I’m in love with a memory

A guy I knew 20 odd years ago has just got in touch with me on facebook. He is married now and probably just being in friendly I know it’s probably me that has the problem I was so in love with him back then i mean he doesn’t even look the same but I can feel all those feelings coming back and I don’t know what to do to stop myself. Any advice truly appreciated thank you

Hi PrettyMadBird (-haha!), "A guy I knew 20 odd years ago has just got in touch with me on facebook." RED FLAG, RED FLAG!!! " He is married now" RED FLAG 2! "and probably just being in friendly" After having managed to keep that curiosity about you, IN, for 20 whole years - yeah, right. "I know it’s probably me that has the problem I was so in love with him back then" RED FLAG 3! " i mean he doesn’t even look the same" How so? "but I can feel all those feelings coming back" Shoo them away and focus on checking him out! Married men your age, don't normally need more than one best female friend, which tends to be their wife. I wonder how his wife would feel. Does she even know? "and I don’t know what to do to stop myself. Any advice truly appreciated thank you" I do. Take a stroll around here, reading all the relevant Relationship and Emotional Threads. That oughta do it! You should get your safely-vicarious Closure, as well. Proceed with the utmost of caution, bearing this user-player-adulterer angle, foremost in mind. Because it sounds like the oldest Old Chesnut there is. "My wiife doesn't understaaaand meeee". (Nah, mate, *your* problem is - she DOES!) And, if you like, use this as a diary of his behaviour both good and bad and I can neutral-heartedly monitor things as you go. Fancy it? No rush for the answer, take your time. :) But the fact that you feel romantically-sexually reignited, does kind-of suggest that that's because this is the way he approached you. That or he left you hanging, having taken a serious chunk out of your ego, which you still want back? WELL DONE FOR COMING ON HERE AND CHECKING! That's good, canny, foward thinking, that is. ...Obviously only mad in a GOOD way! :)

Thanks for reply. I meant his appearance has changed so much he used to have long black curly hair and now he is almost bald im not that shallow im just letting you know the difference lol. He has always been flaky

Totally a big red flag!! If you have feelings for this man stop contacting him, what's in the past leave it alone, he's your ex for a reason!! You don't want to be known for "The Homewrecker" If you're single perhaps feeling lonely and bored, that I understand. There's lots of lovely lads out there that are available, you just haven't met Mr Right yet if they even exist..lol I'm only after finding out my partner of nearly 8yrs is in another relationship without me knowing, it's hard to deal with, unbelievable gut wrenching, heart broken!!💔 So please don't entertain him, as his wife and family doesn't deserve it.. You say you're not interested in him but why ask for help here if you're not?? Be careful, be respectful, you're worth alot more than a bit on the side... Goodluck 🍀

"Thanks for reply. I meant his appearance has changed so much he used to have long black curly hair and now he is almost bald" De nada, and de nada o/b of Curly-Pow!-Wurly haha (cheers again, missus!). Yeah, it is horrid...a nightmare... everything you think you ever knew was real, goes, POOF!....can send some innocent, loving, tolerant spouses half-insane or jumping off a cliff (when, really, all they want is a Pause button to make it stop). A massive, massive truckload of emotional data sheets to collate, read, re-contextualise, all of that....Too much for one brain in one hit and especially with a ticking time-bomb (panic and desperation to know where the beep you stand and which way's Up). Obviously there are exceptions, but, they should just call being the (usually equally duped) male/female mistress, Aiding & Abetting of a slow-acting murder attempt. Ew! Don't like bald or shaved heads. " im not that shallow" It's not shallow. It's a genetic preference/expectation, means wherever your most genetically influential ancestors spent most time in, the men didn't go prematurely bald or EVEN bald full-stop. Doesn't mean you wouldn't date a bald bloke (THAT'S Shallow!), just means you'd be disappointed. You got long hair, then? " im just letting you know the difference lol." For me, shaved are even worse tho. "He has always been flaky" Red Flag (the always bit). What else has he alwaysed? He's being Flaky right now, if you think about it? Just not, this time/turn, to YOU.

Remember... He's approached YOU. Out-of-the-Blue. Sounds like a ditty. But ain't. He could have made it perfectly obvious from the start that he came in platonic-only, Memory Lane-co-strolling, peace. Instead, he got you lathered-up just with his 'voice'/manner, ....what he said, what he failed to say, like you were 'back there'. He did NOT appropriately - even involuntarily-naturally - alter his approach. He was The Same. So he's after some more of the same THING, then - innit. You were probably great (or grateful) in bed and out, or something (google Narcissist's Primary Supply), but - he's looking to commit adultery, to drag you into his marriage, because his wife's too clever for him and so he wants to push her off a cliff - to bring her down a peg or 50 and turn her into a doormat. To TRICK YOU into committing the worst domestic crime known to any empath...and help him to discharge his self-generating hatred towards women. Like you're his free-of-charge COSH or something. Maybe you NEED a trip down memory lane? But not with him. Get in-touch with some old school/college friends, suggest a reunion - all of that? Are you married or single?

Curly locks im asking for advice because i can feel my feelings coming back but obviously I don’t to be a home wrecker

Soulmate im single with a child (not his btw) curly black hair lol it was over 20 years ago haha I don’t mind bald or shaved men it was just a shock because how I remembered him. I have a short bob I had long hair back then same colour though. He was always a womanizer

Hey again! Single with a child. Noted. Would he have had any way of knowing this, your marital status? Oh wait - Fakebook. Say no more. (The Malignant Narcs (players/trolls) have ruined that, it's their 'playground' now.) He was no doubt hoping you were desperate enough to fling your morals and standards out of the window ("Take me, big boy, take me nowwww!" (vomit)). He still doesn't have this, REAL GROWN-UP MATURE MAN knowledge, then (how come at his age?!) (rhetoric question): 'We don't protect our women because they're weak, we protect them because they're important'. Approaching you appropriately, e.g., 'Hey, mate, haven't seen you for years! How the devil are you!' (you don't say take me big boy to that, do ya) - THAT would have been him, protecting his wife/marriage/kids. He's damaged goods, alright. Clearly you're not, nor would never prostitute yourself and your moral standards, like that, just for a (probably damp squib by now!) sh*g. (Good on ya! It's one's morals that keep one afloat in this here sea of life, enough that any strong gusts of wind can get us airborne! Without them, you eventually drow.) 'He was always a womaniser'. PMSL! Case pigging Closed. You just needed your own Spidey Senses, validated, didn't you. (Fairenoughski!) In case he'd "chaaaaanged". (Nope.) You, me, Curly, can't ALL be wrong, eh. Glad you came - well done! Now what's the plan, Lady Stan? Ignore him to-death or... It's the wanting justice, isn't it. What to do with him, hmm.... Abandon (ignore), thereby foil and forever humiliate OR directly take-to-task by out-foiling and forever-humiliating, then abandoning? ...Playing The Player or Out-Narc-ing the Narc. What do you WANT to do with him? Ya never know?....Maybe I'll want to do it to him WITH you? And you'll be tied securely to this place, so you won't have to worry about falling down his Rabbit-hole? I'm so tired (heatwave again). Did that make any sense?

PS: He probably 'spent' too much Testosterone doing you-know-what too much, hence all his hair fell out. EXACT same thing happened with a school boyfriend of mine, decades later. Approached me in my local. I was trying SO hard not to show the shock on my face as I stared at his bonce...which is useless, considering my face comes with subtitles lol. It DID put me off, but because it got added to the overloaded, heaviest side of the (unresolved) scale-dish, labelled, Eezapr*ck. Anyway - stick around and join in if you like? We love people with high standards and titanium morals (you're part of a rare breed these days, so we strong-minded and principled Empaths all need to stick together). You'd be great as an adviser - particularly as your problem (nothing but HIM!) is commonly reported on here. How old's your babbie? I love babies. Love cats too. Love everything. Just not narcs lol.

PS: Have you read Curly's thread yet? She's amazing! (Prolly just made her blush haha). And if you're a single mum who can also stay strong in the face ofby-now, probably serious temptation, like you just did - so are you! I think you two are quite similar, actually. And not just cos you're both bright red in the face hahaha.

I love the words you use!! I don’t know if im wise enough to give someone advice. My son isn’t much of a baby anymore he is 17 😭 im 53 and the guy I told you about is 60. You are probably all spring chickens on here lol

Thunk-ye vary mouch! Spring chickens? Hahahah - WE wish. There are spring chickens here, though, particularly ones with too-busy or downright shite (narc) parent(s) who need a surrogate MumDad for a while. Your GenZs...very mature and intelligent but obviously lacking the other half - adult experiences. I DO know - and you are (wise). Plus you've just proved it, in case you hadn't noticed? TRY it, Sam-I-Am - you might LIKE online green eggs n ham! :) It's incredibly fast-acting on your confidence and self-esteem as well - for both parties. You'll get more out of this than ol' Baldy Blue-B*lls. But you do have specialist experience - not just this creep and resisting incredible temptation, but, single parenting! Well, it's an open invitation. The thing to do, is wait until a thread opening-post GRABS you and fires you up, and then you forget to be shy. I think everyone here is shy, actually, except for myself, Manalone and now Curly and BlueonBlue (- she's just escaped an emotional and physical batterer - check it out) and a few others. Also, you don't have to discuss/analyse their problem/situation, either. Sympathising, asking interested questions...being a hand to hold...is just as important as 'solving the crime' - in certain cases, that's ALL they want. A warm hand and voice to hold and talk to. Just be yourself, really. Well...I hope you do stay, or even just keep visiting. :)

PS: Seventeen....tricky age....still crossing that cake-walk between kidville and where the adultville path starts. Bond, James Bond, on a Tuesdee, Chucky's older brother on a Wednesdee... Have you ever watched Harry Enfield's take-off of teenagers - his "Kevin" character (and Kathy Burke as his friend, Perry) on youtube? You.will.piss.your.pants - because it is SPOT-ON! Here you go - start at the beginning: Kevin Becomes A Teenager https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLuEY6jN6gY Probably best NOT to watch it in front of your son, hahahaha! ...unless he's in James Mode, and THEN he'll find it funny. PS: I bought my son a cup coaster with that Banksy picture of a Tween, going, "Whatever". (Say it with gifts, lol)

Curly locks im asking for advice because i can feel my feelings coming back but obviously I don’t to be a home wrecker Okay glad to hear that, just remember old feelings flooding back isn't healthy when it's for a married man. I know and understand it's a wonderful feeling when someone gives you a little attention being a single Mom gets lonely, especially when your son is at the age of 17 hanging out with his friends/girlfriend, playing sports etc... And you home alone I get that, I was the same before I met my partner it's having the warmth of companionship. You're still a young lady that can probably have your pick from many, get yourself out more, join the gym or pick up a hobby, get yourself glammed up get out there and have fun. Life's too short!🍀