Rape victim, problems with current relationship.

October of 2012, my ex came back into the picture. He made a move on me and kissed me without my permission. I refused to get back with him because I found another guy, actually more wonderful than him. He mentally and sexually abused me, raped me. Had no choice but to accept his help from his family because my mother wouldn't pay my rent otherwise. I still stayed with the guy because I love him a lot. The first time we hung out and hung out with his friends I knew I would like to be with this guy for a long time. He's cute, funny, talented and gives me butterflies in my stomach. I'm 20 I shouldn't be talking like this bit I can't really help it. He just makes me feel incredibly human. He treats me right. He's everything a girl could ask for. I've even told him that. While all this was going on I didn't tell my boyfriend because he was having issues of his own at home, so I didn't want to add stress. I love this guy a lot and want to be with him for the rest of my life we are just having issues. I'm living with him and his family now. Same drama as before, now I'm dealing with it. I want to fight it with him I just don't want our relationship to suffer because of it. He says the same things about me, says he wants to be with me for a long time, that all he wants is to be with me. He's done more than his fair share of helping me out finances, a place to live, rides to work, ect. I am currently apply for disability because my ptsd is so bad I can't function, and I also don't have medical insurance. My boyfriend and I have fights, usually where he throws things in my face. I do the same. I don't mean it, and neither does he. I can't help but blame myself for everything that's happend, with the added stress of his family. I've started praying every night for us to get better, for things to get better. My ex made d*** sure that I couldn't financially support myself or another person. I really love this guy, I don't want anyone else, and I never will. I don't know why I'm posting this I just need support and maybe a little help. Counseling is way out of his and I's budget. I just want things to get better ;_; I will be posting more about what goes on, each post a little more detail. Thank you guys in advance for your support and advice <3

you did nothing wrong,dont blame yourself,it takes 2 to start or stop issues,be more confident and just relax

Hi MJRobbins, I have recently chatted with many women in rape situations who can afford counseling. I felt out of my depth but still wanting to help. So I trolled the internet and found what I think are some good websites and chat rooms that may help you get better advice than here at peoples problems. Here they are: http://www.giftfromwithin.org/ http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/ http://centers.rainn.org/ To the best of my knowledge these are free and the last one will help you find a center that can help. Your bravery to come here for help inspires me so I thank you for that. You have helped make my day a little easier to endure.