Wanting someone I shouldn't, who may feel the same way

This is not the world's most interesting problem, but I am at a place where I'm not sure what to do, and don't feel comfortable telling family and friends. I am currently in college (undergrad) and am in a program that I am investing a lot of time into. within this program, we have graduate student mentors, who we obviously see a lot. I have a terrible, terrible crush on one of them. I do not know if he feels the same way, because any kind of romantic contact is *strictly* not allowed until this person is no longer my mentor, which will be in a few months. the problem here is that I am pretty sure he knows how I feel about him, because he has made it clear to me several times (both directly to me and in interactions with other people) that he is very, very good at reading people (he will even explicitly call out my body language in other contexts). in our interactions, he has always been more kind and affectionate to me than others, seeking me out much more than I do to him. I'm not sure if it's platonic, if he's caught on to my feelings and just thinks it's amusing. he is a generally playful, sassy person with everyone-- he pokes fun at you for his amusement, but he is never this way with me. I've given him countless opportunities to poke fun at me (when I do something I can tell he finds amusing/endearing), and he always responds in a startlingly gentle, almost affectionate manner. I have been trying to create some distance between us, but he is always initiating our closer interactions, so it is difficult. I'm not sure how to act. I'll be clear in saying that I do not think he is romantically attracted to me. my question is, if he knows how I feel, why continue to chase after me almost? should I really commit to creating some distance between us and ice him out? should I wait out the next few months and try to make a move? should I keep trying to watch his behavior and determine if he feels similarly about me, and then make a choice? (note: I'm not great at reading people!) I just want to be able to do my work and not be stuck in this cycle of yearning and wondering how he feels.

Hi Elise, Sorry that there are so few respondents about at the moment. I'll read and respond tomorrow as it's very late at my end.

Hi again, Elise (-beautiful name btw) - hope you're still here? Just before I dive in: "This is not the world's most interesting problem" Oh! Why are you pre-emptively apologising for an inadequacy no-one has accused you of? Well, thanks for your (um) opinion, but I prefer to form my own. ;D (Psst! In actual fact, just going by your title (I don't read ahead) - this particular problem topic is very common. I think you'll find them, recent and past, both, if you Search "Relationships". You'll see... ;)) ________________________________________________________ "(This is not the world's most interesting problem), but I am at a place where I'm not sure what to do, and don't feel comfortable telling family and friends." Former - noted. Latter - why not? (Don't bother answering that if you've already explained it below.) "I am currently in college (undergrad)" Ah, you're American. ("Howdy!") (Do Americans still say that?) "and am in a program that I am investing a lot of time into. within this program, we have graduate student mentors, who we obviously see a lot." Noted. "I have a terrible, terrible crush on one of them." "OH NOOOOO!" Or is it - "Brilliant!"? "I do not know if he feels the same way," You sure about that? Well, clearly, neither are you sure he *doesn't*. Or else you wouldn't be going to this trouble. But the fact you ARE, as opposed to Are Not, must surely show you that the "Is" scales are slightly heavier than the "Isn't" ones. (See how that works? ;)) So then, you suspect he does. "because any kind of romantic contact is *strictly* not allowed until this person is no longer my mentor," Booo!...Hiss!....(Spoilsports! He's only a couple of years older than you.) Nah, I get it. PS: is he tasty? "which will be in a few months." OOH. Tick-tock-tick-tock, then. Noted - will speed up (and sorry again that NOBODY ELSE ANSWERED YOU! :P) (- that's to everybody else ;)). "the problem here is that I am pretty sure he knows how I feel about him," The next question is How. "because he has made it clear to me several times (both directly to me and in interactions with other people) that he is very, very good at reading people (he will even explicitly call out my body language in other contexts)." Can you repeat this bit, plus, give me some examples of his analysing and calling-out your body lingo? "in our interactions, he has always been more kind and affectionate to me than others, seeking me out much more than I do to him." AH! So he likes it. (PS: careful doing cartwheels in your bedroom, you might knock something over, hahaha!) So, next begged question is: in what way and for or towards what purpose? (PS. WHY ON EARTH CAN'T YOU TALK TO YOUR MUM & DAD ABOUT THIS????) " I'm not sure if it's platonic," Neither am I, really. Well, actually, I am, but I'd like it confirmed by you going over that part in a lotta-lot more detail. What I CAN say at this point, however, regarding his "I see dead people" hint (LOL) (so do I, btw), is that the under-the-table 'dance' so far, has gone like this: Him: "You admit you fancy me, first" "No, you. You're older." "No, you, because (1) not by enough and (2) you're making me suspect you do, behaviourally so, just make it official!" "No - YOU". Is that pinging with you? (I'm with you. He should. Even thought these days they don't know or realise it: it's very good for them to make the first move (as per the entire history of mankind's and Mother Nature's Mating Dance.) Nucleic question: has this subtle flirting been escalating since the light at the end of the course tunnel recently came into view? IOW, could you say it's been hotting-up (again, ultra-subtly) as if in readiness for when you and Romeo are free to date? "(I'm not sure if it's platonic,) if he's caught on to my feelings and just thinks it's amusing." Amusing?? What course is it: a degree in Circus Clown-ing?? "he is a generally playful, sassy person with everyone-- he pokes fun at you for his amusement," Like how? "but he is never this way with me." Case Closed. Daren't risk it for a potentially offputting biscuit. YOU'RE IN! So he's interested. But WHAT'S interested? Let's give him a frisk before you make or reciprocate any moves, shall we? (PS: I'm definitely not bored yet. When does the boring bit come?) "I've given him countless opportunities to poke fun at me (when I do something I can tell he finds amusing/endearing), and he always responds in a startlingly gentle, almost affectionate manner." Case even Closed-er! (Are YOU tasty?) "I have been trying to create some distance between us, but he is always initiating our closer interactions, so it is difficult." Cased Closed With Supaglue. "I'm not sure how to act." DON'T act. You're quite right. You're Jane, he's Tarzan. And men appreciate things and people more if they've had to work for them. This is nothing to do with equality, just the fact that our Mating wiring is still back in Caveman times and a man being asked out/wooed by a woman during Honeymoon period, is Emasculating, but UNDER everyone's radar. But it spoils the relationship's chances so, try not to 'be the man'. "I'll be clear in saying that I do not think he is romantically attracted to me." Yes, he is. And/or he's loving the attention of a tasty young filly. Had he even had a girlfriend before? I'm thinking, not. Or not one HE had to 'chase' and conquer. Is he VERY tasty, whereby women usually throw themselves at him? "my question is, if he knows how I feel, why continue to chase after me almost?" He's not chasing after you ALMOST - he is chasing after you, just very cautiously thus subtly. What exactly is the college mentor-protoge rule in that regard? "should I really commit to creating some distance between us and ice him out?" Ice him out? Is that a GenZ saying? (Interpretor??) "should I wait out the next few months and try to make a move?" At this early juncture - NAO! You're the 'prey'. Prey doesn't stalk and chase after the hunter - INNIT. Let him do his job. THAT way - you'll KNOW where you stand. Above-Table, I mean. "should I keep trying to watch his behavior and determine if he feels similarly about me, and then make a choice? (note: I'm not great at reading people!) " Yes - do. And report here every time. I'll bet I'm better at 'Bodlingoese' than he is. Been doing it for a lot longer for starters. "I just want to be able to do my work and not be stuck in this cycle of yearning and wondering how he feels." OH, I SEE - we have another element in da mix. Very professional attitude, Young Lady - have a Gold Star sticker on your forehead: Thlup! So are you saying, this is putting you off your work? And what do you mean - CYCLE? Please answer every question in order, cheers! PS: Still not bored. :D

PS: Although I want to know the REASON behind whether and why it's putting you off your studies, know that your instinct to 'Play Hard To Get' is SPOT-ON! (Thlup!) No matter HOW you rationalise it. Means your Mating programme (dem "instincts") is healthy. (Thlup!) PPS: Well, I'm GLAD everyone left this to me, actually ("mleugh!"), as I think this thread is going to be fun and fascinating! (I'm going to feel well stupid, now, if you've skidaddled without turning on your Alerts. Hope not.)

Hi Soulmate! I’m still here :) I deleted my original account because I felt silly posting, but thank you for your reply :) I’m not very close with my parents emotionally, so it would just be weird! I have told my closest friends, none of whom know him, and they are very biased. I haven’t talked about it with anyone who does. You don’t know him either, but maybe you see something I don’t! Sometimes we do say howdy! As a joke, mostly. “Hey yall!” is more common :D He is just like this with everyone, and everyone will tell you about it. He reads people like a book. I don’t want to give super specific examples of times he’s done this to me out of paranoia, but for example: I’ll share some plans (work related or otherwise) and may be, in the very back of my mind, kind of unsure about them. I’ve always been told I’m hard to read, and will explain everything completely normally. He will somehow pick up on my unsureness and instead of responding politely, will straight up ask why I am unsure (after telling me that I glanced over to the side, which is how he can tell). This makes for a terrible person to have small talk with lol He’s just sweeter. Other people on my team have told me they feel he’s guarded, or even condescending, and this shocked me because it’s not my experience with him. During meetings he likes to be the very organized person, but if he’s in a good mood, the comedian with a sharp tongue. But when I talk to him 1 on 1, he’s just gentle. Likes to stand very close, be very reassuring, looks at me affectionately. Will hype me up and compliment me and laugh at my jokes during meetings where I present, even though he doesn’t generally do this with anyone else. I would say that it escalated into a specific convo we had that had a loooot of tension, but after that cooled off, in a good way. We’re more comfortable around each other, more jokey, and both show more personality. I feel like I can talk to him about more things, as opposed to me constantly being flustered by him, is the difference. He has had a gf! Lol brought her up during a convo and then when I responded super awkwardly, got a little embarrassed. Awkward silence. Lol. He should notttt be flirting with me, and this is strict. There was a time I felt like he was avoiding me in front of his boss, who is usually not around, but I definitely couldve been wrong. It’s not really puting me of my work. I just don’t like overthinking every interaction we have. I go back and forth between thinking, this guy is obviously into me, and then thinking, I’m delusional and need to get help. I dont have any recent updates because I havent seen him the past two weeks really (other campus stuff), but I will add for your amusement that the first month I knew him, I would catch him staring at me like all the time. All the time, and I would immediately look away because it made me self conscious. . But, I was staring too, so maybe he picked up on it and was just freaked out by my staring. Now, whenever he does stare (not very often), HE immediately looks away. LOL.

Hi Elise! I haven't had a chance to read your reply yet, bar the first line (been very poorly lately - bugs galore), but I just wanted you to know I'm aware you're waiting and will respond in the next day or so. :)

I apologise profusely again, Elise. Let me get straight on with it (but by god, you've got the patience of a saint!) (Thlup!) You're collecting a lot of stars already, look? "Hi Soulmate! I’m still here :) I deleted my original account because I felt silly posting, but thank you for your reply :)" How ironic, given that the silliness was in feeling silly, haha! You just need someone to hold your hand and walk along it with you, I expect, considering your instincts have been guiding you well thus far. "I’m not very close with my parents emotionally," Why not? Since when? "so it would just be weird!" You mean, unfamiliar? (- bit of a pun, there, look!) "I have told my closest friends, none of whom know him, and they are very biased." Biased towards you and against him, you mean? "I haven’t talked about it with anyone who does." EXCELLENT MOVE! (Thlup!) (you're just showing-off now, aren't you, haha) "You don’t know him either, but maybe you see something I don’t!" Always. I can know his type and match it to the correct screenplay and script, and extrapolate from the current date based on his current 'exhibitions', certainly, Holmes. :) "Sometimes we do say howdy! As a joke, mostly. “Hey yall!” is more common :D" What if it's only one person - is it still Hey y'all? "He is just like this with everyone, and everyone will tell you about it. He reads people like a book." You must be a right challenge, then! HAHAHAHA! "I don’t want to give super specific examples of times he’s done this to me out of paranoia," Out of paranoia?? You mean, times he's read you out of paranoia - or - I don't want to give specific examples out of paranoia? "but for example:" Yes, please?! "I’ll share some plans (work related or otherwise) and may be, in the very back of my mind, kind of unsure about them. I’ve always been told I’m hard to read," (Ta-da!) (I don't read ahead) (got your number in your opening post anyway ;)) "and will explain everything completely normally. He will somehow pick up on my unsureness and instead of responding politely, will straight up ask why I am unsure (after telling me that I glanced over to the side, which is how he can tell). This makes for a terrible person to have small talk with lol" Why? Think how much he's saving you per hour! Or do you mean he's obsessed with analysing anything that moves/breathes? (Can I have his number?, hahahahahaha!!!) "He’s just sweeter. Other people on my team have told me they feel he’s guarded, or even condescending, and this shocked me because it’s not my experience with him." Ooh. (sharp intake of breath) It's better to have someone who treats EVERYONE more like he treats you, really. Eee. Pink Flag, that one. Suggest you ask them to go into further detail for you (and report back). "During meetings he likes to be the very organized person, but if he’s in a good mood, the comedian with a sharp tongue." Sharp enough to offend people? Or, just bitingly witty whilst obviously just trying to make them laugh (comedy slut, I call it...any excuse to have a laugh)? "But when I talk to him 1 on 1, he’s just gentle." Ah-a-ahhh. (Fancying Tick!) "Likes to stand very close," (Tick!) "be very reassuring," (Tick for 'very'!) "looks at me affectionately." (HAHAHAHAHA - TICKTICKTICKTICKTICK!) DOES HE LIKE ME. Naaah, can't STAND ya - clearly! Hahahahah! You 'nana. What are ya? :D "Will hype me up and compliment me and laugh at my jokes during meetings where I present, even though he doesn’t generally do this with anyone else." (WHOLE SET OF MORE TICKS!) (OMG, if a man finds you funny... Oh yeah, baby, he digs you alright). "I would say that it escalated into a specific convo we had that had a loooot of tension," What - romantic-sexual? "but after that cooled off, in a good way." So that was the Flirting bit and because you were so compatible that way, and it, so intense, it needed only to be a short session - correct? "We’re more comfortable around each other, more jokey, and both show more personality." Good! "I feel like I can talk to him about more things, as opposed to me constantly being flustered by him, is the difference." So you've relaxed a lot - correct? Good! Good sign. "He has had a gf! Lol brought her up during a convo and then when I responded super awkwardly, got a little embarrassed. Awkward silence. Lol." Could you give an account of that whole exchange, silver-plates, mercury buckets? (- French) "He should notttt be flirting with me, and this is strict." The rules can't hold him. "There was a time I felt like he was avoiding me in front of his boss, who is usually not around, but I definitely couldve been wrong." Cos his boss would have been able to see the effect you had on him. "It’s not really puting me of my work. I just don’t like overthinking every interaction we have." Roger that. How many boyfriends have you had? "I go back and forth between thinking, this guy is obviously into me, and then thinking, I’m delusional and need to get help." HAHA! Assistance - maybe. Help - no. :) "I dont have any recent updates because I havent seen him the past two weeks really (other campus stuff)," BOOOO...! "but I will add for your amusement that the first month I knew him, I would catch him staring at me like all the time." For goodness' sake - what do you want - him holding up a 10ft Neon sign that reads, 'Ahhhhh' and 'Phwooar!"? Can't you believe that someone like him - AND despite with something at risk - would be interested in you? Are you parents a bit on the 'cool' and 'formal' side? "All the time," That IS that Neon sign. "and I would immediately look away because it made me self conscious." BINGO! That itself is proof. "But, I was staring too, so maybe he picked up on it and was just freaked out by my staring." Not that it matters but - who started staring first? Who's started staring first each time? "Now, whenever he does stare (not very often), HE immediately looks away. LOL." HAHAHA! He's smitten! Okay. All you have to do, then, is bide your Rule Abiding time and keep reporting back to HQ. :) Any update since it's been a whole week you've been kept waiting a second time? Again - so sorry...that time of year....plus, apparently I've got Long Covid of the type where it reignites every sodding year....plus I had too much going on - really deep, meaningful stuff so I've been paralysed with digesting and processing it all. And everyone else is Christmas shopping! You forgot the are you tasty questions. PS: when did your last relationship end? (Just a Dating-health-check)

Wait - "Other people on my team have told me they feel he’s guarded, or even condescending" What gender are these people?