Moving forward with internet dating...

So. I normally see a counselor in real life, but they're on sabbatical, and I feel less stupid doing this anonymously if I can't have her to listen. Over the past three years, I've been in an online friendship with this person (a male I will call T). We met through a gaming site, and have discovered we have shared similar interests in other areas, as well. Over the past year, things have gone from friendly to friendlier, and we finally agreed to meet in person when I visited a family member and some friends in his hometown. Things went well enough that we saw each other twice. Since that time, though, we have resumed our online chats as normal, with no talk about the dinners we had or thoughts about a future. I know that I felt sparks and he said he felt the same, but since then, we've discussed nothing. I want to explore a relationship, but I am unsure how to proceed, and I also want to make sure I am doing it for the RIGHT reasons. T's background is that he has a minor case of Asperger's syndrome, thus adding to the issue, and I have Bipolar 1...makes for interesting discussions...most of the time. He does have someone he refers to as his "girlfriend," a long-time pen-pal that he's never met, and who refuses to make it possible for them to meet. He says he is willing to let her go, but that he isn't certain how or when. Since we live two states away, we wouldn't be able to see each other very often, but it's do-able (as in, a day's drive). I really don't want to throw down ultimatiums, and since we both thought there were sparks, I know I want to explore more, but...how? What do I say? How do I let him know what I want, and ask him what he needs to make it possible? Thanks...

just say you like him and would like to date,see what happens

Thanks for your response. I plan to do that tonight, but is it too much to ask him what to tell me what he needs to be OK with it?

So I told him. It kind of blew up in my face. He is unwilling to drop the girl he's currently "dating", though, as I noted, they're simply penpals (his words, not mine). So I am stuck. I just need advice on if telling him that that is a deal-breaker for me is putting the cart before the horse, because they are having problems, or if I wait it out. On the one hand, I don't want to be the consolation prize. On the other...I can't help the feelings. It's really becoming distracting trying to deal with this, maintain a friendship while NOT discussing romance, and live a life. I just...I don't want to hurt myself purposely, but I know that I am already hurting. I just don't know what my next move should be.