Stressed out about a friend’s “situation-ship”

I met with a friend yesterday and she told me about a new guy she is seeing. They met on a dating app and hit it off really quickly. He seems like a decent person, but made it quite clear to her that he will be going on an extensive trip overseas in January and doesn’t want to “leave a girlfriend back home.” (Basically, they will have to end/pause their relationship before he leaves so he can go have “fun” on his trip.) They have only been seeing each other for a few weeks and she seemed a bit conflicted about this but I reassured her that she doesn’t have to continue with the relationship if she wants something long term. She shared with me that they slept together on the second date, and I didn’t really think anything of it until she told me later on that day that she lost her virginity to him. We were both raised in a strict, “anti-sex before marriage/ losing your virginity to someone you really know and trust”, environment and I can tell that she has a huge attachment to him because of this. She told him that she was a virgin in the middle of them having sex, and he basically said “that’s fine, I’ll take care of you.”(Would any man stop sex if this was mentioned? 🤦‍♀️) I feel like she should’ve been more open with him beforehand, and at least asked him his sexual history just to be safe. They have been using protection but, obviously due to our strict families, she is not on birth control. (Aside: we are both adults but her family somehow has access to her medical records??— I did tell her that most sexual health clinics keep records confidential and begged her to go to one soon but idk 🤷‍♀️ ) I encouraged her to have a meaningful conversation with him about where they stand in their relationship when they go on a day trip together next weekend. I can tell that she really likes him, but I’m not sure if she wants to keep holding on to him because he is her “first” or if it is genuine. I don’t want her to be hurt in the end when he inevitably goes overseas. I highly doubt that he would stay with her given that he is big into party culture and all the opportunities that come up with that. Am I too worried about someone else’s life, even though this “someone else’s” life belongs to one of my best friends of almost 6 years? Am I looking at this situation too “prude”-ly due to familial/ religious indoctrination? Please share your thoughts with me as I am really conflicted on how to move forward with supporting her through this.

At the end of the day, it's your friend's business what she does with this guy & if she reckons it's all ok to lose her virginity to someone who seems to be a decent guy even though he's taking off in a few months time to party, then she sure knows what she needs & wants. So she's told him that she's a virgin half way through the event..umm yes well... You don't need to worry about her as it's plain for all to see that she's in charge of her life & she'll deal with any consequences of her actions. Of course she will be hurt by this bounder & there's nothing you can do except offer her support when she needs it in the near future. You can't lecture her unless she's going to listen to you & that's not going to happen just yet. So if you're a decent friend of 6 years, then you'll watch & wait. Apart from that, there's bugger all you can do. Good Luck.

Agree - and it sounds VERY strongly to me as if she was in a hurry to lose her virginity (but now has become addicted to it/him/with him). Yeah, IMO, a decent bloke at that point would have 'started' and gone, 'OH!' and added something like, 'Well, are you sure you still want to go ahead or have you just decided you'd rather wait for your first love or something?'. A decent bloke (well - decent-ish, obviously) would have his *OWN protection in-mind and insist on a VERY clear message of Consent after that! It should have brought him up sharp. In fact, for some men, it might even have worked like a cold shower and turned them off. So I also agree he's a Bounder (and a Cad), just after whatever he can get (the sleazy sl*t!). (*Predators aren't concerned with their own protection when up against merely their Prey - big-fat INNIT.) It's because she slept with him before she'd even got to know him. The releases of dopamine and other endorphins, including oxytocin (the nesting hormone) can have you falling in infatuation, even against your best will. That and the fact she's found an amazing new toy and hasn't finished having her fill of it and its novelty yet. But, again, ref. Manalone's comment about she knew what she was doing: I think it's safe to say that her initial intention (before the hormones mutineered her) was to use him as equally as he himelf intended, to her - as her 'first time', just because she fancied him a lot. She'll be fine. :) Anyway, if you're going to parent your adult bestie then the rule is the same as for toddlers upwards: Dissuade/Warn & Explain.... If they proceed anyway: Stand Back but Stay Close..... Be ready to Catch or Comfort if they fall. The fall basically repeats as well as confirms your explanation, meaning they learn from their mistake PLUS learn to trust and respect you/your advice in-future. Hope that helps too. :)

Thank you all for your replies! I definitely will take both of your advice to not be too pushy with my thoughts and/or opinions as she is an adult and can make her own decisions. I will support her from afar and give her a shoulder to lean if anything goes awry :)

I can quite plainly see why you felt that urge to rescue her, though, Flower. Being an adult, programmed to respond to/rescue all things childlike, especially when you're fertile, innit. Feel free to sound-off here if the frustrated urge to step-in, or exasperation/worry gets too much though. (Bloody kids, haha.)

With him only being a stranger, and that being your friend of 6 years, you have every right to be concerned. As a matter of fact, you need to voice your concerns about everything you feel about her "situationship". I think she's fallen head over heals, and she's not using her better judgement. As women, when we really want someone or take a strong liking to someone, we do everything we can to "get" that person, even when everything is screaming to either walk away or take things slow. She's not thinking clearly and now since she gave up her virginity to him, she's going to have an even deeper attachment even if he doesn't have one with her at all. Try to talk some sense into your friend and be as brutally honest as you can be, but if that doesn't work, she's going to have to learn the lesson on her own which may be a hard and devastating process. My advice to you is, try to be there for her as much as possible during this time and throughout their relationship so you can offer some support just in case it doesn't work out.