Deadbeat freeloaders and how to rid them

Here is my problem. Background: I recently moved across the country to be with a woman I first met in 1987. We had a beautiful young romance but because we were both in the military and at the time stationed on a different continent, we drifted apart. Later in '94 we got back in touch with each other and even though we were 2000 miles apart we discovered that our love hadn't died but rather was growing. Within a year we were engaged but issues from the time apart forced me to reluctantly call off the wedding as I found that I could not take a child I had custody of out of the state without relinquishing my full custody situation. Flash forward almost 20 years later and we re-connect on Facebook. Turns out neither of us have ever been married, nor had we even dated much. Yes we were older versions of our old selves but the physical attraction remained and emotionally as well as spiritually we were both in much better places to live and love each other even more so than when we were younger. Because she never married or had children, the house she purchased in 96 was too large for her so she accepted an offer from her sister to move in and help out with the bills. At the time her sister was a single mother of two children and lived in the family home with other older siblings. 13 years ago or so, the sister had another child out of wedlock and I"m not sure when it happened but the father of the sister's first two children divorced his wife, and moved in with a son born to the woman he divorced. If you are still with me I apologize for the confusing nature of this narrative. It's not how me or my girlfriend live our lives but it is what it is. In any event, prior to my arrival the eldest two children moved out on their own. The son of the sister's boyfriend lives a few blocks away with his mother now but all of them are over here quite a bit. The Problem: I knew they lived here before I moved out. What i didn't know was that neither of them work. They stay up all night watching TV and even sometimes partying. On weekends the youngest boy sleeps on the couch making the living room unusable. They will eventually clean up after themselves but its not uncommon for peanut butter to be left out all day with the lid off, bread left open, dirty dishes laying around. Soda cans and dirty plates left on end tables or coffee tables. The boyfriend smokes dope, and drinks beer every night. Some mornings I can't even find my half and half because the refrigerator is filled with his and her beers. I drink RARELY, my girl might have a beer or glass of wine after work, once every 10-14 days. The other family has made the garage unusable as it is jammed with crap from wall to wall, from ceiling to floor. Every cabinet, cupboard, drawer is filled to max with their junk. The sister receives $500 a month in child support (for the youngest child) that father lives 1500 miles away so he's never around which she gives to my girlfriend. The sister gets a lot of money in food stamps and likes to boast how she buys all the food--well--i refuse to eat food purchased with food stamps obtained I believe if not fraudulently as the least, lazily. I buy my own food when I make dinner which is around 5-6 days a week. I must go everyday to the store because whatever I buy for myself or my girl will get consumed by any one of the people who come in here throughout the day to visit the sister. She takes great delight in being "nice" to everybody and giving them everything she has. The problem is she doesn't have anything to give that is actually hers. She babysits for free children who are related to the boyfriend. It's not just for a few hours, sometimes the baby will be here for days. She does this for free so the woman can work, this of course keeps the sister from working because she needs to be available to babysit. In short, they are loud mouthed, foul talking, non-church going freeloaders who like to proclaim all they have done or do for my girl but the truth is, she's the only one that works (i send out on average 8 applications a day but after a four months still haven't landed a job, but i do have savings and i do contribute). My girl has a good job, she's not rich but because she pays every single bill here she is always living paycheck to paycheck. The first time I looked at the cable bill, I realized we had the Playboy Channel and purchased lots of movies and sporting events, even porn and yet we are regular church goers and didn't even know those channels were available (they are blocked on our tv in our room, where we spend all of our time in this big house). I got rid of the home phone that rang all day with bill collectors calling for the boyfriend and sister---nobody ever answered it, it would just ring and then long voicemails which we could all hear. We use cell phones and the sister was upset because now she can't send a fax if she had to. I told her to feel free to call the phone company and get a phone installed (that never occurs to her because it would mean she had to pay it). We must park on the street because they park their two junk vehicles, one they've been working on since i got here in the driveway. But wait….. It Gets Worse: Here's the best part. The sister has a gambling problem---well a money problem to go gambling. Her solution? Sneak in my girl's room in the middle of the night and steal her ATM and credit cards. After she completely drained thousands of dollars (she had received a small settlement because of injuries from a car accident) The sister stole my girls identity and began using my girl's good credit to get lines of credit. She even took a second mortgage on the house--twice--and allowed it to go into foreclosure--twice. It was because of a good friend who helped my girl get out of this nightmare (had i been here the sister would have been prosecuted), everything is ok now and my girl has slowly repaired her once excellent credit. However she owes $80,000 to her friend that she pays back a little every payday. I've never had to hide my wallet before bed, but from the day I got here, I learned to do it. We keep our checkbooks under lock and key, she gets her bank and credit card statements mailed to a different address. She doesn't dare possess an ATM card all because she never knows if this will be the night the sister wants to go back to the casino. Most of the family have no idea to what extent and what damage the sister has caused. She has a big mouth as opposed to my girl who is quiet and keeps things to herself. But the sister and boyfriend have not wanted me here from day one---i feel it--it's ok cause I don't have friends like them and don't want any. But its a large family, i already feel like the rest of the family doesn't like me or doesn't trust me, or doesn't think i'm good for my girl (despite her being the happiest she's been in a long time) because the sister gossips a lot and i believe has soured the family towards me. I'm fine with that…i didn't come out here to be loved by anybody but my girl…if they can't see me for me now…they will…or they won't…i have no control over that…i'm going to just be me. There's so much more I'm leaving out but you get the ideas. My question: My girl wants us to live alone and she is hoping they will get jobs and move out. i don't see it happening as the topic has never even been brought up. Also, they have it so good why would they leave for their own place with their own bills? The only time durning this honeymoon phase that we had cross words with each other is always over something the sister or boyfriend has done. This would be the only thing that would destroy our relationship. How do we get these people out of here? What can we do. It's obvious they should be kicked out for stealing her money but if any of you have family with problems, that's easier said than done. To be fair, she hasn't stolen anything lately….but at the same time, she isn't paying any of it back. I'd live in a tent…makes no difference to me, I just want to come home to a house and know what to expect…not to somebody else's children, or crying babies, or a mess in the kitchen. I need some advice. Please.

Your not asking too much, but when dealing with Family its a touch issue. Eventually your wife will see the damage but you have to remain patient and supportive. Give her suggestions and advice when she ask BUT do so in a way that she feels the ideas our her own. In the mean time, do things outside of the house set date nights that WONT be interuppted. Also if the house is that big, find a room, shut the door and enjoy your private time. Be patient Bro, you Wife will see it soon.

Hey mate, i feel your pain ( althought maybe not to the extent that you feel it ) I have been in a similiar issue with my fiance\'s family, Not quiet as bad but i do get where you are coming from. I also had my father stay with us when we finally got the house to ourself ( Not long after we had it how we liked it ) Because he had no where to go, now at this point and time he was the biggest freeloader you would of ever seen/heard of. He was not paying a sent for anything, nor would he! Much like your issue, he had it good here! bills paid, and dinner made every night! And be it that it was not even my own house, it was my fiance\'s house that i moved into ( but as the person above me said, family is a touch subject so it\'s hard for her to say something ). It got to a point that i basically threw him out on his ass ( This is my father we are talking about ) Yes he had no where to go, No i didn\'t give two shits, Why? Because i had enough ( People like this don\'t actually get up and do what needs to be done until forced ) And that is exactly what you guys need to do, is force the change. Sell the house, Move away ( Give them notice as you see fit, don\'t expect anything to be repaid, that\'s a whole other mess of problems ). I kicked my father out, i did it in a text message the next day when we went out, I said you pushed it too far, pack what shit you can take, and leave ( come back for your stuff another time when we aren\'t here ) When we get back home tonight, we don\'t want you there. Sure enough he left, I then told him to tell me when he can pick his stuff up, and made sure we were not there ( Guilt trips is how they get you, try to stay away from that ) - I made sure a neutral party was there when he got his stuff. 3-4months later? He has his own flat, ( Yes at that time we started to mend the bridge, i helped him move his stuff into his new place ) He finally has a good paying job, and will be moving into another bigger place ( let\'s hope ). He know has a new female friend ( That helped him when he was out on his ass from me ), Who does he have to thank for all this? Me and my fiance, because we kicked his ass into gear by doing what we did, Tough love, He didn\'t like it then, He may not like how it went down now, But he will appriciate what came from it. ( i\'m sure i got tough love from him when he was raising me ). ( and for the record, this all started because he had to leave his ex-girlfriends house because they broke up, and he couldn\'t live with his brother and his brothers family because ( It wasn\'t good enough for him basically ) ). If i were you guys in that situation ( Much worse than what mine was ) I wouldn\'t take it any longer, and force the change upon them. Time for them to change. I hope my story helps and i wish you guys the best with the situation and your life, and wish you happiness too :) Good luck with it all! My motto is, Tough Love / Blunt and Honest opinions/suggestions Most people don\'t like, and most people can\'t Handle, but it is what MOST ( and by most i mean everyone and some time or another ) people need.