Need to get her back

I came here because I'm losing control of myself and sometimes feeling suicidal as well. I know that the only thing that keeps me from ending my life is a tiny hope of getting her back. I was with my girlfriend for almost 4 years, and now she left me for another guy who she really admits she likes and slept with. She found something missing in me and I understood perfectly what happened. In brief, during these 4 years, she became like a mother to me and I was like a son to her. It's messed up, but because of that she tried and managed to look perfect to me while not thinking of herself. I also have a minor sex issue called 'phimosis' which is normal and can be treated, but I denied it for all these years because of fear of not looking manly - as a result, I hardly could please her, so she had every reason to go with someone else, who can see her as a girl rather than a mother. Now I feel I have double personality. At one point I feel glad about this, that I am realizing so incredibly much and am grew up so much from it. On the other hand, I get this very dark side who needs her extremely badly, and if only I think that I cannot get her back, then I need to end my life immediately. I really really want to try and start over with her, start seeing her as a girl and as my girlfriend and please her in bed too, as I'm handling my situation. I know what she needs in a relationship, that I never gave her during these 4 years; and she found it with another guy. But I would like her to give us a new chance, to re-experience each other in a completely new way. She just seems to go along well with this new guy, and sees me as a close friend that she really cares for. When I think about these, I immediately switch and want to do something harmful or brutal, it's just too painful to imagine a life without her. I want to have a family with her; hell I was thinking about asking to marry her soon. I'm sorry, but currently I cannot stand suggestiosn like there's plenty of other girls around or you're still young (I'm 24). I just really really need to win her back. I don't even know what I'm asking for here, it's like all I want to hear is someone saying you can still win her back if you do this this and that :(

Hey, I'll first say it sounds like you have a better chance than me at earning the ex back. I do believe it could happen for either of us but It wouldn't be easy. I feel LITERALLY EXACTLY the same as you do. Except when I get angry and feel like bashing the other guys face in I try my best to recognize that as wrong and remember the only thing I can do is work on myself. I was with my ex for over 10 years, we were and probably still are best friends. The reason I say probably is because I've had to distance myself from her, plus I said a lot of things that didn't do anything good for me, and hurt her feelings. Even after that she still was ok with being friends, though probably more for my benefit. We were similar in she was in a position of supporting me more like a friend/mom. I don't know about you but I've been feeling like I could use a coach. I would love to make contact with you and maybe support each other in accomplishing our goals? I personally have been basically disabled for months which is not doing anything to help me get my woman back. Once again I'd love to be each other coaches, help each other hold their head high and do what we need to do when we need to do it, and have someone to talk to who is on the same path. Let me now what you think or leave me your e-mail or something if you're interested. This isn't my primary e-mail but it's one I don't mind posting here so you can contact me. [e-mail address removed] I have researched the topic there are things we can do. Ex's get back together everyday.

It is possible that you could win this woman back, ALPHAX, but you will have to do a lot of work on yourself first before even trying to see her again. Get your physical problem treated so that you feel better about yourself for a start. You know you have emotional issues, especially the mother problem. This can only be resolved by working out your issue with your mother, not your ex. What did you feel you missed out on in your relationship with your mother? Frankly this has stunted your emotional growth and you are much younger emotionally than your physical age which is why you want a parent and not a girlfriend. It's quite common so you are certainly not a freak or alone in this. Look at actor Hugh Jackman whose own father told him he knew Hugh married a much older woman because his mother left him when he was young. To this day, Hugh depends on his wife to make all his decisions for him. The first and most important thing to do on the psychological level is recognize what is happening with you - which you have done and that is the hardest part. Now you have to grow up to adulthood so you can be the equal to this woman you love/need. You have to live independently and work through any dependency issues you have on others. Become a responsible and decisive person. A real adult never sees suicide as a solution. Obtain more confidence in yourself by going out and mixing with people - you don't have to date anyone if you don't want to, just socialize to raise your self-esteem. Get counselling with this problem if you need to. Addiction therapy can help because in a way you are 'addicted' to this woman. Go onto online forums to talk to people with similar addictions. Treat the issue like a drug or drink problem you want to get rid of. Get to the bottom of why you have unresolved mother issues. And keep asking for help if you need it or just to talk. Most of all, don't give up hope - you can do this. There is always a solution to every problem.