Need an opinion urgently

Hi All, I am working in a firm in Mumbai. In my previous office some two years back, I met a guy...we became good friends and then decided to get married. He told me that he lives with his family (father, step mother and step sister) in the same city. Our families met, and we got engaged and now its almost one year. We both are in decent jobs.But now he is saying that he cant get married at least for 2-3 more years, I am totally confused now. He is giving no concrete reason, he is saying he need to support his family, I told him that how he getting married will stop him from supporting his family? He is now accusing me that I am pushing very hard on him, and not understanding, this discussion is going on from last 3 months and he is not talking properly to me, infact in last month he was not bothered to call me once and when I called he said that because I dont know what to say i didnt called. His family also has not called me once, although previously his mother use to show great concern. I told him that this is imparctical getting engaged one year back and now you are not sure that even after 2-3 years you will get married or not.But he is saying he need to do a lot for his sister (who is six years younger to him and is in class 11 as of now)..I cannot understand what will change in next 2-3 years when she will be in college. There were few small concerns, like the house he is currently staying is not big enough to house two couples...I suggested we may live in a rented accomodation for time being and can sort something out. We were like normal romantic couples, talked eveyday roamed around in weekends... but now how can he be so indifferent about me, he and his family just didnt care...they are not responding and I am very depressed. I dont want to lose him but want him to take a stand. He is saying I am pushing hard and arguing but I want to ask all who are reading this, please suggest if I am wrong...we are not asking him to get married immediately, but since its already alsmost one year of engagement and its more than 4-5 years that we both are working, I and my parents just want that they decide a logical date and we get married by this year. Please help me, thanks.

Hi Miss Naina, your case looks like divorce before marriage? Have you tried talking to your fiancee that what are his exact plans for 3 years or whatever time he is asking for. If he is not taking initiative to talk/text to you maybe he is losing interest in you or is interested in some other girl. You should sort this out and moveon and ask him to be clear with you because getting engaged is a big deal and no joke, you both should consider each other your better half and partners. I myself have two younger sisters and I am a normal accountant but I dont see getting married a challenge and get married last year itself, because a man will never delay this reponsibilty for the lady he loves and has chosen himself. So I see here two possiblities, either he loves some other girl and dont know how to tell you (in this case be polite and ask him to tell the truth so that you can move on as no meaning waiting for someone who is not interested in you) Second thing can be that he and his family have some demands which usually get ignored as you mentioned this was a love marriage like dowry and now they are creating pressure on your family because in this society this kind of pressure works. So in this case also you should ask him to clarify that if something like this is going around. Else there seems to be no other challenge, poor and rich anyone can have a sister and get married and still do a lot for them. This your fiancee has to plan and understand. I dont see this as a reason..

Hi Sam, thanks for the views. I obviously have multiple times tried to talk to him and from a fortnight as I had already mentioned communication is an issue. He didnt called/texted me for a single time himself,he do respond if I msg or call him. Whereas plans are concerned, no he has not shared any roadmap with me for the time he is asking for. He said previously that he wants to marry me but he has other more important responsibilites. So this is the point and problem where I want views...he is saying that I am pushing him unnecessarily and I am the one who is nagging, that it is ok to roam around, get engaged and then just stop responding for anything or keep on saying I have other responsibilities. Is this right?? You yourself are married, tell me after u decided that ur wife is the one whom u will marry, wasnt she your responsibility as well?? or marrying stop you from taking care of your sisters or anything like this?

I am not much sure that what you are looking for. If you want to know who is right this case , you or your fiancee then ofcourse you are right here because even he must be knowing that there is no meaning of waiting for 3-4 years after engagement and you should know this. But what the weird part is that why you are looking for a solution when the other person wants to get rid of you. One thing is very clear from your case as even I have already said, he is not intersted in you now, this is morally a very wrong thing but since he is not interested just move on. See I am also a man and this is very simple to me, if even after one year of engagement he has not included you in his list of important responsibilities, obviously he did not care for you. Because Men are not like females, they are decision makers, they wont seek opinions but know what to do and when it come to love matters they are very clear that what they want and what not, so if he really had loved you he would not have given you such unrealistic excuses and would have taken a decision. And that to when you both had been in argument for a long time and he is not ready to admit this and stopped responding to you this clearly means you are unwanted now. I am saying his excuse unrealistic because if he is there on earth obviously he would be having parents and siblings...everyone have those and all of us have responsibilities...if you are not in his list, you are not important for him.See Miss Naina, its not about time he has asked, its about why is he asking this time period. Secondly, this is obvious that if you ask me I will not myself entertain this kind of condition where I dont see a correct approach. Infact I am discussing this with you because I would never let this happen to my sisters or would have did with my wife. And since you have mentioned that I am married I comment on this, I know this will hurt you at this time but yes Mam, a man will never do this to the girl whom he really loves, this is obvious. Even I am married, I cannot imagine myself not talking to her for a reason like that and I know everytime I try to solve her problems and take initiative for her I win her heart again and again because she feels secure when I try to understand and resolve things for her. We fight a lot but we also talk a lot. So this issue of yours is not right and wrong, if he is not approaching you it clearly means he just passed time with you and now dont even consider you worth talking or responding. You should see a counsellor if you are finding it difficult to move on or wait indefinitely for a man who even dont care or respect for you..its your choice. Because man do this when they dont want something or someone, they stop responding even I do it for things/relation which are unwanted to me. And if a man loves, believe me Miss Naina he can shout or cry but he never stop communicating or let her go. So now its your decision, be brave and decide because when he is not interested families have nothing to do, he has already decided and sending you signals indirectly, now you have to decide.

thanks Sam,although this is hardest thing to right here but yes you were right somewhere. I tried talking, i thought to agree with him if he can share a logical reason but u were right...it was never about asking time but it was always about why he is asking for time. I have decided, will try that noone get cheated in way i got cheated....with reasons so smart that an unjustified lame excuse is ready to hide everything....thanks anyways for your inputs. Bye.

Hi Naina read your story.....i think sam is right, either he and his family wants to get rid of you as no one will say after one year of engagement that he still needs 3 more years to support his family......or there is some other reason, someone has poisoned his ears about you, most probably his parents(especially his step mother) for financial needs. It happens with most middle class families of our society, due to financial dependency they are doing this, they might be thinking if wife will come she will took charge of their son and money will go out of their hands. Just to avoid this whole situation, they have imposed certain things on him saying that these are your prior responsibilities. Now in this situation wisdom of guy should work which he has not shown(can be predicted form above situation). I will say if your fiancee is not taking right decision now he wont be able to take it for his whole life.

hey Ruchi, I know that. But whatever it is I want to moveon and dont want to see that cheater's face. Because whatever whatever happened, what he is doing now is dumping. Because he is vrey smartly putting a condition that he very well knows I and my parents will not accept and in this way he is thinking he will come clean out of it. And dont have any space for a man who does not have any care and respect for me. He was passing time and now I know this. I want to moveon for my parents now..and I dont want to cry or be sad anymore for such a wicked, stone hearted liar...so its ok. Thanks all for the views.