and unethical for everybody involved. So her keeping a distance from you makes sense. You could try to text her and clear things up with her, let her know you would still like to have a platonic relationship. Either she'll say yes or no. I'm not if that'd be a good idea because it seems like she's kind of using you for attention or whatever, not being genuine with you. And you can communicate this to her too if you feel this way. Let her know, life is short. It hurts but you can't really do anything about it. Spend the next 1-2 months crying and playing sad music in your room, but don't let it go on for longer than that. After you're done being depressed and whatnot, you put yourself out there. Go to parties, the club, or make new a group of friends yeah you already know how this goes Deep down you know what to do, it's just hard because you have this emotional blockage I'd say go on Tinder but dating apps are toxic as hell and it's kind of like.. instant gratification? You might meet the coolest, prettiest girl of your dreams on there. But she's probably talking to ten other people. If you're cool with that sort of thing, then alright. But for a genuine connection, try to keep things happening in real life if you can. Dating advice for lesbians is something I can't really give. In my personal opinion, a lot of women aren't actually lesbians. Like in your case, this girl was just talking abt starting a life with you but then ends up with a man. Regardless of my opinions though, I will tell you that as a lesbian you kind of have to be weary of girls that claim to be "bisexual". They may not value the relationship the same way you do. They may not even have the same intentions as you. Not trying to stereotype, I'm just saying this since I've seen this happen several times Best of luck though. You can and will find somebody else.

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"I'm assuming you're a female that liked a female?" Hey Nav! I am a female, but I'm not into any kind of romantic relationships. I actually never even had the idea of going into a romantic relationship with her. I went along with her whims because she was the only friend I ever had and its only now that I finally got the courage to acknowledge how wrong and stupid of me to actually go along with it :( However, I do appreciate and value the advice you have given me ^^ I actually am feeling quite relief that she is not calling or texting me nowadays. I thought that it was something I did, but I guess the time spent away from her is actually helping me see things in a different light. Thank you for taking your time to read and share your advice though! Really appreciate it :) PS: I'm not quite into partying, but I am having a lot more time to indulge in my hobbies!! ;)

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Heya! "My house, my rules! Privacy be damned!" Interestink! So he thinks his letting you stay in the family home for-free, somehow gives him the right to attach antisocial strings to the 'deal', such as, not being allowed your basic human right to privacy? And showing disapproval because they were wrongly assuming you were turning gay? Oh, well, you have us now. Just grit your teeth until the day you can move out. But do I take it he's this over-domineering with your mother and (therefore) has eroded a portion of his marriage - hence the over-focus and attempts to influence or even control, by both parents, on you? Do you think he's (possibly unwittingly) trying to make your stay just intolerable enough that you'll want to move out, rather than let the grass grow under your feet, out of a mis-belief that his marriage will somehow go back to how it was? Or does it "ping" more when I suggest this is his way (again, poss unwittingly) of trying to 'kittenify' you so that you DON'T leave home (loss of confidence) any time soon because he needs you to stay LONGER, as a marital buffer/distraction (third wheel) (or even something for them to talk about)? What about his own privacy? PS: agree with Nav about staying away from dating apps/sites, but I believe there are sites for meeting other single people, platonically. PPS: Do you have a touch of Asperger's, do you know? And - either looks and personality-wise (which?) - do you take more after your mum?

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"I finally got the courage to acknowledge how wrong and stupid of me to actually go along with it" You were down and desperate for a friend. Happens to the best of us. I've been there. I doubt there's one single human that hasn't, frankly. You can feel lonely even when you have plenty of friends. Reason being - it's an unavoidable part of the human condition (especially since we're born alone and die alone). Here's the thing, though: Types like you, me and Nav and others here - if we made friends with someone who was down, we'd do our damnedest to build them up again or at least not make things worse for our own selfish, unhealthy agendas, like this mad bint (industry term, HAHAHAHA). I suppose you didn't really notice how Out-Of-Order she was because you've had your dad being (daily?) OOO, meaning, too used to it (beyond sore nerves comes numbed nerves) to be appropriately shocked and turned-off her. True? Nav asked if you'd tried to have a confrontations conversation with her. Did you ever? Or did she distance herself just as you had girded your loins to do so?

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You weren't stupid. You were intelligently survivalist. You put up with shite rather than risk being alone. You did what you sensed you had to do. But as you saw - getting out of such crap dynamics with sneakily controlling types is harder than with normal-healthy individuals. It WASN'T YOU who tried to get inappropriately cuddly, etc., now, was it. You woz conned. The nicest types always are. BUT...it does show that you're not qualified to be as lovely as you are because you have neither a shield nor sword. Learn to become the warrior you are (symptoms abound!) - by doing your training to be as equally capable of defending yourself (and others). Then you can RISK and AFFORD to be super-nice. Ok? Then you're a more balanced and rounded person. Sense? NOW you know how being with the wrong/iffy person is far more damaging to you than being temporarily friendless. The thing to do is get USED to the loneliness until THAT nerve goes numb. This forces you to play alone like I'm betting you used to...to finish getting to know yourself, remember how much fun and/or interesting you are (proven by the fact you can keep yourself amused for hours and get sucked into things). Once you've re-made friends with yourself - from then on, you won't ever NEED a friend...BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT ONE. You'll then (automatically, mostly) test-drive potential friends and over the months into 2 years, decide all fussily with your re-heightened standards and boundaries (and defence weapons), whether or nto they ENHANCE your confidence and life enough that you.... WANT them. Diff/all the diff. It is SO important. Once the friendship is strong (and mostly drama-free, just the usual 'getting to know you' mini-clashes), THEN is when you know it's safe to rely on them (and they you)... to NEED them. We don't "make" friends. We (in this type of very common case) come out of our next-stage-development chrysalis (where you are), now ready to automatically attract friends (and same for the other party (Right Person, Right Place, Right Time)).... subconciously you detect that you each have a Green "Vacancy" light, find some excuse to get chatting, AND take a gentle liking to each other - voila.....what happens next is it feel the easiest thing for one of you to say - I've really enjoyed chatting with you - do you fancy meeting for a coffee some time soon? - and likewise, only natural and logical for the likeminded to reply with a big fat - Yeah, I'd love to! Your mind knows you need reflection time, not to procrastinate using distractions in the form of friends (particularly difficult ones...Fiends :p). It's probably that you need to 'conquer' "the mother ship" (dad and/or mum) so that you take that Victor-mindset update with you onto your next stage (said weapons). Does that make sense and am I close? You're coping BLOODY WELL, though, mentally - well above-average - I'll tell you that for nothing! Shall we discuss clever ways to put your dad back in his box - even willingly? It might just be that he's stuck back when you were 15...hasn't had time to notice you're an actual woman now? Don't know for-sure...you tell me...But...no healthy father would come out with such an over-inflated, outrageous statement like, you're under my roof, privacy be damned. Jeez. (What did you say back? At your age, had my father ever said that (which thankfully he never would have), I'd have stuck my index finger over my top lip and yelled, YA VULL, MEIN FUHRER, while over-comedically Goose-marching away. But not before I'd found My Rebel Yell, if you know what I mean.) So what have your parents said, now they know you've dumped the fiendly dud?

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By the way: tell me how this evolved: "Like I mentioned, she is the only friend who would stick around" Go into detail about the decline of your other friendships - but like a newspaper news article (leave emotional words or any analystical commentary out of it - just plain facts in chronological order) if you can, please? I hear nothing wrong with you and everything right with you (including just enough Aspie traits to be of special benefit by giving you extra mental skills/talents and a heck of a lot of (stifled) potential)...perfectly lovely to chat to (and trust me, I am very, very fussy)....and therefore I smell a (common) rat.

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Helloo!^^ "Interestink! So he thinks his letting you stay in the family home for-free, somehow gives him the right to attach antisocial strings to the 'deal', such as, not being allowed your basic human right to privacy? And showing disapproval because they were wrongly assuming you were turning gay?" Yes! Totally STINKS! That's how I learned not to make assumptions^^ "Oh, well, you have us now. Just grit your teeth until the day you can move out." Moving out seems impossible.. I have to take care of them well into old age until.. you know. Its a responsibility of mine. "But do I take it he's this over-domineering with your mother and (therefore) has eroded a portion of his marriage - hence the over-focus and attempts to influence or even control, by both parents, on you?" I wouldn't say that as our mother usually has the upper hand at decision making and how things run at home. "Do you think he's (possibly unwittingly) trying to make your stay just intolerable enough that you'll want to move out, rather than let the grass grow under your feet, out of a mis-belief that his marriage will somehow go back to how it was? Or does it "ping" more when I suggest this is his way (again, poss unwittingly) of trying to 'kittenify' you so that you DON'T leave home (loss of confidence) any time soon because he needs you to stay LONGER, as a marital buffer/distraction (third wheel) (or even something for them to talk about)? What about his own privacy?" I am actually acting as a counsellor when things get escalated in their fights once in a while. I talked to them about moving out, and they wouldn't allow me to. They told me I have to be there to take care of them when they get older. I did have the responsibility of taking care of my late grandparents too. "PS: agree with Nav about staying away from dating apps/sites, but I believe there are sites for meeting other single people, platonically." I can assure you that I totally do too! I have met a few people online and its easier to talk about different topics ( mostly inflation). "PPS: Do you have a touch of Asperger's, do you know? And - either looks and personality-wise (which?) - do you take more after your mum?" Asperger's? Care to elaborate? (Not offended, just wanting to understand.) Hmm... I'm actually not sure. Looks I know I got from my mother, but personality-wise I haven't have the slightest idea. My parents were never really around and they had a divorce. My now-mother is our step-mother.

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"You were down and desperate for a friend. Happens to the best of us. I've been there. I doubt there's one single human that hasn't, frankly. You can feel lonely even when you have plenty of friends. Reason being - it's an unavoidable part of the human condition (especially since we're born alone and die alone). Here's the thing, though: Types like you, me and Nav and others here - if we made friends with someone who was down, we'd do our damnedest to build them up again or at least not make things worse for our own selfish, unhealthy agendas, like this mad bint (industry term, HAHAHAHA). I suppose you didn't really notice how Out-Of-Order she was because you've had your dad being (daily?) OOO, meaning, too used to it (beyond sore nerves comes numbed nerves) to be appropriately shocked and turned-off her. True?" Yes, these seems to be the case. I actually can't help but acknowledge these. "Nav asked if you'd tried to have a confrontations conversation with her. Did you ever? Or did she distance herself just as you had girded your loins to do so?" I wanted to have the confrontation, but she already found her now-boyfriend (and planning to get married end of next year), so I didn't bother to ask. And she started distancing herself after I help suggest the food and theme (she asked me for suggestions), so I didn't see the need to.

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"It WASN'T YOU who tried to get inappropriately cuddly, etc., now, was it. You woz conned. The nicest types always are. BUT...it does show that you're not qualified to be as lovely as you are because you have neither a shield nor sword. Learn to become the warrior you are (symptoms abound!) - by doing your training to be as equally capable of defending yourself (and others). Then you can RISK and AFFORD to be super-nice. Ok? Then you're a more balanced and rounded person. Sense?" Your words do make sense. Its a cut-throat world we'rr living in anyways. I understand what you're trying to point out. I am willing to learn these! "This forces you to play alone like I'm betting you used to...to finish getting to know yourself, remember how much fun and/or interesting you are (proven by the fact you can keep yourself amused for hours and get sucked into things). Once you've re-made friends with yourself - from then on, you won't ever NEED a friend...BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT ONE. You'll then (automatically, mostly) test-drive potential friends and over the months into 2 years, decide all fussily with your re-heightened standards and boundaries (and defence weapons), whether or nto they ENHANCE your confidence and life enough that you.... WANT them." I DID have no one else but myself. I was ALRIGHT too! I was so into books, writing and drawing ever since I was young. Got into a few small competitions too! I'm going to re-learn all these and come out a better version of myself! This I'll start working on. Promise! ^^ "We don't "make" friends. We (in this type of very common case) come out of our next-stage-development chrysalis (where you are), now ready to automatically attract friends (and same for the other party (Right Person, Right Place, Right Time)).... subconciously you detect that you each have a Green "Vacancy" light, find some excuse to get chatting, AND take a gentle liking to each other - voila.....what happens next is it feel the easiest thing for one of you to say - I've really enjoyed chatting with you - do you fancy meeting for a coffee some time soon? - and likewise, only natural and logical for the likeminded to reply with a big fat - Yeah, I'd love to!" I haven't had the chance to see it in a different perspective. This seems more "gentle"(?) and I think it actually gives everyone time to understand and get to know each other better. Correct my view if I'm wrong :) "Your mind knows you need reflection time, not to procrastinate using distractions in the form of friends (particularly difficult ones...Fiends :p). It's probably that you need to 'conquer' "the mother ship" (dad and/or mum) so that you take that Victor-mindset update with you onto your next stage (said weapons). Does that make sense and am I close?" Reflection, not Procrastination! Exactly! This is what I needed to start doing, right? You are making sense and close, yes. "It might just be that he's stuck back when you were 15...hasn't had time to notice you're an actual woman now? Don't know for-sure...you tell me...But...no healthy father would come out with such an over-inflated, outrageous statement like, you're under my roof, privacy be damned. Jeez." He just hasn't really been around and is only now trying to be father, I guess? Its only a wild guess, so I might be wrong. "I'd have stuck my index finger over my top lip and yelled, YA VULL, MEIN FUHRER, while over-comedically Goose-marching away. But not before I'd found My Rebel Yell, if you know what I mean.)" I don't know what it means, but it seems that you could piss someone with that (with what little insight I got from google). "(What did you say back? At your age, had my father ever said that (which thankfully he never would have), I'd have stuck my index finger over my top lip and yelled, YA VULL, MEIN FUHRER, while over-comedically Goose-marching away. But not before I'd found My Rebel Yell, if you know what I mean.)" I retaliated once.. Got a nice, hot slap that shut me up. HA HA! Asian household aye? The parents win.. "So what have your parents said, now they know you've dumped the fiendly dud?" Funny how suddenly they don't even have a care in the world..

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"Go into detail about the decline of your other friendships - but like a newspaper news article (leave emotional words or any analystical commentary out of it - just plain facts in chronological order) if you can, please?" Right! I met her at primary school, briefly. We're in different classes and had different group friends. I was more with the boys, with a few girls in the group. I got to talk to her for a class project and that's it. Close to the end of primary 6, I had a fallout with the girls in our group because I wasn't allowed to go for a sleepover party. That was the end and I was just left with the boys. Secondary school was when I met her again and we started getting close. She and her same group of friends got in the same class with me. I wasn't close with the group, more like aquaintances. She got them to try and befriend me and get me to join for lunch etc. The arrangement worked for 3 years. Secondary 4, they started distancing themselves from me. I didn't think much and she never mention anything too. A day before graduation, a fight happened. She didn't attend school and told me that she wasn't feeling well. I told her to rest and left it there. Then they created another group chat, one without her (I haven't noticed till later). They said that she wasn't in school because she was embarassed after getting rejected by a guy in class after she confessed. Apparently, it was the same guy that one of them liked and it just left a sour taste in the other's mouth. (Both got rejected.) The guy was already in a 2 year relationship with a senior. I made the mistake of actually asking her? (This is a fact.) She told me what happened, and that she was indeed sick and went to the doctors because of a temprature. She ask how I knew and I told her to check the group chat. When she told me that she haven't received any notifications, I checked and I knew I messed up. BIG TIME.. She confronted them about going on to talk behind her back and eventually the group announced it loudly in class that I am a backstabber and a traitor for going behind their backs. So, I got kicked out and we stopped contacting each other (her included). 2 years after secondary school graduation, she reached out and contacted me. She had apparently made peace with them, but still "chose" to stay friends with me. And now, we're here. "I hear nothing wrong with you and everything right with you (including just enough Aspie traits to be of special benefit by giving you extra mental skills/talents and a heck of a lot of (stifled) potential)...perfectly lovely to chat to (and trust me, I am very, very fussy)....and therefore I smell a (common) rat." I will gladly accept your teachings master xD Thank you for seeing a potential in me ^^ Aspie traits? I'm a bit lost here.

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PS: I actually have trouble with loud sounds (chatters, screaming etc.) I have been told I'm clumsy (I trip over my own feet all the time..?) I have anxiety and depression (diagnosed when I was 15). I read on it and I relate more to high functioning Asperger syndrome? What is going on?

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Hey Soulmate! Its been a while since I last heard from you. I hope everything's alright and that you're well. Just got a bit worried and thought to check on you.. Anyways, take your time and talk to you soon :)

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Yep - sorry - be with you shortly! It's never If I'll return, it's When. But I did lose track of time these last few days (busy-busy-busy-busy...I hate that word now). Sorry for worrying you. :)

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"Yep - sorry - be with you shortly!" Heya^^ No worries, no harm done here :) Don't worry! "It's never If I'll return, it's When. But I did lose track of time these last few days (busy-busy-busy-busy...I hate that word now)." I totally understand.. It could get quite busy in our NEL, huh? "Sorry for worrying you. :)" Nah! I'm glad everything's ok :) Good luck with NEL^^

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Hey-hey...Just bumping you up for tomorrow before I hit the sack. :)

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Heyy! Its really nice to hear from you^^ Have a good night's rest Soulmate!

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Cheers! I did as well. Got a question for you before I dive in: What's your family's religion? And what are the rules for someone like you, socially and culturally? I'm asking this because of all your "I have tos". PS: "I read on it and I relate more to high functioning Asperger syndrome? What is going on?" Haha - what do you THINK is going on? Don't worry about it - celebrate it! At your level it's an enhancement! You just have to know how to get control of that powerful machinery. Put it this way: No Narc/Sociopath/Psycho is ever a match for an educated NT Empath or HF Aspie Super-Empath. Particularly one that's been repressed and picked-on for too long. You just wouldn't know that. Ya do now. :)

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"Cheers! I did as well." I'm glad you did :) Welcome back! "What's your family's religion? And what are the rules for someone like you, socially and culturally? I'm asking this because of all your "I have tos"." Well I really hope this doesn't change anything between us... I'm a muslim. Socially, we have to be kind to people and animals, have justice, patience, and respect your elders. Culturally, we are not supposed to date and/or have sex before marriage. I am muslim, but there are lots of things I don't practice. I'm trying though.. "Haha - what do you THINK is going on? Don't worry about it - celebrate it! At your level it's an enhancement! You just have to know how to get control of that powerful machinery. Put it this way: No Narc/Sociopath/Psycho is ever a match for an educated NT Empath or HF Aspie Super-Empath. Particularly one that's been repressed and picked-on for too long." So what you're saying is, I just have to learn and have control of my strengths to be that best version of myself that I have dreamt of? Where and how do I start? Researching and reading online? Self empowerment books? First, I'm going to have to understand and find out more about HF Aspie Super-Empath. PS:Thanks so much for opening my eyes to a lot of things! I hope nothing would have changed, but if it did, I want to thank you for helping give me a start to a great change for my self! ^^

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I had something similar happen with a guy friend back in college, except I kind of got annoyed and creeped out when he kept trying to get me alone and ways insisted on never leaving his room when we hung out. Hanging out with him started to feel more like work and he got really weird with me about wanting to go out and do things so I eventually just left and stopped talking to him. Last I heard he got a boyfriend of his own and moved out of town. She had a major crush on you and when you didn't reciprocate for long enough, she found someone else. I don't necessarily agree that she was always using your for attention or some weird sense of self-gratification, but I do think she was sort of unintentionally doing that from time to time (at least, that's what it sounds like to me). I'm not really sure what you CAN do here, she's with him now and as long as she at least seems happier with him I don't think there's much you SHOULD do. It kind of sounds like you had a much better resolution than I did with my college ex-friend.

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(Cheers, FangTail (ok if I nickname you FT? You can call me SM...saves your fingers).) Hey Jae - no OF COURSE it doesn't change anything. All you have to be to be welcome here, is Human. And you don't sound like a chatbox thingy so .... :) Be with you shortly, just as soon as I can!

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Do meanwhile feel free to reply to FT - you can trust him, he's not a newbie, and he's very clear-sighted and helpful (his own thread's at the top of the board if you want to check it out? (Sorry if I made you blush FT, haha.)

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Sure, sorry for the typos. I'm used to being able to edit myself so I'll try to be more careful when writing these replies.

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"I had something similar happen with a guy friend back in college, except I kind of got annoyed and creeped out when he kept trying to get me alone and ways insisted on never leaving his room when we hung out. Hanging out with him started to feel more like work and he got really weird with me about wanting to go out and do things so I eventually just left and stopped talking to him. Last I heard he got a boyfriend of his own and moved out of town." Sounds exactly like what I was going through. I just kindda wished she had talked to me straight rather than being unclear about it.. I would have the chance to have had better opportunities to explain how I felt with her actions and stuff. I don't want to paint a person out as unlikable or bad. I just wished we had better space for communication, even as friends. And yeah. Its been a while since she contacted me last and I haven't been checking in to see how everything's going. If she wants the time and space to learn loving her boyfriend, I'm all happy for her. Thanks for sharing your experience FANGTALL^^ It helps me understand more on the other person's prospective.

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"Hey Jae - no OF COURSE it doesn't change anything. All you have to be to be welcome here, is Human. And you don't sound like a chatbox thingy so .... :) Be with you shortly, just as soon as I can!" Hey SoulMate! I'm glad it didn't! So nice to hear from you again! I will be sure to check out FangTall's thread! I quite understood the perspective of the other party from his advice too! Talk to you soon!

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Yep - you're next! :) (PS: Why did you even think it would, though?)

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Sure, sorry for the typos. I'm used to being able to edit myself so I'll try to be more careful when writing these replies. I now eggsactly what you mene - I have the sane probelm. :D (you walked into that one, didn'tcha)

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"(PS: Why did you even think it would, though?)" Just some past experiences I rather not remember.. But I'm pretty sure I would like to not have a repeat of that :') Anyways Professor Soulmate. I 'll leave you to your devices and talk to you soon, mate^^

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Heya! "So what you're saying is, I just have to learn and have control of my strengths to be that best version of myself that I have dreamt of? Where and how do I start? Researching and reading online? Self empowerment books? First, I'm going to have to understand and find out more about HF Aspie Super-Empath. " Yup to all of it! But just google "Supernova Empath". As for me - this pretty much describes my own moral standing: "I'm a muslim. Socially, we have to be kind to people ((tick!)) and animals ((tick!)), have justice ((TICK!)), patience ((tick!)), and respect your elders ((MEGA-TICK!)). Culturally, we are not supposed to date and/or have sex before marriage. ((I'd have much preferred that!)) I am muslim, but there are lots of things I don't practice. I'm trying though.." Throw in some Buddhism and a sprinkling of Christianity, and voila - moi! Thinking about it, I've always, always had a Muslim friend. Got a good one here in Spain. Probably because I always found foreigners more interesting and feel I get on better with them. I do know I have some Iranian/Persian as well as Spanish in my genes (had 2 geneologists in the family...which was FASCINTATING!) so...who knows? Truth is, I don't give a flying duck what colour, creed, gender, sexuality, blah-blah anybody "is". People, to me, are basically brains in jars...biological ones (just not inanimate), which we call bodies. The only criteria for me, is their being a decent, caring, hardworking, *brave* person. But with a sense of humour (the full-functional type, where you can laugh even at yourself). But anyway... There's a meme I agree with, and it goes: Religion is for people who fear Hell, Spirituality is for those who've been there. And here's a question for ya (or anyone): WHY does humanity assumme there's only one God and was/is only ever one "Jesus" (or Jesina, haha)? Why?? And says who? After you've had a really good surf re Higher Functioning ("self-neurotypified") Asperger's, feel free to pelt me with any comments and questions! (I'm a real, live, Know-It-All, haha...which irritates the you-know-what out of pretend-know-it-all Narcs, I'm pleased to add, haha :) Be back soon (not finished).

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"Yup to all of it! But just google "Supernova Empath"." Supernova Empath. Sounds like a name for a hero if there would be^^ Would definitely check that out!! "Thinking about it, I've always, always had a Muslim friend. Got a good one here in Spain. Probably because I always found foreigners more interesting and feel I get on better with them." Ditto! I actually find it a whole lot easier to talk to people of different backgrounds, races etc. There are just things that we would be able to discuss openly without getting judged for it. A safe space where anyone and any topic is welcomed to be talked about. I see humans as curious creatures. We learn and soak up knowledge just like a computer or AI. So, I have no idea why people find "different" scary instead of seeing it as learning something new. "I do know I have some Iranian/Persian as well as Spanish in my genes (had 2 geneologists in the family...which was FASCINTATING!) so...who knows?" That IS indeed FASCINATING! This might be an uncalled for TMI, but we have a quite a few mixed in our genes as well. My late grandmother had Portuguese/Chinese background. My late grandfather is Pakistani. I don't even know how the Portuguese/Chinese situation could have happened but it did... O_O; "Truth is, I don't give a flying duck what colour, creed, gender, sexuality, blah-blah anybody "is". People, to me, are basically brains in jars...biological ones (just not inanimate), which we call bodies. The only criteria for me, is their being a decent, caring, hardworking, *brave* person. But with a sense of humour (the full-functional type, where you can laugh even at yourself)." Honestly what the WORLD needs right now. Sometimes, we humans care about what's on the outside too much that we don't bother to try to get to know them as a person. And that's sad :( "There's a meme I agree with, and it goes: Religion is for people who fear Hell, Spirituality is for those who've been there." I wonder where half the world stands at... "And here's a question for ya (or anyone): WHY does humanity assumme there's only one God and was/is only ever one "Jesus" (or Jesina, haha)? Why?? And says who?" To be honest with you, I think it's what we were thought and what's written in a religion's holy book (depending on their religion)? I guess, humans can only learn and absorb, but do we have the answers to everything really? Everyone believes in their religion but, then why the need for debate and proving who's right or wrong? "After you've had a really good surf re Higher Functioning ("self-neurotypified") Asperger's, feel free to pelt me with any comments and questions! (I'm a real, live, Know-It-All, haha...which irritates the you-know-what out of pretend-know-it-all Narcs, I'm pleased to add, haha :)" Oh, don't you worry! I find you more reliable than all the proclaimed "self-help books" out there anyways^^ I'm guessing you do read on these things and that's why you're knowledgeable (or a Know-It All as you call it xD). "Be back soon (not finished)." I don't know why, but I just pictured a reference to Terminator's "I'll be back" scene in my head x'D Anyways, I 'll be waiting patiently for your return, Oh Wise One!^^

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" Higher Functioning ("self-neurotypified") Asperger's" Difficulties with: -Reciprocal conversation -Answering open-ended -Recognizing bullying or when peers may be unwelcoming -Sleep (e.g., persistent difficulties falling asleep, seemingly reduced need for sleep) -Sensory sensitivities (e.g., becomes upset at certain loud noises or bright lights, dislikes tags or seams in clothes) -Maintaining friendships or recognizing elements of friendship (e.g., refers to someone they barely know as their “best friend,” rarely requests play dates)[this sounds just like the real me on a daily basis] -Anxiety (e.g., “odd” phobias, difficulties controlling worries, paranoid thinking, dislikes large crowds or gatherings, perfectionistic, “shy”) Tendency to: -Gravitate towards the same few type/s of activities for play or leisure (e.g., plays in a similar or repetitive manner, re-reads the same books or re-watches the same movies) -Limited interest in creative or imaginative play, especially with peers (e.g., does not have action figures “talk” to each other, does not have tea parties for stuffed animals) -Becomes frustrated by having to explain themselves (e.g., acts as if others should automatically know what the individual knows without explaining) There is so much more but THESE stood out the most. "Supernova Empath" -When the narcissist threatens to ruin the empath's reputation by sharing secrets to keep them dependent, the super empaths will share their secrets first. Although empaths feel shame and guilt, they will take the narcissist's power away at every opportunity. And that will destroy the narcissist. -The traumas that Empaths take on usually mirror their own to the same intensity or capacity.However, this mirroring can attract even more trauma if the one they're empathizing with is an abuser. But even then, the Empath learns to push back and set themselves free. This pushing back against the abuser or constant oppression births what is called the Empath Supernova. -Empath Supernova is what the Empath becomes when they are triggered by too much stress on the senses, the psyche, and the soul, to the degree of which the Empath will instinctively protect itself by taking on their more Narcissistic traits. They now not only have their Empathic traits available to them, but they can also embody all of their suppressed and learned Narcissistic traits and use these traits against the abuser or cause of their oppression, pushing them far enough away often scaring the other, for the Empath’s survival and escape. -Once the Empath is safe, the Empath Supernova retreats into its state of being Empathic, and the Narcissistic traits become somewhat dormant again. An Empath can’t become a Narcissist, but Empaths must learn to integrate their darker aspects with their lighter ones for survival and energy protection. So, basically, Supernova Empaths are somewhat "heroes-turned-villain" after getting hurt/used then turned into a somewhat an experienced samaritan. They are Empaths but with a much hidden dark side... I personally don't think its power, but more of a survival instinct that kicked in a tad bit later than most. In conclusion though, they are scary when the situation calls for it. Interesting...But then will people's view on us just change drastically? They will start judging us based on the "new" us... However, Empaths can somewhat lead a much comfortable, emotionally and mentally safe lives? Am I understanding it in the right way? The time where I need your help has come SoulMate! Talk to you soon^^

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Be with you tomorrow or Sun latest. Meantime, can you please post the links to those two sites? Otherwise, we're breaching copyright. Plus, I need to read it myself because I see a few outdated and ill-informed opinions (the web still lags behind RL research findings). Ta!

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"Meantime, can you please post the links to those two sites? Otherwise, we're breaching copyright. Plus, I need to read it myself because I see a few outdated and ill-informed opinions (the web still lags behind RL research findings)." https://mywellbeing.com/therapy-101/empaths#:~:text=However%2C%20this%20mirroring%20can%20attract,is%20called%20the%20Empath%20Supernova. https://www.metiscenter.net/news/neurodiversity-high-functioning-autism-aspergers-syndrome/ Right! Here are the websites I read from. Talk to you then! And thanks for reminding me of the copyright! Really dodged a bullet there...

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Cheers! I haven't had a chance to look at them yet so I'll just respond with what I know - then read them - then correct myself if I was mistaken through missing the vital context or something... ((My comments in double-brackets)) ________________________________________________________ https://www.metiscenter.net/news/neurodiversity-high-functioning-autism-aspergers-syndrome/ "" Higher Functioning ("self-neurotypified") Asperger's" Difficulties with: -Reciprocal conversation ((Not always. Depends whether and by what degree your base personality is sociable. E.g. Einstein and Marilyn Monroe were both Aspergics, however, and despite the fact, that Marilyn's personality was highly sociable/pack-orientated while Einstein was your most common Aspie Male (different to females)...non-communicative, recluse type, "an island" mentality...)) -Answering open-ended ((presume the word 'questions' fell off?)) -Recognizing bullying or when peers may be unwelcoming ((Yup. OR...not realising the degree/gravity of it; things that bother NTs don't bother you, and vice-versa.)) -Sleep (e.g., persistent difficulties falling asleep, seemingly reduced need for sleep) ((Apropos of this bit: I've researched all the way back to the etiology of ASD and basically it goes like this: Cro-Magnon (our main descendents) 'cavepeople' co-existed (but didn't mix) with Neandertals. The latter were NOT thick. They were the opposite - far advanced of Co-Mags. They were first to invent tools (oh, yyyes, you betcha!). For some reason (disease?), at some point Neanderthal women were thin on the ground so the N's helped themselves to the Cro women and took them to their camps. Neanderthals had Red hair so it's very common for Aspies (or parent-carriers, which I call Cuspie - ask your mum about her mother or father) to have even hidden Red in their hair. Unlike Cros, Ns didn't have social fear (they weren't scared of anyone...they were da scariest MFs in the village if they had to be!). Neurotypicals (non-Aspies) all have social fear to a natural extent (a survival need, a pre-defense) (which is why they "bother" saying Hello/How are you/Fine - you/Yeah, fine...it's basically code for I'm Not Dangerous, I'm Friendly. HF/self-trained Aspies are made to be BOTH. They'd have made CRAP nightwatchmen/pack-supervisors/playground monitors if they hadn't - think about it! And they're much, much braver than NTs when it comes to the things that scare or intimidate NTs). Now you imagine you're the hybrid offspring of a Cro mother and N father - a half-caste if you like. You feel different from the other 'kids' and look different, think and relate differently...from different angles (so they're too much like hard work, emotionally), so you feel "shy" and prefer to watch the other kids play - from up on a little hillock with a clear view of the whole camp (self-Neurotypified Aspies are superb and avid people-watchers)..... You're more comfortable mixing with the adults because they're obviously more civilized. Now you're 15...20...and still watching the others (even as you play your own games). From your vantage point, and with your natural, developmental-based growth in self-confidence, you can see trouble coming a mile off....and see trouble brewing ("Oy, you two, play nice, stop that or I'll tell!) and, not needing as much sleep plus being predominantly a Night Owl...what a great and wise Pack Supervisor / Camp Police Officer / Nighttime Security Guard you are!........Wise and above-avg knowledgeable, because you've been studying a lot of everyone else's and their situations ALL AT ONCE, rather than one-at-a-time were it solely your own experiences you were involved in (childish self-centredness).................. And so are your babies and their babies, babies, babies.................................................................................................... HELLO, JAE! And what I have gathered from my obsessive (Aspie trait!) studies is that any form of abuse - be it circumstantial/Life or at trusted human hands - exerted onto a small, developing child in whom those traits might have remained dormant (where others are born with it because their ASD genes were stronger to begin with) will bring that ASD trait howevermuch more to the fore. Not having that NT social instinct (unless you're born with a highly sociable personality to begin with and tend to learn bloody quickly!), you often aren't even aware you're being abused; in fact, deep down, although you'll appreciate cognitively that it was serious stuff, secretly, you still won't get what the big deal is. Because, being howevermuch Neanderthal, you're far, far harder and tougher than the NT and what people do tends not to bother you. You don't need people and you deep-down know it....hence have the 'bravery' to be 100% honest (except where trut could hurt someone - you're a protector, not attacker, you would never punch first). You do 'need' them, however, if you've been being bullied and oppressed for a long time. You feel "lonely". Only it's not loneliness at all. It's the toxins coming out (as your brain puts itself, all its 'wires', back into proper place and order....it hurts and discombobulates), doing a too-convincing impression (we have overly limited psycho-physiological sensations). Good news is - no-one could forcibly mould you into the habit of behaving like then becoming a Narcissist if their lives depended on it. What makes your type Superman to Lex Luther's Narc villain is because your wiring comes out fixed, too. But, but unlike the NPD (theirs is concreted), yours is still pliable - *if* your inner wisdom rubber-stamps as it as welcome into your precious brain. You don't swallow what you haven't examined as being logically Truthful or Useful. It's an Independence thing. (Aspie kids get described as Little Professors or Little Adults.) NPDs, particularly the bullies among them (*Malignant* Narcisissistic Personality Disordereds), just don't have that much strength and patience to KEEP going on and on and on and on AND ON at your type.... your mind is too set to natural-healthy with a HUGE sense of justice, social responsibility (obviously, ref Ns)...training you into a Slave position isn't possible; only the Carrot works on Aspies....what doesn't make sense/tally with the world evidence isn't allowed, gets thrown. The NPDs (yawn, eventually) realise their campaign to dominate you completely is futile and (to avoid their failure into shame...the fact they didn't "win") jump ship (which is what she's done). I've over-simplified it greatly or it'd take me a year(!), but, you're one tough M-er F-er but don't *consciously* know it because you've grown up, being sat on. Not only are you mentally tougher (and more sensitive) than the average, but, you're working on more sophisticated, more energy efficient cylindry - and you're talented at 'making tools' (highly resourceful! - solutions are everywhere for you). This is because you also have the incredible ability to hold a vast number of mental thoughts, images and concepts in the air, simultaneously - like an evidence table with all the evidence clearly and spaciously spread out in front of you....you see through things quickly. (Moi aussi - I have some of these amazing Aspie traits and I DO know how to use them to mine and others' advantage.) You KNEW the way she was treating you and your friendship was weird and wrong and iffy. You just didn't mind too much because it wasn't a great enough pain to affect you all that much. But if she'd ruined something dear to you (you attach very deeply, including to things), like put a virus in your computer - you'd have torn her limb from limb! Having predator senses TOO, she knew that and that's why she basically kept stroking your fur to keep you docile. You're a FRIENDLY, KIND, LOVING, GORGEOUS monster. You background-feel the monster potential bit and feel background-ashamed/guilty for it so try to be even nicer than nice - to compensate. She's an unfr- actually, downright hostile, nasty one....treats people like objects and tools or stepstools/ladders (social climbers who chet their way up). But you're not related. Their cousins are the Neurotypicals. You're a Hero/Rescuer (in-the-making) - yes, exactly. But a very self-contained, private one, not a showy idiot who wears their pants outside of their tights (:p). You'd make perfect Street-Vigilante or Special Forces material. Your Kryptonite - or rather, your challenge, is, to CEASE making yourself last in the queue as a default, given when the situation has changed and you're the one in need. OWN OXYGEN MASK ON FIRST should be your mantra (and everybody's, but, Aspies especially because they care TOO MUCH...about EVERYTHING! And can be prone to sentimentalism. .....except when pushed too far.) Think about Superman..... He's not nasty to Lex. He just takes away his power, undoes his evil, frustrates the uck out of Luther again and again and again (relentless - Aspies literally are relentless - just ask Einstein and Socrates!) until Luther's head explodes (not literally LOL). In my opinion, Aspies are like a cross between a Cat and a wild Stallion. You CANNOT. enslave. a self-trained/Neurotypified Aspie. End. OF. And if you spook them hard enough, you'll get knocked-out by a massive hoof on your bonce, haha. 'Spooked' is the Aspie version of a Neurotypicals Anger. Any of that pinging? It does depend on your innate personality, though. ASD isn't a personality type itself, it's a de-magnifier or magnifier. So if humans are Equalizer Boards, featuring zillions of knobs and dials - the Aspies' go up to 11 and down to Minus One. So unlike NTs, your points of Balance have to be five-and-a-half where only 5 and 6 are marked....bit like having to tune your radio just outside the normal Band Frequency. (Sense?) Meanwhile, some dials have to stay at -1 or 11 or other dials can't be adjustable. It's about getting acquainted with You (because you got distracted/preoccupied by your dad and the divorce and whatever else when you should have been exploring yourself in relation to your Kiddie world). Let's think about luring your 'outdated' and heavy dad, happily off your back, shall we, so that you can unfurl to your intended 'size' now, rather than later? As for Empathy: Aspies do not lack empathy, Aspies have *too* much. (This was the same-vein misunderstanding as when doctors thought coffee, red wine and chocolate caused migraines, simply because study subjects were known to reach for them beforehand, when in actual fact, those sufferers could unconsciously feel a migraine brewing BEFORE any pain started to register, so those foodstuffs were an attempt (they works!) to self-medicate, not the causes themselves). So Aspies instinctually turn if Off for emotional shielding (e.g. being overwhelmed with other people's heavy feelings)...until the stage - or at times when - it's safe to turn it on and start mastering that particularly fiddly dial. They have that in-common with Psychopaths, that On-Off button...hence why Malignant Psychopaths can be perfectly normal and wonderful to their wife and family while nightly going out and killing one or more female strangers (ref Peter Sutcliffe, the Yorkshire Ripper)*. And duress really brings ASD out! You have more, and more accessible, control buttons in your brain cockpit than NTs, too. If you practised enough, you could become fairly telepathic (no bull...it's an ANCIENT, PRIMITIVE skill, not a mystical, superhuman one---for when grunts and gestures couldn't cut the mustard ("Sabre toothed Tiger coming at you from behind - run!!!") and speech hadn't evolved yet. As soon as it did, we forgot to keep using it and it 'sank to the bottom' of our brains...however, Aspies have much longer mental arms so... :)). You might want to look into that? So not even psychopaths can 'succeed' with an Aspie. They abandon ship - or if they don't have a ship to jump to, waiting, go half-mad (hahahahaha!). E.g. - argument between a malig. Narc (be it socialised-in or innate like the psycho). This follows the stage where the howevermuch Aspie has laid out their damning evidence but the NPD is trying to deny the sky is indeed Blue (it degenerates to this type of thing): NPD: Is ASD: Isn't Is Isn't Is Isn't... (five minutes later, the psycho gets BORED (Aspies don't GET bored!, aspies are LITERALLY relentless; they've won before they start!)... NPD: Effing is ASD: Isn't NPD: It is, it is, it is ASD: Isnt............ (fifteen minutes later)... NPD: AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! (storms off) ASD: (Isn't) NOBODY is going to get you or even force you to swallow theirs or any MIND-CRAP! And that sums you up. Oh, and you THINK you can't fight but if pushed hard enough to YOUR incredibly patient and distant breaking-point, you go into an Aspie Rage...and that beats any top bad-monster (Sociopath/Psychopath) rage HANDS DOWN! NPDs are attracted especially to HF Aspies. Because they're stupid and even too arrogant to pay heed to their own predator sense to RUN from 'this one'! They see it that Aspies don't have a breaking point. Wrongggggggg. So NPDs set about trying to mind-f*ck the Aspie like they do with NTs, but end up mind-ucked themselves...REALLY confused, REALLY made to feel wrong and powerless, and foie-gras-ed with The Truth, The Whole Truth, and nothing BUT The Truth...IN THEIR FACE! If you - YOU, Jae - were to study up on them, I reckon you'll in no time become a top expert as leads to new discoveries/knowledge/theories, trust me on that. And then maybe you'll be able to slowly-but-steadily alter your culture as allows that kind of parental and cultural over-dominance aka Human Abuse (Oppression to point of Incarceration). You scare them. Even before Hello. :) If they pick on you they`re either desperate for a manipulation tool against someone else, come, adorer-giver, OR they're bored with their one-trick-pony life-script (Groundhog Production) and fancy a challenge (OR so arrogant as to think they can tame even YOU). Or they're super-arrogant AND plain stupid. They get off on huge risks, though...hence, challenge. That's what's been sat on. To stop it naturally emerging. But you know what happens when champagne is shaken too hard/too long in its bottle? You don't 'sit on' someone who's docile and compliant/easy to cow and control and brainwash/mould into a puppet, do you. Where would be the need! Now transpose that to a super-controller, the Narc. They get bored of TRYING to sit on you....you wriggle and struggle too much and even bite their bum!....and even if you DON'T openly retaliate - these personality-predators can sense what you're feeling anyway. But you can do that too - and way better. AND you can read them through their eyes! NTS or NTs forcibly moulded into rotten and malignant especially - they can't. They only have their snouts. You have a third eye - and later, eyes in the back of your head AND a super-sensitive nose. Plus you're not issue-laden. Plus you can think far faster than them (IF you aren't upset too much, nut even then, your type can out-argue through your tears). Your tyrannical papa had better watch out...you can't sit forevr on a tiger cub because it grows underneath you regardless. (But we can help him with that - perfectly nicely and painlessly...in fact, he'll like it.) (What about your step-mother? Does she join in or just fail to intervene when he gets over-arsy and -entitled?) (...I mean, does he think he's Yul Brinner from "The King And I" or something? :P) Basically, YOU COME OUT ALREADY TRAINED JUST FINE - but beyond being sociable for sociability's sake - AND READY TO WATCH/PROTECT/LEAD/SUPERVISE/NURTURE, THUS 'TOO HARD TO TRAIN' COMPARED TO THE NEUROTYPICAL. You're not meant for 'playing with other kids'...not much of the time, anyway....thus are not affectable by their approval and opinions - you have brains, accessible control panels, realism, objectivity and critical thinking enough FOR TWO when it comes to self-appraising, critizising and improving yourself, YOURSELF. You CAN team play but as there's two of you in there, you don't NEED to. But...that post-traumatic sensation that mirrors loneliness can, as you see, make you come down off your hillock and, whoops, bump into the village delinquent. IF there's nobody around - which there wasn't...because you're a loner who SELF-isolates most of the time...you Isolate yourself FOR the NPD...come that way. Next time you make a friend, DON'T admit your friends are mainly or exclusively online at this phase of your life. They're not entitled to know that information, it's none of their business until you've become steady friends or lovers (6 months earliest?)...or until you feel comfortable enough to admit it. Predators go after those pack individuals who are isolated from the main herd. Ber-bom. This means, you didn't attract a Narcissist. Your circumstance did. Because it suited her. To gain the constant upper hand (for OTT self-protection purposes) over her new boyfriend. She now has him under control. He's probably seeking power back through picking on you rather than taking her to task (because he daren't). Or she's made him think you'r'e threat. Whichever.... he's said, It's her or me! or something... that's what's happened. And because you're "a Narcissist's Nightmare", that by now suits her. (She'll find another, 'better' human tool to control and manipulate him with/through, don't you worry. He's in for a rough ride.) Anyway....Watch this (one of my faves...it's so true!) to see what I mean (because Gen Zs are full of (watered-down/socialised-up) Aspies and just generally, more self-assured, self-rights-protective individuals!).... I call this - Curses - Foiled!... It's the first/top one in the list of Shorts - TheManniiShow... https://www.youtube.com/shorts/G98sdYGAmM4 Back to your being too independent-minded and born mostly 'oven-ready' already...a mini adult...: Alternatively, you can be word-gaslighted for a BRIEF period but your skin is mostly impermeable (again, unless you choose to let the experience in) so their slime falls off you too rapidly (takes NTs a LOT longer). Having no social fear, you're (under natural, freewill, non-needful circumstance) not afraid to just calmly and logically confront an issue/person. Note she took off right before you could?...having sensed it coming? She was scared of you. Of your mind, all that still-dormant-just-waiting Neanderthal power. Probably didn't have a clue why, but, still... Now back to the list... __________________________________ ..."-Sensory sensitivities (e.g., becomes upset at certain loud noises or bright lights, dislikes tags or seams in clothes) ((perpetual wind...being misunderstood...certain tastes....everyday things getting messy/jumbled-up (you've got enough going on in your bonce all at its own instigation, for that crap)...LYING (for a non-good reason).... an HF Aspie knows what they like and what they don't or won't like, far more than NTs..... dirty/chalky/sandy/muddy/sticky hands.... having to wear shoes....the list goes on and on, so, as you can tell....you don't have ROOM in your bonce, let alone the motivation to do so, for social 'pettinesses' and pretenses)) -Maintaining friendships or recognizing elements of friendship (e.g., refers to someone they barely know as their “best friend,” rarely requests play dates)[this sounds just like the real me on a daily basis] ((Yes, but if someone is the best friend you have, it's logical to describe them as your best friend. It's not socially-EMOTIONALLY fitting, though, that's all. PS: Forums have always attracted Aspies as well as NPDs, but for Aspies it's for social closeness of connection whereas for NPDs it's to DECEIVE/CON people by avoiding in-person, unconscious/subconscious sensory signalling for truth-checking/tallying (- verbal is only 17% of human communication, hence - "As opposed to the impression he was painting, I just had a feeling/got a feeling that he/she - etc. - and for a successful business person, he/she didn't exactly dress like one....etc....")). They can avoid gut misgivings in the victim-to-be until its too late (e.g. will meet you only once they can tell you're too attached already to reject painlessly.......And other fun n games...)) -Anxiety (e.g., “odd” phobias, difficulties controlling worries, paranoid thinking, dislikes large crowds or gatherings, perfectionistic, “shy”) ((Yup...but perfectionistic in a different way to NTs...it's Aspie tenacity/stubbornness to quit - ask Einstein again!)) ____________________________________ ((Tell you what though... Everyone should be reading this because psychiatrists, particularly in the US, have concluded that HF Asperger's (see it like, half NT-type-Eccentric, half Autistic, but still without the wiring to become infected with NPD or affected by bullsh*t...walking Truth-Detectors, Aspies are) - are an evolutionary foward shunt...the future "Normal" - for ALL humans. Well, of course they are...it's only logical, Captain: Aspies can't even inherit NPD or AsPD - not unless they've been positively tortured their whole life, but even then, the Aspie half is still too strong thus dominant for anything or anyone. So the more HF they all are (by social pressuring) 'forced' to become, they more they'll date, marry and reproduce, INNIT....and the NPD gene will become drowned, basically.....RIP (rest in pieces)...the faster way is not to sleep with them in the first place - they'll die out in just 2 generations!....hence, meanwhile, I LOVE GEN Zs!!!!) ____________________________________ ..."Tendency to: -Gravitate towards the same few type/s of activities for play or leisure (e.g., plays in a similar or repetitive manner, re-reads the same books or re-watches the same movies) ((That's because they're 'deep-sea divers' not 'surface swimmers'...they watch layer-by-layer (I have this trait), like peeling an onion, hence why they notice things deeper-down that other human beings can't reach or don't have the staying-power to reach, and therefore they know to keep swimming downwards...but yes, you can tell who they are amongst your HF males by the fact they can recite the dialogue of whole episodes of comedies or sci-fi dramas - which reminds me: elephantine memory, starting from an unusually early age. :) )) -Limited interest in creative or imaginative play, especially with peers (e.g., does not have action figures “talk” to each other, does not have tea parties for stuffed animals) ((B*llocks. Depends on the child's base personality...again, Marilyn Monroe was Aspergic and was bessie mates with Einstein because they both had Special Interest Obsession/Relentlessness in-common, just in different fields: entertainment -v- science... until Einstein got made famous (which he hated, hence needed Marilyn's advice on how to handle it because she was obsessed and relentless at HER special interest, meaning, became THE most famous person in the world and is still known/familiar, even amongst/to your GenZs) (not so, Elvis :p)). "-Becomes frustrated by having to explain themselves (e.g., acts as if others should automatically know what the individual knows without explaining)" ((Not always...depends on the base personality, whether they were born with patience or had yet to learn it as they went. Many have super-patience, even as babies- hence 'Mini Adult/Professor'.)) ((Also, Aspies are natural (so-called) "tittle-tattlers". It's because they're the opposite to an NPD who is a (nasty) kid in an adult suit, WHEREAS, their opposite, the Aspie, is an adult in a kid suit. Diff/all the diff. And that's another reason why the Aspie makes the malignant Narcopath/Sociopath/Psychopath, effing nervous (but which their over-arrogant, risk-taking ego makes them read/interpret as Exciting...a challenge...)). __________________________________- "There is so much more but THESE stood out the most." Actually, there is even more so much more than the so much more you think there is! Check out the website Different Planet and ponder that title. (Different Universe, actually, if you're self-Neurotypified too, because then you've become a Hybrid-Hybrid, think about it...) Books: "Alien In The Playground"; "The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Nighttime"; "Do Cats Have Aspergers". "Supernova Empath" -When the narcissist threatens to ruin the empath's reputation by sharing secrets to keep them dependent, the super empaths will share their secrets first. Although empaths feel shame and guilt, they will take the narcissist's power away at every opportunity. And that will destroy the narcissist." ((There's a meme, that goes, "A Narcissist's worst nightmare is an educated Empath". So, with that the case - what would you call an educated Aspie Empath, then? Getting it now? You're not the Reliant Robin with the wonky wheel that you have been convinced to believe (worry...suspect) you are through having been treated and spoken to as if you are. You're a Lambourghini or a Bugatti Veyron...but the most vital parts haven't all been put together yet, they're still mostly spread around on the floor, removed from your view with blankets and tarpaulins....sense?)) "-The traumas that Empaths take on usually mirror their own to the same intensity or capacity.However, this mirroring can attract even more trauma if the one they're empathizing with is an abuser. But even then, the Empath learns to push back and set themselves free. This pushing back against the abuser or constant oppression births what is called the Empath Supernova. ((Not quite: Empaths push back. The Supernova super-pushes back and puts the Malig Narc super-out-of-action, in the super-foetal position (Narc Collapse) or falling down the plughole (Narc Petit Mort), for a good year or more or possibly forever, Amen; .the supernova out-Narcs - even out-mind-ucks! - the Narc....BY JUST BEING THEMSELVES! For Narcs, it's like living with an expert barrister with 50 pairs of eyes and ears!..."You can run, but you can't hide!". It's therefore hardly an extra effort for the Aspie, AT ALL....plus the Aspie loves a challenge even more than the NPD... An Aspie Supernova could - if they were capable of being that way inclined and put their mind to it - make all the Narcs of the world their adoring "bitches"! Jesus was an Aspie. Don't know about Allah, etc., but I wouldn't have thought any NT could be that obsessively dedicated so - probably all the other "Jesuses" as well (including Mother Theresa). But Aspies have come on A LOT...since way back then! They're finally learning how to harness and master their latent powers....starting to bite back - and their jaws are HUGE. HF Aspies are the ones who will kill off the social disease that is actual Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Type Malignant (Benigns can improve if they want to). Aspies are Angels. Only Angels fight Dark Angels, innit....same as you wouldn't ever pit Woody Allen against Arnold Schwarzenegger in a boxing-ring, now, do you. (PS: sorry if I'm making your brain hurt - take your sweet time with this, it's all a huge revelation and no messing.) But basically, from what I've studied and observed - Aspies aren't scared of other beings. But they do fear themselves and fear starting their engine. You have to change your attitude and see it like this: Sometimes only Tough Love is the socially and morally, self-sacrificially responsible thing that works. And ALL of the time, Tough Love is the only thing that works on your malignant NPDs. Berbom. They're so stuck-fast in living a life of delusions, it takes a huge slap in the face to wake them up from it. Therefore, by NOT enabling them, NOT keeping them from hitting rock-bottom, you're thereby 'forcing' them to admit they have a problem and should seek help. They can't be trained out of that length and amount of brainwashing and reptition....maybe a tad...but they can self-control BY ROTE on prescribed medication(s).) Basically, HF Aspies' egos are the opposite to an NPDs: UNDER-developed, UNDER-active....often unaware they've been insulted or mistreated (or just not that interested in noticing haha). NON HF/educated Aspies, however...those that are still more plugged-in to their internal environment than external...sadly do make perfect Narc Num-Nums (for a while.....It's called, Opposites Attract Then Repel....they have creativity in-common but as soon as the sun goes in - TOTAL OPPOSITES (fight to the near-death for a lie versus fight-to-the-death for Truth - Aspie wins hands-down....they can argue longer than just all night...they can go for days, weeks, years...."They will not 'let it lie'....Aspies don't know how to quit and leave anything unfinished. And Aspies HHHHHATE Chaos, whereas Narcs bloody love it and need it.).)) "...-Empath Supernova is what the Empath becomes when they are triggered by too much stress on the senses, the psyche, and the soul, to the degree of which the Empath will instinctively protect itself by taking on their more Narcissistic traits." ((The ones they should have had active in them already but which were sleeping/redundant - "Natural Narcissism"....just means sensibility and ability to self-protect/defend/preserve and comes out to do so when you're threatened and/or injured.... appropriate self-focus. The Narc goes through life like that PERMANANTLY. The "temporary/reactive" version turns off as and because the healthy person has the ability to HEAL. We normals 'get over' things. Narcs never do...they have to exact revenge for that to happen.)) "They now not only have their Empathic traits available to them, but they can also embody all of their suppressed and learned Narcissistic traits and use these traits against the abuser or cause of their oppression, pushing them far enough away often scaring the other, ((- there we go!)) for the Empath’s survival and escape. -Once the Empath is safe, the Empath Supernova retreats into its state of being Empathic, and the Narcissistic traits become somewhat dormant again. An Empath can’t become a Narcissist, but Empaths must learn to integrate their darker aspects with their lighter ones for survival and energy protection. ((HF/self-neurotypified Aspies don't ever 'start it'...but they WILL 'finish it'. If they or any other type of Supernova don't make an effort not to revert to gentle, loving type (friendly, lovely, soft-furry angel-monster)), what happens is they fall prey again and again until they concede that they're going to have to become more "Lara Croft-like" (haha, even the blokes - actually, especially the blokes!...they're usually far softer and more pacifist than the females!)) "So, basically, Supernova Empaths are somewhat "heroes-turned-villain" after getting hurt/used then turned into a somewhat an experienced samaritan." Nearly! Supernova Empaths are heroes. And like any powerful hero, they have big weapons. This is what happens, IMO: The undiagnosed Aspie kid feels background-shame for sensing their inner monster's presence (e.g. storybooks: "Monsters Are Bad"), not realising it's really friendly and saintly, not horrid and devil-ish (think, BFG - "The Big, Friendly Giant"). They sit on themselves (to be more like other kids) (Aspies are talented mimics despite do so purely by-rote, not necessarily understanding what they're mimicking). But the "Neanderthal"/BFG is too strong to repress so it pops out here and there. So the parent - if they're a Narc - sits on the kid as well ("Don't you dare show me up with your superiority and make me face my inferiority!"). But "that's not allowed". Only an Aspie is allowed to sit on themselves (because they're the boss of them - and should be of everyone - not anyone else). So that makes them spooked and the monsty pops out again. The parent (or maybe a sibling) sits heavier ...etc.... until the monsty reaches the end of its tether and BURSTS OUT aaaaand finally dominates the entire ship (because they're the only adult, including, that can steer straight). It's called, "Don't wake my monster", and, "The Credible Hulk" (because he has facts and figures to back up his case LOL). "They are Empaths but with a much hidden dark side..." It's not dark. It's incredibly over-protective and responsible (and over-empathetic). It's Blinding White. "I personally don't think its power, but more of a survival instinct that kicked in a tad bit later than most." Nearly! The survival instinct is primitive and brings out its equally primitive side (the powerful Neanderthal). The survival instinct UNLEASHES the (ignored/sat-on) power. "In conclusion though, they are scary when the situation calls for it." (HAHA - Just a bit!) "Interesting...But then will people's view on us just change drastically?" What do you mean? "They will start judging us based on the "new" us..." 1. They won't fckn DARE, mate! 2. They won't see the sense (unless they're a malig Narc) in doing so anyway because their lives get enhanced by the SuperNova's emergence ("Finally...someone who sees straight, knows what they're doing (and busts a gut to do it perfectly)!"). "However, Empaths can somewhat lead a much comfortable, emotionally and mentally safe lives?" YUP. Plus their natural disposition (un-bullied/recovered) - once they come into their own - is positive and happy - and they're infectious that way. They're natural-born Angels...what can I say? But they ARE still Soldiers....Warriors.... "Am I understanding it in the right way? The time where I need your help has come SoulMate! Talk to you soon^^" You're bloody clever and speedy-brained, I know that much! I didn't even expect you to get a 'nearly!'. So!.........shoves microphone under Jae's chin: How does it feel to be an human evolutionary shunt....a human from the future as well as the past? ..........and all because a bunch of Neanderthals shagged a load of Cro-Magnon females! (I'm betting the women recognised the differences and went willingly, actually! HAHAHAHAH - but really!) _____________________________ Just in case this is too much in one go - antidote is just to sleep more/longer for a few nights (when your brain can process it all for you in peace and quiet...if you're lucky, you'll 'see' it happening - in your dreams).

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Alright, first of all... That was like a whole thesis you have to write for uni or college! However, its the first long written article that i really focussed on^^ Thank you! "And what I have gathered from my obsessive (Aspie trait!) studies is that any form of abuse - be it circumstantial/Life or at trusted human hands - exerted onto a small, developing child in whom those traits might have remained dormant (where others are born with it because their ASD genes were stronger to begin with) will bring that ASD trait howevermuch more to the fore. Not having that NT social instinct (unless you're born with a highly sociable personality to begin with and tend to learn bloody quickly!), you often aren't even aware you're being abused; in fact, deep down, although you'll appreciate cognitively that it was serious stuff, secretly, you still won't get what the big deal is. Because, being howevermuch Neanderthal, you're far, far harder and tougher than the NT and what people do tends not to bother you. You don't need people and you deep-down know it....hence have the 'bravery' to be 100% honest (except where trut could hurt someone - you're a protector, not attacker, you would never punch first)." This I actually relate to A LOT!! I hadn't noticed that there was abuse going on and even though teachers seemed concern, I thought there really is nothing they should worry about. I thought it just wasn't normal compared to how other kids in school were dealt with "punishments" at home. It actually kind of left me baffled how lenient their parents were being actually. 100% honest opinions that I tend to give "friends" and family when they ask for it, always turns into me "being mean" or "you're a kid! You don't know what its like!". Even when I'm being honest on who tend to start fights within us siblings, I would get in trouble for "lying"... You're the first one who actually could see (believe) that I wouldn't throw the first punch (or any at all if not needed)! " (Aspie kids get described as Little Professors or Little Adults.)" Little adult I heard before. I knew I felt pressure having to act as an adult after our parents divorce (just because our father thought I am old enough to fit the role), and I didn't like it but there was no one else to do it. The kids would come to me for homework and art projects etc.. It was tiring but I didn't hate it.. I just felt like it was unfair. I was a child too and even before the divorce, I was told to act my "age". What is and was my age? "I've over-simplified it greatly or it'd take me a year(!), but, you're one tough M-er F-er but don't *consciously* know it because you've grown up, being sat on. Not only are you mentally tougher (and more sensitive) than the average, but, you're working on more sophisticated, more energy efficient cylindry - and you're talented at 'making tools' (highly resourceful! - solutions are everywhere for you). This is because you also have the incredible ability to hold a vast number of mental thoughts, images and concepts in the air, simultaneously - like an evidence table with all the evidence clearly and spaciously spread out in front of you....you see through things quickly. (Moi aussi - I have some of these amazing Aspie traits and I DO know how to use them to mine and others' advantage.)" I feel like an officer^^ But, I do find it easier to picture my thoughts out... Kindda like a drawing and mapping out several different scenarios if I ever got the chance to confront the people who I deemed need it. I don't know if this counts, but my brother is usually the "book" that I tend to "read" out loud. He would love to brag about friends listening to his whims and whatnot and that he "looks out" for them and vice versa. I however, knew that he only sees them as investments and who would give the best returns. Granted there are really a few he really looks out for. He would freeze every time I got it right and would even agree albeit sheepishly. I used to ignore it and let it slide, but I just couldn't handle the way he brazenly thinks he has the right to manipulate or use people to his advantages. "You're a Hero/Rescuer (in-the-making) - yes, exactly. But a very self-contained, private one, not a showy idiot who wears their pants outside of their tights (:p). You'd make perfect Street-Vigilante or Special Forces material." Ah, yes. I love Superman, but there are things best NOT shown to the world. I could go undercover or just pop out when things start to go south^^ Imagine just observing for a long time and then; "You have had your fun! Now, return and stay where you truly belong!" I would want the chance to banish any Narcs who have over-stepped their boundaries. "If you - YOU, Jae - were to study up on them, I reckon you'll in no time become a top expert as leads to new discoveries/knowledge/theories, trust me on that. And then maybe you'll be able to slowly-but-steadily alter your culture as allows that kind of parental and cultural over-dominance aka Human Abuse (Oppression to point of Incarceration). You scare them. Even before Hello. :) If they pick on you they`re either desperate for a manipulation tool against someone else, come, adorer-giver, OR they're bored with their one-trick-pony life-script (Groundhog Production) and fancy a challenge (OR so arrogant as to think they can tame even YOU). Or they're super-arrogant AND plain stupid. They get off on huge risks, though...hence, challenge." Well, I'm learning now. They say one can only learn of their true potential once they meet the right teacher. I guess I just met mine a bit later than intended.. ^^; But I'm here now and am willing to to try and be one of the top students!! "Actually, there is even more so much more than the so much more you think there is! Check out the website Different Planet and ponder that title. (Different Universe, actually, if you're self-Neurotypified too, because then you've become a Hybrid-Hybrid, think about it...) Books: "Alien In The Playground"; "The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Nighttime"; "Do Cats Have Aspergers"." I'm sure there are more reference and help out there than we think, yes. But the amount of time we have to learn on these I suppose could take generations after generations to understand. That's why we need all the help we can get. I know there are others out there who don't even get the chance to ask for help or understand themselves like I can now. And that for me is disheartening.. I will totally check all these out by the way! "NON HF/educated Aspies, however...those that are still more plugged-in to their internal environment than external...sadly do make perfect Narc Num-Nums (for a while.....It's called, Opposites Attract Then Repel....they have creativity in-common but as soon as the sun goes in - TOTAL OPPOSITES (fight to the near-death for a lie versus fight-to-the-death for Truth - Aspie wins hands-down....they can argue longer than just all night...they can go for days, weeks, years...."They will not 'let it lie'....Aspies don't know how to quit and leave anything unfinished. And Aspies HHHHHATE Chaos, whereas Narcs bloody love it and need it.).))" Its sad that they don't get the right help and space to educate themselves on their power. I imagine that the world will be filled with more self empowered individuals and people with better insights and ideas to make the world a liveable space for everyone. I noticed that we tend to focus on eradicating problems one by one and only based on what majority thinks is the most "complicated". But once you look at it form afar, you realise its simple and that you have actually focused and spent too much of your time on something measly. There are so much mor pressing matters that we should focus on but it will take years now to settle. "The undiagnosed Aspie kid feels background-shame for sensing their inner monster's presence (e.g. storybooks: "Monsters Are Bad"), not realising it's really friendly and saintly, not horrid and devil-ish (think, BFG - "The Big, Friendly Giant"). They sit on themselves (to be more like other kids) (Aspies are talented mimics despite do so purely by-rote, not necessarily understanding what they're mimicking). But the "Neanderthal"/BFG is too strong to repress so it pops out here and there. So the parent - if they're a Narc - sits on the kid as well ("Don't you dare show me up with your superiority and make me face my inferiority!"). But "that's not allowed". Only an Aspie is allowed to sit on themselves (because they're the boss of them - and should be of everyone - not anyone else). So that makes them spooked and the monsty pops out again. The parent (or maybe a sibling) sits heavier ...etc.... until the monsty reaches the end of its tether and BURSTS OUT aaaaand finally dominates the entire ship (because they're the only adult, including, that can steer straight). It's called, "Don't wake my monster", and, "The Credible Hulk" (because he has facts and figures to back up his case LOL)." Sounds like a summary to most of us Aspies huh? Sometimes I wish I could just be a straight up Narc/jerk so no one could trample on me easily. But on the other hand, it would feel wrong to hurt, manipulate and use someone just for MY own gain. Its selfish. End of discussion. So, I guess as easy as I am sometimes to people, I'm glad I'm not voluntarily hurting anyone consciously. Anyways, I've never had anyone called me "bloody clever" or "speedy brained". Those are some high praises I ever got in life! But honestly, I'm just trying to understand the whole picture of what you're saying and what I've read online. I'm trying my best to visualise it and all that ever pops up in mind is usually of that a underdog/hidden misunderstood hero (no capes and whatnot please). "So!.........shoves microphone under Jae's chin: How does it feel to be an human evolutionary shunt....a human from the future as well as the past?" Everything's new and old at the same time. Some things I have seen history repeats itself and some just outright new outlook of the world. That make sense? (Returns the microphone ^^;) "..........and all because a bunch of Neanderthals shagged a load of Cro-Magnon females! (I'm betting the women recognised the differences and went willingly, actually! HAHAHAHAH - but really!)" A bit of sacrifice for the future generations I believe! We have all come a long way from then. Now is just time to train and utilise our powers the right way!! "Just in case this is too much in one go - antidote is just to sleep more/longer for a few nights (when your brain can process it all for you in peace and quiet...if you're lucky, you'll 'see' it happening - in your dreams)." Oh! I really hope to see the whole scene in my dreams tonight! I learn well with visual help and hands on experience anyways^^

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Oh! How strange - I thought I'd already answered this? Right, you're Bumped-up for tomorrow - or even later tonight/er, this morning, maybe... I'm trying to stay awake and not go to bed today, to re-set my mucked-up biological clock).

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"Right, you're Bumped-up for tomorrow - or even later tonight/er, this morning, maybe... I'm trying to stay awake and not go to bed today, to re-set my mucked-up biological clock)" Not a problem^^ That actually sounds difficult but good luck and looking forward to your reply! :D

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Heya! Yeah, it is. Already. Am wondering if I set my alarm for 2 hours time, I'll hear it when it goes off. Stupid Sinus cold/flu/whatever uggered me up...ended up sleeping all day long, waking up when it was getting dark (I hate that!)....was wondering if there was a new Covid going around or something because most of my friends have it or have only just got over it....the type you feel you're fighting off, literally for weeks, being sensible and just managing to keep at bay but then - BAM!, ...knackered from fighting it for too long - gets ya when you're low - now it's got ya....and now you're too ill to go to the chemist (or anywhere)...seriously felt like someone had broken in in the night and whacked me round the head, nose and cheekbones with a baseball bat(!)......and all your friends are in the same boat. I'm not alone in sleeping through and losing days, either. Eventually another friend got back on his feet and offered to do the shopping and pharmacy for me (thank god!). Okay-ish now but not strong enough to stay awake for 24hrs straight, I don't think. I'll set two alarms, that'll do it. Bit later, then! :)

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Oh my.. Actually its the same here. Covid cases has suddenly started rising like crazy and people around are starting to get whatever cold, flu, cough etc. I just got the flu yesterday and a pounding headache comes along with it like a package deal, mate :( I'm glad you're not alone though! Take care and have something warm. I know you're not feeling your best right now, but try not to skip your meals, yeah? Take care and rest for now~ Laterz~ ^^

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Well, it failed miserably, but I'm here now. Really? Covid cases on the sudden re-rise in..... where are you? India? You talking, some new strain or Omicrom still? "I just got the flu yesterday and a pounding headache comes along with it like a package deal, mate" YES! Baseball-bat round the head or machete through my skull. Almost as bad as a migraine. Oh, great. We're all in for a lovely Winter, then. And of course, people in UK (how are people, financially, at your end?) having to choose between food or heat (no contest, obviously) means their core temperatures are too low to basically cook the incoming or already-in-and-maurauding viral cells. People in Britain must feel their government is trying to passive-aggressively thin the population numbers! Doing nothing to help the millions in poverty now - until-recently, middle-classed people with mortgages now on the sodding street - in 2023 - and meanwhile, constantly banging on about Rwanda! Beggars belief, it really does. ___________________________ Onto your previous post: 1. "Alright, first of all... That was like a whole thesis you have to write for uni or college! However, its the first long written article that i really focussed on^^ Thank you!" A whole thesis. Haha! "I've told you a million times, not to exaggerate!". If you're serious, though, then - crikey, Unis must be going very soft on students these days?! 2- ""And what I have gathered from my obsessive (Aspie trait!) studies is that any form of abuse - be it circumstantial/Life or at trusted human hands - exerted onto a small, developing child in whom those traits might have remained dormant (where others are born with it because their ASD genes were stronger to begin with) will bring that ASD trait howevermuch more to the fore. Not having that NT social instinct (unless you're born with a highly sociable personality to begin with and tend to learn bloody quickly!), you often aren't even aware you're being abused; in fact, deep down, although you'll appreciate cognitively that it was serious stuff, secretly, you still won't get what the big deal is. Because, being howevermuch Neanderthal, you're far, far harder and tougher than the NT and what people do tends not to bother you. You don't need people and you deep-down know it....hence have the 'bravery' to be 100% honest (except where trut could hurt someone - you're a protector, not attacker, you would never punch first)." This I actually relate to A LOT!! I hadn't noticed that there was abuse going on and even though teachers seemed concern, I thought there really is nothing they should worry about. I thought it just wasn't normal compared to how other kids in school were dealt with "punishments" at home. It actually kind of left me baffled how lenient their parents were being actually." Yup. Contrasts and Comparisons...that's how a lot of kids realise things aren't right, wherever. And, of course, if these kids' parents had been better, healthier, more committed parents (or they could have been over-worked and didn't have the time to parent properly), the bullying wouldn't have happened in the first place. 3. "100% honest opinions that I tend to give "friends" and family when they ask for it, always turns into me "being mean" or "you're a kid! You don't know what its like!". Even when I'm being honest on who tend to start fights within us siblings, I would get in trouble for "lying"... You're the first one who actually could see (believe) that I wouldn't throw the first punch (or any at all if not needed)!" Can you give me one or more examples of when something you said got you accused of being mean, including who the accuser was, what they'd said first, and the other details? As for the 'you're just a kid' remark: if that's what the person(s) thought, then, why ask for your opinion in the first place? Or did you mean, unasked-for opinion? And were uninvited opinions permissable as part of the group culture (but only you weren't allowed)? Usually, however, they say that because they can't think of any comeback, i.e. you've argued them into the corner. ('Argumentum ad Hominem' - when a person automatically loses the argument by getting personal rather than sticking to the argument issue. It's a verbal form of flouncing-off.) It's NOT that they don't know or don't believe you wouldn't start anything/throw the first punch. It's not about that. Those betraying-sibling (how many?) incidents are typical in a Narcisstic family....Divide & Conquer is how the Narc parent achieves it. Go google something like, The Narcissistic Family Dynamics. They'd blame you because they were scared of your parent's (which?) wrath and potentially ending up plonked in your position, and the parent either was too lazy or busy-lived to get to the bottom of things to restore peace....A lazy cop-out. Or because your brilliance annoys the (kid in) parent (suit), they're jealous and threatened of you, competitive with you, they want you as a showing-off AID, not taking the Limelight OFF them.......all of that mad idiocy. So that made you (all the time or did it switch amongst you?) "The Scapegoat". The rebel - the one whom refuses to pretend and sweep the family dysfunction under the rug - is always the Scapegoat (or spends most time in the role)...They're the one that needs sitting on because they 'threaten' The Weak & Inadequates by threatening the family order (which is always balanced too precariously, hence the need for constant parental rule-changing and self-hypocrisising). Narcs and mini-Narcs don't like change. Neither do HF Aspies but at least they'll do and suffer anything if it needs to be done (too sensible, self-sacrificial). They also have huge trouble self-deluding so 'the emperor often isn't wearing any clothes' and no-one and nothing, not even threats, will make them swallow BS... The Sky is Green It's not, it's Blue! It's Green - say it! Blue! (slap) Green! BLUE! (slap-slap) GREEN! BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Too stubborn for a Narc (irresistable force meets immovable object)....far too much hard work... 'Roll over for BS, for a quiet life', is NOT in their programme. Because there's no such thing anyway, as a quiet life if you're an Aspie so - what's to lose? The Narc gives up; they can only sprint for short bursts, not run a marathon like your type. HF Aspies get Silent Treatment-ed a lot. (And even that doesn't work because the Aspie's far more stubborn and determined when in the right.) The Aspie is usually more upset about the data falsehood/inaccuracy (lack of order and precision/literalness is anathema to them) than being slapped round the face either figuratively or physically. Narcs tend to label them stubborn and bloody-minded (as in contrary). Different priorities. Put it this way: if a Narc ends up with an Aspie, he/she's going to come out foiled and absolutely exhausted (going, "f*ck-it!" and making some false excuse or history re-write to protect their ego and lifelong false (and ever-precarious) beliefs about themselves). Again - see how this fits with why your "blurred-lines cuddle friend" just disappeared on you, ghosted you? I bet you kept innocently and ignorantly scuppering her attempts to make him jealous, e.g. by having failed to cooperate/play-along, didn't you. If that hadn't occured to you yet, think back, now, under this new Triangulation light and maybe you'll spot where, in hindsight? (Do tell.) (BTW: pushed far enough, an Aspie can happily slap themselves round the face, actually, if need be! Ever done that, out of abject frustration? ...pulled your own hair?... banged your head against a wall/desk? Ever in front of an antagonist?) Anyway, the happy news is that once they've suffered at the hands of a malignant Narc., and had to get tough and bring out their super-intimidating side, the HF Aspie soon learns (you learn exceptionally fast when you need to) the ability to be firm or if need be, intimidating, far sooner...to nip things in the bud with the (hopefully not) next. Even if they still don't actually care about this/that insult, neglect or transgression all that much, they know to now-on react by-rote as if they damn well do.... to make like a Neurotypical who's never encountered an NPD before ("Ew!"/"Weirdo!"...veers down alleyway). Otherwise, each time their victim fails to react, the Narc-bully Monster's being fed (seeing it that they're getting away with it as usual, and you being a pussy) and things can then escalate and get so bad that the SuperNova has to again unfurl their scary wings and bat them into the next solar-system. Usually, however, by then - the HF Aspie is dead-set on avoiding or dumping the dud far sooner. They don't LIKE getting verbally or physically violent, just if they have to. They're just gobsmackingly good at it when they do. Surprise themselves, half the time. Or they learn to psychologically outfox and wrong-foot them away. Whichever - once they've become acquainted with their hidden warrior power, they tend to speak with far a newfound confidence and authority (and often a look) that Narcs can 'read' (as - I'm not JUST squishy, I CAN and WILL pulverise you so best that you eff-off quick!). ________________________ Having HF Asperger's or HF Autism just makes you a far more complex, and at first, complicated kid. You don't feel or deal with things the same. And you always-always mean well - even when you don't (- it'll come to you, haha). Gentle 'giants', as I say. So it obviously takes you longer to get to know yourself and work yourself out, especially with so much sensory overload....and not just from the environment - your brains CREATE sensory data all the time, too....(it's crowded in there, maan, haha). Now add sensory overload from the narc or narc dynamic. It's a positive hothouse, your mind never stops...that's why you can't even switch off to sleep normally...one eye open, usually...literally, a pin drops and you're awake (bar once the wee hours have passed, I've noticed). Do you find you get better sleep quality in the day? Are you artistic in any way, do you know? As Hans Asperger said himself, "It seems that for success in science and art, a dash of autism is essential". Are you good at code-cracking?....cryptic crosswords?...Sudoku?... those little handheld metal puzzles?....untangling balls of wool? Do you notice tiny little details that others miss? Anyway...when it comes to exploiters/abusers, it's handy to ask yourself - Would a healthy neurotypical be putting up with this crap from a corrupted neurotypical, and letting it slide? 4. " (Aspie kids get described as Little Professors or Little Adults.)" Little adult I heard before. I knew I felt pressure having to act as an adult after our parents divorce (just because our father thought I am old enough to fit the role), and I didn't like it but there was no one else to do it. The kids would come to me for homework and art projects etc.. It was tiring but I didn't hate it.. I just felt like it was unfair. I was a child too and even before the divorce, I was told to act my "age". What is and was my age?" There it is: 'I didn't hate it'. Be honest - you enjoyed it, hahaha. HFs make great teachers. And again, there it is: pissed-off ONLY IN PRINCIPLE. More an asking of yourself, 'Shouldn't I be pissed-off...should I?'. See it now? In future, to put paid to that element, play by the Healthy NT Book...e.g. you might say to the person: 'Depends...How much are you going to pay me to tutor? Or what do I get out of it?' For - yes, you're already getting something out of it - enjoyment. But the Narc doesn't know that! They just think they're getting their way over yours and getting away with it. See? So as an Aspie, if you've made that mistake and now have even greater tyranny being aimed at you, you HAVE to go nuclear on them, to the point they never dare prod or treat you like a fool again, or you're just inviting the inevitable point in time when you go BOOM! Different signalling systems - see? Doubly: One, you're not NT, let alone a corrupted one, who can just about 'speak' upside-down NT. Two, you're 'an alien in the playground'. Healthy NTS have trouble enough, understanding Aspies, but a Toxic NT NEVER could. Never. Not if you gave them a hundred years. 'Different Planets'. As an experiment, try resisting your father using cute humour (they like slapstick) (they're kids - course they do!) intended to make him laugh - see if that makes a difference? Or give him an angle he'd never conceive of - e.g. "Run upstairs and get X for me" / "What, Dad - you want me to stay slim by depriving you of your routine physical activity while you get fat and out-of-breath? You sure about that?" - or shorten it to: "Sure, but realise every time I go up for the stairs for you, you get that bit fatter and less muscley?" (That one might stun him speechless, actually.) I call this: IZ THAT WHATCHOO WANT? - CUZ THAT'S WHADD'L 'APPEN! (Maybe you can expand his child's mind a bit, eh.) So in a nutshell: How to get a Narc behaving themselves is to make (even sneakily) things NOT worth their while - or things WORTH their while - point out what's in it for them....like I've just illustrated. (That's known as Boxing Cleverer, which an Aspie can do standing on their head...because these are the different angles THEY SEE - right? That's what happens when you've spent generation after generation, sat up on the hillock with your birds-eye view...but simultaneously with details all around you where you sit.) And AS they're kids - this one works (avoiding a No): "Do you want X then Y or Y then X?" Or if you need a loan of money and know darn well he's going to give you an inadequate amount that defeats your entire object - and what you need is 20 Quid - ask for 40 or 50 ...wait for the No, and then say...."Well,...can I have just 20 then?". These manipulators are the easiest people in the world to manipulate, ironically enough. They think normal-healthies are too polite and civilized to be as rude or inappropriate and mannipulating as them...so they're not expecting it, especially not from a "goodie two-shoes". Watch Jo Frost Supernanny and see how the 'natural' narcissists - toddlers and small kids - do their best to keep things how THEY like it (getting their spoiled-baby ways). But, though you can change a regime (back to Fair & Healthy) that swiftly with kids, with grown Narcs, you have to go sloooowly....one subtle introduction at a time...careful not to ruffle their feathers......'Sloooowly, slowly, catchee Monkey' as the saying goes. And also read up on how to negotiate with a Narc. ....And have fun experimenting! :) Share your findings, do, M'Colleague! 5. ""I've over-simplified it greatly or it'd take me a year(!), but, you're one tough M-er F-er but don't *consciously* know it because you've grown up, being sat on. Not only are you mentally tougher (and more sensitive) than the average, but, you're working on more sophisticated, more energy efficient cylindry - and you're talented at 'making tools' (highly resourceful! - solutions are everywhere for you). This is because you also have the incredible ability to hold a vast number of mental thoughts, images and concepts in the air, simultaneously - like an evidence table with all the evidence clearly and spaciously spread out in front of you....you see through things quickly. (Moi aussi - I have some of these amazing Aspie traits and I DO know how to use them to mine and others' advantage.)" "I feel like an officer^^" Yes - exactly. "But, I do find it easier to picture my thoughts out... Kindda like a drawing and mapping out several different scenarios if I ever got the chance to confront the people who I deemed need it." Haha - how many version do you manage to come up with? And what happened in the scenario with ex "cuddle-buddy"? Question: in your imagination, have you ever dealt any of them a Karate kick or something? Or is it only ever putting them in their place verbally? 6. "I don't know if this counts, but my brother is usually the "book" that I tend to "read" out loud. He would love to brag about friends listening to his whims and whatnot and that he "looks out" for them and vice versa. I however, knew that he only sees them as investments and who would give the best returns. Granted there are really a few he really looks out for. He would freeze every time I got it right and would even agree albeit sheepishly. I used to ignore it and let it slide, but I just couldn't handle the way he brazenly thinks he has the right to manipulate or use people to his advantages." Yes, it makes sense, including, the fact he instantly 'shows you his belly' (scared of you) (younger or older?) by doing the typical Narc cutesy-grin, despite that it's usually always too serious a situation for such a flippant response. It's still manipulation...trying to 'refuse to discuss it' by prodding your mothering instinct by looking and acting like a cute toddler (and you can't stay mad at a cute toddler, can ya). All relationships are ultimately just transactional to Narcs. But the fact he does have a few 'friends' (whom it's in his own self-serving interests to protect/preserve or keep warm-on-the-side, waiting their turn to be played/conned) and, by the sounds, isn't nasty to you, added to that annoyingly inappropriate grin each time, says, mildly Sociopathic...fledgling. They CAN form bonds(-ish) but have two track minds, meaning, just necause they "love" you, doesn't make you immune to being tricked or conned by manipulation the same as those they don't care about (don't even TRY to work your head around that one!). Narc-Spaths are more interested in power and control than stealing your self-esteem and personality best-bits (except during arguments), but they WILL change their whole image from victim/place-to-victim/place. (Does he change his a lot?) Here... ((my double brackets)): ( https://www.thelifedoctor.org/the-narcissist-s-prayer) : The Narcissist's Prayer - by Danya Craig: ((This list of skewed, involuntary or compulsive attitudes comes under Covert abuse:)) "That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it." ((Again, explained)) "That didn't happen" ((Denial of blame/re-writing history - Gaslighting)) "And if it did, it wasn't that bad" ((Minimisation...if it's not important to them, it's not important = trying to control how you see things)) "And if it was, that's not a big deal" ((Denial again - Gaslighting, trying to alter and make you doubt your perception or the facts)) "And if it is, that's not my fault" ((Blame-shifting)) "And if it was, I didn't mean it" ((Refusing accountability and avoiding apology (unless apologising can serve them as a manipulation tool)) "And if I did, you deserved it" ((This is usually the flourish of the Narc-Sociopath'. Re your brother's double-track mind and that Spath-typical "Oops, tee-hee, oh well" grin of his. Mild Sociopaths do have a conscience and WILL apologise but only if you do likewise, take half their blame, which just shows you how it's JUST a wildly-overblown pride thing. Their conscience is too weak for their pathology, for a full one. But it's moreover down the fact that, because a Spath is a Long Con merchant, as such, intending to stick around and parasite off of you for as many years as they can possibly get away with, ergo, apologising is more in their ongoing interests (their raison d'etre - not doing a job of work) than the relationship-ette-hopping, far pettier, Overt or straight Covert who need constant novelty.) What, normally, do you do when he goes sheepish like that? Drop it? Maybe beat him at his own game and just cultivate a look (practise in the mirror) - one that says, 'Ugh - what are you - Scum?'. And follow-through by getting up and leaving the room. See the clear message of disgust and loss of respect that this little package would send? (He wants sign langauge? He's gottit!) 7. "You're a Hero/Rescuer (in-the-making) - yes, exactly. But a very self-contained, private one, not a showy idiot who wears their pants outside of their tights (:p). You'd make perfect Street-Vigilante or Special Forces material." "Ah, yes. I love Superman," Yes, there you go, then. Did you never wonder why he appealed so much to you? (Answer: he's your precise role model...well, a more realistic, earthly version....super-*human* rather than superhuman. Can you see it now?) Try taking a look at EVERYTHING you're drawn to. Aspies are only drawn for a good reason...a productive purpose... (present or future). They actually go about their lives, unwittingly collecting tools and weapons (including Facts) not realising their future meaning, and then, that day when they finally explode-out, wonder where on earth that impressive, scary, Narc-slaying, inner monster-angel emerged from and how it was so well tooled-up. (Same with phonecalls...only if there's information or knowledge to be exchanged, general chit-chat is boring and a waste of precious time...unless the person says they need it because they're lonely, for example...which then gives it a purpose...if you see what I'm saying. You? 8. "but there are things best NOT shown to the world. I could go undercover or just pop out when things start to go south^^" Yes, it is definitely highly destabilizing (shoe on the other foot) for a Narc when 'mild-mannered Clarke Kent', without warning, transforms into Superman. They nnnnnnnnnever see it coming. They file you too soon (Gentle, Passive). Then (if a Narc you can't eject from your life), you settle down again and for so long that the Narc convinces themselves it was a one-off blip. And so the second time, they're just as shocked and destabilized - or even more so. And that's when a Narc, even a Spath-narc, skiddaddles.ç Question: do you have Facial Subtitles ...an over-expressive face? Or the other extreme - constant Poker Face? And if the former - did you experience periods of frustration, disgust, disdain, disapproval - whatever negative feelings towards Ms Cuddle those last few times she and you were in your room? If the latter - can keenly-sensed people feel your mood as soon as they walk in the room, even without seeing your face? You've said you're prone to hindsight fantasies so that means you weren't FAR off losing your rag with her - correct? With her predator senses - and your closer-to -human-animal ones (closer to nature), which, for you, includes communicating as well as reading/receiving - I'm wondering if perhaps you unwittingly 'informed her' that you were getting bored of her weird games. ?? "Imagine just observing for a long time and then; "You have had your fun! Now, return and stay where you truly belong!" I would want the chance to banish any Narcs who have over-stepped their boundaries." The direct, conventional route would be to become a Police Officer, of course. Specifically, Domestic Crime Unit. I'll bet that would be mightily satisfying. 9. ""If you - YOU, Jae - were to study up on them, I reckon you'll in no time become a top expert as leads to new discoveries/knowledge/theories, trust me on that. And then maybe you'll be able to slowly-but-steadily alter your culture as allows that kind of parental and cultural over-dominance aka Human Abuse (Oppression to point of Incarceration). You scare them. Even before Hello. :) If they pick on you they`re either desperate for a manipulation tool against someone else, come, adorer-giver, OR they're bored with their one-trick-pony life-script (Groundhog Production) and fancy a challenge (OR so arrogant as to think they can tame even YOU). Or they're super-arrogant AND plain stupid. They get off on huge risks, though...hence, challenge." "Well, I'm learning now. They say one can only learn of their true potential once they meet the right teacher." And/or hit the right experience (or critical mass of repeat experience-ettes (drip-drip-drip-OVERFLOW)). Nah. I just speed people up, help them make up for lost time. You'd have got there, anyway. You'd have read something or met someone that stopped you in your tracks re HF Aspergers, it's inevitable (your genes are like homing pigeons...hence the saying, Going back to my roots). "I guess I just met mine a bit later than intended.. ^^;" No - as above - sooner...HAHA. "But I'm here now and am willing to to try and be one of the top students!!" Coolio Iglesias and Glorious Estefan! :) 10. ""Actually, there is even more so much more than the so much more you think there is! Check out the website Different Planet and ponder that title. (Different Universe, actually, if you're self-Neurotypified too, because then you've become a Hybrid-Hybrid, think about it...) Books: "Alien In The Playground"; "The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Nighttime"; "Do Cats Have Aspergers"." "I'm sure there are more reference and help out there than we think, yes. But the amount of time we have to learn on these I suppose could take generations after generations to understand." Nnnnnope! Only to explain. But that's not your problem, anyway, because you're Aspie. You'll relate to it so soak each portion in and make instant sense of it, in record time. Takes one (or even a bit of one) to know one, right? As you read more into it, IN CONTEXT of everyday thinking and functioning (e.g. Dog In The Nighttime), you'll start to sound similar to Nemo's seagulls: "....Me!....Me!.....Me-Me!....Me!....", haha. ""That's why we need all the help we can get. I know there are others out there who don't even get the chance to ask for help or understand themselves like I can now." You mean, identify yourself. You understand yourself, your motives, feelings, preference, just fine - hence can be super-comfy in your own company for hours/days/weeks on-end). It's other people (particularly ones with doolally brains)....you don't understand why they don't understand you - because in your opinion, you're very simple and straightforward and everything you do is natural and according to your innate (jam-packed) programming....you have a HUGE conscience. You also probably wonder why they sweat the *unimportant* 'small stuff'. As for over-over-complicating Narcs: unlike them (you can say that again!), your differences, complicatedness or complexities DO ACTUALLY MAKE PERFECT SENSE when explained to a normal-healthy Neurotypical. "Ohhh, I seee, now I get iiiit...", they'll say. Your wiring isn't ucked, just routed and connected differently (the 'problem' lies mainly in your lack of a Caudate Nucleus in your Striatum - go google at some point - though your brain, being super-healthy, has the ability to create alternative routes and connections to MORE than compensate. This is why you take longer to bake. But once you're baked - you're superior goods or uniquely talented and useful goods. There is NO self-application like Aspie self-application. Dedication isn't the word for it. 'Obsession' is. And that level of dedication is what it takes to become a leading expert in whatever is your passion. (What is your passion, btw? And while I'm at it: Do you collect things, have favourite things/objects/clothes? Do you have a Useful Objects (One Day) drawer? Do you mend or re-purpose things, and only throw things away that have become literally useless? Or do you collect ideas/designs/inventions/theories - in your head or in a notebook? Do you doodle a lot? Do you fiddle with your fingers (using the one hand to fiddle with itself or one hand fiddling with the other)?) "And that for me is disheartening.. I will totally check all these out by the way!" I know you will. Why is it disheartening, though? Surely it shows you there's an un-tapped market out there?...which, after you've gorged on the subject, you'd be perfectly qualified for in TWO ways? (Takes one to teach one - well,...a young one. Aspies that have made it to adulthood, so to speak, got there because they're self-teachers and -healers anyway. It's very hard, even for a very strong, healthy parent to educate an Aspie kid. That's why Narcs (try to) bully them...they don't have the patience and would rather just shoehorn everyone, even at the best of times, and then there's you: the particularly agile foot that refuses to stay still and stop struggling. Ever. Google "Aspie Tenacity" (hope it's still there?)) ""NON HF/educated Aspies, however...those that are still more plugged-in to their internal environment than external...sadly do make perfect Narc Num-Nums (for a while.....It's called, Opposites Attract Then Repel....they have creativity in-common but as soon as the sun goes in - TOTAL OPPOSITES (fight to the near-death for a lie versus fight-to-the-death for Truth - Aspie wins hands-down....they can argue longer than just all night...they can go for days, weeks, years...."They will not 'let it lie'....Aspies don't know how to quit and leave anything unfinished. And Aspies HHHHHATE Chaos, whereas Narcs bloody love it and need it.).))" Its sad that they don't get the right help and space to educate themselves on their power." Well, there's been much improvement on that. But probably not yet where you are. __________________ Pssst!... Prince Harry. He with his Red hair: "Sod this playing Dressing-Up-Boxes, pretentious, outdated nonsense - I want to be a REAL boy and live with my REAL wife, with REAL friends, not in a silly castle! Oh, and if I'm going to act all day every day then I'm going where I can at least get PAID for it! And it's MY life, not yours, I'm clearly more sane and intelligent than you lot, more fit to judge - so I'm going to! Oh, and I LEARN from experience, even second-hand, so no way am I placing my wife inside the same perfect storm that killed my Mum, like you think I should - what are you all - MAD?! Oh, and there's also - if I WANT to tell people what you did - I WILL. Because that's right, that's truth, that's justice. If you didn't want people to find out, you shouldn't have done what you did in the first place, shoulda thoughta that!" What type does he sound like? And what does that all translate to? PS: Narcs are the 'ists'. Misogynists/Misandrists, Sexists, Elitists, etc., ...AND RACISTS. Yuh!...Prince Harry is the Narc and that's why he married a half-caste (who still looks happy and radiant). Yuh. ('Take another pill, luv'.) (The utter, deluded tripe some people come out with, eh?) (PS: Aspies not only aren't wired to become Narcissists, they also can't go mad....which SOUNDS great, but means you have to 'stay awake' and suffer through the entire episode, and out...no little self-delusionary bolt-hole or backburner or distraction aids for you...which is doubly giant-sized when you consider that Aspies feel things to the power of 10...Hence the saying, "When a Neurotypical's had a horrid day at the office, they feel sad. When an Aspie's had a horrid day at the office, they feel suicidal". Do you relate to that? If so, what are your coping mechanisms?) ""I imagine that the world will be filled with more self empowered individuals and people with better insights and ideas to make the world a liveable space for everyone." Yes. Gen Z (the product of the Millennials). Harry is technically a Millennial but is more like GenZ (yuh...that'll be the Hybrid/evolved Aspie bit in-common - see?) . He's brought down one of the biggest pretenses ever - ROYALTY (sorry - whatalty?). The Establishment....THE British Monarchy! Forcing them to have to GET REAL. Geddit? And now, because of them, we're after bringing down the Fat Cats. See? And - for fear of sounding like a Polish revolutionary - the old system needed to change! E.g. we've just found out that anyone who dies intestate (no heirs, unclaimed wealth and assets) goes automatically to King Charles!...and before him, his mother! ....And yet we have once-Middle-Class families choosing between heating or food for them and their kids (probably had to put their family pet in a home, too expensive to feed, etc. now) or, worse, LIVING ON THE STREET (no tents allowed, said Cruella Braverman). WHAAAT?! Voila. (More like Prince Harry, please, Waiter.) It's all around you. But again, probably not in your neck of the world...so again, there's a target-market still just waiting. (Bet you could manage it from home, over the net, if you were interested.) 11. ""I noticed that we tend to focus on eradicating problems one by one and only based on what majority thinks is the most "complicated". But once you look at it form afar, you realise its simple and that you have actually focused and spent too much of your time on something measly."" Welcome to adulthood! "There are so much mor pressing matters that we should focus on but it will take years now to settle."" Nah. Nature mutineers humans if they get too self-destructive (the inner naked apes in all of us, revolt). Humans certainly get too arrogant. I mean - humans destroying the planet? HAHAHAHAHA. Get it right - humans destroying themselves through the planet. The planet will continue and re-balance (which it's already started doing), with or without us. 12. ""The undiagnosed Aspie kid feels background-shame for sensing their inner monster's presence (e.g. storybooks: "Monsters Are Bad"), not realising it's really friendly and saintly, not horrid and devil-ish (think, BFG - "The Big, Friendly Giant"). They sit on themselves (to be more like other kids) (Aspies are talented mimics despite do so purely by-rote, not necessarily understanding what they're mimicking). But the "Neanderthal"/BFG is too strong to repress so it pops out here and there. So the parent - if they're a Narc - sits on the kid as well ("Don't you dare show me up with your superiority and make me face my inferiority!"). But "that's not allowed". Only an Aspie is allowed to sit on themselves (because they're the boss of them - and should be of everyone - not anyone else). So that makes them spooked and the monsty pops out again. The parent (or maybe a sibling) sits heavier ...etc.... until the monsty reaches the end of its tether and BURSTS OUT aaaaand finally dominates the entire ship (because they're the only adult, including, that can steer straight). It's called, "Don't wake my monster", and, "The Credible Hulk" (because he has facts and figures to back up his case LOL)." Sounds like a summary to most of us Aspies huh?" Yup. Although it depends on how well plugged-in the kids is, which relies on higher-than-average intelligence (equalling over-inquisitiveness and a stronger survival instinct as makes requisite a greater level of innate courage too). Some can't cope with the sensory overload - don't even have the free cylindry to talk! - and literally clam up - or semi zone-out by daily fixating on something(s), like desk fans or other interesting working objects... taking ages to come out again. The girls are more advanced because they have to be sociable, whereas Aspie boys are let off (e.g. allowed to stay upstairs playing computer games in their room despite the rellies have come to visit....seen it for myself many a time. Boys are usually harder work....'It takes a whole village to raise a son', ergo, an Aspie son is often too hard to handle, meaning, only the really dedicated, hard-working parent can keep the upper hand and actually socialise them to their future advantage...it IS finally getting better, though). 13. ""Sometimes I wish I could just be a straight up Narc/jerk so no one could trample on me easily. But on the other hand, it would feel wrong to hurt, manipulate and use someone just for MY own gain. Its selfish. End of discussion. So, I guess as easy as I am sometimes to people, I'm glad I'm not voluntarily hurting anyone consciously."" Haha! Spoken like a true victim of more than one Narcissist. Yes, you would hate it - and yourself. But you don't need that fantasy, anyway. Again - you're already tooled up, you just haven't realised you are yet. And you're a GEN Z Aspie. "Anyways, I've never had anyone called me "bloody clever" or "speedy brained"." Well, that's just criminal. But...that's Narcs for ya. Not exactly high on compliments, recognition or appreciation (or even acknowledgement in some cases!). They're not about to help raise your self-intimacy, self-assurance and self-confidence, now, are they - those are the Turbo engines of yours that they're trying to keep DOWN. They don't want you to leave. They want you to be their unpaid carer. (Or don't want to be alone with each other). They want to OWN you, is the point. Own your life. They're nothing if they're not controlling someone. They don't mind your loveliness if it's exclusively, constantly directed at them. You're their Golden Goose. But if you KNOW you're lovely and very, very capable of going solo, actually - you'll reach the point where you leave...won't be scared of leaving. It's called, Enmeshment and is par for the Narc family course. Ditto the Scapegoat role because, knowing the parent/siblings aren't right in the head, and HAVING such a huge, inherited sense of pack responsiblity, they feel sorry for the Narc(s). (It's actually pointless. Narcs hate their 'slave' feeling sorry of all things for them. Being sorry for them just gets you extra abuse.) In this way, they try to keep you prisoner but with invisible (psychological) bars. However...if yours mostly leave you to your own devices upstairs, on your computer, and assuming your future job will be done from home on your computer - use the time to your advantage and stay mainly out of their way, and take your time. Just don't let mad people bother you. Sad you got plonked in that family, that culture, but there's nothing to stop it from making you. Attitude is everything and can transform how you feel or react to things (or ignore/rise above/fail to). 14. "Those are some high praises I ever got in life! But honestly, I'm just trying to understand the whole picture of what you're saying and what I've read online. I'm trying my best to visualise it and all that ever pops up in mind is usually of that a underdog/hidden misunderstood hero (no capes and whatnot please)." Aspies aren't underdogs any more than their ancestral Neanderthals were. Just born instantly-overloaded/complicated and difficult to get to self-know (unless they have an Aspie/Cuspie parent), meaning slow-starters (they got the opposite of a Headstart). But any kid can be kidded into believing they are if they're treated and spoken to like it, often enough. ""So!.........shoves microphone under Jae's chin: How does it feel to be an human evolutionary shunt....a human from the future as well as the past?" Everything's new and old at the same time. Some things I have seen history repeats itself and some just outright new outlook of the world. That make sense? (Returns the microphone ^^;)"" Yes, the world is in transition (the bridge from Back There to Over There). People are basically arguing about what from history should be taken across the bridge into the future with us and ditto what belongs in the future and what doesn't, if it's to be healthier, societally and globally. "..........and all because a bunch of Neanderthals shagged a load of Cro-Magnon females! (I'm betting the women recognised the differences and went willingly, actually! HAHAHAHAH - but really!)" A bit of sacrifice for the future generations I believe!" Haha, well put! "We have all come a long way from then. Now is just time to train and utilise our powers the right way!!" Yup. Human brains are actually very powerful things. Think of the mother (see YouTube) - probably mothers plural - who famously, single-handedly lifted a whole CAR off their baby. See what a deep tank got momentarily accessed there? And Einstein...Archimedes...Socrates....Jesus... SO IT'S THERE, ISN'T IT. IMO, Against All Odds is actually a case of, being arsed. 'Where there's a will there's a way'. 'Mind Over Matter'. 15. "Just in case this is too much in one go - antidote is just to sleep more/longer for a few nights (when your brain can process it all for you in peace and quiet...if you're lucky, you'll 'see' it happening - in your dreams)." Oh! I really hope to see the whole scene in my dreams tonight! I learn well with visual help and hands on experience anyways^^"" Anything yet?

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Here you go: from "The 12 positives of Asperger’s Syndrome" by Andrew Marsh https://andrewmarsh.co/the-12-positives-of-aspergers-syndrome-day-3-tenacity-and-resilience/ There are far many more than 12 actually, so it should be '12 of the positives of', or 'main positive of', really. But this seems to me to be an excellent site, this Andrew March chap is spot-on (atom-on, actually) with everything as far as I can tell, and - HE'S AN (English) HF ASPIE! Straight from the (male) horse's mouth! So do check it out and give it a very thorough rummage. I mean, I can't find a single fault with it, AT. ALL. (which makes a bloody change!). ((double bracketed comment mine)) ________________________________________________________________ ((Extract)) https://andrewmarsh.co/the-12-positives-of-aspergers-syndrome-day-3-tenacity-and-resilience/ ((so good, SM pasted the link twice :)) "The 12 positives of Asperger’s Syndrome - day 1 Creativity People with Asperger’s Syndrome can be very creative because of their distinctive and vivid imagination. This can lead to a plethora of ideas that can be utilised in a number of employment sectors, such as science, engineering, manufacturing, computing and computer software applications and many other fields as well. Also, this creative talent may also manifest itself in the arts, music, composition, literature and academia giving rise to amazing pieces of work. This expression of ideas is essentially limitless, because they are not constrained by conventional thinking and allow themselves to ask the “what if” questions that can lead to significant discoveries and inventions. Day 2 acceptance of difference. People with Asperger’s Syndrome are different. They ((- oops, haha)) brains are wired differently and this leads to them being thought of as outsiders by the mainstream in society. By being different they are more open to accept others regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, colour and ethnicity and are less prone to judge others just because they are not the same. They are likely to challenge norms and conventions and this can open up new avenues for thinking and problem solving. Day 3, tenacity and resilience People with Asperger’s Syndrome are dogged in their approach to things and will stick to their guns when they think they are right. If they are working on a difficult problem, they will use their determination to find ways to overcome the obstacles and find a solution when others may have given up. They will challenge conventional thinking and opinions ((Harry and the GenZs are not just challenging, but winning...forcing major change!)) and will offer novel alternatives that might move things forward leading to innovation in business. On day 4 of the 12 positive traits of Asperger’s Syndrome we look at novel approaches People with Asperger’s Syndrome have a brain that is wired differently from their neurotypical colleagues and most other people. This enables them to see something in a different way and not to be bound by rules and conventional thinking. This unique thought process makes them valuable resources for employers because this thinking outside of the box can lead to new products, processes or better ways of doing something that can be of benefit to business. They can come up with new or innovative solutions to problems that may overcome long standing issues that up until then haven’t been solved. They are best suited to roles that allow and encourage their free thinking without the constraints of the norm. On day 5 of the positive traits of Asperger’s Syndrome we look at deep focus People with Asperger’s Syndrome can give their full attention to what they are doing and are completely focussed on that task. They have the ability to concentrate deeply and won’t get distracted by what is going on around them. This means they will be being productive and won’t be wasting their time, like many others, on the mobile phones all day when they should be doing productive work. This deep concentration makes them ideally suited to long term tasks, because they will be focussed on that one task and will want to take the time to perform it as well as they can. This also means that they are more likely to get the task right, because they won’t have been distracted by irrelevant things that may be going on around them. Asperger’s Syndrome and the methodical approach People with Asperger’s Syndrome can be highly methodical in that they are organised and like things to be done in a logical manner and with order. This makes things easy to find and use as well as giving the sense of doing a job well. They are good at organising data and presenting this so that others can find what they are looking for easily. This trait also means that people with Asperger’s Syndrome can see patterns in numbers and are highly analytical. This makes them idea for complex technical tasks and examining data for trends and patterns. This is particularly valuable skill for looking for financial fraud or share insider dealing where complex data need to be analysed. They are good at doing repetitive tasks, because once shown how to do something can reproduce or duplicate it time and time again. So, production line work doing the same process over and over is a strength that can be utilised by employers. And let’s face it, who wouldn’t want someone who can focus on a task and do it repeatedly at work and be logical and organised in their work and keeping accurate records? It certainly beats those who are stuck looking at their phones all day when they should be working. No 7 Expertise When people with Asperger’s Syndrome take an interest in certain things and they become proficient in them. They study the subject and know it in a great deal of detail and can recall that detail to others with ease. They see it as something that they want to know about and will take the time to fully understand it right down to the finer points. In addition, they have a high level of skills in many areas, such as numeracy, technology and design to name a few and these skills and their expertise make them valuable employees for companies looking to develop new products, processes and systems. This ability to think outside the box and visualise new ideas adds to their skills and employability. ((Oh, go on - it's that good, let's pop in some more...)) Scenes from a coffee shop part 9 It’s five in the afternoon on a Tuesday and I sit opposite the side entrance to Glasgow Queen Street station with a hot latte and a piece of chocolate cake watching the world go by as the rain starts to make the pavement glisten. People without coats scuttle along as the masked and unmasked go about their business, most probably heading for the train. Busses with squeaky brakes pull up at the traffic lights and a man walks past my window with a Dachshund under his arm. The dog looks alarmed for some reason. A lady opens a pack of sandwiches and a couple holding hands approach. There’s definitely an air of Tuesday about the street and those not wearing masks show little to smile about. A lady struggles with putting her long hair in a ponytail while wrestling with her mask and a set of I pods, something has to give. A line of smokers puff away and a kind man douses the burning remnants of cigarettes on top of a rubbish bin with his coffee before it ignites properly into real flames. A child, about eight years old cycles past in her bright green jacket and a man with a magnificent beard strides purposefully along knowing where and why he is heading. A man stops abruptly just as he has crossed the road causing those behind him to swerve to avoid a collision. Most people are dressed in dark jackets to mirror the mood so it is striking to find a lady in a full length white coat enter the station like a moving beacon. A middle aged couple stand right outside my window and the lady deftly rolls a cigarette. She wears a strange hat, like a bobble hat but without a bobble and a hole in the top for her long hair to plume out of. She delves into his coat pockets for a light that she can’t find until he eventually finds one in his outer pocket and the pair saunter off up Hope Street. There he is! A man in shorts, there had to be one, and a young lady runs across the street and up the ramp. I hope she makes her train. Two fire engines head up Hope Street, without blue lights and sirens and two men share a joke as they walk past the window. Two ladies hug at the bottom of the ramp and a man in a high viz jacket and red helmet locks his bike up against a railing and also heads up Hope Street. A lady in very short shorts and long dyed reddish bronze hair strides purposefully while a fast food delivery bike weaves its way through the traffic. A young lady who might be a school girl with a maroon uniform on crosses against the flow of pedestrians, her calf tattoo of a butterfly looking resplendent as dusk begins to fall. Two people in identical yellow jackets converge and pass each other probably not noticing the other. Lights start to go off in in the floors above the station and someone on one of those day rental bikes heads towards the river. It is close to five thirty now and the pedestrian footfall increases as offices and shops nearby close for the night. More people scamper along presumably hoping to get their train. A loud car horn blast shatters the otherwise gentle murmur for a brief moment before the normal calm descends. Where do people go and what do they do? Is today just another day for them or has today been the first day of an exciting new venture, or, perhaps, today is the last day of a drab mundane job and tomorrow will bring something new and exciting. Who knows how many of them will be here tomorrow at the same time and same place. The wind picks up, there’s a storm brewing.! ___________________________________________ ((Sat, observing everyone like a hawk, including their moods, even...taking in loads of detail in-one (no choice about it, actually - "no filters"), just like a - drum-roll..... - pack-watcher/supervisor from 'up on his hillock', look. Aaaaand he's got a Red tone to his hair.)) ___________________________________________ From 'Testimonials' ((my asterisks, to bring to your attention and reassure you that things are indeed already being done to get Aspies into work and make them part of the mainstream - and marked for Leadership)): "Amy Rowlinson, Podcast Mentor and Host. I have had the ongoing pleasure of working alongside Andrew in a small business-focused professional speakers’ mastermind since October 2020 and his unwavering passion for his work shines through every time he speaks about his mission. Andrew was a guest on episode 152 of my podcast, Focus on WHY, and he shared his personal journey of how a late diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome at 51 has changed the course of his life. **Andrew is now working with employers to help them to engage with and encourage their Asperger’s superheroes** which in turn not only benefits the individuals but the businesses too. Andrew’s podcast episode created an incredible ripple effect of people reaching out and sharing their stories. Hearing Andrew speak about **hidden potential** inspired others to speak up, to be understood and to ask more ‘what if?’ questions. **Andrew is a captivating professional speaker who uses his negative experiences of being bullied in the workplace to raise positive awareness of Asperger’s Syndrome to encourage others to thrive.** I highly recommend working with Andrew to understand and focus on what people are able to do, to improve productivity and to ask the questions no one else is thinking. **Engage with Andrew to understand what superpowers you could unleash in your business.** ADHD Parent Support Group West Glasgow Andrew provides great personal insight into **growing up with undiagnosed ASD**, and finally having a diagnosis in adulthood. He describes the challenges he faced in family life, his personal life, education and work. He does so with humour but the messaging remains clear and there is poignancy throughout. **He also captures the strengths and advantages that ASD has brought to him and can bring to others.** **His story is an important one for us all to remember and tells us why and how we must do better for neurodivergent people.** Morag Shaw – The Enlightened Innovator 5 Nov 2020 Yesterday, I had an extremely interesting and useful conversation with Andrew Marsh. During a recent listening skills workshop that I ran, questions were raised by non-neurotypical individuals than I felt unqualified to answer. So, I reached out to Andrew, knowing his expertise on managing people with Asperger’s Syndrome. My key take away from the conversation was that the **many of the strategies that are most effective in helping people on the spectrum, to function at their best and show their superpowers, are also what I would regard as essential management and leadership behaviours**." *********************************************************************************************** (Shoves microphone under Jae's chin again) "So how does it feel to know that you and your type are due to become the "next big thing? :)" You might even find, by then, that your brand of 'slaying' Malignant Narcs - sending them back under their rocks - is, FIRING THEIR LAZY, UNCOOPERATIVE ARSES! (...and long before they get a chance to damage or even bring down the business....they do, you know.) And then you'll realise all this being made to suffer, day after day, was actually free mental gym work.... Training.

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"Well, it failed miserably, but I'm here now." Hey there! I'm sorry to hear that it didn't go very well :( I hope you're doing alright. "Really? Covid cases on the sudden re-rise in..... where are you? India? You talking, some new strain or Omicrom still?" Yeah.. They started rising out of the blue recently and there are a total of 53 deaths when I last checked? And I'm from the Lion City, Singapore ^^; I'm not sure what strain we're dealing with but, it isn't looking so good.. "Oh, great. We're all in for a lovely Winter, then. And of course, people in UK (how are people, financially, at your end?) having to choose between food or heat (no contest, obviously) means their core temperatures are too low to basically cook the incoming or already-in-and-maurauding viral cells. People in Britain must feel their government is trying to passive-aggressively thin the population numbers! Doing nothing to help the millions in poverty now - until-recently, middle-classed people with mortgages now on the sodding street - in 2023 - and meanwhile, constantly banging on about Rwanda! Beggars belief, it really does." That sounds harsh.. I think we're faring quite well here. With the GST payout that we're receiving from the government, vouchers to help cope with living expenses and groceries. It has already been a thing since the pandemic first hit. So, we're thankful for that. Don't they offer financial help over there? With rise of cost in almost everything? >:( People shouldn't have to choose between food or heating for the winter.. __________________________________ "A whole thesis. Haha! "I've told you a million times, not to exaggerate!". If you're serious, though, then - crikey, Unis must be going very soft on students these days?!" Well, I wish I was exaggerating.. Hate to break it to you, mate.. They have been going soft since few years back. The only thing that hasn't changed, is the school fees. Yes, they mostly depend on the course you're taking and if you received scholarship. Regardless, they're still the same. But, with internship programmes they offer, its nothing compared to before. "Can you give me one or more examples of when something you said got you accused of being mean, including who the accuser was, what they'd said first, and the other details? As for the 'you're just a kid' remark: if that's what the person(s) thought, then, why ask for your opinion in the first place? Or did you mean, unasked-for opinion? And were uninvited opinions permissable as part of the group culture (but only you weren't allowed)? Usually, however, they say that because they can't think of any comeback, i.e. you've argued them into the corner. ('Argumentum ad Hominem' - when a person automatically loses the argument by getting personal rather than sticking to the argument issue. It's a verbal form of flouncing-off.)" There are a few times I got accused of ridiculous things.. There was the time where we have to care for our late grandfather. I already graduated while my siblings were still in school. My grandfather would spit out his medication or refuse food sometimes, and I would leave him be for a while before I GET BACK to him later. I went to clean myself and next thing I know, our late grandmother was shouting at me saying that I was trying to murder him by depriving him of food and medication. Turns out he was saying that while I was in the shower. When I was told to "discipline" my siblings and teach them right from wrong. When I do just that, I got shouted at AGAIN for trying to act like a parent when "you're also a KID!" and "you have no right to teach them what is wrong and right!". -_- The other one that I still remember till today is when our uncles accused us of leeching off our grandparents money that they sent monthly. While that might have been true when we were younger, I took up part time jobs after I graduated to pay for groceries (our parents paid for utility bills). Shut their mouths when they saw the bank statement after our grandparents passed away.. Opinions I only gave when they need advice for decisions or opinions on what they should do for certain situations. You asked, I answered. Our grandparents had a problem with our father borrowing money here and there.. They asked me how they should deal with it. The only thing I could give was stop paying his debts. They kept on pawning their jewelries to pay his debts and they don't have anything else to pawn.. I said stop doing it. I'm at fault because now I am this cold-hearted human being and how could I even suggest that.. You asked for a solution, I gave what I see fit. Our father not having the best relationship with our uncles. I have no idea on what to do.. "Why can't you be of help for once and give any sort of suggestion?!". I said the only thing that can help was that our father change his ways and stop troubling our grandparents. "So you're saying that your father is at fault?!" "How could you have the heart to fault your own father?!" -_-; I mean, I was a kid.. How on earth was I supposed to know the solution you were looking for? I didn't even have a solution to deal with "child" problems.. "So that made you (all the time or did it switch amongst you?) "The Scapegoat"." I want to say that I wasn't the only one, but no matter how much I think about it, I was.. Our grandmother would NEVER allow my brother to be held responsible most of the time. Our grandfather cherished my younger sister. I am the oldest of us three siblings so expectations are high and I take the brunt of it. "The Aspie is usually more upset about the data falsehood/inaccuracy (lack of order and precision/literalness is anathema to them) than being slapped round the face either figuratively or physically." If you mean sticking to rules, then yes I have a big problem with people ignoring them. Just stick to it and there'll be no problems. I f this is not what you mean, care to elaborate? "Put it this way: if a Narc ends up with an Aspie, he/she's going to come out foiled and absolutely exhausted (going, "f*ck-it!" and making some false excuse or history re-write to protect their ego and lifelong false (and ever-precarious) beliefs about themselves)." In short, gaslighting? Never a good experience this one. "Again - see how this fits with why your "blurred-lines cuddle friend" just disappeared on you, ghosted you? I bet you kept innocently and ignorantly scuppering her attempts to make him jealous, e.g. by having failed to cooperate/play-along, didn't you. If that hadn't occured to you yet, think back, now, under this new Triangulation light and maybe you'll spot where, in hindsight? (Do tell.)" I keep my boundaries tight. If she's a friend, she's a friend. Comfort hugs I can give (something about humans needing at least four hugs to make it through the day?). Intimate ones I don't need and neither am I going to give anyone one. When it gets too much I usually get up and move someplace else to focus and get myself busy with other things. It was only after I really started getting constant with this kind of actions that she gradually started distancing herself from me and finally, no contact. Is this it? I couldn't be so sure. "(BTW: pushed far enough, an Aspie can happily slap themselves round the face, actually, if need be! Ever done that, out of abject frustration? ...pulled your own hair?... banged your head against a wall/desk? Ever in front of an antagonist?)" A constant thing I do when everything just gets too much! I need to let it all out and that's the only thing that will help instantly during this time. I back down from certain situations because it gets too loud in my head and my skin tingles uncomfortably. Best thing to do? Get up, leave and vent out everything in the room. Might have pulled out some strands of hair, but who cares? That's only a small amount vented out compared to the more just waiting to come out... ___________________________________ "Do you find you get better sleep quality in the day?" I actually do. I find myself getting better rest during the day than at night. Something that I started to notice Secondary school. Try as I might, falling asleep at night just seems impossible. "Are you artistic in any way, do you know? As Hans Asperger said himself, "It seems that for success in science and art, a dash of autism is essential". Are you good at code-cracking?....cryptic crosswords?...Sudoku?... those little handheld metal puzzles?....untangling balls of wool? Do you notice tiny little details that others miss?" I couldn't really say for sure, but I have always been a bit better in music, art and sports rather than academic studies. Code-cracking. I'm not good at. Cryptic crosswords I haven't tried. Sudoku is my all time favourite game! It challenges me and gets my brain cogs working. Handheld metal puzzles I hate with a passion. I don't like it and I never get near them. Now, I've never worked with wools before, but untangling threads is something I'm good at^^ Little details I tend to notice more than others. It comes in handy when I watch dramas or films with crime investigation or similar genres. "There it is: 'I didn't hate it'. Be honest - you enjoyed it, hahaha. HFs make great teachers. And again, there it is: pissed-off ONLY IN PRINCIPLE. More an asking of yourself, 'Shouldn't I be pissed-off...should I?'. " Ok. You got me there. It gets fun when you help them with art projects or knowing that they understand how I explain things. It feels nice and its the only time they ever "see" me and come to me. I didn't hate helping them with school work, I just hated the situation where the adults get to give excuses to shirk their responsibilities, you know? "....And have fun experimenting! :) Share your findings, do, M'Colleague!" Ah! This is why I resonate with you. You see, Good Friend of Mine. I have in fact, started this for quite some time. I wouldn't say I enjoy it. However, the reactions I get are quite amusing, I must say. Left him speechless and sulking quite a number of times too. As you mentioned, kids. I'd hate myself after, but it was in the heat of the moment and they were called for. PS: You mentioned previously of TheManiiShow and now Jo Frost Supernanny. Both are somethings I actually do watch and learned lessons from most of the time ^^ Thank you for including them. "Haha - how many version do you manage to come up with? And what happened in the scenario with ex "cuddle-buddy"?" Now, I'm not by any chance a violent person. However, it surprises me the amount of violence I imagine in those scenes. I admit there has been a few times where I almost lost control in reality as well, but I always manage to suppress them. Either I sock the them in the mouth, put them in a chokehold (if they try to hit me.. because usually my brother does) or I just sit them down with a stare. Now, ex cuddle-buddy, I just end up saying my piece before she even opens her mouth and leave. I would imagine the gobsmacked expression on her face. A pity I didn't have the chance to do that. "Question: in your imagination, have you ever dealt any of them a Karate kick or something? Or is it only ever putting them in their place verbally?" I believe its both then? Goodness me... "Narc-Spaths are more interested in power and control than stealing your self-esteem and personality best-bits (except during arguments), but they WILL change their whole image from victim/place-to-victim/place. (Does he change his a lot?) What, normally, do you do when he goes sheepish like that? Drop it? Maybe beat him at his own game and just cultivate a look (practise in the mirror) - one that says, 'Ugh - what are you - Scum?'. And follow-through by getting up and leaving the room. See the clear message of disgust and loss of respect that this little package would send? (He wants sign langauge? He's gottit!)" I'm not sure if this counts. But he has totally different vibes in Primary school, Secondary school and during National Service (NS). Primary school, he would hang out with those who seems fun or he deems interesting. Right before moving onto Secondary school, he got into a tiff with a few friends and cut them off (mostly on bad terms). When asked why, he would say they were just not "vibing" with him. Secondary school, he would get into fights with certain kids from his and other classes. Then, suddenly they're friends though they don't hang out, would "look out" for each other's back. Before he graduated Secondary school, he had a fight with a boy. My brother had actually went to the extent of hitting the other kid with a chair. He told me that he didn't have to go to school the next day and when I asked he just told me that since exams are over, there was just no need to attend the remaining days. It wasn't until later, that he came clean and told me about he fight. I told him that he had done something wrong, you have to pay for the consequences. I don't know how, but there was no disciplinary action taken and I wasn't called to the school.. I haven't heard about the boy still. NS, he "took in" some of them under his wings. Took "great care" and "dealt" with those who messed with them. He bragged about it just like always, but I have had enough. So, I told him straight that he doesn't really sees them as friends. More like investments. He froze but then had the nerve to smirk and folded his arms and urged me to continue. I did just that. Told him that you only take in those who bow down to you and heed your every word and whims. I told him he kept those who would have big returns from his "investments" on them. Tried to debunk the whole thing I guess, but ended up quiet and I just got up and left. He did tone down on the bragging, but would still do it from time to time but I just ignore it. Not of any importance to me. " (Same with phonecalls...only if there's information or knowledge to be exchanged, general chit-chat is boring and a waste of precious time...unless the person says they need it because they're lonely, for example...which then gives it a purpose...if you see what I'm saying." Yup! If you don't have anything important to say, don't call me. I usually end up either not "being there" or I just cut the call short.I don't talk much to begin with. I "talk" better when I type or write anyways. However, if you need comfort or assurance, that I can endure. You need company, who am I to deprive you of that? Everyone needs a listening ear or a warm hug sometimes. There's a purpose there. I don't want to know about the weather. Neither am I interested in updates of your daily life. You've already posted it on your IG story anyway, duffus (pardon my choice of word- really felt like letting it out). I can already see how you're doing. "Question: do you have Facial Subtitles ...an over-expressive face? Or the other extreme - constant Poker Face? And if the former - did you experience periods of frustration, disgust, disdain, disapproval - whatever negative feelings towards Ms Cuddle those last few times she and you were in your room? If the latter - can keenly-sensed people feel your mood as soon as they walk in the room, even without seeing your face? You've said you're prone to hindsight fantasies so that means you weren't FAR off losing your rag with her - correct? With her predator senses - and your closer-to -human-animal ones (closer to nature), which, for you, includes communicating as well as reading/receiving - I'm wondering if perhaps you unwittingly 'informed her' that you were getting bored of her weird games. ??" I am a constant poker face. I don't know how to express myself with words or facial expression much (no one really take my feelings into consideration anyways). Usually, people watch my body language and they go from there. With ex cuddle-buddy, I just usually move out of the way and focus on doing something else. I kept her in the friend zone area. The last few moments with her, I had more actions rather than words. If you 're going to keep giving me vague answers on your actions, I'll express myself with more actions than words. The situation calls for it too. You want to paint me out to be the bad guy, I'll give you it. "The direct, conventional route would be to become a Police Officer, of course. Specifically, Domestic Crime Unit. I'll bet that would be mightily satisfying." I actually did take a short course on Criminal Psychology and applied to be a profiler in the Police Force. Passed the first round of interview but failed the second round which was the psychology wellbeing test. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in Secondary school, so I didn't get in. Its a pity, but I tried. "Your wiring isn't ucked, just routed and connected differently (the 'problem' lies mainly in your lack of a Caudate Nucleus in your Striatum - go google at some point - though your brain, being super-healthy, has the ability to create alternative routes and connections to MORE than compensate." Safe to say I perceive and see things differently than others, I suppose? I guess, in a way, it does apply to me. I learn to match my emotions to fit the situation or moods. If one is joking, and the other does not see it as funny, I blank out. I don't know what the right reaction is for that moment. Do I laugh along or do I stop him/her from continuing on with the joke? Most of the time, I end up dissociating from the situation. I mean, if you knew that was going to hurt someone, why do it? You started it you deal with it. This also comes mostly from the experience in school when our friend group had a fallout. Since then, when a similar situation arises, I shut my mouth and wait. I'm not going to repeat the same mistake now, am I? And like I mentioned earlier, I don't see why the need to update people on your life when you already posted it online for everyone to see. Is there a purpose or anything one can gain from that? "(What is your passion, btw? And while I'm at it: Do you collect things, have favourite things/objects/clothes? Do you have a Useful Objects (One Day) drawer? Do you mend or re-purpose things, and only throw things away that have become literally useless? Or do you collect ideas/designs/inventions/theories - in your head or in a notebook? Do you doodle a lot? Do you fiddle with your fingers (using the one hand to fiddle with itself or one hand fiddling with the other)?)" I have a passion for photography, art, films etc. I collect sketchbooks and notebooks if that counts? I have a organiser for my desk where I put the important things in like paper clips, glue stick and staples etc. Are these regarded as useful items drawer? I tend to fix things rather than getting new ones. Its a waste to get new ones if you can fix it yourself. If they ARE beyond fixing, I'll throw them away. Ideas and theories I keep in a notebook. Yes, I doodle a lot and yes, I do fiddle with my hand and fingers too. I just find the constant need to do something with my fingers. "Why is it disheartening, though?" I don't know... I just imagined how one could be bumped out not knowing how and where to begin to understand to utilise their inner strength. We don't have signs above our heads that screams Aspie or Narcs.. Imagine the amount of damage one has to take to find the right group of people before they find the right base. " Google "Aspie Tenacity" (hope it's still there?))" -are able to easily forgive others -are conscientious, reliable, and honest -are enthusiastic and have a propensity for obsessive research, thus developing a broad and deep base of knowledge in subjects of interest -have a lot of passion when engaging in activities they like, which may translate into a talent for certain athletic pursuits -have an acute sensitivity that supports creative talents You mean these? https://aspergersvic.org.au/page-18136 "Here you go: from "The 12 positives of Asperger’s Syndrome" by Andrew Marsh https://andrewmarsh.co/the-12-positives-of-aspergers-syndrome-day-3-tenacity-and-resilience/" I saw this website too^^ Thank you! ______________________________ "...Hence the saying, "When a Neurotypical's had a horrid day at the office, they feel sad. When an Aspie's had a horrid day at the office, they feel suicidal". Do you relate to that? If so, what are your coping mechanisms?)" Yeah, I do relate to it a lot. I usually end up blasting my headphones and read a book. Usually helps me get tired and not focus so much on the loud quiet in my head. Rest comes a tad bit easy from there. "The girls are more advanced because they have to be sociable, whereas Aspie boys are let off (e.g. allowed to stay upstairs playing computer games in their room despite the rellies have come to visit....seen it for myself many a time." This relate to more with the boys, but I have always prefered my own company. I guess its a case by case thing then? "Anything yet?" Argh! i don't know where I went wrong, but I haven't gotten anything :( Is it the manifestation thing? I don't know what I should do to get the sign.. Super bummed out for this one..

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"This expression of ideas is essentially limitless, because they are not constrained by conventional thinking and allow themselves to ask the “what if” questions that can lead to significant discoveries and inventions." Ah, yes! This usually leads to long chapters of stories that comes from the ideas I construct. Art pieces with more shapes or colours added than originally intended. Trying different ranges of notes or playing around with different styles of genres than the original song when doing a cover. These counts? "People with Asperger’s Syndrome are different. They ((- oops, haha)) brains are wired differently and this leads to them being thought of as outsiders by the mainstream in society. By being different they are more open to accept others regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, colour and ethnicity and are less prone to judge others just because they are not the same." You mentioned these already^^ I am indeed open to everyone regardless gender, sexual orientation, colour and ethnicity etc. I don't judge them unless their actions calls for it. "People with Asperger’s Syndrome can give their full attention to what they are doing and are completely focussed on that task. They have the ability to concentrate deeply and won’t get distracted by what is going on around them. This means they will be being productive and won’t be wasting their time, like many others, on the mobile phones all day when they should be doing productive work." When I start working on something, giving my 100% is not a difficult task at all. I remember starting on a story. It was quite early in the morning because the idea wouldn't stop egging me. I start working on the story line, plot and characters since I already have a basic idea to start with. Next thing I know, its late into the evening and I hadn't even stopped to have a bite of food or sip of water. Same goes with work now. I start focussing on the task at hand and missed a lot of breaks because I got too invested in it. "People with Asperger’s Syndrome can be highly methodical in that they are organised and like things to be done in a logical manner and with order. This makes things easy to find and use as well as giving the sense of doing a job well. They are good at organising data and presenting this so that others can find what they are looking for easily." Yup! My desk organiser and I group things into their respective categories. ^^; "Scenes from a coffee shop part 9" I don't know how else to react to these other than O_O .. Because this is what i do on a daily basis when commuting to places or literally, sitting in a cafe. Different settings and backgrounds for different characters in a story ^^; "(Shoves microphone under Jae's chin again) "So how does it feel to know that you and your type are due to become the "next big thing? :)" Empowered! We're already 60% into the move for a new insight on how the world works. What else is there to hold us back? No more looking back, just continue on marching forward, soldiers! Raise your flags, Let OUR voices be heard! (Stares into camera with a VERY determined look!). Thank you for lending me your platform! ^^ (Returns mike with relieved and light feeling!) ;) "And then you'll realise all this being made to suffer, day after day, was actually free mental gym work.... Training." Oh! The amount of money I saved! An early retirement would give me ample time and space to help bring awareness and help portray Aspies in a different light, aye? I'll start working on the banners right away!!

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Heya SoulMate! A bit of an update on myself :) I think I just succeeded in taking my first steps in using my powers(?). So, my younger brother has always been one to take advantage of me and he uses my money for his own expenses (when it's clear that he earns more than me). I got tired and just really irritated because he would always say that I have to ask for "money" from him (when it is my right to ask for my money back if you're just "borrowing" them). That is not true, obviously. He's the the one borrowing money from me (duh -_-)... Today, I started my move in retrieving what's mine. Now, he isn't really afraid of me (not that he has to be..), so I got someone who he readily listens to for help. Our father. Yeah, I got criticised for being stupid enough to let him do as he pleases, but it was just words. I didn't get hurt physically.. ^_^ Had a few words with the big guy himself and an arrangement took place! He is to pay all that he owes me by the end of this year. I didn't think that this is a big win or whatever, just thought that its a start from small victories, you know? ^^; Still, I did feel a bit guilty for using people to do something... And I really wasn't sure if this is really the way to start, so I came here to ask for your advice.. Hope I haven't failed you! Talk to you soon^^

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Heya! I've read, and - No, you haven't failed me (yourself) - completely the opposite! Gold Star on your forehead: ("thlup!"). :) But as this is a very details-heavy thread, I do need proper time and space to respond directly, which I don't have right now (my sinus virus or whatever it is, relapsed). Am hoping, tomorrow. But - just for now... Well, Singapore sounds like it has a much more caring and realistic (caring THUS a more realistic, I should say!) attitude towards its citizens. Right now, that's a bloody good free Ad for the Singapore Tourist Board you've just posted...so maybe you should ask them for a commission, LOL. I keep relapsing. It's bloody annoying. Sod-off, stupid virus, aargh - it's not like I've not been sleeping a lot! TOO much. Well, I hope you don't get it. But I know how I got it: sitting outdoors at an al fresco restaurant til dawn with friends when the air turned surprisingly cold and the fire was lowing (is that a word??) (is now ;D) ....The minute you let your core body temperature drop to below where your heat can 'fry' the bacteria/virus on orifice entry (ENT, eyes, skin-pores...probably under fingernails, I'll bet) - you're vulnerable to catching something....hand/door-handle contact...money... - Spanish bloody kissie-huggie-stranger nonsense (and they DON'T all wash their hands after handling food or going to the loo - I've seen them!)... anyway - KEEP WARM and WEAR A SCARF is not a nag, it's genuinely important advice. Why isn't nutrition and general mental and physical wellbeing on all schools' or at least, colleges' curriculums? Psychology and Physiology should be mandatory, ongoing classes. I mean, if you haven't read your own Human Machine User Manual then what hope do you have of ever understanding yourself and other people (including neurodivergents)? THAT'S what's missing from the world, IMO. Anyhoo - be back as soon as I can!

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(And your experiment has exposed an "interstink" twist existing in the dynamic, there, which I want to go into.)

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"But as this is a very details-heavy thread, I do need proper time and space to respond directly, which I don't have right now (my sinus virus or whatever it is, relapsed). Am hoping, tomorrow. But - just for now..." Oh no! I am really sorry to hear that. I am actually just about to recover from a bad throat infection myself. There has been bleeding, my tonsils were just red and raw.. But I believe its faring better now. I sincerely wish that you get well soon and stop getting sick so often :( Do take time to rest and don't worry so much about replying me. "Right now, that's a bloody good free Ad for the Singapore Tourist Board you've just posted...so maybe you should ask them for a commission, LOL." If I were to be working with them, maybe I could but unfortunately I'm not ^^; And to be honest, I wasn't trying to "post an ad" but, if they ever think to pay me the commision, I would gladly put my palms out :) "I keep relapsing. It's bloody annoying. Sod-off, stupid virus, aargh - it's not like I've not been sleeping a lot! TOO much." Actually, I've noticed that too recently. No matter how much sleep I got, it doesn't improve my condition and right when I'm about to get better, my fever just keeps coming back stronger... Hmmm.. I think its safe to say that the viruses are getting more stronger and harder to rid off. I wonder what may be the cause.. "KEEP WARM and WEAR A SCARF is not a nag, it's genuinely important advice." Ah, yes.. Here, its Keep yourself hydrated :) How hydrated must a person be to get rid of the virus in our body? (The advice is just not advice-ing) " I mean, if you haven't read your own Human Machine User Manual then what hope do you have of ever understanding yourself and other people (including neurodivergents)?" Nicely worded there.. I mean unless there is no instruction pack that comes with us humans, they won't even think it necessary for humans to have the basic knowledge of our own mind for OUR health and wellness. "(And your experiment has exposed an "interstink" twist existing in the dynamic, there, which I want to go into.)" Oh no.. I knew it couldn't be that easy.. Alright, I'll wait for the results ^^;

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Hey SoulMate! Not an update or anything, but I just thought to pop up here to wish you a happy xmas!! I know you would probably still be battling all the virus but I hope it hadn't dampen your spirits this christmas. Anyways, take care^^ Till you get better then!

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Heya! I'm here! I decided to opt-out of Xmas this year. Then WAS going to just have a lovely lunch out, in the sun (surprisingly hot from about Noon until 4) with a friend who fancied no fuss this year, either. But now she's got this bug...as have others, now. LOADS of texts from other friends wanting to chat, seemingly with the time to. So I think almost everyone has come down with it. Either that, or they can't afford a full-on Xmas Day now/any more. That sounds perfectly plausible, too. Christmas is for little kids and parents of little kids, though, since it became so commercialised and families no longer live together or close-by. You lose all interest once your kids see themselves as too old/mature for it (which is what boys tend to feel - same with their birthdays, they tend not to care any more... More important things to care about. And just an overly expensive exercise which is always an antix-climax (boy did our childhood conditioning go deep - still expecting the same thrills as adults!). I'm having a nice, chill day....time completely to myself. Got my fave Xmas liqueurs (Adcocaat and Giner Wine), a fully-stocked fridge, plenty of indulgent snacks and treats...got my ciggies and real coffee/tea... In fact, I was wondering whether to start a Xmas, free-for-all, chat thread for anyone on their own NOT by choice today. Not sure if there'll be any or many takers, though. What do you think, Jae? (I'd have to wait an hour or so, though, currently got sunbeans coming into the living-room which are shining on my laptop screen, making it hard to see what I'm typing, haha!) Got the radio on - LBC - UK (but global issues) multi-award-winning Radio Show (no lies and BS allowed!)...available free to listen online, if you're interested...incredibly fascinating and intellectually stimulating and all the presenters have great senses of humour, so it's very all-round entertaining. What are you up to today? You don't celebrate Christmas, do you? Steering clear, in your room, still? BLOOD? Crikey, you must have been hacking and coughing a lot, and really hard! (As long as it was Bright Red, not Deep?, there's nothing to worry about, just superficial grazing.) PS: I hadn't forgotten you - or Nav or Thea or anyone 'ongoing', just had too many to clear. But one of our original and longest-running veteran posters, "Manalone" is back, so I'm extremely happy about that. He's a walking anti-BS machine, he is, has a great personality and SOH, and tends to make my job an awful lot easier. (Check out where he says, basically, that her boyfriend is really dense, then', HAHAHAHAHA!...tell it like it is, yeah, baby! :D Had another like that, called "Susiedqq", but she's been gone for over 2 years now (I think?) so I guess she finally finished healing and got more stuck into RL...- wash my mouth out! - I meant NEL! :D Again - we're all talking and it's perfectly real. So yaaah - what are you doing right now? (I'll tackle the rest of my replies once I can see clearly again, should only be an hour or so until the sun moves round...)

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Tsk - GINGER wine. I'm not keen on spirits but I do like the rare cocktail and Xmas Day liequers - again, that conditioning, I suppose (not from as far back an when an under-age kid obviously haha!.... "Brandy In My Bottle (My Childhood As An Underage Alcoholic!)", HAHAHA! Although, SAYING that - I WAS introduced to Ginger Wine as a young teen (11,12,13) in the Church and School choir (I just liked singing, haha) - it's great for the vocal chords, you see - is their excuse; probably more like, to quieten us down, bit of a rabble, we were). You can't drink alcohol, can you. Have you ever sneakily tried a sip?

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...I mean - check this out! Sooo funny for being so No Frills and STRAIGHT to the point! - because it's true, and he shows he means well, so you just can't argue with him or take it badly! It's from "Relationship Advice - I think I'm living with a Narcissist"... "It really doesn't matter what he is or what you are but this bit of your post says it all. Your relationship is buggered & basically done & dusted." I literally spat my coffee, burst-out laughing, I did! 'Your relationship is buggered'..... god help me, I love Australians! (Except for mad ones, obvs.)

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...I mean - check this out! Sooo funny for being so No Frills and STRAIGHT to the point! - because it's true, and he shows he means well, so you just can't argue with him or take it badly! It's from "Relationship Advice - I think I'm living with a Narcissist"... "It really doesn't matter what he is or what you are but this bit of your post says it all. Your relationship is buggered & basically done & dusted." I literally spat my coffee, burst-out laughing, I did! 'Your relationship is buggered'..... god help me, I love Australians! (Except for mad ones, obvs.)

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Ah-hah - the biggest sunbeam's moved! Right, I'll continue replying from where I left off (obvs)... "A bit of an update on myself :) I think I just succeeded in taking my first steps in using my powers(?). So, my younger brother has always been one to take advantage of me and he uses my money for his own expenses (when it's clear that he earns more than me)." I've never once met a Narc that wasn't mean and miserly - bar when they're trying to get a person to fall for them, of course, when they're the most generous person you've ever met, bar yourself! It's just Narcissistic Mirroring...you basically end up being friends or lovers with your virtually-identical reflection! "I got tired and just really irritated" Yes, inevitably. "because he would always say that I have to ask for "money" from him (when it is my right to ask for my money back if you're just "borrowing" them)." In other words - money he owed you magically became money he was lending you. Pfff! TYPICAL. Just say - Stop playing dumb and pay me what you owe me. And if they still don't - that becomes the very last time you ever lend them *anything* (never reward and keep rewarding, atrocious behaviour). "That is not true, obviously." "He's the the one borrowing money from me (duh -_-)... (Yes, VERY obviously - I'm ahead of you, look.) It's simply a typical Narc anti-coooperative variation on: "The sky is NOT Blue, it's GREEN!" Gaslighting. Trying to cheat you or persuade you OR BULLY you, out of Reality. Whether a recent event or a whole re-writing of history. "Today, I started my move in retrieving what's mine. Now, he isn't really afraid of me (not that he has to be..)," OH, YES, HE IS. You're the one with the X-Ray Specs! He just wouldn't ever dare show it in case you knew it and grew in confidence to the degree whereby you point to the elephant in the room, even MORE, and go to greater lengths (natural-born Barrister/box them into a corner Time, haha). He's hit your line in the sand. That's it - Game Over. He'll have to try putting EFFORT in from now on....actually SOWING so that there IS anything to reap from your 'field'! If he dared do that, however, he'd feel too vulnerable (their Kryptonite - you might REJECT THEM......by saying No (jeez, call the police, ambulance and fire-brigade). And, of course, now you WILL reject his requests for loans, won't you! See how they self-destruct? Negative, self-fulfilling prophesy, it's called. (Or in their case - Negative & Insane/Downright Shortsighted.) " so I got someone who he readily listens to for help. Our father." Oh DOES he. And how does he treat your stepmother? (What's she like - do you like her or is she Iffy as well? Or bullied into Iffyness? Tell me about her.) "Yeah, I got criticised for being stupid enough to let him do as he pleases," Oh-oh-oh - it's not all YOUR BROTHER'S fault for taking advantage of your natural need to be giving and loving - and it's not your father's fault for having raised him as a lying, cheating a-hole - it's YOURS....for BEING loving and giving! TY PI CAL! Christ...I feel like I should rename you Alice (as in, In Wonderland)! You ever watched that - the Walt Disney version? It's about growing up a child victim of this and other PDs - you must! "but it was just words. I didn't get hurt physically.. ^_^" Well, great in a way, but - sorry to tell you this: established factual finding, now, is that mental-emotional assault wreaks the exact same nerve and other damage as being physically assaulted/wounded. That's why Malignants (or even Benigns, although with those it takes far longer for you to reach your limit and blow) get called - in the therapeutic/psychiatric industry - as Emotionally *Dangerous*. However - as soon as the victim can understand what's going on and why - their attitude changes and they cease to remain invested in anything the offenders think, do or say. You detach from them, realising that you're trying to have a relationship with a clapped-out, mis-wired, cross-wired TV set or something. Or, as I always put it - trying to use an Out Of Order coffee vending machine: You choose your options: cream...2 sugars... First, the coffee comes out (a tiny bit) - but it hasn't dropped-down the cup yet!... next you get the cup and you get ZERO cream, just one or two remnant drops of hot water, ....and too much sugar. (Sums them up - no nutrition - just sickly sweet, hot, nothingness - doesn't it just?) "Had a few words with the big guy himself and an arrangement took place!" Oh yeah? And is he going to stick to it longer than just the once? "He is to pay all that he owes me by the end of this year." Really? So tell what exactly your father SAID to him. "I didn't think that this is a big win or whatever," IT BLOODY IS, MATE! Stop minimising your incredible achievements at standing-up for yourself like an independent, grown-up, NOT powerless, thank-them-very-much, PERSON TO BE RECKONED WITH. MOST fully-adult victims haven't a clue what to say or how to say! You didn't need to check with me, ask me to hold your hand as you did it, hum and hah over it for weeks - you just dove STRAIGHT in! You don't NEED any help. I mean, a bit, yeah - the explanatory stuff you don't yet know, sure. You just need MORAL SUPPORT. And same-sanity feedback. Can you see that? I do want to know what your farter did and said, though, in detail. Then I'll be able to work out whether it will have been enough, as well as get my suspicion re the dynamic confirmed. "just thought that its a start from small victories, you know? ^^;" Yeah, tiiiiny, yeeeaaah. Haha. "Still, I did feel a bit guilty for using people to do something..." Why? You used whatever was available - and in a situation where your options in that regard was severely limited ....unless you'd asked me to write a post addressed to bother and farter? Haha, they wouldn't have liked that. But you and I CAN see ahead to consequences and ramifications, so we wouldn't be so daft as to do that or they might throw your gadgets out of the window. Better to keep me as your secret venting diary and 'military operations advisor' haha!.... Operation Drongo Despots (drongo, I believe, is an Australianism, meaning, thick idiot haha).) "And I really wasn't sure if this is really the way to start, so I came here to ask for your advice.." Yeah, you're doing great! It seemed to work, didn't it? Again - to check whether it'll last - details of what you said and what your dad said, next, please? Fankoo! :)

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PS: Doesn't even FEEL Christmassy in this country, except for the street fairylights and (yet more!) Spanish Fiestas and firecrackers (they seem to LOVE loud bangs - just like the Chinese). ...It's too full-on sunny....feels like a cold late Spring day but where it's hot in the sun's rays. Xmas Day to Brits is either grey and cold, even rainy, or slushy from sleet or too little snowfall. Very rarely is it sunny.

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"Either that, or they can't afford a full-on Xmas Day now/any more." I understand.. Hard times right now. You gotta choose between survival for the long run or "in the now". The answer's obvious though which one you have to pick. " In fact, I was wondering whether to start a Xmas, free-for-all, chat thread for anyone on their own NOT by choice today. Not sure if there'll be any or many takers, though. What do you think, Jae?" I do think its a good idea^^ One taker here! Though I have to say, different time zones I'll probably be the last one to reply :( But great idea there, mate! "What are you up to today? You don't celebrate Christmas, do you? Steering clear, in your room, still?" I don't celebrate it, but no stopping oneself from the variety of christmas movies, no? ;) There is no snow but yesterday was pretty chilly with heavy rain and strong winds! Right temperature for hot chocolate and a movie marathon! (Though, I only watched a couple before I got pretty sleepy..) "BLOOD? Crikey, you must have been hacking and coughing a lot, and really hard! (As long as it was Bright Red, not Deep?, there's nothing to worry about, just superficial grazing.)" Yup! And deep red too... Frequent nosebleeds and swallowing just became a difficult task.. :'( I am on meds though, so we'll see aye? "PS: I hadn't forgotten you - or Nav or Thea or anyone 'ongoing', just had too many to clear. But one of our original and longest-running veteran posters, "Manalone" is back, so I'm extremely happy about that. He's a walking anti-BS machine, he is, has a great personality and SOH, and tends to make my job an awful lot easier. (Check out where he says, basically, that her boyfriend is really dense, then', HAHAHAHAHA!...tell it like it is, yeah, baby! :D" I see! Santa of threads hard at work. Probably time you hire some elves to give you a hand^^ And "Manalone"! A gem he is!! "so I guess she finally finished healing and got more stuck into RL...- wash my mouth out! - I meant NEL! " What can I say? The NEL can pretty busy... Too much responsibilities to shoulder and too many toxic individuals around. Sometimes you get immune to it, that you just get busy trying to drown everything out.. Head underwater. "So yaaah - what are you doing right now?" Had to go back into the office for an urgent last minute call. Basically the documents that I was supposed to file, were handed in late yesterday (ones that were dated 2-3 days back.. don't ask me why..), so I had to come in today. Maybe tomorrow as well, but we'll see.. "Wine as a young teen (11,12,13)" Uh-huh! But don't most cultures do that? "You can't drink alcohol, can you. Have you ever sneakily tried a sip?" Nope! a goody two shoes I am on this part :) " It's from "Relationship Advice - I think I'm living with a Narcissist"..." Again! A real trusted source! Find me someone who can argue him and I'll pay the lad handsomely! (There better be none..) ". god help me, I love Australians!" You can't get any realer than the Aussies, that's for sure^^ They come honest (at least that's how I see them) and complete with a mouth that of a sailor's (because sometimes that IS the only way to get your words across, no?)! PS: I'm replying to three of the messages you've left because I find it easier for me to complete the catching up part before getting down to serious business ^^; You may find it weird but that's how my head works almost all the time.. They sort out things and file them before I work out the contents carefully. Weird? I get that a lot, I know.. See you in the next part (or parts..?)!

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"he'd feel too vulnerable (their Kryptonite - you might REJECT THEM......by saying No (jeez, call the police, ambulance and fire-brigade). And, of course, now you WILL reject his requests for loans, won't you!" Actually, this happened a few days ago. He wanted Me to get food for him and "I'll pay u later! Just get it for me now because I'm busy!" line came out. Oh! How I was waiting for this! I volunteered as tribute and fought him with a BIG- here it comes- NO! Tried to threaten me with his scary, ferocious "alpha" aura. NOT THIS TIME MATE! (That actually felt nice.) Anyways, silent treatment I gave him and -boy oh boy- did the fella just got his tail in between in his legs and went away (albeit sulkily with all the stomping and cursing -that could make any sailor proud- and actually left me to my own devices)! I thought he would not talk after, but he still tried to act all chummy and whatnot. I ended up NOT getting him anything and poor cub had to get HIS own food. Not an ounce of pity I felt for him (not that he needed it anyways!). I felt like I did accomplish something! Standing up for myself! 1st win win of returning him to his corner^^ Rest assured, no more loans for that chap! "And how does he treat your stepmother? (What's she like - do you like her or is she Iffy as well? Or bullied into Iffyness? Tell me about her.)" He's a sweetheart to her! Could do no wrong in her eyes (til recently) and would follow his every whim. I don't hate her, but I don't know if I like her.. Make sense? She's great for our father (stopped being physically abusive towards us after marrying her), but I just feel really awkward with her... Maybe we went too long without a mother? I mean, its not like our mother was motherly towards us.. She was plain abusive too (which baffles me cause she was and STILL is a police officer). Maybe I just never knew how gentle and loving a mother is supposed to be? I just don't know how to react accordingly to her gestures. She tries to be a mother to us but, I think we just never had that growing up. My sister feels the same, but she KNOWS she loves our stepmother. I still don't know.. " You ever watched that - the Walt Disney version?" Well then its time I start watching it, huh? I never really tried to watch it but I will now! " established factual finding, now, is that mental-emotional assault wreaks the exact same nerve and other damage as being physically assaulted/wounded." Explains the depression and anxiety I guess, apart from being an Aspie that is. Thought I was just too weak to be getting hurt by words... Turns out it really is similar to physical assault... Ok.. "You choose your options: cream...2 sugars... First, the coffee comes out (a tiny bit) - but it hasn't dropped-down the cup yet!... next you get the cup and you get ZERO cream, just one or two remnant drops of hot water, ....and too much sugar. (Sums them up - no nutrition - just sickly sweet, hot, nothingness - doesn't it just?)" Right. On. The. Dot. Bullseye!! "Really? So tell what exactly your father SAID to him." So, our father told him that, by the end of this year, he is to pay us the full amount of what he owes both me and my younger sister. For every late payment a day after the 31st of Dec this year, an interest of $5 dollars will be added to the debt. He tried to wriggle his way out of this one, didn't work. I rant out all the things he spent on himself near the end of the year. Clothes, Staycations, Meeting up with friends etc. I told our father straight. "Your honor, one does not have the luxury to spend on these things I've just mentioned, if he doesn't have the money. From my keen observation on the defendant, he just doesn't want to pay the debts he's due. I rest my case." It was then that the verdict was finalised. He is to pay his debts by the 31st of Dec, 2023. For every day that he is late for the payments, an interest of 5 Singapore dollars will be added to each of the debt that he owes to the parties involved. " But you and I CAN see ahead to consequences and ramifications, so we wouldn't be so daft as to do that or they might throw your gadgets out of the window." Um, duh! WE are smarter than that, yes! Whatever is left of my lifeline, I'll protect it with all I have -I wasn't in the scouts or girl guides, but- Scouts Honor! " Better to keep me as your secret venting diary and 'military operations advisor' haha!.... Operation Drongo Despots" Are we going Johnny English or James Bond style? Or maybe Mission Impossible Ethan Hunt? "PS: Doesn't even FEEL Christmassy in this country, except for the street fairylights and (yet more!) Spanish Fiestas and firecrackers (they seem to LOVE loud bangs - just like the Chinese). ...It's too full-on sunny....feels like a cold late Spring day but where it's hot in the sun's rays. Xmas Day to Brits is either grey and cold, even rainy, or slushy from sleet or too little snowfall. Very rarely is it sunny." I don't know how else to describe that, but it sounds cold and depressing (sorry O_O;)... Well, same can be said for Singapore! Its either too hot and sunny or too wet and rainy. Rare are the days where you get the "perfect" weather. And the area I'm living in, they are already preparing for Chinese New Year (which is in February next year)! The temple is more active than it has ever been in the past year -even with the rise in covid -_- And they wonder why the cases are rising...

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(1st reply:) "Hard times right now. You gotta choose between survival for the long run or "in the now". The answer's obvious though which one you have to pick." If one is wired right, yes. " In fact, I was wondering whether to start a Xmas, free-for-all, chat thread for anyone on their own NOT by choice today. Not sure if there'll be any or many takers, though. What do you think, Jae?" "I do think its a good idea^^ One taker here! Though I have to say, different time zones I'll probably be the last one to reply :( But great idea there, mate!" Haha, bit of a moot point now. Plus, it was too quiet when I looked. Maybe next year. "What are you up to today? You don't celebrate Christmas, do you? Steering clear, in your room, still?" "I don't celebrate it, but no stopping oneself from the variety of christmas movies, no? ;) There is no snow but yesterday was pretty chilly with heavy rain and strong winds! Right temperature for hot chocolate and a movie marathon! (Though, I only watched a couple before I got pretty sleepy..)" Which did you watch, and were they any good? Not surprised you got sleepy, your brain's been working overtime for ages now. "BLOOD? Crikey, you must have been hacking and coughing a lot, and really hard! (As long as it was Bright Red, not Deep?, there's nothing to worry about, just superficial grazing.)" "Yup! And deep red too... Frequent nosebleeds and swallowing just became a difficult task.. :'( I am on meds though, so we'll see aye?" Crikey - what does your doctor say you've got? "PS: I hadn't forgotten you - or Nav or Thea or anyone 'ongoing', just had too many to clear. But one of our original and longest-running veteran posters, "Manalone" is back, so I'm extremely happy about that. He's a walking anti-BS machine, he is, has a great personality and SOH, and tends to make my job an awful lot easier. (Check out where he says, basically, that her boyfriend is really dense, then', HAHAHAHAHA!...tell it like it is, yeah, baby! :D" "I see! Santa of threads hard at work. Probably time you hire some elves to give you a hand^^ And "Manalone"! A gem he is!!" Damn right! I can't hire anyone, sadly - this is voluntary, unpaid/charity work, plus it's not my forum, it's Richard's. That's why there's a Donate button under Support above - it's entirely non-profit making, funded completely by him. I can only ask people I think are up to it to become regular posters. "so I guess she finally finished healing and got more stuck into RL...- wash my mouth out! - I meant NEL! " "What can I say? The NEL can pretty busy... Too much responsibilities to shoulder and too many toxic individuals around. Sometimes you get immune to it, that you just get busy trying to drown everything out.. Head underwater." You said it! "So yaaah - what are you doing right now?" "Had to go back into the office for an urgent last minute call. Basically the documents that I was supposed to file, were handed in late yesterday (ones that were dated 2-3 days back.. don't ask me why..), so I had to come in today. Maybe tomorrow as well, but we'll see.." Did you? "Wine as a young teen (11,12,13)" "Uh-huh! But don't most cultures do that?" Not Britain. I remember, the choirmaster (excellent otherwise - retired opera singer and conductor) didn't even ask the parents for permission! I mean, it was only a mouthful (tiny glasses) at Christmas and Easter, but, still... we ranged in age from 9 to 12. You wouldn't get away with that these days. "You can't drink alcohol, can you. Have you ever sneakily tried a sip?" "Nope! a goody two shoes I am on this part :)" Good! 'Goody-two-shoes and brave whistle-blower with it 'N PROUD!' :) I believe I'm right in saying, Clarke Kent/Superman was Tee-Total as well. Mind you, he could get high without it (ha ha). He WAS addicted to phone-boxes though (gaffaws at own joke). (PS I use 'goody two-shoes' ironically - or is it sarcastically? - though. It's one of your teen-Narcs' favourite sayings, meant to express their annoyance at you and make you feel wrong for (wait for it...) REACTING TO OR TRYING TO COUNTER THEIR ABUSE (whomever it's aimed at) rather than lying down and taking it or witnessing it and doing nothing...because no-one wants to be seen as a goodie two-shoes, do they (rolls eyes). More like, because no Narc wants to face the consequences of their bullying and abusive actions.) "It's from "Relationship Advice - I think I'm living with a Narcissist"..." Again! A real trusted source! Find me someone who can argue him and I'll pay the lad handsomely! (There better be none..)" Haha! Glad you enjoyed reading him. :) ". god help me, I love Australians!" "You can't get any realer than the Aussies, that's for sure^^ They come honest (at least that's how I see them) and complete with a mouth that of a sailor's (because sometimes that IS the only way to get your words across, no?)!" Yip. And you've got to be fairly straight-talking with people who are in DefCon 3, 4 or 5 (in a trauma/survival state) - their heads are too full so they miss things or simply don't have room to retain the info or follow advice. They need it in their face (sometimes, not always). "PS: I'm replying to three of the messages you've left because I find it easier for me to complete the catching up part before getting down to serious business ^^; You may find it weird but that's how my head works almost all the time.. They sort out things and file them before I work out the contents carefully. Weird? I get that a lot, I know.. See you in the next part (or parts..?)!" Excellent- so do I! :) It's called, an organised mind. And commonsense. You're not weird. Your family is. But you aren't. You're especially slime-proof. Once you KNOW you're being abused - you deal with it (bish-bash-bosh - sorted!). You like things neat and tidy and in their place, don't you.

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(I forgot 'cooperative'.) Second/last post: ""he'd feel too vulnerable (their Kryptonite - you might REJECT THEM......by saying No (jeez, call the police, ambulance and fire-brigade). And, of course, now you WILL reject his requests for loans, won't you!" "Actually, this happened a few days ago." HURRAH! :) "He wanted Me to get food for him and "I'll pay u later!" Does he think you're actually brain-dead? Nah. They just don't DO 'being told'. Plus they assume your rebellion - your fortification of your boundary (perimeter fencing) - is just a one-off anomaly so waste no time in trying to push those boundaries all over again in order to reinstate the narcy status-quo. "Just get it for me now because I'm busy!" line came out." What did his LAST servant die of?! Who does he think he is! ....oh, wait - a Narc (young Spath, CLEARLY...constant, petty conning as well as using and exploiting - and extorting, no doubt). "Oh! How I was waiting for this!" There we go. You're clever, you are. I know I've already told you that, but - you are. "I volunteered as tribute and fought him with a BIG- here it comes- NO!" Ex-ce-lleeeeeent. "Tried to threaten me with his scary, ferocious "alpha" aura." Course. Their second resort if the word manipulation (Pavlovian bell-ringing) fails. (The drugs aren't working - try the fists or just act like they're next.) "NOT THIS TIME MATE! (That actually felt nice.)" I'll bet! "Anyways, silent treatment I gave him" GENIUS! "Out-Narcing The Narc" - gold star! I'm not reading ahead on this one but I know what's coming (it's in the script...people doing what you're doing the whole globe over, RIGHT THIS SECOND!)... "and -boy oh boy- did the fella just got his tail in between in his legs and went away (albeit sulkily with all the stomping and cursing -that could make any sailor proud" HAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, shame you can't just pop him in a crate and send him round the world via someone's yatch, really, isn't it, like they do on Warner Brothers cartoons. "- and actually left me to my own devices)! I thought he would not talk after, but he still tried to act all chummy and whatnot." Yup. First is what would be OUR LAST resort, but is their first: waving the stick. When that doesn't work - THEN they try the carrot. All insincere manipulation attempt, however. And then they're out of ideas so just keep penduluming between the two, with only slight variation or angle of attack. (It's all just attack. They even HIT you with the carrot!) "I ended up NOT getting him anything and poor cub had to get HIS own food." OHH, NOOOOOO, THE POOOR BABYYYYYY. (IS he fat? Sounds like he should be.) "Not an ounce of pity I felt for him (not that he needed it anyways!)." WOAH - REALLY? You've just become "NAV"! :D Incredible progress - I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! "I felt like I did accomplish something! Standing up for myself! 1st win win of returning him to his corner^^ Rest assured, no more loans for that chap!" YES! NOW YOU'VE GOT IT! If you act or show them you're afraid of them or need them, you're done for. If you do the opposite - THEY are! Which is WHY they try to become your master, by plain acting like it, in the first place. And it takes TIME to work out why they don't behave normally. And, meanwhile, they're cashing-in on that natural delay and getting their foot and body in your door (think pushy conman type of door-to-door salesman) even more...which makes it even harder to push them out (and/or slam it) (and/or lock it) (and maybe swallow the key). You just shoved him out. IN ONE FELL SWOOP. In fact - 10 Gold Stars. And, compared to him - you're only little! You see - it's your MIND they're scared of. If your mind is strong and powerful enough, even in a REAL, PHYSICAL fight, you could bring them down. Your legs don't want. Your mind wants to walk and makes them walk. Without a mind or part of your mind damaged - no walking (with the exception of headless chickens lol). I now Knight you. Arise Sir (Lady) Jae. (It's a Haribo sword...hope you don't mind? Haha!) (I don't keep real swords in my house, funnily enough.) That was ucking impressive. Between you, you and Nav have made my day. :) Go read what fantastic thing just happened - sorry, that SHE made happen - on her thread. ___________________________ "And how does he treat your stepmother? (What's she like - do you like her or is she Iffy as well? Or bullied into Iffyness? Tell me about her.)" "He's a sweetheart to her! Could do no wrong in her eyes (til recently) and would follow his every whim." So you mean, he WAS a sweetheard who put her on a pedestal...until recently. So now SHE'S withdrawn some. "I don't hate her, but I don't know if I like her.. Make sense?" Yep. But have you and she ever had the opportunity to be alone and get to know one another? "She's great for our father (stopped being physically abusive towards us after marrying her)," You realise that ususally means, because he's switched to doing it to her? Keep an eye and ear out, see if you can see signs. " but I just feel really awkward with her... Maybe we went too long without a mother? I mean, its not like our mother was motherly towards us.. She was plain abusive too (which baffles me cause she was and STILL is a police officer)." Why does that baffle you? They get everywhere. Even in the bloody Vatican. Where there are normal, healthy, empathetic people - there are Narcs. Parasites need hosts, and power-crazed parasites need un-challenge-able control over people. REALLY need. " Maybe I just never knew how gentle and loving a mother is supposed to be? I just don't know how to react accordingly to her gestures. She tries to be a mother to us but, I think we just never had that growing up. My sister feels the same, but she KNOWS she loves our stepmother. I still don't know.." Methinks she might be your co-victim and natural ally. IMPORTANT QUESTION: But define 'tries to be a mother to you'. (Maybe you need to explain that and ask if she could just be your older friend or big-sister figure? Sounds like you two have been passively allowed and encouraged to be Isolated from one another. If the Narcs want you apart, you take that, you need to be together - and they know WHY the two of you together wouldl be Game Over for them!) " You ever watched that - the Walt Disney version?" "Well then its time I start watching it, huh? I never really tried to watch it but I will now!" Yes, do. You might need to watch it a number of times to get your head around which mental ilness or condition is which. But the Queen is a Narcissistic-Sociopath and the King is her beaten-down (passive) Enabler and Flying Monkey. It's basically Alice's dream in real-time...her mind trying to make head or tail of the set-up she (at her age) she finds herself trapped in, and trying to identify who's who, as well as where the uck she is or should be headed to get out again. Queen of Hearts (pff) - mother, useless King - father. Note she's not feminine?...and very bawdy for a woman?...not to mentioned spoiled brat now full-grown, no interesting in reasoning, just dominating and "winning" against everyone - ref the game of Croquet. And Obese: greedy...can get into trouble like a child but lacks the grown-up-adult qualities for reversing out of it...no self-discipline, self-motivation...all of that. And that's why she's presented as being a monster yet clearly a child in her mind, accordingly cutesy facial expressions and gestures only when getting her way over everyone else's. She is Kim Yung Un.) ...and how did its writer, Louis (which sounds suspiciously like an under-table/diplomatic and tactful, Alice) know all of that crap, eh? EH? We know how, don't we. " established factual finding, now, is that mental-emotional assault wreaks the exact same nerve and other damage as being physically assaulted/wounded." "Explains the depression and anxiety I guess, apart from being an Aspie that is. Thought I was just too weak to be getting hurt by words... Turns out it really is similar to physical assault... Ok.." If you're an Aspie and learn about yourself and how you tick and what your powers are, you'll realise you're the Titanium everyone wishes they were (including Mylie(sp?) Cyrus). AND with an elastic heart (like Sia sings). A Neurotypical will fight for truth. An HF Aspie would even die for it. But BECAUSE OF THAT - they don't! (Unless that Narc happens to have an army.) You win because unlike Narcs - YOU DO THINGS PROPERLY AND DON'T QUIT. "You choose your options: cream...2 sugars... First, the coffee comes out (a tiny bit) - but it hasn't dropped-down the cup yet!... next you get the cup and you get ZERO cream, just one or two remnant drops of hot water, ....and too much sugar. (Sums them up - no nutrition - just sickly sweet, hot, nothingness - doesn't it just?)" Right. On. The. Dot. Bullseye!!" Thankyouverymuch. I've had to suffer a lot to know that. ________________________________________________________ Make a note to tell me about your (er) real mum and then tell me as much as you know about (I suspect - disillusioined but idea-less) stepmum. ________________________________________________________ "Really? So tell what exactly your father SAID to him." "So, our father told him that, by the end of this year, he is to pay us the full amount of what he owes both me and my younger sister." AND your younger sister! What a nasty git! But see how he views females as his god-given slaves and lackeys? "For every late payment a day after the 31st of Dec this year, an interest of $5 dollars will be added to the debt." Woah - your father did it properly, then? "He tried to wriggle his way out of this one, didn't work. I rant out all the things he spent on himself near the end of the year. Clothes, Staycations, Meeting up with friends etc. I told our father straight. "Your honor,"" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Love it! (Cor - somebody's got her Mojo back, hasn't she!) "Your honor, one does not have the luxury to spend on these things I've just mentioned, if he doesn't have the money. From my keen observation on the defendant, he just doesn't want to pay the debts he's due. I rest my case." Brilliant. (Have you ever thought of becoming a lawyer then barrister?) It was then that the verdict was finalised. He is to pay his debts by the 31st of Dec, 2023. For every day that he is late for the payments, an interest of 5 Singapore dollars will be added to each of the debt that he owes to the parties involved. " But you and I CAN see ahead to consequences and ramifications, so we wouldn't be so daft as to do that or they might throw your gadgets out of the window." Um, duh! WE are smarter than that, yes! Whatever is left of my lifeline, I'll protect it with all I have -I wasn't in the scouts or girl guides, but- Scouts Honor!" (*Thumps left side of chest twice*) "Better to keep me as your secret venting diary and 'military operations advisor' haha!.... Operation Drongo Despots" "Are we going Johnny English or James Bond style? Or maybe Mission Impossible Ethan Hunt?" Good question! Not sure I have a good answer, though. I'll have to think about it. Definitely not Johnny English, though, LOL. "PS: Doesn't even FEEL Christmassy in this country, except for the street fairylights and (yet more!) Spanish Fiestas and firecrackers (they seem to LOVE loud bangs - just like the Chinese). ...It's too full-on sunny....feels like a cold late Spring day but where it's hot in the sun's rays. Xmas Day to Brits is either grey and cold, even rainy, or slushy from sleet or too little snowfall. Very rarely is it sunny." "I don't know how else to describe that, but it sounds cold and depressing (sorry O_O;)..." No, I mean, when I was in UK. Here in Spain, it can be hot and sunny on Xmas day, which us Brits take a while to get used to thanks to the year-in-year-out associations, growing up, and now the exacerbation of the global-warming climate change. Before I came out I seem to recall that the winters, incl Xmas Day, were just rainier. "Well, same can be said for Singapore! Its either too hot and sunny or too wet and rainy. Rare are the days where you get the "perfect" weather. And the area I'm living in, they are already preparing for Chinese New Year (which is in February next year)! The temple is more active than it has ever been in the past year -even with the rise in covid -_- And they wonder why the cases are rising..." Hah! Haha! Ain't nothin' wrong with YOUR commonsense, clear vision and extrapolation skills, is there. Jae for President! You can rule your country and Nav can rule hers. (Gen Zeees.... Built for eradicating diseeeaase.) But of course, you're aware it'll take weeks of his trying-trying-trying-trying to plonk you back into your pinafore, stood motionless to-attention in your servants' annexe, waiting for his Lordship to click his fingers. (I'm surprised he's GOT any spare, given how many pies his are constantly stuck in!). Ridiculous AND (emotionally-psychologically) dangerous. What a combo, eh? He's too far gone, now, I reckon, your brother (Bovver). So the choice until you 'get the hell outta there' is to keep him under YOUR control...otherwise he'll get you when you're down/off your game/ill...just not full strength. As Thomas Jefferson said (which means, until you can get away, NOT eternally like he put (probably just felt that way at that time): The price of freedom is eternal vigilance. So basically you've got a puppy to train. It's that or the puppy will again start trying to sit on your chest. And note, just LIKE a puppy - he LITERALLY cannot tolerate you ignoring him. Youtube "Barbara Woodhouse" or "Training dogs the Barbara Woodhouse Way" (80s TV prog...BBC1 I think). Watch when she turns her back on them. And as she said: it's usually the dog's owner who needs the training as much as the dog. ______________________________ Hmm... Your dad I'm no longer sure about. He did respond - and did do it properly. Unless he did that because it was a chance to flaunt his "authoritah" (ref Cartman - South Park), that was pretty cooperative and 'to the hilt'. Do you suppose he was your mother's victim and just not very pretty (including no time, tolerance and patience), and that the rest of it (expecting you to play lifelong carer to HIS - HIIIIS - parents) is down to the patriarchal-based cultural rules (you woman - you wash)? What do YOU think? Do you remember any interactions/fights between him and your mother that you could describe, including repeated accusations, complaints insults,..? Also - would you say your brother is just like your real mother? Meantime, let's see if your father actually enforces his 'sentancing' - either at his own volition or because you've had to report your brother to him again...

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""Are we going Johnny English or James Bond style? Or maybe Mission Impossible Ethan Hunt?"" I've thought about it. It's better we play it by-ear. Plus, I need to know more about your dad, mum and stepmum - AND little sis (is she nice and works right?). I think probably more Cold War-Spy style. (sat on park bench - hiding mouth behind newspaper to pretend we're strangers...) 'Meedt mi at Midnight on deee brridge wid dee seecrrret inforrr-mation, Comrad.' (throws empty coffee-cup in park bin, wiping rim first, before getting up and walking off, followed by you, but in the opposite direction) Usually, it's 'microfiche' but I believe they no longer make microfiche reading machines so it'll have to be on here. :)

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"Haha, bit of a moot point now. Plus, it was too quiet when I looked. Maybe next year." Right.. That would be wise I'd say? I'm sure its just been quite hectic for mostly everyone this year. "Which did you watch, and were they any good?" Alright.. Don't laugh but I watched(re-watched actually) Rise of the Guardians and Last Christmas. And yes.. Both to which I cried at some parts... This is why I hate watching movies or immersing myself in books.. I just "feel" what the characters "feel" and it would take days to recover from that :'( They are good, but maybe I should try to get too immersed in it. ^^; "Not surprised you got sleepy, your brain's been working overtime for ages now." You think so? I had the best nap that I could ever wish for(it was 30 mins but I've never felt any better)! "Crikey - what does your doctor say you've got?" Well, they said its normal considering the fact that I suffer from asthma. I also had tonsillitis but nothing a few meds couldn't fix! I'm fine now and I don't have to depend too much on my inhalers^^ Just gotta be a bit more careful than others :) "I can't hire anyone, sadly - this is voluntary, unpaid/charity work, plus it's not my forum, it's Richard's. That's why there's a Donate button under Support above - it's entirely non-profit making, funded completely by him. I can only ask people I think are up to it to become regular posters." Ah, I see.. So, instead of yetis or elves, you need believers to keep the lights on the globe! (Sorry! Poor reference to ROTG but I tried ^^;)) "Did you?" I did! :( There were so many forms to print and too many docs to file away.. It was(and there still are) stacks of them! I'm just taking a break from it now.. "but, still... we ranged in age from 9 to 12. You wouldn't get away with that these days." Ooh... Yes. That wouldn't actually sit well with the law(even then?). But nothing bad happened I guess, so you're good mate! ;) "I believe I'm right in saying, Clarke Kent/Superman was Tee-Total as well. Mind you, he could get high without it (ha ha). He WAS addicted to phone-boxes though (gaffaws at own joke)." Oh I could get high without anything! Like a burst of endorphins and dopamine out of the blue, mind you! Sometimes I believe I AM off my rockers.. " I use 'goody two-shoes' ironically - or is it sarcastically? - though. It's one of your teen-Narcs' favourite sayings, meant to express their annoyance at you and make you feel wrong for (wait for it...) REACTING TO OR TRYING TO COUNTER THEIR ABUSE" Right! Been hearing hearing this one for most of my life! Also you can add tattle-tale to that receipt and that sums up to a total of 'ME'.. No discounts or return policies O_O; ... "(bish-bash-bosh - sorted!)" I knew I've heard this somewhere before ^^; Jack and Finn! Twin youtubers(?).. Haven't watched them in a long time.. See you in the next part mate! ;)

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"Does he think you're actually brain-dead?" Right?! Who is he trying to kid?! Props to him for even trying though. Maybe a C+ for effort? You gotta come up with new tactics you know? "Nah. They just don't DO 'being told'. Plus they assume your rebellion - your fortification of your boundary (perimeter fencing) - is just a one-off anomaly so waste no time in trying to push those boundaries all over again in order to reinstate the narcy status-quo." Yeah.. Might wanna put in some work there. You wanna deal with someone, put in the effort. "Hurting" the other party's pride doing that.. You get tired of fighting the same villain with the same shenanigans, no? He's just forcing me to read the same book over and OVER AGAIN by this point. "What did his LAST servant die of?!" Probably high blood pressure and stroke to go with it. In my own interpretation though, toxic wastes are not only found in the ocean, but they are also on land too! Scientific findings collected over the years by Rookie Field Investigator, Jae. "There we go. You're clever, you are. I know I've already told you that, but - you are." Aww.. You flatter me. High praise but, there are still room for improvements! ^^ But thank you :) "HAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, shame you can't just pop him in a crate and send him round the world via someone's yatch, really, isn't it, like they do on Warner Brothers cartoons." "Oh! How I have always imagined this to work in real life! "Yup. First is what would be OUR LAST resort, but is their first: waving the stick. When that doesn't work - THEN they try the carrot. All insincere manipulation attempt, however. And then they're out of ideas so just keep penduluming between the two, with only slight variation or angle of attack. (It's all just attack. They even HIT you with the carrot!)" Opposites of the other.. Interesting! Actually, I read something similar during one of my research.. About Psychopaths and Sociopaths a.k.a ASPD [Antisocial Personality Disorder]. While Psychopaths have no sense of morality, Sociopaths know the difference between right and wrong. They justify their actions though, to make it seem "rational". Hence, I think my brother fits the ASPD traits. Aggressive behaviour (fights or physical conflicts), use of humor or charisma to manipulate and coming across as arrogant or superior with firmly fixed opinions. "(IS he fat? Sounds like he should be.)" No, he's not actually. Has always been on the thinner side and always out doing something. Still is... "WOAH - REALLY? You've just become "NAV"! :D" Great minds think alike, I'd say. You know what we could have? A council meeting with Manalone, NAV, you, SoulMate of course and others here where rational discussions and solutions are bound to happen. We could have one similar to that of Aquaman! (Again, I'm just too engrossed in the fictional world and you can ignore this.) "I now Knight you. Arise Sir (Lady) Jae. (It's a Haribo sword...hope you don't mind? Haha!) (I don't keep real swords in my house, funnily enough.) That was ucking impressive. Between you, you and Nav have made my day. :)" This just feels surreal! I feel like Jack Frost, finally seen and believed in after 300 years. I'd rather have the Haribo sword than any other anyways, thank you. Though I feel relieved, the amount of damage that could be avoided though.. Still, I am thankful as ever that I found this platform. I know its too early to share this with ANYONE really, but, if I hadn't found this platform, I actually might not have been here today, now, tomorrow to have this threads.. It was just getting much too suffocating and it felt like my lungs could take no more. So, THIS really means a lot to me.. So, Thank You and Richard for making this possible!! If everyone and all shows says that there is only one santa, then there's TWO for me to believe in ^^ Conclusion: You and Richard has been continuously trying to make everyone's day, month or year really! ^^ "Go read what fantastic thing just happened - sorry, that SHE made happen - on her thread." Oh! And you know I will :) ______________________________________ "So you mean, he WAS a sweetheard who put her on a pedestal...until recently. So now SHE'S withdrawn some." Yup! She's finally seeing what I have been seeing my whole life. More than anything, I think she's disappointed. So, there is really no win for me or anything in this one.. I kinnda get what she's feeling..? "Yep. But have you and she ever had the opportunity to be alone and get to know one another?" A lot. Its just really awkward on MY part to let myself be taken care of..? I don't know how to let that happen... She told me time and time again that she wants to be a mother for us, I am the only one not letting that happen. Even when I got hospitalised, the only person I looked for was my younger sister. The thought of our parents coming to visit or fuss over me just resulted me in wanting to jump out of my skin. I rather felt more comfortable with the doctors and nurses there. "You realise that ususally means, because he's switched to doing it to her? Keep an eye and ear out, see if you can see signs." This, fortunately, I don't have to worry about. She has some sort of power over him, much like the Queen and King in Alice in the Wonderland(just not that extreme though ^^;). She believes in parenting the "softer" way (civil). Might be the upbringing she had in her childhood. Both grandpa and grandma believed that hitting, whipping and throwing stuffs won't actually work in gaining respect and trust. It just causes fear and unnecessary trauma. I was STUNNED when I heard how she was "disciplined". They don't hit her, they try to talk her out something and if that doesn't work, she could go ahead and work for it with her own effort. They raised her strong and resilient, but also with love because they let her know that no matter what, she would never not receive any love from them. "The world is already tough as it is, so why bother adding to it?" Whatever our stepmother says, he follows(after trying to stand his ground). "Why does that baffle you? They get everywhere. Even in the bloody Vatican. Parasites need hosts, and power-crazed parasites need un-challenge-able control over people. REALLY need." I mean, I have always thought that Police Officers are heroes of the people, you know? They protect, not the opposite. At least, not from what I learnt. "IMPORTANT QUESTION: But define 'tries to be a mother to you'." Well, she tries to cook my "favourite food" (I don't really know what mine is) by cooking all sorts of cuisines(Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Western, South Indian etc.). Tries to take over "mother duties" from me and help gives advices to my younger siblings if they ever need it(school, work or anything really). Tries to understand my medical condition, how to reduce the probability in attacks, what triggers it and things like that. I appreciate the effort, I really do. I just don't know how to let it happen. I'm just so used to finding solutions on my own, eating whatever's available, "parenting duties" and managing my condition all by myself. My sister even offered to pay for everything when we went out the other day because she thought I deserved it for being a "parent" to both our brother and herself. And I'm 25 not 2years and 5months. I get it! You are trying to be a mother for us. But, maybe its best if she left it alone and stop wasting her energy? I don't mean it in a bad way, it just feels bad to have someone try but I'm not able to comprehend it, right? "But the Queen is a Narcissistic-Sociopath and the King is her beaten-down (passive) Enabler and Flying Monkey." Yes! I was just about to mention the movie! The sea walrus(was it) and the carpenter really caught my attention. It felt like the sea walrus was keeping the carpenter by his side for his convenience. And the poor clams.. He didn't even leave some for the the poor carpenter! Then the chaotic tea time with the (rats? rabbits?). He just had a lot to say! The rabbit with the pocket watch, always late for something.. There was so many going on! Alice was mostly calm though and entertaining everyone. "...and how did its writer, Louis (which sounds suspiciously like an under-table/diplomatic and tactful, Alice) know all of that crap, eh? EH? We know how, don't we." Oh yes! We would know how. That's for sure! One has to have experienced it themselves to write a story that truly fits the idealisation. Its a crazy story too. Chaotic but still full of adventure with unexpected characters and surprising traits! "Thankyouverymuch. I've had to suffer a lot to know that." I hope not both literally and metaphorically? ____________________________________________ "Make a note to tell me about your (er) real mum and then tell me as much as you know about (I suspect - disillusioined but idea-less) stepmum." What is there to tell about our real mother? Well, she's a Police Officer, abusive and wasn't really in the picture(like our father wasn't as well). She had an affair with a Auxiliary Police Officer and when my father found out, that's when everything started going downhill. I was 5 when our father started hitting her(and me, if I was 'in the way' and my sister was 2 then), I was 9 when they decided to get a divorce(my sister 7, my brother 5). Then the custody fight began(only for my brother and sister the first year, then only my brother for the next 3 years). Met up once after that and have heard nothing else since. Our stepmother, she and our father met when I was 14. My younger siblings were 12 and 10 at the time. She was working at the same hawker stall as a cook where our father was a manager for and suddenly we were to have a stepmother. They got married 2 years later and here we are now. This is all I have. ____________________________________________ "What a nasty git! But see how he views females as his god-given slaves and lackeys?" Ah, yes! Back to the ASPD trait I was talking about. Firmly fixed opinions. He believes that females should be housewives. Cooking, cleaning and children rearing. Oh! I'm sure most of the woman out there prefer staying home and being housewives! But have you seen the job market rate nowadays? Unless you're telling me you're earning millions a month, both husband and wife have to take their sorry asses to work! And if some women are more capable than you in something, so be it! My brother's working with a whopping $1,000 difference in our pay. He's still asking for money from me! I told him the reasoning, with solid examples of expenditures of today's times, that idiot still stands by his words that woman belong in the kitchen! I don't know if he's ever going to find a wife at the rate he's going.. At this point, he might just prepare to retire as a lonely old man. "Brilliant. (Have you ever thought of becoming a lawyer then barrister?)Brilliant. (Have you ever thought of becoming a lawyer then barrister?)" I would be lying if I say I haven't thought of it.. But with the fees and years it would take, I'd have to be reborn in another lifetime. "Good question! Not sure I have a good answer, though. I'll have to think about it. Definitely not Johnny English, though, LOL. I've thought about it. It's better we play it by-ear. I think probably more Cold War-Spy style." I see you already have an answer to that^^ I'd say we step it up a bit and go more into the Roman times! We have to go head in to battle! ^^ " and now the exacerbation of the global-warming climate change." Yes, yes. Global warming... Warmer countries are getting cold temperatures and colder places are starting to go warm nowadays. You noticed? "Hah! Haha! Ain't nothin' wrong with YOUR commonsense, clear vision and extrapolation skills, is there. Jae for President! You can rule your country and Nav can rule hers." Hey, you could represent Britain maybe? Manalone could handle Australia! We should call for a council meeting soon, SoulMate! What do you say? Civil discussions, rational solutions to a better tomorrow! I'd clear my schedules if you agree! XD "The price of freedom is eternal vigilance." A nice quote(with a new understanding to it)! ______________________________________________ "Do you suppose he was your mother's victim and just not very pretty (including no time, tolerance and patience), and that the rest of it (expecting you to play lifelong carer to HIS - HIIIIS - parents) is down to the patriarchal-based cultural rules (you woman - you wash)?" This could be the root cause of it, yes. Our late grandmother(on our father's side), believed that woman should cook and clean. She was also pulled out of school at the age of 12 and married off to our late grandfather at the age of 16. This might be TMI, but she had four sons after that and our father was their youngest. "What do YOU think? Do you remember any interactions/fights between him and your mother that you could describe, including repeated accusations, complaints insults,..?" Well fights I remember clearly. There were shouts, curses, insults, beatings and throwing of items(I know because I got a standing fan thrown at me because our mother was behind me). I remember it just -hell... One still really etched in my mind was the day that she had a night shift. I was colouring in my room and our father returned home from work. He was fuming mad and asked our grandmother if our mother was already home. I heard that he saw our mother acting intimate with another man(the Auxiliary Police Officer), and wanted to ask about it directly at home. When she returned, she said she was just late because of work and when he told her what he saw, she went quiet. I wasn't really sure if it was something she said, but when he went to slap her, I tried to cover her with my body to the best of my ability. I got hit as well and it was HELL till our grandmother came to stop him. That was when I was 5. If I thought them not being around before was a bad thing, the abuse after the affair got found out, was worse. That was when both parents start physically abusing us(it was mostly me till my younger siblings turned 5, because at least they had the decency not to hit a child under the age of 5). And it went on till I turned 16, after our father married our stepmother. That was when the physical abuse stopped. "Also - would you say your brother is just like your real mother?" I wouldn't say so, no. If I have to compare the two, they would be similar but not quite. While my brother has the ASPD traits, she wasn't manipulative. In fact, she couldn't care less if people knew and after the divorce, she actually demanded our father pay the rest of the mortgage for our house(one that was only where our parents and 3 siblings would stay) and bank loan for the car they purchased. She even went as far as to remove her rights from the house and the car. I'm not saying anything, but I had to admit she was dirty smart for that, no? "AND little sis (is she nice and works right?)." Yeah, she really is. She is basically the only one who recognises that I tried my best to be what our father wanted me to be(to fill up the position of a mother). She literally told me that i filled the position of both parents when I didn't need to. Said that it wasn't supposed to be my duty and everything. Sometimes, I believe she has much deeper insights than myself. And, you bet! She's working alright! I would say much more financially stable than I could ever be at 23 years of age. "Usually, it's 'microfiche' but I believe they no longer make microfiche reading machines so it'll have to be on here. :)" Do we have to crack the numbers-symbols code on the web now? Hmm.. technology I suppose.

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Heya! I just read up on NAv!! OMG!! A $22,000 scholarship! An escape and chance at a better open opportunities^^ I'm so happy for her! A cause for celebration I'd say!

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Happy 2024, SoulMate!! May you only receive good things and luck for the new year! I wish you good health and may you continue receive positive energy wherever you go^^ Happy New Year!

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Heya! Same to you! Bear with a little longer - snowed-under again!

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Oh no! Please take your time! I wish all the best and hope everything turns out fine!

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Just keeping you bumped-up in readiness :)

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No worries :) Alwys patiently waiting ;D

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Thanks for understanding. :) Right - in order of posts: "I just "feel" what the characters "feel" and it would take days to recover from that :'( They are good, but maybe I should try to get too immersed in it. ^^; " Sounds like you should try humorous books instead. Or read one straight after the serious one to help your mood bounce back faster, like an antidote? Ref 'don't laugh but': I wouldn't and couldn't as I don't even know those films. But if it's any help, I watched The Sound Of Music - again, for the Nth time, albeit, I hadn't seen it for a good number of years. I love the extravagant production, plus the songs don't irritate the bejezuz out of me, haha. Asthma? What an absolute bummer. Don't they have a cure for it yet? "Oh I could get high without anything! Like a burst of endorphins and dopamine out of the blue, mind you! Sometimes I believe I AM off my rockers.." If you ARE bonkers, then, you're bonkers in a GOOD way. So - carry on, haha! ""(bish-bash-bosh - sorted!)" "I knew I've heard this somewhere before ^^; Jack and Finn! Twin youtubers(?).. "" Nope! "EastEnders", a long-running British soap. Load of crap (bore little resemblance to real East End Cockeys and then ran for too long, got unrealistic and melodramatic), but it became a national saying. Who's Jack and Finn, and are they British? __________________________________________________ "Does he think you're actually brain-dead?" "Right?! Who is he trying to kid?! Props to him for even trying though. Maybe a C+ for effort? You gotta come up with new tactics you know?" Brings it home to you, though, just how warped his mind is - right? ""Nah. They just don't DO 'being told'. Plus they assume your rebellion - your fortification of your boundary (perimeter fencing) - is just a one-off anomaly so waste no time in trying to push those boundaries all over again in order to reinstate the narcy status-quo." Yeah.. Might wanna put in some work there. You wanna deal with someone, put in the effort. "Hurting" the other party's pride doing that.. You get tired of fighting the same villain with the same shenanigans, no? He's just forcing me to read the same book over and OVER AGAIN by this point."" Yup! Experts describe NPD's whole state and modus operandum as "Groundhog Day". I always say you have to live with them to appreciate just how corrupted their minds are. I mean - whom SANE would claim that their paying-back a debt to someone were actually a loan? See what I mean about Opposites Day Land, my alternative to La-La Land? They twist practically everything back-to-front and, even if they're aware they're doing it yet equally aware you're going to think they're insane - they don't care. Narcissistic Sociopaths know no shame, whereas no 'self-respecting', straight Covert/Covert-Vulnerable would allow ANYONE to hear them come out with such obvious fact-twisting (they're way more subtle), not even their own Primary Supply/Victim (they DO have shame, certainly enough not to be taken for an idiot madman). Saying all of that: how old is your Bother? "What did his LAST servant die of?!" Probably high blood pressure and stroke to go with it." HAHAHAHA! Good one! I doubt you're in any danger of that, though. You've just proven you're cleverer than him...basically by cutting the one-way loyalty and keeping confidence. GOODBYE ENABLING! "In my own interpretation though, toxic wastes are not only found in the ocean, but they are also on land too! Scientific findings collected over the years by Rookie Field Investigator, Jae." I'm with you. They now reckon psychopathy, good (fab parents) or bad (shite parents or parents that can't cope or don't have time), is a bit of an evolutionary off-shoot (maybe a mad Cro-Magnon got to shag around a lot; most of them do tend to have a thing about spreading (inflicting) themselves around a lot that way). All forms of sociopathy (little S - all NPDs), however, are the product of neglectful and/or abusive rearing, passed from parent-child..parent-child.., however; a socially transitted 'disease'. What they all have in common, is this: I am going to get my way if it kills you. And - the fact you can't take what I survived as a child, shows you're weaker than me. The latter tends to come out of the mouth of the unaware abuser. And it again proves how corrupted thus thick they are, considering, we know they did NOT survive it....that's the bloody point. Do you recall any other back-to-front/upside-down assertions/sayings your Bother has come out with? The sorts of jaw-dropping things that've had you sincerely thinking or declaring - What are you talking about, are you actually MAD/actually that stupid and illogical? ""There we go. You're clever, you are. I know I've already told you that, but - you are." Aww.. You flatter me. High praise but, there are still room for improvements! ^^ But thank you :)" No, I compliment you, based on observation. Yes, of course there'll be more improvement. We never stop learning and growing. I imagine we even learn (one heck of a lot) on our (so-called) death-beds. ""HAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, shame you can't just pop him in a crate and send him round the world via someone's yatch, really, isn't it, like they do on Warner Brothers cartoons." "Oh! How I have always imagined this to work in real life!"" I hear ya! Anyway, you can tell he does know what he's doing, and that it's wrong - from that cutesy act he turns on whenever you criticise him re. his exploitative attitude towards his 'friends'. ""Yup. First is what would be OUR LAST resort, but is their first: waving the stick. When that doesn't work - THEN they try the carrot. All insincere manipulation attempt, however. And then they're out of ideas so just keep penduluming between the two, with only slight variation or angle of attack. (It's all just attack. They even HIT you with the carrot!)" Opposites of the other.. Interesting! Actually, I read something similar during one of my research.. About Psychopaths and Sociopaths a.k.a ASPD [Antisocial Personality Disorder]. While Psychopaths have no sense of morality, Sociopaths know the difference between right and wrong. They justify their actions though, to make it seem "rational". Hence, I think my brother fits the ASPD traits. Aggressive behaviour (fights or physical conflicts), use of humor or charisma to manipulate and coming across as arrogant or superior with firmly fixed opinions." "AsPD" is just a label for judicial and clinical purposes. But psychopaths are not sociopaths, nor vice-versa, as explained above. AsPD is more a description of highly socially-unacceptable behaviours in-common. Trouble is - these types don't exactly present themselves on a plate, meaning, all that researchers moverover have access to, are prison inmates, who usually get paid something pathetic, like 20 Quid, for it, meaning, demonstrably low-functioning, periphery-of-society types. In fact, AsPD psychopaths do know the difference, but they have their own ways of seeing things. And Narcissism, of course. If I get time, I'll see if I can find you some reliable links of the most up-to-date findings (the non-academic interweb can be a decade or more out-of-date). "(IS he fat? Sounds like he should be.)" "No, he's not actually. Has always been on the thinner side and always out doing something. Still is..." Does he drink alcohol or take drugs, do you know? They're addiction and instant gratification on-legs so - what are his 'drugs'? Does he sleep around a lot? Gamble? Also, what is/was his sleeping pattern and behaviour? Any walking in his sleep, bed-wetting beyond age 4 - or does he go out light a light and sleep like a baby? "WOAH - REALLY? You've just become "NAV"! :D" Great minds think alike, I'd say. You know what we could have? A council meeting with Manalone, NAV, you, SoulMate of course and others here where rational discussions and solutions are bound to happen. We could have one similar to that of Aquaman! (Again, I'm just too engrossed in the fictional world and you can ignore this.)" No idea who Aquaman is! (I've had a very hard 17 years, very little time for films and telly, so I'm playing catch-up.) ""I now Knight you. Arise Sir (Lady) Jae. (It's a Haribo sword...hope you don't mind? Haha!) (I don't keep real swords in my house, funnily enough.) That was ucking impressive. Between you, you and Nav have made my day. :)" "This just feels surreal! I feel like Jack Frost, finally seen and believed in after 300 years." Have you checked out any Aspie websites with forums yet? What about "Wrong Planet"? "I'd rather have the Haribo sword than any other anyways, thank you. Though I feel relieved, the amount of damage that could be avoided though.." Do you mean - if only you'd known back then, what you know now? "Still, I am thankful as ever that I found this platform. I know its too early to share this with ANYONE really, but, if I hadn't found this platform, I actually might not have been here today, now, tomorrow to have this threads.. It was just getting much too suffocating and it felt like my lungs could take no more. So, THIS really means a lot to me.. So, Thank You and Richard for making this possible!! If everyone and all shows says that there is only one santa, then there's TWO for me to believe in ^^ Conclusion: You and Richard has been continuously trying to make everyone's day, month or year really! ^^" Thank-you. It's nice to be appreciated. :) ______________________________________ Running out of steam now and have just noticed it's nearly morning(!) so I'll finish the rest tomorrow daytime...

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Welcome back^^ "Sounds like you should try humorous books instead. Or read one straight after the serious one to help your mood bounce back faster, like an antidote?" You see, I tried to read humourous books. I really do. I get tired and bored of them though :( " I watched The Sound Of Music - " I don't know what movie that is about.. Maybe I'll check it out. "Asthma? What an absolute bummer. Don't they have a cure for it yet?" Oh! believe it or not. We don't.. But we have different types of milk to choose from when we order from Starbies, no? -_- How science have come to help... (Big roll of eyes). "Nope! "EastEnders", a long-running British soap. Load of crap (bore little resemblance to real East End Cockeys and then ran for too long, got unrealistic and melodramatic), but it became a national saying. Who's Jack and Finn, and are they British?" Right then, my bad..^^; Jack and Finn are twin youtubers.. I last watched them in 2015, maybe? They are British I believe. _____________________________________ " whom SANE would claim that their paying-back a debt to someone were actually a loan? See what I mean about Opposites Day Land, my alternative to La-La Land?" I have to agree with you there.. You don't walk into a bank, take a loan from them and then when it's time to pay back The loan, you don't go "Don't ask me for money anymore!" to the bankteller do you? Would get yourself kicked out and banned from ever returning. Banktellers would just kick out onto the roads, "Get your puny, poor ass out of here and never return. Thank you for using our services." I can imagine him getting his ass served royally on the platter of shame. "Saying all of that: how old is your Bother?" He's turning 22 this year. In say 6 more months. "Do you recall any other back-to-front/upside-down assertions/sayings your Bother has come out with? The sorts of jaw-dropping things that've had you sincerely thinking or declaring - What are you talking about, are you actually MAD/actually that stupid and illogical?" I don't know if this counts. So we recently talked about our parents' divorce (before our father remarried) and he fought tooth and nail that he suffered the most out of the three of us. I kept quiet, didn't bother and had no energy to even think about that period of time. My sister actually went at him and said he was lucky enough to have grandmother dote on him, while she had grandfather do that. She continued to point out that the only person who was left alone was me. He wasn't happy and went on about how he had been only 5 when our mother walked out on him. I uderstand him, I really do. However, my sister pointed out that I hadn't had anyone to begin with, regardless of the divorce happening or not. That really stunned me. I had never thought that for even a moment that anyone could see it that way. Had him shut his trap that did. Stormed off and never found anything else to debate about. Turns out, my grandmother had told my sister about it while she was sick (I was working and my sister tended to her most of the time). I never hated our grandmother, but after hearing that, I wished I had the chance to ask her why she treated mme badly.. I know that we can't change the past, but it would have been nice to understand why our grandparents did what they did. "Does he drink alcohol or take drugs, do you know? They're addiction and instant gratification on-legs so - what are his 'drugs'? Does he sleep around a lot? Gamble?" He doesn't drink nor do drugs. However I would say that his "drugs" comes from praises that our relatives or our parents' staffs sends his way. He would feel much more superior and it gets to his head sometimes. "Also, what is/was his sleeping pattern and behaviour? Any walking in his sleep, bed-wetting beyond age 4 - or does he go out light a light and sleep like a baby?" He usually falls asleep in the wee hours of morning. Earliest 3am latest 6am. Goes out like a light and sleeps soundly. "(I've had a very hard 17 years, very little time for films and telly, so I'm playing catch-up.)" I am so sorry to hear that. Will definitely keep this in mind. I promise. Do give it a try and see if its your cup of tea, yeah? Or you don't have to if you don't want to. Oh god. Its getting worse. Moving on. " What about "Wrong Planet"?" I just checked it out and am reading on one of the post. "Mind without borders". "Do you mean - if only you'd known back then, what you know now?" Exactly.. But then again, life is not all sunshine and rainbows, yes? Just thought maybe a manual would have been nice. But then none of us would be here on this forum aye? That would suck big time.. "Thank-you. It's nice to be appreciated. :)" I'm sure I speak (or type) for most of us here that we appreciate this platform and the people behind it^^ ____________________________________ "Running out of steam now and have just noticed it's nearly morning(!) so I'll finish the rest tomorrow daytime..." Do have a good rest and I'll talk to you later! ^^

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"You see, I tried to read humourous books. I really do. I get tired and bored of them though :(" The challenge is on! "Cyanide And Happiness" (early books) - for insta-giggles. "The Far Side" serues (by Gary Larson) - ditto. "Dilbert", followed by next in the series, "Dogbert" (bit more involved but still pretty 'insta') (takes the piss out of office life and human nature, generally...spot-on!). Involving self-biography by the hilarious, late Sir Clive James (Aussie): Unreliable Memoirs (I read this - helpless but to gaffaw loudly with every single page, when in my 20s, commuting to work on the train. It was just too funny to worry about getting stared at. It actually broke the ice a couple of times (god damnit - Me, I wanted to keep reading :p)

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Anyway, I still aim to finish the rest of your post. Sorry - I've had a bad lower tum. A lot of bugs going round and my immune system was still trying to get this (what I am now convinced is a milder case of today's) Covid to cease re-activating and finally bog-off. I can do a bit more now. But we'll leave your Mum for tomorrow. For now, though, re your Stepmum, I agree with this: "And I'm 25 not 2years and 5months. I get it! You are trying to be a mother for us. But, maybe its best if she left it alone and stop wasting her energy? I don't mean it in a bad way, it just feels bad to have someone try but I'm not able to comprehend it, right? " Precisely. It's far too late. She may as well be trying to encourage you back into a Babygrow. (Actually, they're bloody comfy, hence they brought out the adult version, the "Onesie", haha). What YOU need, is a female friend. And she just needs to be needed - I'm betting, no matter WHAT the nature and format. I mean - would you go shopping with her? If not clothing - birthday and Christmas shopping? Might be an idea to ask her how to cook, rather from picking from the fridge and microwaving? I reckon you'd enjoy cooking, you know? Don't ask me why, I just do (haha...I'm only 4).

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Sorry - couple of thing I need to know before I start: 1. How long since the wedding? 2. How long was the courtship... 3. ...and the Engagement period? 4. How and where did they meet? 5. And how long had your dad been divorced from your Mum(ish)? 6. Had any Separation period preceeded the filing for a Divorce? 7. Which one filed? 8. How come the Family Court (I'm presuming) awarded him and not your mother custody of you three children? What made them consider her unfit?

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Hey, Jae, are you good? Fangtall's cleverly and sneakily "released the hounds" on his Dud, look: (most recent posts): https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13524/Issues-reconnecting-with-my-father#jumptobottom

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Heya! I have been a bit out of sorts lately, but I am fine, thank you. Don't you fret. I already taken note of the books above ^^ Oh my! Still a long on-going battle you have there. "I mean - would you go shopping with her? If not clothing - birthday and Christmas shopping?" Yes I definitely would! I would be down to have a coffee date if she'd like! You know what friends do most of the time. "Might be an idea to ask her how to cook, rather from picking from the fridge and microwaving? I reckon you'd enjoy cooking, you know?" I mean, I suck at it but isn't that what the purpose is for? For her to teach and me to learn. But she rather not have me in the kitchen because I might just cause a mess or just waste more time. "1. How long since the wedding? 2. How long was the courtship... 3. ...and the Engagement period? 4. How and where did they meet?" It's been 9 years since the wedding. Courtship was for 1 year and there was no engagement period. They met when our father was a manager for a food business. She was a cook there. "5. And how long had your dad been divorced from your Mum(ish)? 6. Had any Separation period preceeded the filing for a Divorce? 7. Which one filed? 8. How come the Family Court (I'm presuming) awarded him and not your mother custody of you three children? What made them consider her unfit?" They had been divorced for 4 years then, our parents. I don't quite remember but they only lived apart for a while before he mentioned they were getting a divorce. Our father filed for it. The family court, I am still baffled. We were informed that we will be called to court so that we would be able to pick who we want to live with. I don't remember it happening at all. Next thing we knew the court granted full custody of us 3 children to our father. I don't know what the results were based on... I still think abot it from timme to time. Would you think the same if you were in y position? I'll be off to read fangtall's newly update then! You take care yeah?

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Psst!...and after - check out this thread and ("Eeeek!") FEEL FREE to help Manalone and I talk the OP out of ("Aaaargh - noooo!!!") marrying that Narc-on-wheels. (You've done a lot of reading up, now, yes?). https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13622/Proposal-ultimatum-am-i-overthinking-or-in-toxic-relationship ______________________________________ "Heya! I have been a bit out of sorts lately, but I am fine, thank you. Don't you fret. I already taken note of the books above ^^" You're recovering. You've put a stop to a large source of the abuse, meaning, now your mind can have the 'luxury' of getting out of survival mode (which feels a bit alien after having been stuck in it for so long) and organising all the evidence in your emotional in-tray, as well as taking stock of your existing weapons, with a view to developing more....all of that. Gigantic task, that is. It makes you "lazy" as well. Your mind just mutineers you during this part. It wants every single scrap of energy you've got, all to itself. (Cowboy accent) An therrr ain't NUTHIN you cayan doo aboudid! You have to just go with it. However, you're obviously coping find or else you'd have been posting a lot more for reassurance and support. (Good on ya re the books.) "Oh my! Still a long on-going battle you have there." They're bloody everywhere. Ns, I mean. "I mean - would you go shopping with her? If not clothing - birthday and Christmas shopping?" Yes I definitely would! I would be down to have a coffee date if she'd like! You know what friends do most of the time. "Might be an idea to ask her how to cook, rather from picking from the fridge and microwaving? I reckon you'd enjoy cooking, you know?" I mean, I suck at it but isn't that what the purpose is for? For her to teach and me to learn. But she rather not have me in the kitchen because I might just cause a mess or just waste more time." Well, you can definitely ask her to go Saturday shopping and lunch. Be yourself, talk to her like an adult, and it'll dawn on her that the only relationship open to her at your age/stage, is friend and mentor. Once you both become friends, THEN you can play Mum a bit - both of you - here and there, when either of you is 'down' (that's how it works). As for the preciousness about the kitchen - well... If she really wants to "play mum-figure" then she'll have to get over that, won't she. I'd have thought you were neat and organised anyway? Well, even if not - she can meet you halfway by being tolerant and you can do the same by trying your best to keep it organised and tidy. (Trust me - everyone these days needs to know how to cook, what with ready-mades, etc., now costing the earth and being overloaded with sugar and salt.) ""1. How long since the wedding? 2. How long was the courtship... 3. ...and the Engagement period? 4. How and where did they meet?" "It's been 9 years since the wedding. Courtship was for 1 year and there was no engagement period. T hey met when our father was a manager for a food business. She was a cook there."" So they've been together 10 years. Why no engagement? ""5. And how long had your dad been divorced from your Mum(ish)? 6. Had any Separation period preceeded the filing for a Divorce? 7. Which one filed? 8. How come the Family Court (I'm presuming) awarded him and not your mother custody of you three children? What made them consider her unfit?" They had been divorced for 4 years then, our parents." Good innings (check!). Or 'outings', should I say? ""I don't quite remember but they only lived apart for a while before he mentioned they were getting a divorce. Our father filed for it." (Phew! - check!) Do you think he's still Complex Post-Traumatised from your mum and whomever(s) had to have preceeded her? "The family court, I am still baffled. We were informed that we will be called to court so that we would be able to pick who we want to live with. I don't remember it happening at all. Next thing we knew the court granted full custody of us 3 children to our father." She must either have exposed herself for what she was, and it was decided that she wouldn't make the best custodian, or realised she wouldn't have been able to afford to support you both on her salary.... could have been anything. Have you never asked your Dad? One thing, though: remind me: how often does she call you and ask to see you kids (or used to)? "I don't know what the results were based on... I still think abot it from timme to time. Would you think the same if you were in y position? " God yes! So do you reckon if you caught him at a good time, he might tell you, now that you're old enough? "I'll be off to read fangtall's newly update then! You take care yeah?" Have you read it yet? You too, Little Miss Barrister. :)

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"Psst!...and after - check out this thread and ("Eeeek!") FEEL FREE to help Manalone and I talk the OP out of ("Aaaargh - noooo!!!") marrying that Narc-on-wheels. (You've done a lot of reading up, now, yes?). https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13622/Proposal-ultimatum-am-i-overthinking-or-in-toxic-relationship" I indeed have. Felt really angry on behalf of the poster. How many narcs are there around good people? Talking them out of the marriage is the best way to help. To be able to cause someone pain and trauma when they have been nothing but nice to you, They. Are. Sick. Off with the marriage I'd say! ____________________________ "Well, you can definitely ask her to go Saturday shopping and lunch. Be yourself, talk to her like an adult, and it'll dawn on her that the only relationship open to her at your age/stage, is friend and mentor. Once you both become friends, THEN you can play Mum a bit - both of you - here and there, when either of you is 'down' (that's how it works)." Ha... This is why I have stopped trying. Everytime I ask she's either busy or too tired to do so. The weather's too cold, the sun's too scorching hot or I am too tired to go out. I suggested watching a movie at home and chill while reading books. "Books are boring. Movies make me sleepy." I suggest talking about anything she wants and all I get is NO. The next thing I know she'll be nagging at me to eat everything on my plate, keep my room tidy (Yes. It already is) and starting all over again with "That's what a mother does" when I say she's being too overly motherly. "As for the preciousness about the kitchen - well... If she really wants to "play mum-figure" then she'll have to get over that, won't she. I'd have thought you were neat and organised anyway?" I do pride myself for being neat and tidy. One thing I am never good at is being in the kitchen. Simple meals I can do. I make myself a pretty good carbonara, fried rice or some good cream gnocchi. Other things like traditional dishes I suck at. I am not proud of it but I SUCK at malay cuisines. I try but its just not safe to be consumed.. If you what I mean. The dishes just aren't dish-ing. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malay_cuisine (Just in case you haven't herd about them.) So mostly I get kicked out of the kitchen with a small pack of Haribo to entertain myself :( "(Trust me - everyone these days needs to know how to cook, what with ready-mades, etc., now costing the earth and being overloaded with sugar and salt.)" Trust me when I say I know that better than anyone else... Gets me thinking that the easy way out nowadays would be to just consume as much RTE meal kits as possible.. "Why no engagement?" Well they were both 31 and 42 respectively. Probably age as a number 1 factor. "Do you think he's still Complex Post-Traumatised from your mum and whomever(s) had to have preceeded her?" I wouldn't be surprised if it did something to him. I mean he married her out of love, so to have known that she was cheating on him, had to have hurt. "One thing, though: remind me: how often does she call you and ask to see you kids (or used to)?" She did call us once after the whole custody fight and then told the court that she wasn't allowed to see us when she never did. Our late grandparents kept reassuring us that she would come tomorrow or the week after but she never did. Then no more contact from her. She did contact me personally a few years ago to say that she and her new huband will be moving to Australia and that's it. "So do you reckon if you caught him at a good time, he might tell you, now that you're old enough?" I tried this just recently.. He only said that she tried to get custody of my younger siblings, but they denied her request. She tried twice but failed both times. _______________________________ "Have you read it yet?" Yes! I think someone mentioned him being a scammer or something like that? I couldn't remember. To think there are people dealing with nacs and all sorts of criminals here... (Can we call them that?) What has the world come to? "You too, Little Miss Barrister. :)" I didn't want to admit it, but this just puts a big damn smile on my face^^ Well, I will be off now to work on some unfinished desk work and we'll talk again soon, Mr. Councillor. XD

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No Mr, No Mrs, and no title, just Soulmate. :) Nobody knows (dan-dan-daaaan!). And I don't believe in gender, anyway. Just learned roles/parameters and hormones. Nor in - "Is an apple or banana the superior fruit?" Answer: "Neither - and the point is supposed to be Fruit Salad, not Fruit Competition (duh)". I R A brain in a jar and so are you lot. ;) Equally-squeakually, 100%. Either a person is a NICE, DECENT person. Or they aren't. Either they can mend their ways to get on with the rest of civilisation and become productive rather than an obstruction - or they cain't. Who gives a shite what danglies they sport? It does make me giggle, though, when any of you guys thinks you've guessed my gender, heh-heh. (Iyy-am-a mooole and-I live-in-a hooole, haha.) Back to reply ploperly asap.

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"No Mr, No Mrs, and no title, just Soulmate. :)" Well then,, its just Jae, Soulmate :) "It does make me giggle, though, when any of you guys thinks you've guessed my gender, heh-heh." Ah.. That is a mistake on my part then ^^; I apologise for that.. "Back to reply ploperly asap." You take your time while I go hide under the covers and try to get over the rookie mistake I did there.. :'( Once again. I apologise for that.

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""No Mr, No Mrs, and no title, just Soulmate. :)" Well then,, its just Jae, Soulmate :)" Haha! Touche! Liking the assertiveness, there. Having fun trying out your new swords and other weaspons, are we? Good! See if you can surpass Zorro and go HWWWICK-HWICK-HWWICK!, slicing a giant J on their favourite shirt. Nah. What you can call me is Smatey, SM, Marmite...that's about it for the on-board nicknames, I think? It's just, if you call me counsellor, even just in jest, some lurkers are bound to take it literally, and then I end up inundated. Whereas, if I call you Little Miss Barrister - you won't. Or with Mr, they could assume I'm a man. Plus you can skidaddle any time you like. Me, I have to be very guarded and careful that no profile can get built over time. That's all. "It does make me giggle, though, when any of you guys thinks you've guessed my gender, heh-heh." Ah.. That is a mistake on my part then ^^; I apologise for that.." No, no, no...Ditto: you don't have to apologise, you weren't to know. ""Back to reply ploperly asap." You take your time while I go hide under the covers and try to get over the rookie mistake I did there.. :'( Once again. I apologise for that." Repeat: NAH. Don't worry so much. And put your specs on so you can see my Smiley Face next time, to make you realise I was smiling amusedly when I said that. No harm done. Any lurkers have seen my denials in my "no comment", that's the main thing - I got to correct it. :) ""Psst!...and after - check out this thread...." "I indeed have. Felt really angry on behalf of the poster. How many narcs are there around good people? Talking them out of the marriage is the best way to help. To be able to cause someone pain and trauma when they have been nothing but nice to you, They. Are. Sick. Off with the marriage I'd say!" Narcs are emotional & psychological and/or social and/or material/fiscal and/or power-hungry parasites and/or predators. Depends on their PD severity and co-morbidities. (N-Spaths normally have Borderline and Paranoid PDs as well as Antagonistic (old term for NPD, which I think fits better)). Parasites hang around where any fit and healthy hosts tend to gather - especially ones just temporarily down on their luck or preoccupied with something thus distracted (not being as observant as usual) who'd normally be too below their league thereby "declied a drink" or whatever the approach. Hence why social dating apps are FULL O' THEM...fresh victims, already recently victimised/rejected unfairly and horribly, broken hearted, desperate to have someone to trust and gain comfort from.... Uncharacteristically desperate, IOW. So wherever normal, nice, decent, loving, generous and giving people hang out, you'll find human predator-parasites on the prowl for a host. Hence the online saying - "They're Everywhere!"...which existed before apps, when dating was just done via MatchDotCom ("Mulch" more like), EHarmony (that was okay, don't know about now), Plenty of Fish ("Plenty of Freaks") et al. Apps galore - plus swiping - have just made it even easier for them to woo you without you having the usual means to spot the lying (deprived of normal in-person sensory channels) BEFORE you go and get attached. But anyway, these apps/sites are known, now, as bloody hotbeds for all dangerous PDs and other mentally- or emotionally-disturbed, basically self-obsessed, cruelly self-serving types. ____________________________ ""Well, you can definitely ask her to go Saturday shopping and lunch. Be yourself, talk to her like an adult, and it'll dawn on her that the only relationship open to her at your age/stage, is friend and mentor. Once you both become friends, THEN you can play Mum a bit - both of you - here and there, when either of you is 'down' (that's how it works)." "Ha... This is why I have stopped trying. Everytime I ask she's either busy or too tired to do so. The weather's too cold, the sun's too scorching hot or I am too tired to go out. I suggested watching a movie at home and chill while reading books. "Books are boring. Movies make me sleepy." I suggest talking about anything she wants and all I get is NO. The next thing I know she'll be nagging at me to eat everything on my plate, keep my room tidy (Yes. It already is) and starting all over again with "That's what a mother does" when I say she's being too overly motherly."" Bit confused here...because your previous answer to that whole para of mine, was this: ""I mean - would you go shopping with her? If not clothing - birthday and Christmas shopping?" Yes I definitely would! I would be down to have a coffee date if she'd like! You know what friends do most of the time."" What happened? How did "I definitely would!", suddenly become, "Ha" etc? Well, anyway. She sounds like she only wants to Mother someone and that's that - her way or the Highway (uh-oh). On its own, that's a Red Flag. But this next Pink one - "Books are boring." becomes a Red when added alongside. Especially given that she refuses to acknowledge your status as a new Adult and tries to baby you (i.e. doesn't see you or doesn't care to) (3rd tick!). Oh, well. At least you offered. (I'm presuming you asked and got these knockbacks, just recently?) Wait up.... Just NO - like that? Not any sensitivity, nor even politeness? Well, in that case: TICK! - Flag 4. Suggest you just let her waste her nagging breath and pretend you can't hear her. She can't have the perks without the work. (Over-entitlement Expectation - Red Flag 5.) And being OBNOXIOUSLY curt and CALLOUS (tick 6!), like that, is the opposite of work. (It's not looking good for her, is it.) You eat as much as you want to eat and no more. Question: is she consistently piling too much onto your plate? And have you tried asking for smaller portions whereby you can ask for more if you need to? Or does she actually think you're 5? Next, she'll be emotionally-blackmailing you, using the starving kids in Africa (- I used to reply, "Me being fat won't help them to starve any less; take it up with their government." Feel free to use it). ""As for the preciousness about the kitchen - well... If she really wants to "play mum-figure" then she'll have to get over that, won't she. I'd have thought you were neat and organised anyway?" "I do pride myself for being neat and tidy. One thing I am never good at is being in the kitchen. Simple meals I can do. I make myself a pretty good carbonara, fried rice or some good cream gnocchi." Wait a minute! That IS Cooking! (I bloody love Spag Carbonara. So does son. Not with ham, though. It's got to be proper, full-fat pancetta or streaky bacon...and no using the White or the sauce goes all runny... haha, I'm a Carbonara snob.) "Other things like traditional dishes I suck at." OHHHH. "I am not proud of it but I SUCK at malay cuisines. I try but its just not safe to be consumed.. If you what I mean. The dishes just aren't dish-ing." Crikey. And yet you have a talent for Italian pasta sauces, Med-style risotto (not soggy-riced) and their very own Gnocchi? You must have Italian/Mediterranean genes, mate! " https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malay_cuisine (Just in case you haven't herd about them.) So mostly I get kicked out of the kitchen with a small pack of Haribo to entertain myself :(" Yeah - no - I love Malay food. And Bangladeshi ("Indian" it's called in UK). And Chinese - phwooar. Vietnamese and Mongolian were ok. Japanese - no. But definitely my dessert island dish - if I could have only one - would be Spag Carbonara and Spag Bog....or Lobster/Crab/Crayfish, but then if I were stranded for a whole year on a tropical island I could probably learn to catch those myself. (Haha, you've made me hungry.) But anyway. You can cook. You just can't cook what SHE wants you to cook - correct? (I hope not. Because this latest info has left me starting to Not Like Her.) Eeee, Houston. You'd best tell me more....let me give her a really good frisk so that, if need be, you can keep giving her a wide berth. Am ALSO noting that The Boss married a Shop Floor Girl, but suddenly, fast-forwarding to today - she's the boss of him and seems to handle him very well (and only her). Correct? ""(Trust me - everyone these days needs to know how to cook, what with ready-mades, etc., now costing the earth and being overloaded with sugar and salt.)" Trust me when I say I know that better than anyone else... Gets me thinking that the easy way out nowadays would be to just consume as much RTE meal kits as possible.."" Truth is, you're old enough nowadays to make your OWN meals if you want. Doesn't your Dad LIKE Italian? ""Why no engagement?" Well they were both 31 and 42 respectively. Probably age as a number 1 factor." Sorry? Don't get that. Plus - who was 31? ""Do you think he's still Complex Post-Traumatised from your mum and whomever(s) had to have preceeded her?" I wouldn't be surprised if it did something to him. I mean he married her out of love, so to have known that she was cheating on him, had to have hurt." Yeah, that's what I'm starting to think now. That he's attracted another, albeit milder or variant Iffy woman. And yes, he would have been deeply injured, then. It hits men far harder when women are nasty, because it's the opposite to the normal female nature (kinder, more understanding, patient, persevering/enduring, all that). So if he got another type, that would do his head in and might well have made him quick to anger or losing control and slapping you (trapped victims aren't pretty). That's why I was so surprised to hear how he was so reasonable and protective re. Bother's exploitations rap-sheet with you, like a normal, loving, responsible, grow-up Dad would be. Certainly when approached calmly, rather than, say, during a high octane moment (it doesn't have to be high-octane/wrong moment with a Narc - there ISN'T any 'good time' to approach/tell them, THEY'LL make it high-octane because they'd rather you didn't EVER ask/approach - unless it was their idea.) ""One thing, though: remind me: how often does she call you and ask to see you kids (or used to)?" "She did call us once after the whole custody fight and then told the court that she wasn't allowed to see us when she never did." Say no more. SAY NO MORE. "Our late grandparents kept reassuring us that she would come tomorrow or the week after but she never did. Then no more contact from her. She did contact me personally a few years ago to say that she and her new huband will be moving to Australia and that's it." Oh, Jae. Oh, you poor girl/woman. (((((((((((((("MUM" HUG))))))))))))))) It's not fair, is it. You didn't ask for any of this. Join the Deprived of A Healthy (insert family title) Club. Tsk. F*ckadoodle. ""So do you reckon if you caught him at a good time, he might tell you, now that you're old enough?" "I tried this just recently.. He only said that she tried to get custody of my younger siblings, but they denied her request."" Well, that's unnatural and speaks volumes, for a start. "She tried twice but failed both times." So you were the dreaded Truth-Speaker aka her Scapegoat, then, I presume? (Also known as, The Healthy One.) (Know this: in Normal world, the fit offspring oust or attack the Runt of the pack. In Opposites world aka LaLa Land, it's the opposite: there is only usually ONE fit kid - or two at most - and the rest are runts. And in Lala, the runts get to attack the fit healthy one (ganging-up). Thank God the kids chose your dad and you, and thank God-er that that woman-thing didn't dare pick YOU. You'd have got in her way of making your two younger sibs, JUST LIKE HER. I think she managed SOME progress with your brother and then he himself carried on doing the rest. Does that seem to fit? Or maybe he especially got her genes in the first place. Has he shown any improvement? Is he paying you back in a gracious way? Or grudgingly and resentfully? Has he learnt his lesson and realised the atrociousness of his crime, IOW? _______________________________ Ref Fangtall's thread: ""Have you read it yet?" Yes! I think someone mentioned him being a scammer or something like that? I couldn't remember. To think there are people dealing with nacs and all sorts of criminals here... (Can we call them that?) What has the world come to?"" Yep - me. He has a fake, mere cover career....fake shop window plus a shop that never opens (or not at the front). Plus he's thuggish and cruel and sadistic. And the rest. **************** So. Given you're a secret Italian whom accordingly can cook Italian (you'd be surprised how many can't!) - and presuming you like Italian Coffee as well - may I call you Little Miss Barrista, instead? (haha - joke! - your turn.)

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You were too good, too healthy, too normal, functional, intelligent and EYES WIDE OPEN for your bio mother. You also sound too good for your Step-Smother (Mrs Spoilt Baby from Can't Share Or Compromise- nor 'refresh-her-browser'-Ville (hence you haven't aged in her eyes)) Strongs wafts of LaLa. I'm coming round to your Dad since he stepped in and did his duty like a regular Dad reacting to a family injustice. But that depends on what's happened with the "court order" since - update please? Your brother might be too far gone or would require hard work to re-orientate and steer in the healthy direction. (Your little sister meanwhile seems to be a case of 'no news' meaning 'good news' - correct?)

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I'm sick to death of malignant Narcs full-stop and the worldwide misery and destruction they cause, aren't you? You can't get away from them. Everywhere you go, these days, they are. There's no avoiding them. You just get to spot/feel them at or a little after Hello and have to take measures to get away from them...which isn't always as easy as it sounds if they're somewhere in your social circles and no-one else/too few can see what you see/smell. (After you with the sword.) And now Donald Trump looks like he's going to get into office again. WHAAAAAAT-UH?! Meanwhile, the Capitalists would rather support Neo-Nazis than the Communist, Putin. (That's what's really What, you betcha.) "Uh....!" Just - "UH!....!". And a lovely sassy, bright-as-a-button, young lady like you should have had a lovely mum. (AND brother.) I think? I mean, it clearly HAS made you stronger and clearer-headed so....?? I don't know. That's your call. Does it weigh you down?...always at the back of your mind? Probably a stupid question. Well, I'm a parent. Ask me anything. PS: Are you up-to-date on poor Thea's thread? Houston, we have another special type of barstool! Nav seems to have gone? (Meeeh.)

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I'm going to check out this Jack & Finn now...

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"That Kahinde SENDS Taiyewo FIRST - to see what the world is like...and I quote - 'the Taiyewo, like The Slave, running ahead, to WELCOME the Kahinde into the world'". HAHAHA, VERY GOOD. They're good! And that's so true about twin competitiveness re who's the eldest-equals-superior one. Bet you fancy them, heh-heh. (Do you?) (They LOOK quite Italian??? :D )

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Have you seen this guy's stuff? Adrian Bliss. CRACKS ME UP! "Settling The Bill At the Last Supper" : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sh8TovTZl8Q Note the clever reference: "We didn't have the wine!" / "Well, I saw you drinking it?" / "No, that was just water." Genius. And this one: "The Last Neanderthals" : https://www.youtube.com/shorts/NRgionxEe9g Again, note the sneaky reference ("The Homo!" / "What dyou call me?!" / "Sapiens!"). Another fave of mine is the Manni Show.

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Also on Adrian Bliss's list of Shorts - "Picasso Tries To Sell A Painting" (too funny!!) "Overnight Evolution" (too true!) "Caesar's Security" (ditto) Hope they hit your Funny Bone?

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BTW - forgot to say - I did read everything you posted over Xmas. You have my fullest understanding and sympathy. And yes, I think you're right regarding your brother's terminus if someone doesn't get him off that path, quick. But it may indeed be too late because you what you described, is, "The Golden Child" (all that superficial praise as well as the abuse...now you know why his type of Narc is so damn cocky and shockingly entitled and just all-round spoiled baby in grown-up suit...it was the only so-called foodstuff they were fed on ergo the only food they ever want and (THINK they) need). How are things going with him? Sister is right - or would be if you weren't Aspie. You DID have to parent them. You realised you were an adult in a kid suit (the very opp of a Narc), that you enjoyed teaching, guiding, protecting, understanding and looking after kids (like any healthy female ADULT), and that no-one else in the family was capable as the Captain of that ship. Had you not grabbed the wheel, the whole thing would have crashed and disintegrated. You were plonked on that ship, to save it and its occupants. Not a NORMAL childhood, no. Not a childhood at all, actually. But you haven't missed out: (1) you've had most of your childhood vicariously through "kids" and (2) you'll make up for it by really thoroughly enjoying your 30s. It's all good in the hood. I'm glad you came on here as well. Fate/god/nature knows what it's doing, huh. :) REALLY, then, what I reckon you should become, is any sort of teaching/guiding of kids. Teacher...special needs teacher....or even better: FIRST up, sign up with an international Au Pair agency. You don't have to be a qualified nanny for that (although it's just sensible to learn First Aid online, including the Heimlich Manoevre, makes you more hire-able than the average). Usually, the mother does the really important mothering stuff, and the parents are often keen to help you learn to drive and pass your test so that you can chauffeur the toddlers around by the time they start Nursery School. The pay is good when you consider there's no bed and board costs. There are zillions of venues for meeting other Au Pairs (a lot attend local English As A Foriegn Language classes at whatever local schools/colleges - even if they can speak perfect English already (albeit they still get to learn Colloquial, Cultural and the region's own 'street' talk) - because they know what a hot-bed they are for making friends with other aupairs and travellers!) You get a surprising amount of MALE Au Pairs these days as well. (...nothing...just saying heheheh) (well, let's keep it real here, eh). I'm trying to remember (a lot of the mothers at my son's schools had au pairs and nannies)..... I think, back then, most au pairs were getting all expenses and 60 Quid per week spending money, so, nowadays I reckon it'd be more like 100?...maybe more? You should be able to find out online, per country. Oh, and they tend to buy you a bicycle before you're settled and ready to learn to drive, so you can have your independence. If you're very lucky, they buy you your own car, rather than you using theirs! Basically, if you and they click well (which is where the agency's matchmaking expertise comes in - and good at it, they are), parents do find it rather difficult not to sort of treat you and relate to you like their own daughter (albeit grown-up). Some of the mum's are situationally lonely, too, so wanting a quasi-bessie mate. The spending dosh may not seem ma lot, but all the fantastics perks is precisely why. You don't need to barely spend it, can start saving. Usually those that can afford an au pair are well-off, lovely houses in lovely kid-friendly areas... (the very rich are the ones can afford full-blown Nannies but it's not much of a leap, more a wee hop, really, from au pair to nanny). That path would lead to others...to becoming, say, a special needs teacher? Or work for some Child Protection charity (legal dept)? You understand your AS traits REALLY well already - and obviously you're an expert on child maltreatment/abuse - AND remember what it feels like to be that child, most importantly! - so - the career-come-escape signpost is pretty legible even from here, I'd say - wouldn't you? Reckon you'd make a FANTASTIC Au Pair and would be a complete bargain!...the type gets informally promoted. Reckon you'd slide into nannying whereby then getting the paper quals would become purely academic (scuse pun), just getting what you can do NATURALLY, rubber-stamped by der government. I would ask your gorgeous sister to repeat her lovely speech in letter form so you could show the agencies. You cannot - CANNOT - get a better Recommendation than THAT. SERIOUSLY. Could parent wonderfully even as a kid. That is so special. And YEAH, you missed out on having a carefree childhood, but - by the time you see where that's going to get you, you will not give one single shite, in fact, you'll raise a glass of thanks to the buggers! And ain't that the truth. Anyhoo...The other bonus is: you're very safe, with no risks, because you're living with grown-up parents, in an annexe in their house, in a nice, leafy, low-crime, INTERPERSONALLY MORE RESPECTFUL neighbourhood. So - just humouring me for-now: which country would you love to live in for a year or (if you wanted) more? Obviously, this is just between you and me/us. Keep your powder COMPLETELY dry....tum-tee-tum...nothing unusual to see here, folks.... planning on leaving you one day - who me?.....noooooo, whatever would make you think that...(cough)... Thoughts, ma cherie? (PS you can call me any nickname you like in French...j'adore le langue Francais, ee-hoh-hee-hoh...)

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You ever read Dave Peltzer's, "A Child Called 'It'"? You must. YOU.... must. The guy should have suffocated on toxic Lemons but instead, he 'shows' you how he turned the entire lot into super-de-luxe Lemonade. He should have been a gibbering wreck. You've not read anything like it. Life-changer. It's difficult to read at first, so don't read it last thing at night or you might have not-so-nice dreams. But it's a must. Dave is predominantly slime-proof FOR SURE. Otherwise, he'd be long dead. Read it in the mornings/early avos. I've read it. So we can discuss it, no worries.

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Actually - read it in the morning singaular. There is no way, NO WAY, you can put that book down once you've started it.

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Oh, I forgot! And they usually take you on their holidays abroad with them as well! And another thing I remember: a few of the au pairs did housework for the other mums, for extra cash, so much so that they were positively dripping in dosh, enough to send loads home, all of that. You get an awful lot of rich Singaporeans wanting nannies and au pairs. Trouble is - you were born in the wrong country and culture, you need to get out. Wait up.... silly me, I know where you should try: ITALYYYYYYY! (Duu-uuh?) You could eat pasta, etc., every day if you wanted. I-ta-ly izza lo...ve-lyyyy (ma-mma-MIA, da spaghe...di!) (Oh, didn't I tell you I speak Italian? Hahahahaha.)

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Russian as well: "OY, RUSKIE! WHEERE'S THE TRAAAIN STA..TIOOON?" I only have to add a chuff-chuff noise at the end and make my arms like steamtrain wheels and they understand me perfectly! :) I think it's the accent.

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Sorry - need to edit: "(Know this: in Normal world, the fit offspring oust or attack the Runt of the pack. In Opposites world aka LaLa Land, it's the opposite: there is only usually ONE fit kid - or two at most - and the rest are runts. And in Lala, the runts get to attack the fit healthy one (ganging-up)." Doh. Not in Normal world - in nature....mammalian world. In Normal Civilized Human World, there ISN'T any attacking; the parents don't stand for it and nip it in the bud. Or if they're top-shelf parents - prevent the potential problem from developing in the first place. (You probably knew what I meant, but - just for the record.)

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All good in the hood, Jae? It's been 10 days, I've just realised.

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" See if you can surpass Zorro and go HWWWICK-HWICK-HWWICK!, slicing a giant J on their favourite shirt." I would IF I could, but I'm pretty sure no one can surpass him. Kuina was good but she no longer exist.. " It's just, if you call me counsellor, even just in jest, some lurkers are bound to take it literally, and then I end up inundated." I am so sorry. I just thought that it was fitting. Do not fret. I'll keep that in mind..Marmite..? It needs some getting used to, but I'll figure ;D __________________________ "What happened? How did "I definitely would!", suddenly become, "Ha" etc?" My efforts are just washed down the drain. Its like I gave her a flower bed and she tramples on them repeatedly until all that was left are just dried, dead leaves and dead withered flowers. I've worked hard on building that for years.. All I got back n return is ruins. I just gave up. stopped altogether. " (I'm presuming you asked and got these knockbacks, just recently?)" Unfortunately, no. It has always been this way everytime I tried. The first 5 years that she was with us Both of them stayed away from us and our grandparents. They visit from time to time and sleep over for the weekends. After they passed, we started living together and spent a lot more time together (as in same space). I thought, why not get close and learn more about each other since you're already part of the family? She took the nitiative to understand my younger siblings' characters and know them well enough, so why not me? So, I stopped trying. Maybe I just am not granted any luck with mothers in this liffetime, you know? Thinking this way makes it hurt little less. Just a sting instead of a whole knife sticking out of my chest. "Wait up.... Just NO - like that? Not any sensitivity, nor even politeness?" I don't think there is any need for sensitivity since I'm an adult..? But yeah. She said I wouldn't understand since I'm "too young" anyway. How am I too young? And its just small talks about anything of interest.. I wouldn't mind a straight up rejection (she's just beating around the bush). It wouldhave hurt but at the very least, I wouldn't have to waste my efforts in a losing game. "is she consistently piling too much onto your plate? And have you tried asking for smaller portions whereby you can ask for more if you need to? Or does she actually think you're 5?" She does pile food onto my plate sometimes. Mostly though it is blackmail..? I don't know if you can call it that? I've already cooked a lot and spent so much on grocerries and you're just going to waste food? You don't even try hard enough to appreciate my effort. Then our father would ad oil to the fire nd come in with "they prefer to order in anyway". If I cooked, no one other than my siblings eats anyway. When I do that, its always "can you aat least cook like your mother? That would be nice". " You just can't cook what SHE wants you to cook - correct? (I hope not. Because this latest info has left me starting to Not Like Her.)" I don't want to be the bad guy, but that is correct. I can't be her and I'm not her. "You'd best tell me more....let me give her a really good frisk so that, if need be, you can keep giving her a wide berth." There is nothing more to sayis there? "You can't cook" "Clean up after yourself" "You have to grow up, be a woman and learn to cook properly" 0_0; "Am ALSO noting that The Boss married a Shop Floor Girl, but suddenly, fast-forwarding to today - she's the boss of him and seems to handle him very well (and only her). Correct?" Right on the dot! Bulls-eye!! "Truth is, you're old enough nowadays to make your OWN meals if you want. Doesn't your Dad LIKE Italian?" I agree! I get the ingredientss by myself anyway! Apparently, no. "What kind of malay are youu if you can't cook a nice malay dish?" "Sorry? Don't get that. Plus - who was 31?" They didn't think an engagement was necessary considering their ages. Our stepmother was 31 while our father was 42. They got to know each other for a year and got married after. " Or maybe he especially got her genes in the first place." He probably already got the genes in the first place... Was already manipulating everything to go his way since he was younger. "Has he shown any improvement? Is he paying you back in a gracious way? Or grudgingly and resentfully? Has he learnt his lesson and realised the atrociousness of his crime, IOW?" No imrovements were shown from the accused during observation. The accused paid back grudgingly and resentfully while showing no remorse for his actios. All payments were made in full and the court has decided to leave him be as it is too late to put him back on the right path. However, as he showed no signs of remorse, he will be put undder strict observation until deemded acceptable. ______________________________ "So. Given you're a secret Italian whom accordingly can cook Italian (you'd be surprised how many can't!) - and presuming you like Italian Coffee as well - may I call you Little Miss Barrista, instead? (haha - joke! - your turn.)" Ahah! Cuaght you there! Hmm.. Correct me if I'm wrong. Did you just assume I drink coffee Dr. Watson? XD (forgive me but this is fun!!) However, I actually love drinking warm tea. Chamomile, peppermint and black tea. If I'm in need of a quick fix of mood, maybe strawberry tea because it smells nice^^ (I'm a weird combinations of things yes? I'm aware)

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" But that depends on what's happened with the "court order" since - update please?" I've already given you an update above but, sadly, this is a beast no onecan tame... "(Your little sister meanwhile seems to be a case of 'no news' meaning 'good news' - correct?)" Yup! One thing I fear is that, she is a bit like me. She speaks up and fights back, but there are times she would just let people (our brother) have their way. Still, she is someone he doesn't dare mess with^^ "And a lovely sassy, bright-as-a-button, young lady like you should have had a lovely mum. (AND brother.) I think? I mean, it clearly HAS made you stronger and clearer-headed so....?? I don't know. That's your call." I meaan I would love to have all these. I still do and envy those who do have great people around them. Butthen again, it kind of did thought me to be careful of who we trust, how to do things on my own etc. One thing I do know for sure. IF I ever have a kid, I would want my child to be a child while also preparing them for the harsh world. Every kid deserves a childhood. I hold that to this day :) "Does it weigh you down?...always at the back of your mind? Probably a stupid question." Nope. A really good question actually. I'm not going to lie and say that it doesn't. Its just hard to admit it out loud when you know no one actually gives a crap. I keep thinking if I am the problem or is there something I have to do to get someone to actually care. I mean I've tried so many things, but they are never enough. They ARE mediocre, I admit that. I did what I can to the best of my ability. This is a bit deep and something I never even tell my sister. I sometimes get so overwhelmed and it gets so bad that I cry myself to sleep. Its gets so confusing because I wouldn't know the trigger and it tires me completely until the next day. I get numb and tired during the day and 5 out of the 7 days, I would have the same pattern. On days I don't cry myself to sleep, I would just end up staring at the ceiling until I usually pass out from exhaustion. "Well, I'm a parent. Ask me anything." Just one important question then. How do I be good? Enough to be regarded. "PS: Are you up-to-date on poor Thea's thread? Houston, we have another special type of barstool! Nav seems to have gone? (Meeeh.)" I haven't been here for a while to be honest. I have been busy with NEL and it sucks... I'll be sure to take a look soon. Nav has gone MIA?

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"Bet you fancy them, heh-heh. (Do you?) (They LOOK quite Italian??? :D )" I'm more of a fan if anything. Though, if I have to choose one of them, I'd say Finn is more my type^^ Quiet, calm but attractive all the same! Jack would be more my sister's type. Loud, funny. Enough energy for both of them xD "Have you seen this guy's stuff? Adrian Bliss. CRACKS ME UP!" My oh my! I watch him too^^ How in the world?! I come across his Jesus skits and Noah's ark often! Gotta love his humor^^ "Another fave of mine is the Manni Show." How are we atching the same people? Birds of a feather flock together, I guess^^ Does this sound wrong? I'm sorry if it came out the wrong way.. I was just glad someone shared my sense of humor.. ^^; "So - just humouring me for-now: which country would you love to live in for a year or (if you wanted) more?" There is one place I would love to go to. Iceland. Mountains, the aurora, fresh air etc. You get what I mean. Quiet, peaceful, beautiful. "(PS you can call me any nickname you like in French...j'adore le langue Francais, ee-hoh-hee-hoh...)" Well, I should start looking into it then^^ "You ever read Dave Peltzer's, "A Child Called 'It'"? You must. YOU.... must." That calls for a read. I should buy it so I could read it easily. Discussing a book? That sounds amazing!! "Trouble is - you were born in the wrong country and culture, you need to get out." I would but my contract here is for another 4 years. Paaying the penalty is a hefty sum of money. Times lie this, I wish I was born rich. Pay them the penalty and adieu~ Pack my bags and fly off! "You could eat pasta, etc., every day if you wanted. I-ta-ly izza lo...ve-lyyyy (ma-mma-MIA, da spaghe...di!)" I'm not sure onecould eat pasta everyday in their life, but THAT sounds like heaven^^ Pizza's my favourite food too^^ "(Oh, didn't I tell you I speak Italian? Hahahahaha.)" I'm sure you did^^ How many languages do you actually speak? Leave some for the rest of the crew mate! Hands down though, that is so cool!! "Russian as well:" Russian?! I should bow down and train with you in a lecture room (instead of a waterfall- you get it?) for a special in languages. "School of Languages, Lingos". Who needs Hogwarts? McGonagall who? Heard of Professor Marmite? That's what's serving now XD "the parents don't stand for it and nip it in the bud. Or if they're top-shelf parents - prevent the potential problem from developing in the first place." Is that what I didn't have to begin with? Reliable adults? "All good in the hood, Jae? It's been 10 days, I've just realised." You asking that is doing things I don't know how to explain. No one's ever asked before, but, I've been busy, yes. And mentally, things haven't been so good. I still try to get up to go to work though. So, no, I can't say things have been good. But I'm fine-? I'm trying.. :)

What should I do?

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Be with you shortly, Jae!

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Messaje numero Uno: (free Spanish lessons haha) ""See if you can surpass Zorro and go HWWWICK-HWICK-HWWICK!, slicing a giant J on their favourite shirt." I would IF I could, but I'm pretty sure no one can surpass him. Kuina was good but she no longer exist.." Who's Kuina? (...sounds like an airline haha) " It's just, if you call me counsellor, even just in jest, some lurkers are bound to take it literally, and then I end up inundated." I am so sorry. I just thought that it was fitting. Do not fret. I'll keep that in mind..Marmite..? It needs some getting used to, but I'll figure ;D " Cheers! ""What happened? How did "I definitely would!", suddenly become, "Ha" etc?" My efforts are just washed down the drain. Its like I gave her a flower bed and she tramples on them repeatedly until all that was left are just dried, dead leaves and dead withered flowers. I've worked hard on building that for years.. All I got back n return is ruins. I just gave up. stopped altogether."" Too little, too late, in other words, yes? Fairenoughski... she shoulda thoughta that. Not very emotionally intelligent for a woman, then? But good at taming and dominating your dad. Ooooo-kayyy... Here - idea! Make them curried pasta or pizza...by sprinkling Madras as well as Five Spices powder and a wee sneeze of Cinnamon. What do you reckon - could that work? :D What century are they living in, anyway? ....Aaaand, I think that's a lot of the trouble at your ranch: They're 50s Throwbacks, living in the past and past traditions. It's hard enough keeping your kids behaving according to everything you've been taught and grown up with...."Trrrradi-tioooon!"... (and where the parents are normal/empaths). But your 'trouble' as exacerbates their trouble, is - you're a super-cool Gen Z. You lot have been through a super-rapid evolution, thanks to the - drumroll - INTERNEEET. Your gen in your neck of the world have been getting friendly and comparing notes - with Gen Zs from the (Wild) West. And now you've caught up. You're modern-day. Bad Rule Breakers, movers-shakers-protestors...."YOU WRINKLIES might have accepted that shite treatment growing-up - being smacked and roared at and all that - BUT WE AIN'T. We are NOT afraid to stand up to you - even if just by way of digging our heel- sorry - KEEPING our heels dug in (into the right stuff - soil, not dense concrete). Because we don't need you; we've got each other. Accessible at a moment's notice. CLICK - "Hello!". So SCUH-REWW YOU! True, isn't it. Narcy types are annoyed - and their "superioritah" threatened - by E....VERYTHING once you're trapped with them. So now, they've got TOO MUCH to try to oppress in and around you. Epitomised by that 'You're not Malay if you can't cook it, meh-meh-meeeeh' nonsense. You could have retorted - 'Oh, yeah - what nationality am I, then?'. Doubt she could answer that. But to me, having spoken to you at length now: I see zero difference in your stronger/clearer attitude towards what's interpersonally, societally, globally/earthly-ly (-huh?) acceptable and what absolutely is not and from which you will NOT be swayed.... You know too much to ever go back. Innit. You know WAY more and have WAYYYY more emotional and social intelligence - AS INCLUDES RESPECT, SENSITIVITY, COMPASSION *ONLY* IF WARRANTED - than those two put together. You little lot ain't no-one's fools (brother excepted...he seems to be a dinosaur as well, his attitude to women and people generally). AND YOU KNOW IT. (Trouble is, where even 'old-fashioned' normal-healthies-clevers wind Narcs up - you guys REALLY get their goat/wind them up...you're TENS of centuries ahead of them in terms of healthy world and humanitarian expectations! That's why the Narcs labelled you lot, Snowflakes. Stupidly...because that's exactly what you are: all VERY sharp, VERY clear, VERY distinctive, VERY individual each - glad to be YOU. I also notice you're all really good at biding your time before you serve your dish (lesson via toucher-hearted consequence than my and prior generations) COLD. Just look at how you, Jae, KNEW to keep your thoughts and periods of emotional vulneraility/toxicity discharge to yourself ('keeping your powder dry'). AND you clearly cry properly, rather than interrupt and stopper it (excellent!). Never-never-never under-estimate Peer influence. And if your Peers are all over the world, including and especially the most "Woke" parts - WATCH OUT NARCY NATIONS/NATIONS WITH NARC-PREDOMINANCE, YOU'RE GOING DOOOOWN. I bet that even before the truth burst out, you believed Prince Harry (even IF not so sure re. Megane, but maybe her too), didn't you. Because you could see it at your fingertips AND feel it - relate AND empathise with hit. Correctamundo? And your oppressors haven't changed your mind over a thing, have they. (Insert The Simpson's "HAH-hah!") Ahh - pfffff!...another five years and they'll be worshipping at your superhuman feet, for getting yourself a job that pays well AND leaves you time for a life and love-life. ...Or grinding their teeth to the gum - whichever/whatever. If they're not more careful they're going to end up part of your past. And it won't even be a decision on your part. Your Inner Animal will refuse to let you (ref Fangtall's dad...obviously a worse example but the principle and consequence is the same. If your home is like a prison then whom in their right mind would WANT to visit more than once-in-a-Blue-Moon, the bare minimum just to pay respect to and keep the LABELS alive (daughter-parents)). ....Idiotas....IDIOTAS. Yeah. Soo many parents know how to love their kids...love them SOOOO much, they'll do anything EXCEPT LET THEM BE THEMSELVES (jeezus christ almighty). And by the time ALL of you are full adults - you might even chuck 'em in a home at their expense. THEY NEED YOU more than you need them. Get that RIGHT into your mind until it becomes your attitude and EXCUDES out of you! And then see what sort of difference it makes. You've got us. And your lovely sister. You're not alone - I'll happily escort you down the entire Recovery into Thriving Paths for as long as you need me. There is NOTHING wrong with you, you're perfectly delightful. You're uncannily similar (of course you are - da internet!) to Lily31. Ladylike, gracefully-spoken and generous spirited, but super-smart and secretly very feisty. All the ingredients of a Winner. ALSO...what's the difference between how you've been treated and how any other kid-into-young-adult in, say, UK or America and Europe, gets treated WHEN NARCISSISM IS IN THE FAMILY PICTURE? Answer: NO difference. Bullies can't change...so their kids can't change according to the progress of their peer-culture and become same-era dinosaurs themselves. See it? Living in the past...an era when it was legal to - as well as verbally - actually beat your wife (and kids) as long as the rod you beat her with wasn't thicker than - not A thumb....HIS thumb. (I wonder if women checked out their future spouse's thumb-sizes back then??) But - don't think that, secretly, female-palatable/women's fave types of men (repeat: women, not girls experimenting still) haven't been battered all the while too, albeit less (until now when it's rising/coming out of the closet more). Swat Narx DO and have ALWAYS done. Even WHEN it was legal - too many men NEVER treated their family that way. See? SO IT AIN'T CULTURE, is it. It's Narcissists. They get everywhere....stupid people roll-over, accept, copy their behaviour....bluh-bluh-bluh.... They GOT everywhere - even mentioned in the Bible (and yours?). " (I'm presuming you asked and got these knockbacks, just recently?)" Unfortunately, no. It has always been this way everytime I tried. The first 5 years that she was with us Both of them stayed away from us and our grandparents. They visit from time to time and sleep over for the weekends. After they passed, we started living together and spent a lot more time together (as in same space). I thought, why not get close and learn more about each other since you're already part of the family? She took the nitiative to understand my younger siblings' characters and know them well enough, so why not me? So, I stopped trying. Maybe I just am not granted any luck with mothers in this liffetime, you know? Thinking this way makes it hurt little less. Just a sting instead of a whole knife sticking out of my chest. "Wait up.... Just NO - like that? Not any sensitivity, nor even politeness?" I don't think there is any need for sensitivity since I'm an adult..?" That's right. It's needed purely because you're a sentient, fellow human-being. But even by purely old-fashioned idiots - you should expect MORE sensitivity as an adult, not less. Because by then there's more to be sensitive about with less and less time and energy to deal with hurt feelings - innit. "But yeah. She said I wouldn't understand since I'm "too young" anyway. How am I too young?" You're not! It's just an excuse. It's mainly ALL just an excuse, a cover for their true agenda (no matter how petty and purely egotistical). Were you ever too young to hoover for them? To play Home Tutor to their younger children? Funny, that. Dual Standardzzzzzzzzzzz... "And its just small talks about anything of interest.. I wouldn't mind a straight up rejection (she's just beating around the bush). It wouldhave hurt but at the very least, I wouldn't have to waste my efforts in a losing game." Yeah, stuff her. Her loss. We here will have you instead (til you're ready to leave 'home', confidently flying-off solo). Her loss is our gain. ""is she consistently piling too much onto your plate? And have you tried asking for smaller portions whereby you can ask for more if you need to? Or does she actually think you're 5?" She does pile food onto my plate sometimes. Mostly though it is blackmail..? I don't know if you can call it that? I've already cooked a lot and spent so much on grocerries and you're just going to waste food?"" Response: Well, from now on, feel free to spend less on the shopping and give me reasonably smaller portions, then, without having to feel bad...And use the savings to treat yourself at the hairdresser's or something! You so rarely spoil yourself, anyway - and you should (yadder-yadder, deliberately ego-feeding bs...) (have fun seeing how easy to make purr they are)... Or feed the dog under the table. What happens if you do leave a lot of it on your plate - what does she say/do? ""You don't even try hard enough to appreciate my effort. Then our father would ad oil to the fire nd come in with "they prefer to order in anyway"." Well, that's actually him standing-up for you, isn't it? OH GREAT. Yep... he wasn't recovered enough from his first wife...picked another Narc - seemingly different but same. An improvement, sure. But not much. Is that a Ping? "If I cooked, no one other than my siblings eats anyway. When I do that, its always "can you aat least cook like your mother? That would be nice"."" QUESTION: Which family bitch says THAT to you!?! " You just can't cook what SHE wants you to cook - correct? (I hope not. Because this latest info has left me starting to Not Like Her.)" I don't want to be the bad guy, but that is correct. I can't be her and I'm not her. "You'd best tell me more....let me give her a really good frisk so that, if need be, you can keep giving her a wide berth." There is nothing more to sayis there? "You can't cook" "Clean up after yourself" "You have to grow up, be a woman and learn to cook properly" 0_0;" QUESTION: So from this do I take it, it's HER who rubs salt into your mother-wound like that? "Am ALSO noting that The Boss married a Shop Floor Girl, but suddenly, fast-forwarding to today - she's the boss of him and seems to handle him very well (and only her). Correct?" Right on the dot! Bulls-eye!!" Fits with what I've just concluded. Your dad probably lost his rag and did the No-No of hitting you because he was ALREADY at the end of his tether - with her.... was in the thick of the ego-battle and battle-of-the-wills at the time (which she won). Does that ping! ? "Truth is, you're old enough nowadays to make your OWN meals if you want. Doesn't your Dad LIKE Italian?" I agree! I get the ingredientss by myself anyway! Apparently, no. "What kind of malay are youu if you can't cook a nice malay dish?" Answer: A 22nd Century one - Ta-daaaa! (and then go all cutesie and tickle him senseless, going, Hee-Hee!, quick...out-narc the (*still* Reactive) Narc.......I can see brother doing that one; am I right?) ""Sorry? Don't get that. Plus - who was 31?" **They didn't think an engagement was necessary considering their ages. Our stepmother was 31 while our father was 42. They got to know each other for a year and got married after." Yeah - I'm betting it was more, SHE didn't. (Ring on finger, quick-quick!) And what did HE know (married young, did he?). ""Or maybe he especially got her genes in the first place." He probably already got the genes in the first place... Was already manipulating everything to go his way since he was younger." And if I recall correctly, you said he looks physically more like your father, yes? Does that include facially? Or does he fail to resemble either parent? (research Q) ""Has he shown any improvement? Is he paying you back in a gracious way? Or grudgingly and resentfully? Has he learnt his lesson and realised the atrociousness of his crime, IOW?" No imrovements were shown from the accused during observation. The accused paid back grudgingly and resentfully while showing no remorse for his actios. All payments were made in full and the court has decided to leave him be as it is too late to put him back on the right path. However, as he showed no signs of remorse, he will be put undder strict observation until deemded acceptable."" NO, then. It's all grudgingly under duress. Because your dad, he does respect ("da one wid dah dangly genitals that weighs more, ooh-ooh! ah!-ah!"). Bet he respects you more NOW, though. Is it showing - as in, less aggro and treating like his Butler (both of you gals)? Normal brother would have reflected and realised what a sh*thead he'd been and felt terrible and guilty and shown it (doing loads to make it up to you, changing his whole attitude). BANG (gavel). Motion for the Prosecution! (And I really like that your dad included interest - as well as defended your right to order-in/sort your own food.) ______________________________ "So. Given you're a secret Italian whom accordingly can cook Italian (you'd be surprised how many can't!) - and presuming you like Italian Coffee as well - may I call you Little Miss Barrista, instead? (haha - joke! - your turn.)" Ahah! Cuaght you there! Hmm.. Correct me if I'm wrong. Did you just assume I drink coffee Dr. Watson? XD (forgive me but this is fun!!)" Nothing to forgive, dear chap - and, yes, I did, Holmes. "However, I actually love drinking warm tea. Chamomile, peppermint and black tea. If I'm in need of a quick fix of mood, maybe strawberry tea because it smells nice^^ (I'm a weird combinations of things yes? I'm aware)" INTER-WEST-ING! Where did you get the idea to drink those? You been unwittingly but wisely self-medicating??? What about Hot Chocolate? Or Choc Hotlet as I (and now lots of peeps) call it. And have you tried black tea with a splash of milk and without or with one sugar? PS: Comedy-Taste-In-Common High Five! Brain types/emotional intelligence/wavelength in common - clearly. __________________________________________ "(Your little sister meanwhile seems to be a case of 'no news' meaning 'good news' - correct?)" Yup! One thing I fear is that, she is a bit like me. She speaks up and fights back, but there are times she would just let people (our brother) have their way. Still, she is someone he doesn't dare mess with^^"" FEAR? Nay! Nurture that! And stand up for her and with her. You have been forced into a battle of the sexes, CLEARLY.... purely because you two are NOT Narcs therefore ARE legitimate (young) Women. Those two idiot 'men' probably think if they DON'T "hit first" with this exploitation, keeping your worth and confidence down - you'll turn into "mother" or "step-mum". Getting it? This is one of the ways it spreads.....round and round and down the generations. So!... Yourself and lovely sister (and your future family and kids) are your family line's Full Stops, then! That crap stops with you two! ...as in 'Cruelty To Children Must Stop, FULL-Stop'. If the parents/guardians won't stop - the healthies MAKE it stop...just as soon as they can. You'll make a wonderful mother. Would have anyway, but, because of your upbringing, you know MORE than the normal-healthy-familied. You know What And/Or How NOT To Do, along with the What To Do. And the balls to put it into practise. Aw yesh. :)))) Anyhoo...finish the rest tomorrow. Do me a favour and wait til I type (Done) before you post again? Unless something happens or you get some giant Pings you just have to discuss. Thank-you very much, m'Colleague - night-night!

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PS: sorry (wash my mouth out!). Not picked another Narc. GOT picked by another Narc. While he was still mentally distracted, trying to come to terms... Didn't get there, though, did he. Shop Floor girl basically flashed her t*ts, etc. Or went, There-there....and hugged him to her breast, etc. More than an female-huntress Old Chestnut. SUCH a cliche.... "Why, Miss Jones - you're BEAUTIFUL without your glasses!" / (She fecking ain't, ya know. YOU'RE the one without your glasses.) But anyway - that (old film dynamic) is yet another role that Narcs reverse, meaning, romantic hunter becomes the hunted. Ty. Pi. Cal. You'll talk like this soon enough....with a sign of complete tedium and exasperation and just plain BORED with them and their pathetic yet serious trouble-making.......yet, me, I'm not in a position to be bored with them all. It's like an endless arm wrestle between normal-healthy and Narcs. Even Shelagh Foggarty - LBC Radio presenter - yesterday said the same. Those lacking empathy, with issues. The NON-rebels, the NON Scapegoats. We won as soon as we were born. Frankly. Evil people neeeeeever win. They just keep, generation after generation, TRYING, regardless. Because their corrupted 'computer' wiring gives them zero other option. ...COMPULSED. Worse than OCD and OCD thinking.... (What a horrid existence.) Your dad had to have had an ego problem to fall for and grab gratefully onto that one - and agree to rush like that. He never finished grieving, never reached the point where the arrogant turns humble (and stays that way). Well...this is how it happens with benign narc/cowardly parents like him (and it's definitely cowardly to resort to the fact you're physically bigger when you can't shut "YOUR" (pff) kid up: YOU will lead the way. And he will see you win and your head NOT spontaneously explode - and will start copying you.................until he either (if she's capable, that is) re-setting all the dials on their shared equalizer-board, down or up until they have EQUALITY, INCLUDING EMOTIONAL.....or dumps...but then this time stays single for longer - AND gets to know and bond with his kids *properly* - because NO WAY does he want to go through all of that again....i.e. if she is one, inevitably, she'll try to put him back in his Less Equal place by CHEATINGGGG. Swat Narx Do. With Narc plays/roles/scripts, you don't need a crystal-ball. You'll soon enough see. Just quickly: try this amazing pasta recipe (it's mine) (not any more tho haha).... Cut leaf-halves from centre stalk of Savoy Cabbage then slice leaves into long strips as thick as your thumb at the most. (Save the stalks in clingfilm in the freezer for a future homemade stock/soup or to roast with other root veg in the oven) Fry over medium heat, full-fat, smoked Bacon (about 2 rashers min per person) cut into minimum thumb-width strips - or Pancetta cubes/Lardon strips - in a dessertspoon or so of olive oil. After 2 mins, add crushed or thinly sliced fresh garlic (or dried garlic granules) (sold with the dried Herbs), turn down the heat to med-low or low - and add Pine Nuts/Kernals, frying for another 2 mins, stirring-in ground black pepper if you like (gives it another dimension). (Meanwhile, be boiling pasta Farfalle (bows)/Fusilli (twists)/whatever shapes in salted water for 9-11 or so mins., then drain and leave sat in collander, BUT RESERVE A GOOD THIRD OF THE PASTA WATER (you might not need it all but it's nice to have it in case your sauce needs more thinning...depending on how much cheese you will add and/or for storing in the fridge to use on other homemade sauces).) Now turn heat to lowest setting, carefully stir in the Savoy strips and put pan/saucepan lid on to let it all steam, stirring every two mins or so (quickly so's not to lose too much heat/steam) to ensure the bacon/garlic in contact with the pan can't burn, for 5 or more mins (taste to test readiness of savoy)). Turn off heat and add lots of small-sized dollops of Philadelphia everywhere, and sprinkle in the Parmesan (RESERVE SOME TO GARNISH). Swiftly add a mugful of the pasta water and stir gently in and around the savoy strips, but as thoroughly as poss, adding more pasta water as you go if necessary. If the cabbage is too al dente, let it sit (lid on, heat off) in the sauce for a bit. If not, now stir in the pasta bows to make sure they're well-coated in the sance. Serve in deep dinnerplates (to hold the sauce) or wide soup bowls, with Parmesan sprinkled all over (and extra available on the table for the cheese-freaks). A Garlic Baguette/Pizza slices on the side goes well. Berloody delicious. Sorry - demasiada delicioso! I just always called it Savoy Farfalle/Fusilli. Really easy, will take being sat there a while before re-heating (if you don't like your pasta and cabbage al dente, just normal) (or because everyone goes "Cooo-miiiing!" but doesn't), or for storing in the fridge and re-heating. It can be frozen and defrosted then re-heated, as well. IF THERE'S ANY LEFT TO FREEZE. Doubtful. PS: you can even use salmon or trout chunks/strips instead of bacon, works just as well. I used Salami once, that was good too. Damnit...just made myself ravenously hungry... Off to the fridge I go... Back tomorrow. (Not - back from the fridge by tomorrow, just back on here, haha). I mean - Buenas noches y hasta Manana!

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"can you aat least cook like your mother? That would be nice"."" QUESTION: Which family bitch says THAT to you!?!" Oh wait - have I misconstrued and they meant your step-mother? Really? You have to call her Mother? In THIS day and age?? Here....an Ego-equaliser for you. When you say it, ensure the previous word ends in an S so you can, for example, say: "Thanksss,Smother" Here's another to have fun with: After dinner: Who's "fer" coffee? Point at smother then bother as you say, 'You fuh coffee?....Wha' 'bout ou? You fuh coffee?' and then for your sister and (if he's been good) father, just - 'What about you?' Petty but satisfying. :) If you're trapped with them you've gotta steal back bits of your ego as you go....and you know what they say about Pennies soon making Pounds? K, I'm actually going now (I think haha).

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...not, haha: Seen this Mannie Show one yet? "Exchanging Gifts with your Girlfriend be like" : https://www.youtube.com/shorts/NH24mSdxCxU How true is that! And who else would have thought to have plonked that on the table! That's what you CALL Observational Comedy!

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Jae, are you still there and is everything ok? I know I've still got more of yours to reply with, just a bit squished for time right now, but...this is bump-up to remind me...

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Hey there... I have been meaning to reply to your threads, but I haven't been feeling up to anything at all.. Everything is just- hard. I'm not in the best of anything lately. Everything's just a chore and knowing that tomorrow would come sucks out all of my energy. I couldn't even tell anyone because everyone comes to me with their worries and problems. Nothing feels right and I just want to drop eeverything. I feel EXHAUSTED. I try to read your threads but focusing is REALLY difficult to do. I don't want to tell anyone, much less you, a sob story. But, I'm tired. Of everything. You take your time. But the only person who should keep up is me here.. I'm sorry. I'll catch up with the reading and replies, HOPEFULLY, soon. Talk to you soon, soulmate..

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Heya! No, it's ME who needs to catch up; you can just take it easy. Be with you as soon as I possibly can!

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Heya again! Over-busy week but I aim to post tomorrow or Sunday latest. Hope you're okay? Don't worry if everything's too hard/too much effort - that's perfectly normal. It's when your mind paralyses you against getting on with anything, for a very good reason: it's having to compute in 5th gear when normally it works in 1st and normally the collected data is uncorrupted, meaning, it needs ALL of your energy, bar that needed to get you from the sofa to the kettle to the loo. Basically. Don't worry and don't feel guilty. You're extremely busy and working bloody hard - IN YOUR HEAD. The outside can wait. Perfectly normal for victim-survivors at the beginning of the Recovery Process. It's brilliant for what it means, but feels sh*t. But then, so does the dentist's (no pain, no gain...or in your case, exhaustion from, I reiterate: non-stop mental gymwork). No worries - you're healing. :)

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Hey soulmate.. I just wish there is a manual book I can work with, you know? I fare better with manual instructions- one I can refer to if it gets really crazy up there. I have always been one to read and find answers in books or sites, just so I know that I'm not alone and there are examples I can refer to.. It actually sucks when I've tried to act according to manual but it doesn't help improve anything? I thought this was just supposed to be a "phase" when I was in secondary school.. Well, I don't think it is now, is it? Everything either hurts for No. Reason. At. All. Or everything gets too much all the time. The worse one though, is when I feel nothing but my brain just won't shut up. And then I start getting worked up again because now, "my brain was too quiet and now its gearing up because it was quiet"..? My words are not making sense. Yes, I'm painfully aware of that because I'm just writing down the course of my thoughts right now.. If this is healing, then I should have healed back in school, no? This is just a repeat of then and worse be cause there is no such thing as mental health break from work. Its just an official thing that the government "acknowledges" but is not being implied anywhere at work or school. Counselling sessions are out the window since work and the smiling mask I have on is already breaking apart. I'm still not giving up though.. I WANT to not give up. Healing.. I hope so too. Sorry if I'm just ranting now. I just thought that the least I could do to assure you that I'm ok is this.. I can take hurting, but I hate to leave people hanging.. Thank you for sticking around. I just wanted to make sure that you know I appreciate you.

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Hey-hey! Rain stopped play for a few days. It's ridiculous - rainy days are when you NEED your internet and satellite TV, but, not here, that's when signals are lost. Still, they're good for getting your spring-cleaning done. ...speaking of which (mental version): You're making perfect sense - to any and every other NPD-abuse survivor! And no, this grief will be including - for your childhood "worst bits" that kids have to - repeat - HAVE TO (to protect their sanity) - bury. You're lucky it's happening now, though, rather than when you're just starting a new job or something. And you're lucky that you're on your way to becoming a Super-Nova Empath (Narc slayer in one, swift, veeery cunning and brave move) (like you recently just did :)) (bullies RELY on their victims' silence to get away with it, unintercepted!). "I just wish there is a manual book I can work with, you know? I fare better with manual instructions- one I can refer to if it gets really crazy up there. I have always been one to read and find answers in books or sites, just so I know that I'm not alone and there are examples I can refer to.." There are! Loads! On the internet! Here you go - try this for starters: ((my comments in double brackets)) ___________________________________________________________________________ Stages of Healing After Narcissistic Abuse Author: Hailey Shafir, LCMHCS, LPCS, LCAS, CCS Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD Medical Reviewer: Benjamin Troy, MD Published: February 11, 2022 "Narcissistic abuse is insidious and can cause lasting effects like low self-esteem, trust issues, self-doubt, grief, depression, and anxiety.1,2,3,4 With time and treatment, it’s possible to heal and overcome these issues, recovering parts of yourself and your life that were lost to the abuser. Recovery is a process that often occurs in the ten distinct stages outlined in this article.3,4,5 What Is Narcissistic Abuse? People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are more likely to be verbally, emotionally, sexually, and physically abusive towards others.2,4,6 While narcissists can use a wide range of abusive tactics against family, friends, and romantic partners, there are some abusive behaviors that are more common. 10 Examples of Narcissistic Abuse Specific abusive behavior from a narcissistic might look like alienating, gaslighting, or attempting to control or dominate the victim. Identifying a narcissist’s abusive cycle can be a helpful first step to addressing it. Here are ten examples of narcissistic abuse:1,2,3,4 Alienating a person from their support system to isolate and control them Financially exploiting a person or using them for some other benefit or gain Stonewalling, sulking, or being cold as a way to “punish” their victim Physical or sexual abuse or using threats of violence or abuse Repeated infidelity, which might be denied, weaponized, or blamed on the victim Playing mind games or using gaslighting techniques to make the victim doubt themselves Degrading someone or being verbally or emotionally abusive Distorting the situation and shifting blame to paint themselves as the victim Being controlling, domineering, jealous, or possessive Having unpredictable blow-ups mixed with kindness/affection Effects of Narcissistic Abuse Narcissistic abuse can have long-lasting effects. Being involved with a narcissist erodes your sense of self, lowers self-esteem, and causes crippling self-doubt.1,2,4,6 These impacts can show up in a number of ways for people, and often take several years (and a lot of therapy) to recover from.4 ((- not for you; you're young, you'll bounce back more quickly than, e.g. someone in their late 30s onwards.)) Some effects of narcissistic abuse include:2,3,4,6 ((Jae, if you could copy and paste this list into your reply post and add (tick!) for yes; (don't know); (cross) for no, that will help massively. And feel free to add your own:)) High levels of shame or feeling inadequate, unworthy, or “not good enough” Excessive self-doubt and difficulty making decisions independently Codependency or putting other people’s feelings and needs before your own Trust issues and trouble opening up or being vulnerable with others Feeling disconnected from your feelings, wants, and needs Trouble setting boundaries and forming healthy relationships Depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), suicidal thoughts, and substance use Inner conflict about wanting to make your relationship with a narcissist work and needing to leave 10 Stages of Healing After Narcissistic Abuse While each person’s experience of recovery from narcissistic abuse is different, there are reports of many similarities that present in a series of ten stages.3,4,5 Here are ten common stages of healing after narcissistic abuse: 1. Denial: Initial Feeling That Something Is “Off” Many people don’t realize that they’re dealing with a narcissist or are victims of narcissistic abuse. Instead, their process of recovery begins with a nagging feeling that something is not right in the relationship.6 They might get a sense that they are being mistreated or just feel like something is wrong or bad in the relationship, especially after a conflict. They might have moments of clarity when they recognize that the narcissist’s behavior is unacceptable or even abusive, but often remain in denial by making excuses. For example, they might chalk it up to the person having a bad day, being under a lot of stress, or cite examples of times when the person has been loving or kind to them. Denial is common in the early stages of recovery from narcissistic abuse.3,5,6 2. Shock & Confusion: Suspicions of Abuse Begin to Surface Eventually, there may come a time when the abuse or narcissism is so bad that it is almost impossible for the person to remain in denial. The initial recognition that the person may be a narcissist or that they may be the victims of abuse is difficult to accept. It often comes with shock, confusion, and cognitive dissonance.3,4,5,7 Cognitive dissonance is the uncomfortable experience of knowing something is wrong or bad while also resisting acceptance. This can lead to an inner conflict where the person might go back and forth between blaming the narcissist and blaming themselves.4,7 This period can go on for a while, but usually ends in acceptance, marking the transition to the next stage. 3. Identification: Recognizing & Naming the Narcissistic Abuse Eventually, the back-and-forth settles into a final recognition that the person is a narcissistic abuser. This difficult insight might come after the person does research on narcissism or narcissistic abuse, or after they open up to someone else about the abuse.5 Acknowledging and naming the abuse is an important turning point because it makes it almost impossible to return to a state of denial. Still, it is common for people to believe that the narcissist in their life can change, recover, and stop being abusive. They may even try to “save” the relationship by seeking counseling or encouraging the narcissist to do so. These efforts rarely succeed, and often leave the person with no other option than to move to the next stage of separation. 4. Separation: Distance & Separation From the Abuser Eventually, victims of narcissistic abuse realize that the narcissist in their life is either unwilling or unable to change, and that it is up to them to summon the strength to leave. This may begin as a “trial separation,” “break,” or just “taking space” from the abuser by limiting contact. This usually triggers a cycle of love bombing, narcissistic rage, and more abuse.1,6 ((**Have you been limiting interaction, Jae? And has she tried majorly soft-soaping and sucking-up to you because of it?... He can't get full-blown ragey at you because of your dad's presence and proven wilingness to protect you (I presume?))) Eventually, it will become clear to the person that they need to cut ties and end the relationship with the narcissist. ((You can't yet, so this is about emotionally distancing yourself and limiting interaction to the barest minimum without appearing rude, e.g. you're working on a project online.)) This can be an ugly, painful experience, especially for those who had close relationships, shared assets, children, or other ties. In these cases, it’s common for the narcissist to become vengeful and cruel, sabotaging the person, leveraging legal or financial action, or finding other ways to enact revenge.4 (...(**It sound like you have been keeping your distance, because - you sound like you've just arrived here:)) 5. Complicated Grief: Emotional Turmoil Including Anger, Guilt, & Sadness After separation, it’s common for a person healing from narcissistic abuse to experience complicated grief or complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD).5,7 Unlike a “normal” process of mourning, complicated grief often involves a mix of emotions including anger, guilt, longing, and sadness. These conflicting feelings can make it difficult to really grieve the loss, accept that the relationship is over, and feel a sense of closure.7 These feelings might be further complicated by lasting fears about what the narcissist will do next in an attempt to hurt them.The best case scenario is often when the narcissist “discards” the person, going no-contact with them; but this also makes it hard to grieve and get closure. Because of their stunted emotional and social abilities, it’s almost impossible to have a healthy separation from a narcissist.6 6. Education: Finding Information & Support to Understand the Abuse ((NOTE)) For many people who recently cut ties or ended a relationship with an abusive narcissist, education is a key part of their recovery process. Learning more about narcissism and narcissistic abuse from self-help books, support groups, or articles online can help them make sense of their experiences.3,5 For many people, research connects them to other survivors who have had similar experiences with narcissistic abuse. This can be very validating, and can help people in recovery find support while also helping them understand and make sense of the abuse.3,4,5 This process can empower abuse survivors, while also helping them find closure and move towards the next stage of healing. 7. Recovery: Self-care & Healing the Wounds of Narcissistic Abuse The next stage in recovery after narcissistic abuse is finding skills, outlets, supports and self-care strategies that help them begin to heal the lasting wounds of abuse. In this stage, people learn ways to reconnect with their own feelings, wants, and needs. This often involves learning to love themselves and practice better self-care, putting themselves first.3,5 Narcissistic people tend to minimize, ignore, or violate the feelings, wants, and needs of other people, which can cause victims to disconnect from themselves. This stage of healing is all about rewiring these inner connections and learning to honor and validate their feelings and needs through self-care.3,4,5 ((You're in the process of re-wiring right now. These stages commonly can overlap chronologically or randomly.)) 8. Restoration: Reclaiming Independence & Rebuilding Their Life Narcissistic people are known for guilting and coercing others into devoting most of their time and energy into meeting their needs while neglecting their own.8 They also tend to be highly controlling, using abusive tactics to try to control what they do, how they behave, where they go, and who they see.1,2,4 Many people in romantic relationships with a narcissist have developed codependent patterns, and have devoted their lives to taking care of others while neglecting themselves.7 This is why it’s so important for a person in recovery from narcissistic abuse to work on rebuilding a life of their own design. This process involves rebuilding a meaningful life based on the things they want, need, and care about. For example, some people may decide to go back to school, change careers, or pursue their own passions and interests. For many, this stage also involves rebuilding a support system of people who are capable of having healthy, reciprocal relationships. This step is the key to moving beyond the abuse and towards a more hopeful, fulfilling, and meaningful life.3,5 9. Meaning-making: Finding Meaning In the Abuse & Getting Closure At this stage, most people feel like they’ve healed the emotional wounds. They no longer feel plagued by grief or find themselves struggling daily with the aftermath of the abuse. For some, getting to this point is enough, but others feel the need to go further. They often describe the next step in their healing process as finding meaning from the pain of their experiences.4,5 This doesn’t mean they’re glad that they were abused or grateful for the relationship with the narcissist. It just means that they acknowledge that there were ways in which this experience made them stronger or wiser, or served as a catalyst that has improved their quality of life. For example, many people describe that their recovery process led them to develop more insight, healthier boundaries, or even self-love.3 10. Paying it Forward: Finding Ways to Give Back or Help Others A final step in the process of moving from victim to survivor to thriver is finding ways to pay it forward by helping other victims or using their experience to make a positive impact. Some people who have overcome narcissistic abuse go on to start blogs, support groups, or other resources aimed at helping advocate for and empower other victims.3 Others find smaller and more personal ways to pay it forward. For example, they may teach their children about healthy boundaries and relationships, support a friend who is in an abusive relationship, or share their own experiences with others going through something similar. When it comes to how to move on after narcissistic abuse, these are ways of getting closure. ________________________________________________________________________________- I mean it - be as slow to respond as you like! This is YOUR thread. I'm slow just lately too. Perfect! When you do feel up to it next, however, let me know if the above has helped show you where you 'stand'? If not I'll paste-in some more for you. ((((((((((((((HUGETY-HUG)))))))))))))))

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Tsk! Correction: Not 'Has she tried sucking up' etc - He....Brother. ...Bovver....Bleughther... (feel free to join in any time LOL)... Let's just call him Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh from now on, yeh?

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I appreciate you too - and the 'ranting' (venting, actually) is excellent - top shelf stuff (*thumbs-up*) That's shut YOU up, hasn't it, eh? Hahahahaha... You could worry about worrying, you could, eh. :D (...must be after MY job, haha).

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PS: forgot to say: "If this is healing, then I should have healed back in school, no? " Nope. You didn't have the tools for it back then. Takes most until middle-age to wake up and climb off the Matrix. You're getting it out of the way, forever, early. No Mid-Life Crisis for you! :)

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Here - I posted this link for Thea, but you should read it too (it doesn't make much difference that your relationship with Bleeeeeugh wasn't romantic - the principles and effects are the same. Also - little known (i.e. brushed under the rug for too long!) fact: Sibling abuse, including, or even centred exclusively around, exploitation, is the worst form of abuse there is. (Wanna read that again?). Rant away! We like ranting. It helps other victims when they read your thread, to know 'it's not just them'. Question: if you needed three dental fillings, would you want your dentist to do each one separately, with about 2 weeks 'resting/recovering' time in between, or all three done in one sitting to get it over and done with?

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https://neuroinstincts.com/getting-over-the-breakup-lingering-pain-after-the-psychopathic-relationship/

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"High levels of shame or feeling inadequate, unworthy, or “not good enough” Excessive self-doubt and difficulty making decisions independently Codependency or putting other people’s feelings and needs before your own Trust issues and trouble opening up or being vulnerable with others Feeling disconnected from your feelings, wants, and needs Trouble setting boundaries and forming healthy relationships Depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), suicidal thoughts, and substance use Inner conflict about wanting to make your relationship with a narcissist work and needing to leave" Trust issues I'm not really sure I have them..? It takes a while for me to make friends, yes. But once I get comfortable enough, I do open up. Might take a while for some, I admit. Putting other people's feelings and needs before my own is just courtesy, no? I just did what I was thought and I don't want to come across as selfish. People pleaser some might call. Mental health disorders are my best friends at this point. They show up when you least expect them to, but at the same time, they are the only friends who ever come around. I don't like them, but they are constantly reminding me that I have battles to fight. They suck big time though. Often leaving me exhausted... "3. Identification: Recognizing & Naming the Narcissistic Abuse ...They may even try to “save” the relationship by seeking counseling or encouraging the narcissist to do so. These efforts rarely succeed, and often leave the person with no other option than to move to the next stage of separation." This. I ended up being the only one going for counseling and it made me feel bad. As if I'm the one making things "look bad" when there is actually nothing going on. I've been guilt trip by our parents actually for even thinking that I need the counseling, when its just clear that my "attitude is the problem.." Eventually, I lost the will to continue the counseling sessions and I naturally got busy to even bother going. "Takes most until middle-age to wake up and climb off the Matrix. You're getting it out of the way, forever, early. No Mid-Life Crisis for you! :)" That's a relief to hear. There a higher chance of me being able to thrive and succeed, is what I'm understanding. "Question: if you needed three dental fillings, would you want your dentist to do each one separately, with about 2 weeks 'resting/recovering' time in between, or all three done in one sitting to get it over and done with?" I would rather get it done and over with. Why bother stretching the time when you could just finish it in one go? Why continue to take the pain continuosly when I could just take the full amount of pain now and not worry about it anymore? I won't say its ideal, but I could spend the next few months or more without pain? This is my answer. Ttya soon.

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Hey Jae! Bumping you up for tomorrow! (Sorry for the wait again.)

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Hey-hey! "High levels of shame or feeling inadequate, unworthy, or “not good enough” What do you feel ashamed about? "Excessive self-doubt and difficulty making decisions independently" Over what? And what decisions have you felt incapable of making without feedback/advice? "Codependency or putting other people’s feelings and needs before your own" Which are you thinking you are or have been? "Trust issues and trouble opening up or being vulnerable with others" Trust Issues - you seem okay but - have there been people? Opening-up with whom? Anyone in particular or just generally with everyone? And has been able to confide and ally-up here helped with that? "Feeling disconnected from your feelings, wants, and needs" Check! "Trouble setting boundaries and forming healthy relationships" Check! "Depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), suicidal thoughts, and substance use" You Are Here. But you've not got (C)PTSD, by the souonds. You DID have suicidal thoughts before you came here, though, didn't you. (And obviously, substance use - N/A.) Inner conflict about wanting to make your relationship with a narcissist work and needing to leave" "Trust issues I'm not really sure I have them." Oh, sorry - I didn't read ahead! No, as I've just said, I don't think you have them, either. Methinks you're too brave for that. "It takes a while for me to make friends, yes. But once I get comfortable enough, I do open up." Yes, that aligns with my own experience, certainly. "Might take a while for some, I admit." What - arseholes? (HAHA, sorry, just joking) "Putting other people's feelings and needs before my own is just courtesy, no? "I just did what I was thought and I don't want to come across as selfish. People pleaser some might call. Mental health disorders are my best friends at this point. They show up when you least expect them to, but at the same time, they are the only friends who ever come around. I don't like them, but they are constantly reminding me that I have battles to fight. They suck big time though. Often leaving me exhausted..." Well, hang ON a minute? Imagine two People Pleasers living and working together. NOW where's the problemo? A feeds B while B feeds A. So - only in on-paper theory. All depends on how FAR you go and whether the person deserves it (rather than a smack in the mouth (so to speak, more's the pity, haha))?... Here: The Allegory Of The Long Spoons ******************************* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allegory_of_the_long_spoons "The allegory of the long spoons is a parable that shows the difference between heaven and hell by means of people forced to eat with long spoons. It is attributed to Rabbi Haim of Romshishok, as well as other sources.[1] The allegory can be summarized as follows: In each location, the inhabitants are given access to food, but the utensils are too unwieldy to serve oneself with. In hell, the people cannot cooperate, and consequently starve. In heaven, the diners feed one another across the table and are sated. The story can encourage people to be kind to each other. There are various interpretations of the fable including its use in sermons and in advice to lonely people. " Because empathy thus kindness thus helpfulness and cooperation, works. It's what's got us all the way to Today. We're supposed to be cooperative beings...DESIGNED to be. So those that aren't sufficiently or, worse, are the opposite... There's 'summat funny up with them, then!', isn't there, stands to reason. I'd need to know which incident you mean, and in detail? _____________ "3. Identification: Recognizing & Naming the Narcissistic Abuse ...They may even try to “save” the relationship by seeking counseling or encouraging the narcissist to do so. These efforts rarely succeed, and often leave the person with no other option than to move to the next stage of separation." This. I ended up being the only one going for counseling and it made me feel bad. As if I'm the one making things "look bad" when there is actually nothing going on. I've been guilt trip by our parents actually for even thinking that I need the counseling, when its just clear that my "attitude is the problem.." Eventually, I lost the will to continue the counseling sessions and I naturally got busy to even bother going. Yup. NPD is the only mental ilness where the sufferer is left to get on with it whilst everyone else, especially their victim, needs the therapy. You felt ISOLATED, is why you felt bad. That and the Gaslighting (plus IT'S NOT THEIR PIGGING CALL, IT'S YOURS!). 'Your' attitude. 'YOUR' attitude! Don't like that. Evidence has just disproved it. (Did you get an apology?) (It's really hard when you're the only sane and plugged-in one, huh.) Still! You found your way here so - ya-boo-sucks to them! :) "Takes most until middle-age to wake up and climb off the Matrix. You're getting it out of the way, forever, early. No Mid-Life Crisis for you! :)" That's a relief to hear. There a higher chance of me being able to thrive and succeed, is what I'm understanding." NOTHING wrong with you that Narcissistic people didn't put there. Including ideas that you have mental health issues. No, Jae. You have THEIR issues! THEY need the therapy, not you. For protection-wise having ABANDONED you to be exploited, bossed-around and bullied by your bigger, heavier, more intimidating sibling! AAAND the rest of it as happened prior to him. Jesus. You've had a LOT on your plate - wowzers. REALLY HEARTROKEN AND F*CKED-OFF is what you've been. And who the hell could blame you! Your saneness and healthiness (ability to function even under-fire!) SINGS OUT on here. It's like this: they're the majority and they smell like rotten fish. You smell like Daisies. If they admit you smell like Daisies then that's the same as admitting they smell fishy (haha). So your Daisy scent smells like rotten fish - it's you, not them, blah-blah-blahdee-blah.... Because they're not strong enough to face up to their whacko beliefs, attitudes, thoughts, feelings, etc. You are. So, as you don't nor ever have needed that reflection to fix yourself, all you've been achieving (if we ignore your "F.O.G." (google)) is, self-improvement. :))))))) And you already ARE thriving and succeeding. What's the latest in the crazyhouse, lately, anyway? Brother still sticking to the contract? Has the house settled down any? How did finding out his boy had been playing school bully at home, stealing his own sister's lunch money from her, affect him? Do you think it shocked him into realising he'd had his head too far up his own behind for too long, thus let it happen (like a normal, but still-recovering dad)? ...any differences at all that you can sense? And how is bro towards you in conduct and manner now? "Question: if you needed three dental fillings, would you want your dentist to do each one separately, with about 2 weeks 'resting/recovering' time in between, or all three done in one sitting to get it over and done with?" "I would rather get it done and over with. Why bother stretching the time when you could just finish it in one go? Why continue to take the pain continuosly when I could just take the full amount of pain now and not worry about it anymore? I won't say its ideal, but I could spend the next few months or more without pain?" Gold Star! ("thlup!"). That's what I thought you'd say. You'd be surprised how many space it out. You WORRY a lot. But you don't get SCARED. You think you do, but you don't, not by others' standards. Little Miss Dynamo-Intrepid, you are. And don't you EVER believe anyone who tries to diss you, AGAIN - do you hear me? That's what they WANTED you to do, is whaat you're SUPPOSED to do - whether they realise they're gaslighting you or not! So you'll make yourself small instead of shining like the family SUPERSTAR THAT YOU SO BLOODY *ARE* as - unleashed - wouldn't just shine brighter than all of them put together (with exception of lil Sis) but would provide SUCH a contrast, you'd show them up. "This is my answer." 'This is my Rifle..." ('The Prayer' from Full Metal Jacket). Your rifle is your truth and bravery to single-handedly break your chains so as to whistleblow. Well - ONE chain (bro). So how's everyone else treating you - and life generally, lately? You feeling any chirpier or still very up-ad-down?

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