Left an older woman, tried a one night stand and feeling very alone

I am 19 years old. I thought I had big enough shoulders to support being in a relationship with a 44 year old woman who had two children. The previous husband and father of the children, who was an alcoholic, died during the time I was with her. She had mass amounts of debt which I tried to relieve by lending her money. I lied to my parents, my friends, everyone about this woman. I loved her and I still do but I had to get out. I felt like I was throwing my life away being with her. I ended the relationship and told my parents everything and much to my surprise they revealed my dad was in exactly the same predicament only he was engaged. Back at University where I am surpassing my expectations in everything I do, I feel alone. I know I made the right decision but I want her, someone, anyone back in my life. I find everyone irritable and childish even though I may just be the childish of all. I tried a one night stand the other night and at first it felt great. Now, the person I had it with 'is slowly giving me the hint' they don't want to talk and I've taken the hint. Now I feel incredibly used and guilty. I also forgot to say I cheated on a Norwegian girl who I felt was perfect for me to get with the 44 year old in the first place. I am a stupid bastard I understand. I thought I would miss the two children, I don't. I am not even sure I miss any one I had a connection with but for a student getting Firsts at University and is going to study in Amsterdam in two months time, I feel like I have no control over my life. I used to enjoy health and fitness now I smoke, gamble and drink I don't know what has happened. My dad is being made redundant and is going to have an operation in a week, neither of which phase me no matter how hard I try. I know this appears to not be a problem but I feel so overwhelmed I felt like I had to write it all down somewhere. Someone, somewhere give me strength.

I know this may be a huge burden to carry but you're young. Better days are coming. Use this situations as life lessons. It's not the end of the world. Stop harming yourself and try some self rejuvenating. Walk like a god and your goddess would come to you. Everything would be okay. It's a bad period not a bad life. :) Nothing bad lasts forever. Pout and mop now but definitely don't do it forever. Life happens.