a feeling of guilt...

I (30 male) was a virgin until a few months ago since I was unable to find a girl who liked me (not that I did not try). Then one day out of sexual frustration, while on a business trip abroad, I saw an escort. It has been a couple of months since then and I feel terrible. I consider this as a great mistake (on moral grounds) and I constantly repent for my action. I have lost all respect for myself and also live in a constant fear if my friends and relatives find out about it. Is there any redemption?

Yes - absolutely. Purity of soul cannot be lost without consent. -St. Augustine Giving away your virginity is a physical action, but beyond that, we are eternal beings with limitless souls. We can never lose that, as much as our problems in the physical world might say otherwise. As some might say, you want to learn how to live within the illusions of Maya, yet apart from it. All we can do is make the best choices we can that reflect how tremendous our souls are and live our lives by that creed. As far as virginity is concerned, I gave mine away in a way I wish I didn't as well - the story is tragic and took away years of my life after I stayed with him. After I left him, I spent a very long time feeling like something precious was taken away from me. I felt such anger about the fact that something so precious was given away, and constantly felt less than worthy. I wished I was stronger back then. I wished I knew what I know now. I learned that I can choose to give myself away when I feel safe in a loving place and sure of myself. Even if I make mistakes and give myself away to the wrong person, I know it will be okay. I am recovering from what happened and if I steadily improve, love myself purely and fully, I will listen to my intuition and have an easier time doing what I know is best for me in any given situation. If you get the chance to find a woman who loves truly and purely, you'll find that you both have dark sides to share, and will be lovingly accepted when the time comes to possibly share this incident. Until then, know that what you did is okay, it was a mistake, you were under a lot of pressure before it happened, and be kind to yourself about it. I have made mistakes aplenty in my life that most people would think make me a failure, incredibly and insanely foolish or totally stupid, even. I know you struggle with how your family/ friends might react, but forget about the societal implications about that sort of thing. If you can pick out one person in that circle who you think would accept you even if they knew this, they are more of a true blue friend/family member. It would be good to have the best support you can find about this, really. If you have it only on online forums or something, so be it - sometimes love is a gift from the most unexpected places, really. I hope this doesn't put you off, but if there wasn't really good protection and fluids were exchanged, do get yourself tested if you can. I am a little worried about that, is all. Lots of love, take care; and I am willing to answer back if you need it. <3

Thanks a lot for your supportive reply. I don't think any one around me (as of now) can take this with a open heart. About protection, yes I was protected and would nevertheless get tested at the end of 3 months.

I am honored to have been of help. I hope that with love, acceptance, and patience with yourself (and trusting the healing process), that you will be able to make it through. If you want to talk any more about it, I will probably check this post again sometime.